Chapter 4
See no Funny, Hear no Funny, Speak no Funny
The Monkey King tried to struggle in the grasp of Applejack's lasso as she held him in place "Looks like I'm at the end of my rope!" He grunted as he slipped his distasteful pun out of his mouth.
Applejack tugged on her lasso to pull the Monkey King in "Ya sure are, partner!" She growled with the rope between her teeth.
The Monkey King struggled more before he smiled "You now realize that I was joking! This is nothing!" He pulled out his staff and managed to aim it at the end of the lasso tied to himself, zapping it and turning it into a snake. Applejack noticed that her end became the head of the snake. It turned to Applejack with an agitated look in its eyes and hissed while bearing its fangs.
The farmpony yelped and instantly released the snake as it slithered off while releasing the Monkey King, who was found wearing a red robe and a fake grey, scraggly beard with his red mane flowing. He spread his arms with a look of fake determination "Let my people go!" He shouted in a feigned serious tone. His bravado was cut when he was wrapped in a magenta aura, and the Monkey King examined himself blankly "Huh, well so much for that..." He muttered.
Twilight glared as her horn glowed "Got you! Now, you're coming with us to change Pinkie back! Don't get any ideas about escaping, neither!"
Monkey King looked confused "How can I change her back when she's hopping around behind you?" He asked as he pointed a finger behind Twilight while both of his hands were held in place.
The mares wondered about this, and they all looked back to see if he was telling the truth; Twilight - in her haste to see Pinkie - dropped her hold on the Monkey King. They saw nothing but a blank-flank zebracorn wearing a fedora as he nonchalantly drank a mug of cider at a table a few feet away from them. They quickly looked back at the Monkey King in his regular clothes, grinning deviously with his staff pointed at them after he was free from Twilight's magic "Made ya look!!" He zapped a beam directed towards Twilight, who quickly ducked as the beam headed towards the zebracorn.
The beam hit his fedora, somehow transforming it into a top hat. He was surprised at first, then stared up at his new hat with a content smile. Afterwards, he went back to drinking his cider like nothing happened.
Monkey King scoffed "Missed!" He then smiled with a shrug as he held his staff "Oh well! At least I'm not receiving the short end of the stick!" Strangely, a rimshot was heard "Bye now!" He hopped off while laughing mischievously.
Twilight galloped ahead of her friends "After him! Who knows where he might strike next!" The other four mares followed after Twilight in hot pursuit of the Monkey King.
They followed him towards the market square, where many other ponies turned to see the Monkey King approach "Stampede!!" He shouted, alarming the many citizens. They eventually calmed down when they noticed it was only the Monkey King being chased down by five mares.
On the far side of the market, Bon Bon was busy buying more groceries for her house. She was unaware of where Lyra went, but she figured that the mint unicorn was possibly on another crusade for her obsession. After her latest transaction consisting of some celery stalks and tomatoes, she heard laughter and a large set of rumbling steps coming to her right. Bon Bon turned and widened her eyes at the sight of five mares including Lyra chasing after an overgrown monkey.
All Bon Bon did was give a dumbfounded stare as they ran by; Lyra made sure to say "HiBonBonsorrybutIgottacatchthismonkeyBYE!" while she ran with her friends. After they distanced themselves, Bon Bon proceeded to faint, ignoring the other ponies around her.
The Monkey King was getting bored with the cat-and-mouse chase and decided to take the initiative in warding off his pursuers. He noticed a watermelon stand up ahead being ran by an earth pony and pointed his staff "In Soviet Russia, you don't eat melons..." He quipped in a mock foreign accent as he zapped the watermelons. The vendor ducked in fright, and each melon sprouted sharp teeth on their midsections and growled like agitated dogs "Melons eat you!" He breezed past the watermelon stand as the watermelons began to hop up on their own and constantly snapped their jaws; They hopped in the way of Twilight and her friends, and some even leaped up to the sky to try and take down Rainbow Dash.
Rainbow Dash avoided three of them, but one managed to clamp its teeth on her mane and bit down, causing the cyan pegasus to stop and fuss with her new fruit-themed hair accessory "Gah! Get off of me!!" She barked as she tried to pull the melon-turned-monster off of her mane.
Twilight, Lyra, and Applejack banded together to zap the melons that tried to attack them, whereas Fluttershy cowered behind her newly-dubbed protectors. Each melon exploded into a messy pulp whether it was from the unicorns' beams or from Applejack's bucking. Twilight cursed herself when she noticed the Monkey King get away while they were caught up destroying each of the rabid watermelons.
