//------------------------------//
// Royalty, Revenge, and Wingboners 
// Story: TD's Little Rarity 
// by BronyWriter 
//------------------------------//

So, the princesses and the rest of the Mane Six are in my room. Well, it is about time, but isn't it odd that my first thought is questioning why they couldn't have come BEFORE I had to watch every episode of My Little Pony three times? Yeah, I think I've seen the series more than most Bronies now. Oh well. They're here now and that's really all that matters to me. 

"So," I say levelly, "How are you?"

To my surprise, the only response I get is from Rainbow Dash whose eyes travel to my bare chest. I'm unsettled to see a growing look of unease and discomfort on her face. 

"Uh, Rainbow, is something the--"

Suddenly Rainbow Dash's wings flare out upright with a little *ping* noise, causing Twilight and Applejack to take nervous steps back.

Friggin' wingboners, man. 

I of course respond by shrinking back and covering my chest with my arms. "Rainbow, what the heck?!" I yell. 

The rest of the ponies in my room have quite the similar reaction as all of them are looking at Rainbow Dash with utter bewilderment on their faces. Join the club, I didn't know she swung that way either. 

However, Rainbow Dash takes it upon herself to lighten the mood by breaking out into rambunctious laughter and folding her wings back at her side. "Oh lighten up, TD; you should have seen the looks on all of your faces!"

"Rainbow Dash, we are not here for comedy!" says Twilight chidingly. 

Pinkie Pie's eyes widen. "We're not?!" she says. "Then what are we here for?!"

"We're here to get Rarity, sugar cube," says Applejack. "You know, the reason we have our Elements 'round our necks?"

Pinkie Pie giggles and waves her hoof at Applejack dismissively. "Of course I know that, silly filly," she says. "I was just--"

"Okay, can we not do this right now?!" I yell. The ponies all turn their attention to me and I glare at them. "Look, it's great that you came to get Rarity, it really is. I've frankly been waiting for you for seven months!" 

"Yes and I am sorry about that," says Celestia. "It took a long time to figure out how to get the portal stable enough that all of us could go through." 

"Yes, yes, whatever," I say with a wave of my hand. "What matters now is that you're here and you can go back to Equestria with Rarity."

"Do you know where she is?" asks Princess Celestia, speaking up for the first time. 

"Yeah the scientists should be experimenting on her right now," I say causally. "Let me get dressed and I'll take you to her."

The ponies gasp at the information as I walk over to the dresser to get some clothes out so I can leave the room without shame. Of course I imagine that they're going to be a tad less shocked when I mention that Rarity hasn't been harmed, but hey, if they're going to keep me here for a while then I might as well give them a few heart attacks. 

Luna is the first one to get over her shock and speak up. "So... when thou says that dear Rarity is being experimented on, thou means..."

I motion for the ponies to turn around while I get into some clothes and they oblige. "I mean that they have her hooked up to a bunch of machines and are measuring her magical output. You know, kind of like Twilight did for Pinkie Pie and her Pinkie Sense." Gosh darn it I hate that I know that.

"Has anyhuman hurt her?" asks Rainbow angrily. "I'll kick their plots into the next century of they have!"

"Not to my knowledge, no," I say. "Don't worry, I've already promised to kill whoever does." 

"Can you take us to her," asks Celestia. "I imagine that we are short on time if we are to take the two of you back to Equestria without incident."

I don't respond to her questioning. I instead lean on the dresser and look at the floor. This is it. I had a good run back on Earth but now I have to bucking go back to Equestria, this time for good. The government isn't going to just let me go if Rarity is gone and my family already thinks that I'm dead. Secretly I've always known that it would come to this. But now that it's actually here...

"TD?" says Fluttershy softly. "Are you okay?"

I sigh and turn around to face the plethora of ponies. "Nope," I respond. "Let's go get Rarity." 

The ponies exchange uneasy looks but thankfully enough they don't question my mood. Instead Twilight turns around and uses her magic to open up the door to my room but is surprised to find that it doesn't open. "Why is the door locked?" she asks me. "Were you two prisoners or something?"

"That's exactly what the case is," I confirm. "This was going to be the place that Rarity and I spent the rest of our existence. If you would be so kind as to disintegrate the door I would be most pleased." 

