A little heads-up
This is written as his reaction happens. Any and all interruptions Deadpool gives me is beyond my control. My narrative may become argumentative.
He is prone to schizophrenic voices. [This signifies the cranial entity he calls the Yellow Box] {While this is the White box.}
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New York.
It's a relatively okay place to live.
No, really.
Sure, it's big. And it's scary. And those skyscrapers make you wanna climb up and jump off them simply because the feeling of falling is fun. Well, I wouldn't know, I haven't tried it.
Anyway. You would see a lot of interesting things if you existed in the New York we know of. Lemme put it this way... if you're reading this right now, there is no way in hell or Tartarus you can get to the New York I'm talking about.
{They can dream, Ha-}
[Hold on, haven't we already done this before?]
{...You're right... I was almost tricked into repeating myself... I don't like doing that!}
I thought we were combining the original story with this one.
{Remember you decided to make them separate?}
No. Too busy cutting things up as a Blondie-turned-Badass Cyborg Ninja, fighting obvious battles, fighting a weird Mitsurugi look-a-like, fighting a fictional senator of America on steroids. And also wishing the game was longer. I don't feel much accomplishment, it wasn't very stealthy, and it's only fun while it lasts.
{Well, too bad. You have a prologue to write.}
Alright, alright!
As I was saying, this New York had a lot of stuff. Superheroes, Supervillains, invading video game characters from Capcom, Superheroes and villains that invade video game characters from Capcom, and the S.H.I.E.L.D Helicarrier.
{Upcoming information about S.H.I.E.L.D... copied, but not pasted from Wikipedia.}
Red Solo Cup is a song recorded by American country music singer Toby Ke-
{Did you make that mistake again?}
...Fine...
S.H.I.E.L.D is an organization that defends Earth from supernatural threats... I think... to me, they really just seem to be there as some sort of weird governmental agency that happens to be militarised and have weird hairstyles in Marvel: Ultimate Alliance.
The Helicarrier is their floating base. Which is nice.
Nicholas Cage/Joseph 'Nick' ie Minaj Fury of the Sith Lords waited in an interrogation room, as a prisoner, dressed in an orange prisoner jumpsuit with a beige, concealing bag over their head, was escorted into the room.
Nick Fury held a clipboard with a paper containing what was apparently information of the prisoner, looked at it, and frowned, obviously not looking forward to the interrogation with this man. He then looked at the man, who was still obscured by the bag over his head. He nodded to the two guards who escorted the man, and they left the room. He looked to the man again.
"You can remove the bag now," He said.
"I don't wanna," replied the man.
"For this thing to work, you need to be looking at me," Fury insisted, "So take off the bag."
The man crossed his arms, pouting blindly. It did him no good, however, because even when your vision is blinded, you can tell you're getting one of those soul-clutching one-eyed glares, courtesy of Nick Fury.
"Alright, fine!" The man said, before taking his mask off, revealing a red mask, patterned with black circles around the eyes, which were pale, milky white. "What else d'you want me to take off!?"
"...Nothing, Deadpool, I'd like to get through the day without my mind being scarred." Fury answered. "In the meantime, tell me... what were you doing away from Earth, before coming back... then leaving... and once again, returning?"
"I was doing as you described," Deadpool answered, "Leaving, returning, leaving, returning!"
Fury repressed the urge to strangle him, with ease. "Please start from the beginning of your story, if you have one."
"I do have a story!" Deadpool replied, happy that he was able to be through weird events and have something to say about it.
"...Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Tell me what happened."
"...Oh. Alright."
{Begin massive recap of the last fic's events... go!}
"So one day, I tried out a new daily ritual of what to sing when I wake up... *ahem*
"Good mornin' USA!
I got a feelin' that it's gonna be a wonderful day!
The sun in the sky has a smile on his face,
And he may or may not shine for the Canadian race!
Oh, boy, it's swell to sayyyy,
Good Mornin' USA!"
Fury looked unimpressed.
{So much for being patriotic.}
"So... after that, I found out that Weasel had become attached to a show that, in my opinion, made him lose manliness points. He even made a portal so that he could go to that world. I wasn't aware of that at the time, and at that point, he was forcing me to watch that show, and made me watch an episode of that with a character I'd probably identify with. It was nice of him, but I thought it was still unmanly of him." Deadpool said.
"What was the show called?" Fury asked.
"My... Not MINE, it just has 'my' in the title... Little Pony: Friendship is Witchcraft." Deadpool answered.
Nick raised an eyebrow, either at the fact it was about ponies, or the fact that 'Witchcraft' seemed rather out of place.
"...Or maybe it was Magic, I don't remember." Deadpool clarified.
"Continue." Fury requested.