_____
At Carousel Boutique, Rarity lightly hummed to herself in peace while she applied makeup to her face in her bathroom. She was currently powdering her nose in front of her mirror with a smile on her face "Ah, I can never find a better time to pamper myself before a good walk in Ponyville. It's the right time to unveil my newest creation for my fashion line! I'll be sure to have my friends be the first to view this little ensemble!"
The esteemed fashionista was found wearing an ornate ballroom dress that shined with a brilliant velvet lined with shimmering topaz. After she was finished powdering her nose, she levitated her powder puff and brought it over to the first drawer under her sink, facing away from the mirror to make sure she would place it in her organized collection of makeup tools "There we are...Now to make sure I'm all set!"
She closed the door and went back to looking at herself in the mirror. Something seemed off however, as an overgrown monkey wearing an oriental garment was found grinning behind her in the mirror's reflection. After staring for a brief moment, she turned around with a high-pitched shriek.
The Monkey King pointed a finger "I couldn't help but notice you were getting gussied up for a day in the town! Looks like you could use a makeover!" He pointed his staff at Rarity.
_____
Twilight and her friends galloped around town, though they were slightly covered in melon pulp from their last battle. They stopped to look around "Look alive, everypony! He could be anywhere!"
Applejack kept her eyes peeled "He couldn't have wandered off too far! Not like he went t' Rarity's or anythin'..." A blood-curdling scream was heard, and the farmpony turned to the distant building that was Carousel Boutique, donning a deep frown "Me an' my big mouth..."
A blue beam shot out of one of the windows, startling the group of mares. Lyra gasped "Oh no! The Monkey King must've got to her somehow!!" Another beam shot out of the same window, and Lyra noticed the aforementioned prankster leaping out of it wearing a soldier's outfit.
The Monkey King ran off after avoiding another beam "Double time! Move, move, move!!" He shouted in mock authority.
Twilight and company had a mind to chase after the ancient prankster, but they were more concerned about what happened to Rarity, or what happened to trigger all of the beams that shot out of Carousel Boutique. They galloped to the front door, and Twilight went to open it, only to have it swing open to reveal a scary sight.
It was not Rarity that stood at their door, but a mare adorned with the wildest harlequin appearance ever seen in Equestrian history that hyperventilated in righteous fury; Her mane was dyed in a bright blonde similar to Applejack and tied with a frilly band; Her eyes leaked with bloodlust while she wore red makeup over them and purple makeup over her lips similar to that of a clown; she bared her teeth in a scowl while her makeup made it look like she was smiling. She growled before finally shouting "I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE that monkey!!" Rarity snarled in her ire, not noticing her friends yet.
Rainbow Dash was torn between laughing at Rarity's appearance or being creeped out/ afraid of it. Something about her friend's look sent a chill down the cyan pegasus' spine almost as much as Fluttershy.
Applejack gawked at Rarity "Land sakes! He turned ya into a rodeo clown!" She blurted out while dumbstruck.
Twilight wiped a bit of watermelon out of her mane as she gave Rarity a serious look while the fashionista calmed down "That was no ordinary monkey as you've seen, Rarity. It's some kind of ancient monkey that's a master of mischief! It turned Pinkie Pie into a puppet!" She glanced over her shoulder at Lyra "And somehow Lyra's responsible for it..."
Lyra looked down in shame "I never meant for this to happen! I just hope Pinkie can forgive me, too..." She nearly whimpered.
Fluttershy consoled Lyra with a hoof over her shoulder as she gavea comforting smile "I'm sure she wouldn't think badly of you, Lyra. Maybe she'll forgive you once this is all over..."
Applejack scoffed "Ya mean IF it's over! That hairy fleabag's all over th' place jus' like Pinkie!"
Twilight sighed "I know. And he even made watermelons come to life..." It was at that moment that Twilight had an idea as she perked up "Of course!"
Applejack looked over at Twilight "What's on yer mind, sugarcube?"
Twilight looked at all of her friends "We need to go back to Sugarcube Corner on the double! I think I have an idea on how we can solve this problem!!"
Rarity snorted "If it means doing away with that insolent pest that besmirched my hard work, then I'll gladly do whatever it takes!!" She stomped a hoof on the ground.
Rainbow Dash quirked an eyebrow "Why would we wanna go back there? Pinkie Pie's a puppet, remember?"
Twilight nodded, but held a confident smile "Trust me on this. Let's move, girls!" The group of mares, now numbering six, galloped back to Sugarcube Corner.
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In Pinkie's room back at Sugarcube Corner, the group of ponies gathered around the puppet of their hyperactive friend. Twilight focused on the doll and pointed her horn "This should help us with all of this monkey business!"