Twilight frown as she examines the door. "Surely we don't need to do all of that," she says. "I think I can figure out a way to open it without damaging it."

I sigh and shrug. "If that's what you want to do," I say. 

"Do not worry, TD," says Celestia. "My student is quite adept at puzzles like this one. I'm sure she will have us out of here in no time."

"We could just teleport out," suggests Rainbow. 

"No, no, I want more of a challenge," Twilight insists. 

"That's nice," I say as I walk over to my bed and take off the uppermost sheet. 

"I mean, I'm sure I can learn a lot about your culture if I attempt to figure out things like this."

"Uh-huh." I begin twisting the sheet into a rat tail and when it is good enough, I walk up behind Twilight. Before anybody else in the room can react, I swing the makeshift whip down and crack the tip right across Twilight's plot. With a yelp the startled unicorn involuntarily fires a blast of magic out of her horn which hits the door and blows it right off of its hinges. "Are you all ready to go find Rarity?" I ask

Twilight wheels around to face me with rage burning in her eyes. "TD THAT WAS--"

"We can discuss it later when I'm done trading one prison for another," I say blankly. 

Celestia frowns as I begin walking out the destroyed door. "TD, this isn't--"

"The time or place to discuss this," I interrupt. "Let's just get this over with." 

The cartoon equines all look at each other again but since I'm the one who knows his way around the facility they follow me or rather, most of them follow me and Applejack trots up to my side. "So how is Rarity?" she asks. 

"Eight years old," I reply.

Everybody around me gasps. "The spell de-aged Rarity?" asks Luna. 

"That's part of 'she wasn't eight when she came here but now that she is here she's eight'," I respond dryly. 

I imagine that the royal sisters exchange a look at that, especially since I'm positive that Celestia has something to do with my current predicament, but i can't be bothered with just how Celestia screwed up this time. I have to get to Rarity. Who knows? They might not be so welcoming to her if they think that Twilight is going to turn them into ash for daring to do exactly what they did. Part of me hopes that she does, particularly if Agent Tanner is still here. Hoo boy, I pity her if she is. I'm going to recommend several types of bodily changes for her if she is. 

The Elements, Princesses, and I continue walking down the hall toward where I think Rarity is when we all hear a shout of 'stop' behind us. We turn around to see, of all people, Agent Johnson and Agent Tanner walking up to us. "Wonderful," I grumble. 

Agent Johnson gets closer and stops just before he gets to Luna. His eyes are wide with wonder at seeing pretty much every major character from the show standing right in front of him. "Uh... hi," he says. 

Celestia frowns at the agent. "May we help you?" she asks. 

I see him mouth 'wow' before he manages to get enough brain power to respond. "Uh, I'd just like to ask you if I can help you. You see, since you're here then we can help both of our cultures get a better understanding of the others. I mean, Rarity doesn't know much magic but you, you raise the sun and the moon!"

The princesses exchange a glance before Luna looks back to the agents. "It is our understanding that you imprisoned TD Powell and Rarity here. Is there truth to these accusations?"

"Look, it was just in the interest of science and the safety of both of them!" says Agent Tanner. "You should have seen how the common folk reacted to her, it was a nightmare." 

I decide that now would be as good a time as any to pipe up. "Yeah well you didn't treat us that amazing either," I retort. "Especially not you. I didn't quite appreciate all of the times you handcuffed me to a chair and forced me to watch the show over and over again."

The eyes of all of the ponies darken at this and the agents take a step back. "You deliberately humiliated TD for no other reason than your own amusement?" says Rainbow Dash venomously. 

"N-No!" Agent Tanner insists. "We needed him to watch the show so he could fill in the blanks about your world!"

"And the handcuffs were oh-so necessary for that, right?" says Twilight. 

The two agents look at each other uneasily but Agent Johnson works up the nerve to speak again. "If you want Rarity, she's with Dr. Allred and Dr. Lundgren getting a CAT scan. You're pretty close; you just need to go down the hall and to the right."

"Thank you," says Celestia. 

