Chapter Eight
One week had passed since the gala, and Octavia's heart was still in pieces. Even after a week of nothing but replaying her conversation with Vinyl in her mind, she was still in total disbelief of what had happened. Not once in her life had she used the "L" word about another non-family member. That wasn't what took her by surprise though. What shook Octavia most was how Vinyl handled the situation. Vinyl just stood there and stammered her way through their conversation while Octavia poured her heart out. At least, that's how Octavia remembered it.
Octavia alarm clock went off, pulling her from her deep sleep. She rubbed her eyes, displeased at the idea of finally returning to public life. She had been laying around her apartment for the last week, trying to avoid contact with everypony she knew. Luckily Octavia was still technically on vacation, and was able to avoid the symphony.
The water from Octavia's shower felt good as it ran through her mane. She wasn't ever going to admit it, but she hadn't showered in days, and she didn't even care. Something about the falling water made Octavia feel as if she was cleaning more than her coat; it was as if she were cleaning her mind too. Suddenly, she didn't feel as bad, but she still felt empty. She knew she would never stop feeling empty.
After drying herself, Octavia grabbed her cello and headed for the door. She wasn't exactly pleased with having to deal with her Sonata and the rest of the orchestra again, but she did her best to make the best of the situation. I guess if Sonata is happy being first chair that's all that counts, she thought. That was a lie of course. Octavia didn't actually feel that way, but it didn't hurt for her to tell herself that.
Octavia stopped when she saw the picture of her and Vinyl on the end table. A sense of deja vu washed over her. She reached out and slammed the picture down, removing from her view. Octavia wasn't in the mood to think about that night again.
Octavia's walked through town had been less than pleasant. She didn't run into any particular problems, but Canterlot seemed...different. The streets no long shined, the birds no longer sang, and the colors weren't as vibrant as before. She couldn't place her hoof on it.
Octavia tried to push the dark thoughts out of her head as she entered the concert hall. It was just as busy as ever, which almost made Octavia feel at home. Something about being apart of her daily routine made her feel better. Many ponies asked about her vacation, which she replied to with a smile and a nod, trying to hide her actual feelings.
The first cellist chair was empty, which Octavia found strange. Sonata always beat her to rehearsal. In fact, the only time Octavia beaten Sonata to practice was when she was sick, and even then it was close.
Octavia shook her head and sat down in her usual spot, preparing her cello for rehearsal. She hadn't played in a week and her cello was in desperate need of tuning.
After tuning, Octavia rosined her bow and let a note come out. She could feel the note resonating through the instrument, which felt great to her. She had forgotten just how much she loved to play. Memories of her shows with Vinyl came up, taking over her mind. Octavia closed her eyes and did her best to repress the memories: she didn't want to show her emotions in front of everypony.
"Oh Octavia, great to see you again," came a voice from behind her. Octavia turned as was met by the orchestra's director.
"Hello Mr. Maestro. It's great to be back." She put on a fake smile as she met the stallion's gaze.
"Yes, I'm sure it is," he replied. "Now, you haven't been here for the past week so I must inform you of some...changes." Octavia didn't like the way he said changes. It was too ominous for her liking. "I'm afraid you are no longer second chair."
Octavia's heart sank the director's words. She didn't expect the greatest reactions for going on a long vacation, but losing a chair placement seemed a bit harsh to her. "How many chairs am I dropping Mr. Maestro?"
He looked taken aback by her question. "No, no, Octavia you are not dropping any chairs?"
Octavia had to repress a tear. This is it, she thought they're finally letting me go. "No, Mr. Maestro, I can explain."
Mr. Maestro stared at her. "Explain what, Octavia?" She opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She wasn't really sure what needed explaining, but she said the phrase anyway. "Either way..." he continued, "you will now be sitting first chair.
Octavia felt her jaw drop. "First chair?" she asked in disbelief.
The director nodded. "Ever since Sonata left for Los Pegasus to join the pop music industry we've been waiting for your return. That way we could just bump you up and not have to deal with the hiring process and-"
"Wait, wait, wait," Octavia interrupted, "Sonata left to join the pop music industry? I didn't know artists needed cello players." It was true, most musicians just used synthesizers for their string instruments. It bothered Octavia, but she tried not to think about it that much.
Mr. Maestro shrugged. "I don't know Octavia. Now if you will excuse me, we need to start rehearsal." Octavia nodded and moved her possessions to the first chair in response to the stallion's departure.
As far orchestra practices went, Octavia had a personal best. Her bow moved flawlessly and her tone and pitch were perfect. She was elated that she had become first chair. Ever since she had lost it a month ago, she had been enjoying rehearsals less and less, even to the point of calling in sick from time to time. Octavia felt bad for as she reflected on the past, wishing she could do it over again.