Twilights horn glowed and zapped Pinkie as she was covered in a magical aura. When the aura faded, the puppet's eyes blinked for a moment before it moved its entire body "Hey! I'm me again!" The puppet inspected herself "I think..."
Rarity gasped "The 'Come to Life' spell! Marvelous, Twilight!" She beamed at the lavender bookworm for her success.
Lyra made her way towards the living puppet with a face of sheer remorse "Oh, Pinkie Pie! I'm so sorry about this happening to you! I never should've sent you off to find a gift!"
Pinkie looked up at Lyra, who was close to crying and tried to smile with her jaw "Awwww, don't worry, Lyra! It's not your fault! I just never expected that meanie pants to have me pull his leg and turn me into a puppet while he's out having fun!" Lyra gave a thin smile at Pinkie's words.
Applejack was slackjawed at Pinkie's response "Fun!? That dang dirty ape's causing a ruckus out in Ponyville!"
Pinkie blinked at Applejack "Really? He told me he was pulling pranks!"
Rarity pointed at herself with a glare as she caught Pinkie's attention "Does THIS seem like a prank to you!?"
Pinkie stared before she rolled on the floor, laughing at Rarity's jester-like appearance.
Rarity growled and hopped up and down like a child throwing a tantrum "Stop laughing at me this instant!" She stopped and cursed herself "I knew I should've just abandoned this crime to fashion before I arrived..."
Rainbow Dash looked at Twilight "Well, that solves half our problem, but Pinkie's still a puppet, Twilight! What's the plan?"
Twilight smiled up at Rainbow Dash "Pinkie's the plan! The Monkey King is an unpredictable anamoly that thrives on mischief and is highly energetic! If we're going to catch that monkey..." She focused her gaze on Pinkie "We'll need to think like him!"
Pinkie stared at Twilight before she realized what she was saying "Oooooooh~! Well, that monkey's not just like me, but I can help you out with catching him!" She hopped in place in a carefree manner, as if she were never a puppet to begin with.
Applejack rubbed her chin "It's a shame yer a puppet...Otherwise Ah'd wager we'd nip this problem in th' bud with th' Elements o' Harmony!"
Fluttershy held up a hoof "If we manage to hold him down, I could be able to use the Stare on him..." She looked away with a frown "Unless he's like Discord, then I'm out of ideas..."
Twilight blinked "There's an idea! Where IS Discord, anyways? Hasn't he been staying with you?"
Fluttershy pawed at the ground "He said something about enjoying a vacation in Acapulcolt..." She hung her head with a forlorn frown "It's been pretty lonely without him around my cottage..."
Rainbow Dash fumed "Great! That's two ideas down the drain!" She sighed and looked down at Pinkie "Looks like you're our last line of defense, Pinkie! Can you be able to do your best like this?"
Pinkie gave a mock salute "Sure as the most sugary cupcake I've ever baked! Let's go monkey-hunting!"
Lyra looked outside a window with a frown 'If only he wasn't so mean, I could've learned about humans...' She sighed
before she smiled 'But, he did teach me that I should be careful what I wish for.' Lyra turned back to her friends with a determined smile "Yeah, let's go!"
"Wait!"
All the mares turned to Rarity, who stood with a furrowed brow "I refuse to go back out there until I get out of this ridiculous outfit!" Everypony stifled a need to facehoof, but sympathized with Rarity knowing that it would be pretty weird to be seen with a mad clown.
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At one of the outdoor tables at Ponyville's cafe, four stallions were busy playing a game of five card stud poker; There was Caramel, Pokey Pierce, Thunderlane, and Noteworthy. They all put on their best poker faces as their game took place, but it was mostly limited to narrowed and shifting eyes. Pokey was brave enough to push in some bits in the pot "I raise."
Caramel saw Pokey's ploy and could not be denied this game. He had already lost most of his paycheck from his help across Sweet Apple Acres, combined with what his medically-gifted brother had let him borrow "I call." He pushed the same amount of bits as Pokey did in the pile.
Thunderlane was the first to crack a confident smirk "I think you guys are in for another loss with what I got."
Noteworthy gave a light huff "You've said that the past few hands. If anything, Pokey's giving us a run for our money..." He casted a dirty look towards the unicorn next to him.
Pokey did not break his focus much like his fellow stallions as he discarded two cards and drew more in their place "Years of practice, friends. Sometimes, I focus on nothing but the game itself." He looked over at the fellow who hid his face behind his hand "Why, I barely even recognize the newest addition to our little game."