The ponies turn to leave, but I stop them. "Hold on for a moment." I walk up to Agent Johnson and reach into his jacket and pull out his gun. He doesn't resist--probably because the ponies would obliterate him if he did--and I move on to Agent Tanner. She is not so willing to go down without a fight and I see her reach into her jacket for her own gun. Anticipating this, I point Agent Johnson's at her head. "Go ahead, make my day," I growl. Admittedly I inwardly squee. I've kind of always wanted to say that. 

Agent Tanner gets the idea and slowly puts her gun on the ground instead of blowing me away with it. I give her a slight nod and pick it up before turning the safety on and putting it in my pocket. I return to the ponies who look at me quizzically. "What was that fer?" asks Applejack. 

"Just making sure that they don't try anything dumb," I say. 

"Why? What do those do?" asks Fluttershy. 

"It's a gun," I explain. "It fires a projectile called a bullet at extreme speeds and the force of the impact tears whatever it hits apart. The guns I got from them are some of the less powerful ones out there."

"I can see why you found it necessary to take them, but I trust you will not use them?" says Celestia. 

"I hope not," I say. I really hope not. I'd rather not have somebody's blood on my hands as a final act on Earth. 

As the group walks towards where Rarity is, Agent Johnson calls down the hall after us. "Princess Luna, I think you are best princess!" he says. 

I roll my eyes and shake my head, but Luna seems confused by his outburst. "Pray tell, TD, is it customary on your world for articles to be ignored when addressing royalty? Wouldn't it be more proper to say 'the best princess'?"

"It's a Brony thing," I grumble. "Just ignore it." 

Surprisingly enough, the journey towards Rarity is pretty uneventful. I'd have expected to see at least five or six security guards here, but the halls are completely bare. Sure there are a few cameras around and as such I know that they know that the ponies are here, but they haven't come after us yet which is... unsettling to say the least. Maybe since Rarity and I were so docile they felt that they didn't need a lot of people to guard us? That wouldn't make sense, though, because I doubt that the staff here has dwindled to the two doctors and the two agents. 

Well, whatever the reason is, we reach the room where Rarity is unopposed. I try the door and see that it is locked so I stand aside and let Twilight disintegrate the door again. I am the first inside the room to rescue Rarity and the things that I see in there shed light on why we didn't see anybody in the halls. No less than a dozen agents are in the room, pointing their guns at me while one literally has his gun trained on a crying Rarity while the doctors nervously stand to the side. 

Well... that isn't optimal. 

"Drop the gun," says one of the agents. I hear the slightest hint of nervousness in his voice which is the only reason I don't. "Drop the gun and this doesn't have to get ugly."

"Too late for that," I reply. "You have the Elements of Harmony and two immortal goddesses on the other side of what used to be this door. If Rarity gets a scratch then they'll need a broom to clean you up." 

The agents all exchange a few troubled glances. "Look, if you drop the gun we can work something out," says the lead agent. "You won't get in trouble and Rarity won't get hurt. You just need to drop the gun and tell the ponies on the other side that they need to promise us that we won't use any magic against us. If you do that, then nobody gets hurt."

"Do you think we are not already using magic?" says the voice of Princess Celestia. "You could fire your guns at TD and Rarity all day and neither would get a scratch." 

"You sure about that, Princess Celestia?" asks the agent. "I doubt that your magic has dealt with state-of-the-art human weaponry before. If our man pulls that trigger then Rarity is dead before she hits the ground."

"And you with her!" screeches Twilight. 

"Then you see our problem!" says the agent. "We can talk about this like civilized beings, Princess."

Celestia is silent for a moment before responding. "Do know that if we wanted to, Luna or myself could wipe you from existence without a thought. If it were not for our wish to harm none of you, you would all be long dead."

"Then we'll talk about this?" says the agent. 

"I'm listening," says Celestia. 

"Princess you can't deal with them! They just want to keep Rarity!" says Twilight. 

"We will not let harm befall anybody," says Celestia. "They know the price if Rarity gets so much as a scratch." 

"Okay here's the deal," says the agent. "We'll take you all into temporary custody while we contact our president. He will then talk to the Princesses and figure something out from there. We are not arresting you; we just want to take you somewhere until we get this settled."

"What would be the benefit for us if we agreed to such a deal?" asks Luna. "It seems to Us that it is rather one-sided in your favor, is it not?" 

"My sister is right," says Celestia. "I do not see the point of agreeing to your terms."