"Sure. So anyway, I ended up falling through that portal, and I landed in that world he wanted to enter. It was kinda weird. I got turned into a midget horse, like everyone else over there. I guess that's the laws of certain things that we could have known of, but never will. And so I was introduced to the 6 main characters of the show, Twilight Sparkle, whose name reminds one of Stephenie Meyer and brain-dead vampires that glitter, which means they're from commercials, then there was Rainbow Dash, and her name obviously had to do with a Rainbow caused she was Rainbow-y, Pinkie Pie, that one Weasel assumed I'd identify with, she's really hyper, then Fluttershy, she was a shy one, and there was Applejack, who reminded me of Outlaw, and then there's Rarity."
"...Who's that?" Fury asked.
"What's who?" Deadpool asked.
"...Never mind. Get on with the story."
"...Okay, Grouchy. Then, their princess wants an audience with me. And stuff happens, I brutally injure a psycho, yada, yada, you wouldn't believe even that world has psychos, then I become Pinkie's Roomie, then later, we meet a weird philosopher ghost named Wisefree, who's apparently stuck in dimensions, then I find Weasel, and I get him to make a portal. So, that's how me and Pinkie Pie got here the first time."
"And what were your intentions?"
"To have a few parties. Then pretty boy Spider-Man came in and reported this to you guys. Made it seem like a... evil thing or something, I dunno. Then, your S.H.I.E.L.D dudes fly in and kidnap Pinkie, while I have to steal a S.H.I.E.L.D guy's suit, and after getting through a hallucinatory trip when the Author thought it was the end of the world on Two-Thousand and Twelve, I got captured by you guys, then I escaped, and I met that creepy advisor guy you hired, who turned out to be a dimension traveller later, but, oh wel-"
"...What do you mean, that advisor was a dimension traveller?" Nick Fury asked.
"Nothing. Anyway, we escaped, and the shy one was REALLY mad, and she's scarier than you when she's mad. Your glare's soul-clutching, hers is soul-stabbing, ripping, piercing, then nurturing apologetically, then threatening as long as you do your best to stay on her good side. So she had me brought back to the world of ponies, and tried to teach me how to be nice."
"I assume that didn't work," Nick Fury assumed.
"No, it didn't. It just made me wary about friendship stuff temporarily. Me and Weasel prepared to go back home, but then Wisefree and the advisor appeared and pulled me out of existance so Wisefree could take my place, then I ended up in a ruined place, fought an insane clown posse, then got almost killed by Didn'ts."
"...Didn'ts?" Fury seemed confused.
"Yes, you did," Deadpool corrected, serving to throw Nick from 'confused' to 'kind of angry.'
"I meant, what are the 'Didn't' creatures that you encountered?"
"I'll explain in an upcoming chapter, maybe. Then, for reasons I won't explain, I ended up back in that pony place, where me and Weasel left to go to Earth. And a pony obsessed with humans followed us, and, in the process, became a human after falling through that portal. And we landed in a hive of people who wanted to go to the place we left, in a similar way." Deadpool finished, it seemed, as he stopped saying things.
{She's not that obsessive, you jerk.}
[Yeah, she just... felt like going with us!]
...Shutup.
"...So... how have you gotten to this point?" Fury asked.
"Well, I'll tell ya... but know this, Fury... this is the interesting part... so I'm gonna use as much detail as I can here... I'll probably fail, but at least I tried."
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DEADPOOL VS. BRONIES
ISSUE #1
Who's going to be narrating when the story is written? Deadpool or myself?
{YOU DECIDE!}
...No, seriously, I don't know...
{U-um... we'll go with you for now, and we'll continue using you until someone says otherwise.
Sadface.
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Deadpool, Weasel and the now humanized Lyra stood in the strange base you would usually only see in some sort of movie. At the moment, there were a lot of fans of the show looking at them, and while it would make sense if most of them were looking at Lyra, because a background pony had escaped Equestria and entered Earth, they were mostly focused on Deadpool and Weasel, as they were from Earth (Maybe not the red one), and they had gotten there first.
Meanwhile, Lyra was busy studying Deadpool and Weasel, probably unaware that there were a whole lot of other humans just waiting to be examined as they examined the newcomers. In essence, there was a lot of examination.
"Okay, so, you two are the first humans I've seen, so tell me, how many people wear costumes like you?" She asked Deadpool, not really knowing his name yet.
"Err... well, I'd say the awesome ones, but there's some who really aren't awesome... I'd say it depends on whether you have a unique name that's either alliteration, a pun on words, a pun on your own personality, and whether or not you're the sort of person who would appear on Drawn Together," he answered, "Now, we should REALLY get out of this place, it's, um... what kind of creatures are you most afraid of?"
"Hmmm..." Lyra put her finger to her lips in thought, then, noticing she had done just this on Earth, got a little bit excited, and now could only think of what else she could touch with her new appendages.
"I'm going to assume you're afraid of the dark," Deadpool said, before placing his hands over Lyra's eyes, blinding her, "Weasel, grab the feet."
Weasel did so, and now, Deadpool was holding Lyra with one hand over her eyes, and one on the upper back, with Weasel carrying her by the feet, so they could easily carry Lyra out of the base. Lyra was going to mention she wasn't afraid of the dark, but just experimentally crossed her arms.