The other three stallions instantly ceased their competitive behavior and stared blankly at the uninvited player. The individual lowered his hand to reveal a monkey with sunglasses and a fake cigar in his mouth. He pulled out a card from his hand and placed it on the table; it was a card of a monkey holding a staff "I place my Monkey King in attack mode!" The player took off his sunglasses to reveal narrowed eyes that betrayed serious business "Yahtzee..." He hissed with vigor.
Caramel stared before pointing a hoof "Who in the hay are you!?" He blurted out incredulously. He paused before adding "And do you even know HOW to play poker!?"
"You've activated my trap card!"
The three stallions look over to see another hand of cards being held by what appeared to be a puppet wearing a fake moustache. It lowered its hand to reveal narrowed blue eyes, then placed a joker card on the table "I just sunk your battleship!"
The Monkey King stared before pointing a finger at the newest addition to the game "I call shenanigans!" He shouted in mock outrage.
All of the stallions but Pokey were beyond confused at what was going on. Pinkie only hopped up on the table and pointed back at the Monkey King "Well I call DOUBLE shenanigans!" She shouted back "I wanna be me again!"
The Monkey King crossed his arms "But you ARE you!" He leaned his face towards the puppet with an arched eyebrow "Aren't you?"
Pinkie shook her head "Not yet! I wanna be all of me! I wanna change back into my old body again!"
The Monkey King rolled his eyes "A nickel for every time I heard that one..." He smirked back at Pinkie "Sorry, Pink-nocchio! No can do! That means that I won't have any more fun for myself!"
Pinkie tried to smile as she attempted to negotiate "Well, we could always take turns having fun! Oh! Or maybe Princess Celestia could figure something out! Will that work?" She spoke in a hopeful tone.
The Monkey King stared before he stroked his beard with a paw "Hmmmm..." Before he could answer, he was tackled to the ground by a torrent of mares. He tried to struggle as he was pinned by them "Hey! This ain't funny!"
Rainbow Dash grunted as she tried holding the Monkey King in place "Tough cookies, monkey boy!! You've had your fun! Now change Pinkie back!"
Pinkie blinked "Girls! I was close to making the Monkey King change me back!"
Lyra looked over at Pinkie with a frown "All he'll do is lie to you, Pinkie! He lied to me when he said he would teach me about humans!"
"Well, maybe I can tell you if you let me go!" The Monkey King grunted as he continued to struggle under the pile of mares.
Fluttershy, being the only mare not pinning the Monkey King to the ground, trotted up to meet the ancient prankster's eyes with a stern gaze "You've been a very bad monkey, mister!" She then proceeded to use the Stare, boring her ominous gaze into the Monkey King's eyes.
The Monkey King stared back with widened eyes and screamed before he strangely turned into stone. This surprised the mares as they got off of the monkey-turned-statue and inspected him being frozen in place. Suddenly, it cracked to reveal the Monkey King hopping up with a taunting grin "Just kidding! I don't think a little look in the eyes'll work against Yours truly!"
Twilight scowled "This has to stop, Monkey King! We'll give you one more chance to reverse what you've done to Ponyville AND to Pinkie! Change her back or we'll force you to by any means necessary!"
Rainbow Dash bashed her two forehooves together while giving the Monkey King an intimidating glare "Especially if it means smacking your monkey butt to Canterlot and back!!"
The Monkey King stared at the group of mares before furrowing his brow with a frown "So it's gonna be like that, is it? Another set of enemies for the Monkey King?" He assumed a defensive stance as he leered at the mares.
Twilight assumed a stance of her own "We don't want it to come to this! Think about what you're doing!"
The Monkey King narrowed his eyes to slits "I just did..." He uttered as he stared down his new opponents. They stared back, tensed up and ready for battle. The stallions watched from their table with anticipation and curiosity as to who would actually win...
The atmosphere instantly changed when the Monkey King ran off while making a whooping noise.
Twilight and her friends stared blankly as the Monkey King ran off. Rainbow Dash finally let loose a roar of anger "I can't believe this!! He tricked us again!!"
Applejack groaned "This is already gettin' old..."
Pinkie Pie eagerly galloped ahead of her friends "Chaaaaaarge!!"
Twilight and the others decided to follow suit, knowing that the Monkey King is yet another danger looming in Equestria. The stallions watched them leave, except for Pokey, who for some odd reason kept his eyes entirely on his hand of cards. The other three stallions turned to Pokey, and Noteworthy spoke "You paid absolutely no attention to what just happened, did you??"
"Nope." Pokey replied nonchalantly as he laid down his hand with a smile "Full house."
All three stallions chorused a "DAMMIT!!" to what Pokey had shown them.
End of Chapter 4