"Yeah, they're the princesses!" says Rainbow Dash confidently. "They could bring the sun down on the planet if they wanted to!" 

"Well I wouldn't go quite that far," says Celestia. 

"Do you have a better alternative?" asks the agent. 

"Yes. You give us TD and Rarity and we'll take them back to Equestria. You imprisoned them against their will and as such, I do not see why we should allow you any reason to benefit from this. You have exploited the two of them enough."

The lead agent takes a deep breath and shifts his gaze over to me for a brief moment. "How about we give you one and keep the other?" 

"No," says Celestia sharply. "I repeat that you exploited them enough." 

"We were just trying to expand our scientific horizons," says another agent. "Wouldn't you do the same?"

"NO!" says every single pony on the other side of the door at once. 

"Not like that!" says Twilight. 

"Were they in yer custody willingly?" asks Applejack. "Did ya ever ask 'em if they wanted to help you out with yer fancy science?"

"Speaking as the victim, I can say that Rarity and I most certainly did not want to be here," I say. 

"Well I think that settles the matter, then," says Celestia. "You will let Rarity and TD go and you shall cease exploiting them. You have learned enough from us. I daresay that we will not be returning to your universe."

"We can't let Rarity go," says the agent. "We're under orders from the president himself. If you don't want her hurt then I suggest that you try to compromise." 

"What, are you gonna kill her if we don't give up, is that it?!" asks Rainbow Dash angrily. 

It's at this point that Dr. Allred speaks up. "If you'll excuse me for saying so, none of us agreed to turn this into a hostage situation. If I had known that you were going to pull this crap then we would have gotten Rarity to TD a long time ago."

"You aren't in control right now, doctor," says the agent angrily. "We're under orders to keep Rarity here and if we have to do it this way then we'll do it this way." 

I silently watch as Rarity continues crying on the table. To my horror, I see the agent's gun move from her head to her leg. "They're gonna shoot her in the leg!" I call out to the ponies. 

"If I hear any horns fi--" The agent's voice cracks and he clears his throat. "Firing up then she gets one in her left foreleg!" the agent shouts. Rarity squeals in fear which, frankly just seals it for me. 

Yeah, I'm close enough to be accurate. "You'd better be good with your protection spell, Celestia," I grumble to myself. With that, I raise my gun and shoot the agent pointing his gun at Rarity right in the shoulder because seriously, screw that guy. He falls to the ground with a howl of pain.

"He's attacking, bring him down!" shouts the lead agent. 

Have you ever seen a wall of bullety death coming towards you? The kind that is the result of a dozen or so FBI agents firing at you for attacking one of their own because he was gonna shoot a freaking child? Well, I have now. Let me tell you it would be kind of terrifying if bullets weren't so fast that I didn't have time to comprehend what might be my imminent death. Huh.

Well as it turns out Celestia is as good as her word and the bullets all harmlessly bounce off of me. Why she couldn't just count on this in the first place, I don't know. Whatever the case may be, it's hit the fan and now a dozen FBI agents with empty guns are about to face the wrath of the Elements of Harmony and two angry goddesses. I'll imagine that it wouldn't be one of their better days.  

The Elements are the first ones into the room. Applejack is quick to deliver a powerful kick to the nearest agent and he goes down with a howl of pain and I imagine a broken leg or two. Twilight uses her magic to turn the guns of all of the agents into water and as a result, the agents are now facing the wrath of the ponies completely unarmed. Rainbow Dash is pinballing from agent to agent, alternating between kicks and punches that quickly subdue them. Applejack has broken a few more legs by this point and Pinkie Pie is unloading her party cannon into the crowd, tying up the agents who have fallen with multicolored streamers. I imagine that the only reason the princesses aren't joining right in is because they know they'd kill them if they did. 

Well the ponies are pretty quick and as a result all twelve of them are incapacitated in moments. Satisfied that we're pretty much good for now, I look around the room to see that Dr. Allred has a now bawling Rarity in his arms and is using himself as a human shield to protect her from any harm. Once again I find myself grateful to him for things like that.

When he realizes that the ponies have won, he turns back around and gently places Rarity on the floor. She instantly runs over to me and I put my gun down and wrap her in a comforting hug. "Father! They were gonna hurt me!" she wails. "I thought that they said that they weren't going to!"