"Quickly, escape!" Deadpool yelled, and the two carefully stepped around the Bronies, trying not to drop Lyra, and trying not to get too close to them. As soon as they had reached the room's exit, the Bronies started to confusedly walk towards the group.
"I have a lot of guns, so please step back," Deadpool diplomatically dinsered.
{Huh?}
This convinced the Bronies to step back a little, while the group could walk away. They noticed that their base appeared to be some sort of warehouse. They saw an exit, which was basically an entrance if one entered from outside, and headed towards it.
[And yet, I wonder why they didn't just follow us.]
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?
[...Whaddya mean?]
I'll tell you about it later.
"Wait..." Weasel hesitated.
"What?" Deadpool asked testily.
"Why do we essentially have Lyra blindfolded while we're escaping from the other Bronies? And... why are we escaping?"
"What's a Brony?" Lyra asked.
"Because that place is where people from the internet gather, that I hope not to be affiliated with once I'm through with these ordeals. Seriously. The internet is not a safe place for these innocent citizens of Equestria." Deadpool replied.
"Neither's New York," Weasel retorted, "Plus, these people seem like the decent sort. Not all fanboys are fat, disgusting slobs. You never saw any of those people in there. Some of us are pretty normal guys."
"You lie!" Deadpool yelled, "Now let's just help Lyra get out!"
"Where?" Lyra asked, "Is there some sort of examination place or something? I've always wondered what human medical tools are like. I hope there's no dentists."
"While trading information about medical tools sounds nice," Deadpool replied, "I think we should go to my apartment first."
"How're we gonna get there?" Weasel asked, "People'll probably see us holding Lyra, and think we kidnapped her! Which we did!"
"Is that what you humans call foalnapping?" Lyra asked, "What else is different? Is it true you say 'Everybody' all the time instead of 'Everypony?'
Weasel looked confused, I thought they said everybody when not referring to ponies... huh.
"Maybe my teleporter's working again?" Deadpool wondered.
"Isn't that short distance?" Weasel asked.
[Ohhh, THIS is what you were talking about.]
"...Great, thanks a lot, you've just ruined the suspension of disbelief," Deadpool said, ungratefully, "Now it won't work! You've ruined our chances of g-"
*Bamf*
In a mint-green flash of light, they were suddenly at a different part of New York. Crowded with a lot of people. It also happened to be near Deadpool's apartment.
Deadpool looked around confusedly.
"Can I stand up, now?" Lyra asked, "I think I deserve it."
"How'd you get us near my apartment?" Deadpool asked.
"Well, I -am- a unicorn!" Lyra said.
Deadpool blanked for a moment, and looked at his hand. For a moment, he thought he had completely ignored the Lyra-coloured horn growing out of her head. Fortunately, his hand was NOT being pierced by the horn.
"And... how did you know where to go?" Weasel asked.
"SUSPENSION OF DISBELIEF!" Deadpool yelled.
"...I just thought about teleporting us elsewhere. Must've been a coincidence," Lyra mused, "So... can I please stand up?"
"In a moment..." Deadpool said, before using his head to motion to Weasel that they were to keep holding Lyra until they got to the apartment. Weasel nodded, and the two, still carrying Lyra and blinding her, went through the building's entrance door.
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And, just as there was a lot of examining on Earth, back on Equestria, there was a lot of searching for Lyra Heartstrings. Somepony had noticed Lyra's disappearance, and that was her room-mate, Bon-Bon. And so, cultivated a search for Lyra Heartstrings.
[We know who she is, you don't have to say the full name twice.]
Shut up. So, while mostly everypony was dumbfounded about her disappearance, some had guessed that she had taken the portal. Namely, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and the Woodland Six, a group of woodland creatures that reside underground near Fluttershy's cottage, consisting of Angel Bunny, Miss Rabbit, Cutie Mouse, Hyper Hamster, Fuzzy Ferret and Tim, who, incidentally, is a cat.
{EEEEXPOSITION!}
So anyway, the three ponies had their own methods of locating Lyra, despite being certain that she wasn't in this dimension anymore. Twilight would sit in her library, looking for a spell that would help her identify a pony... somehow. Fluttershy asked her eagle friends to look for her, while Pinkie Pie spent half the day running around, appearing and disappearing, declaring,
"I AM PINKIESTAR, BEWARE, I LIVE! RUN! RUN! RUN! PARTY, COWARD!"
Needless to say, none of them succeeded. Especially Pinkie, for she had merely frightened countless ponies.
And soon, Luna's moon began to rise over Ponyville. As Twilight drifted off to sleep, she thought more on the issue, and came to realize something...
"The only way to retrieve Lyra... is to go to Deadpool's dimension..." She said, "But who's going to go?"
"Did I hear something?" Spike called from elsewhere.
"...Nothing, Spike. Go to bed."
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To be continued in the next issue!
{Is it now?}
Why not?
{...Just asking.}