"I know," I say. "And believe me, if they had tried then that agent wouldn't be shot in the shoulder, he'd be dead." 

The room is silent save for the groans of the injured agents and the sobbing of Rarity. The Princesses are busy making sure that the agents aren't going anywhere and healing a few of the more major wounds. They'll all need to take a few weeks to recover, though.

As the agents are being dealt with, Applejack walks over to me. "Beggin' yer pardon, TD, but did Rarity here call ya 'father'?"

Rarity wipes her eyes with her hoof and rotates her head so she is facing Applejack. "Yes that's the role he's been playing for me since I arrived. I know he isn't my real father." 

I'm about to respond, but I hear Twilight angrily addressing the scientists. "So, you're the ones who have been experimenting on Rarity?!" 

Dr. Lundgren takes a deep breath and holds his hands up in a placating gesture. "I want you to know that we never hurt her," he says. "We would never even consider it. If she got to the point where she didn't like what we were doing we stopped at once."

Celestia walks up to Rarity and I. "Is that true?" she asks. 

Rarity takes a deep breath and slowly nods. "They weren't mean to me at all," she says. "Some of them were quite kind, actually." 

"I can back that up," I respond. "When I found out my family thought that I was dead, they gave me a week off to recover despite what Agent Tanner wanted." 

"You don't need to hurt them," says Rarity. 

"And we won't," says Celestia. She turns to the other Elements. "Come, we must find an empty room to create the portal back to Equestria." 

"If you go down the hall there is an empty conference room three doors down on your left. It should be perfect for what you need," says Dr. Lundgren. 

"Thank you," says Celestia. 

I nod and bend down to get the gun. I turn the safety on and put it in my other pocket before grabbing Reginald, which is leaning against one of the back walls, and following the ponies out of the room. 

The halls are just as empty as before. That's probably because the security staff is now nursing several broken bones and concussions. I find myself relatively uncaring about that as a matter of fact. I am glad that they didn't hurt the scientists, though. Yes they did experiment on Rarity but they do seem to genuinely be trying to make up for that. The behavior of the agents shocked them and made them begin to understand that what they were doing wasn't worth it, I think.

We reach the conference room in a few moments and are about to open the door to begin the journey home but we hear, of all things, a gun cocking beside us. We turn and see friggin' Agent Tanner walking down the hall with what appears to be a shotgun in her hands and a look of fury on her face. 

Huh, so not only is she a jerk but she's an incredibly dense one too. Go figure. 

"I can't let you leave!" she calls out. "I'm under orders to not let TD or Rarity leave this facility."

I am about to mention that the last twelve agents who tried this crap are now completely incapacitated, but before I can a yellow blur speeds past my head, coming to rest in front of Agent Tanner. 

Fluttershy.

She hovers in front of the vindictive agent for a few moments and to my surprise Agent Tanner begins convulsing slightly, as if... ah, I think I get it now. I do not envy her at this moment. Few beings could stand up to Fluttershy's famous Stare. It appears that Agent Tanner is getting the brunt of such an attack and it only takes a few seconds for her to fall to the floor. It probably wouldn't be good for her to get back up. 

With Agent Tanner down for the count, Twilight opens the door to the conference room and we all file in. Celestia uses her magic to stack the chairs up and put them against the wall while Luna does the same for a large table. Twilight shuts the door behind us once we're all inside. 

I put Rarity down and she scurries over to my side. "Okay, Celestia, before you pull me back into Equestria for a second time, something I'm pretty friggin' pissed about, how about you explain to me just what Rarity is doing here?"

Oh great, Celestia looks uncomfortable now. "TD, before I begin let me explain that I make mistakes just like everypony. I am not perfect." I snort and put my head in my left hand. Gosh freaking darn it. "I was doing more research on portals," she continues. "Now that I had learned not to mess with the other side, I figured that mere observation and studying the nature of the portals would not be an issue." 

"I take it that it was?" 

Celestia nods. "You see, after I had sent you home Twilight became curious about the nature of portals too. I figured that as long as I had control there was no harm in letting her audit my observations after making her Pinkie Promise not to try any of it out herself. Rarity was in Canterlot to deliver an order of dresses and Twilight invited her along. They wanted to see what your world was like, if only for a little while. 

"As it turned out, having that many magical beings in the room somehow made the portal unstable and it began pulling objects through it. Twilight and I were powerful enough to resist it, but Rarity was not able to. She was sucked in and the portal collapsed. Using my magic I was able to send her to the one person that I knew would take care of her and do his best to keep her safe from the influence of his world."

"Me," I finish. 

"You."

I take a deep breath and shake my head. "So because of another portal based mistake of yours my life was ruined and I have to go back to Equestria for good to avoid my government who will surely be looking for me under the assumption that I either didn't go through with you and am in hiding or I did go through with you but you sent me back and I am in hiding."

Celestia shifts where she stands and rubs the back of her neck. "Well if you wish to put it that way..." 

I nod slightly and try to compose myself so I can take this with quiet dignity and grace. I take a deep breath. "Well, then, I guess..." I freeze, and whirl towards the door. "I think I hear more coming! Turn on your protection spell!"

I hear Celestia's horn fire up, and I turn my head back to Celestia. Once I can see the shimmer of her protection spell around her, I, with all of the quiet dignity and grace that I can muster, pull out the gun, turn the safety off, and shoot Celestia in the face. 

Luna and the Elements are staring at both me and the flattened bullet in front of Celestia in utter shock and I am standing in front of Celestia with a satisfied expression. 

Celestia, however, is not so amused. "That was hardly necessary," she says crossly. 

"It felt good, though," I retort. 

Celestia frowns and turns the gun to water. "TD I know that this must be hard for you, but that was completely unjustified! I am sorry, I am truly sorry, that I'm putting you through this for a second time but I must ask for a better attitude from you about this." 

"Denied," I growl. "You know, I forgave you for the first time because you did right by me in the end by sending me home, but there is no way, I repeat, no way that you can do right by me this time. You have irreparably screwed up my life."

I feel Rarity nuzzle my leg and I look down at her. To my surprise traces of tears are in her eyes. "Does that mean that you didn't like me being here?"

I sigh and kneel down next to Rarity and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I don't blame you at all and I have to admit that it was my honor to take care of you while an unnamed princess took her sweet time getting over here. I repeatedly told the agents that I would kill anybody who hurt you and seeing as how the one guy who even considered it is now nursing a bullet wound to the shoulder, I think we can safely say I meant it. I don't blame you in the slightest, never think that I did."

Rarity wipes her eyes with her hoof and nods. 

I take a deep breath and ruffle her mane affectionately before glancing up at Celestia. "If you'll give me five minutes I'll be ready to go."

"Whenever you are ready," says Celestia. 

I nod and stand up. I walk over to a desk near the wall which thankfully has what I'm looking for: a notebook and a pen. I quickly scratch out a brief letter and fold it up, writing an address on the back. I walk up to Celestia and extend the letter. "If you could send it to the address I'd be very grateful." 

Celestia raises an eyebrow. "I don't know if I should accept requests from a person who just shot me in the head."

I roll my eyes. "I'm sorry I shot you in the head."

"No you're not," she replies dryly. 

I smirk at her. "You're right, I'm not. But it's for my family. They think I'm dead. I'm not going to tell them otherwise because I'm going back to Equestria, but I think this might ease the blow a bit."

Celestia looks at the letter in my hand and nods. "I think that I can do that," she says. With a quick burst of magic the letter disappears. 

"Thank you," I whisper. 

Celestia nods again and she beckons Luna forwards. The alicorn of the night walks next to her sister and the two fire up their horns. Within seconds a large ball of light appears which rapidly expands until it is recognizable as a portal. "It is time, my little ponies." 

Five of the Mane Six nod and one-by-one they all go through the portal back to the lands of Equestria. When the last of them is through, Rarity uneasily walks up to it too but turns back to me. I nod and she gingerly steps through the portal. She's home now where she belongs. 

I walk up to the portal in turn before turning around to look around the room one last time. It's a shame that my last view of Earth is going to be the building that imprisoned me for six months. If I had been thinking I would have gotten the laptop they'd given me so that I could have my music again but this time I'm going to Equestria with nothing from my world. 

With one last deep breath, I turn back around and walk through the portal back to Equestria.