Even the post-practice was more pleasant than normal. Octavia stayed and talked with her fellow musicians, something she had avoided for weeks. She had forgotten how enjoyable other ponies could be.
Octavia was stopped by her friend Canone as she left. Octavia was pretty sure they blue mare liked her -- she would typically give Octavia glances from across the room during practices. She wasn't really sure what the violinist saw in her, but she didn't complain. Octavia wasn't used to the attention, and she almost enjoyed it.
"Hey Octavia," Canone said with a smile, "what's up?"
"Not much," she replied. Octavia always tried to keep their conversations short. She didn't want to lead Canone on, she wasn't that kind of pony.
Canone began to tap her hoof nervously. "I was wondering, what are doing later?"
Octavia's heart skipped a beat. Is she actually asking me on a date? she thought to herself, Surely she knows about my....previous relationship. Octavia swallowed hard. "Canone..." her voice faded away. Suddenly, a thought popped into her head. She wasn't exactly with Vinyl anymore. She wanted to be, but there wasn't much she could do about it, so why not just go on a date with Canone? There isn't much more I can lose, she thought. Plus I don't really feel like paying for a meal tonight. Octavia smiled at the mare. "I'm actually free tonight. Why do you ask?"
"Oh, well, I was wondering if you wanted to, maybe, go out to dinner or something tonight?"
Octavia nodded. "Sure, that sounds fun."
"Great I'll pick you up at seven." Canone gave Octavia a smile and walked away.
Octavia shook her head at the thought of going on a date with Canone. What did I just do? she thought.I know that Vinyl and I aren't together anymore, but I can't help feeling like I betrayed her. Octavia sighed and made her way to the exit, still unsure of her decision.
Octavia stood at the door to her apartment building. She checked the clock just inside the building.
6:58
She had been waiting for a half-hour. Octavia wasn't sure why, but she chose to start her wait early. She wasn't typically one for being early, but a strange feeling compelled her to do so. She tapped her hoof impatiently.
6:59
I wish she would just show up already. Where could she possibly be? Octavia looked up and down the street but found it to be deserted. She expected a tumbleweed to roll down the street, but not even that would come to the vacant street.
Octavia continued her silent debate over the morality of the date. She still had feelings for Vinyl, that was clear even to her at that point, but it obvious that Vinyl was never coming. And how could she? Octavia thought, I acted like a complete idiot at the gala. She shook her head, cursing herself for her actions.
7:00
Another long look confirmed the absence of all life from the street. Octavia took a sigh of relief. Something inside her told her that the date was wrong. She turned and opened the door.
"Hey Octavia, where you going?" Octavia heart sank as she heard Canone's voice.
She spun on the spot to face the mare. "Oh, um..." her mind raced for an answer, "I though I heard somepony coming downstairs."
"Oh." Canone replied with a smile. "Are you ready to go?"
Octavia felt her voice reply "yes", despite her strongest urges to run inside. The next thing she knew, she was being lead towards Mane Street by a very chatty Canone.
Octavia's head hurt. She wasn't sure why she ever agreed to the date in the first place. She suddenly felt nauseous and considered excusing her, but decided against it. Despite her objections, Canone was still a nice pony, and she didn't deserve to be hurt.
"And here we are." Canone said as Octavia suddenly found herself standing in Sandwiches by Ditzy. "You look rough Octavia. Are you feeling okay?" Octavia could feel the concern in her voice.
As if on cue, the song playing over the restaurant's speaker ended and the new one began. Ordinarily, Octavia would take no notice of radio music at a restaurant, but this was different. It wasn't just any song, it was a song sung by Vinyl.
Octavia felt her legs grow weak as the lyrics washed over her body. Her heart rate increased and she felt herself begin to sweat. It suddenly felt as if the room were closing in on her. She shook her head in response Canone's question and rushed out the door, mumbling something close to "I'm sorry, I have to go."
The whole world seemed to move in slow motion as Octavia raced home. Before she knew it she was laying on her bed crying, feeling the crushing weight of her time with Vinyl. She remembered every minute of every day all at once and it gave her migraine so deep that she felt as if she would never recover.
The next time Octavia looked at the clock it read 8:02. I've only been here an hour? she thought to herself miserably. Her fears were subsided when she looked out her window and found it to be light outside. No, I haven't, she thought, it's already been one night.
Octavia stood and walked to her window. She looked out over the street that now had dozens of ponies beginning their day.
"Why?" she asked herself. "Why?". She fell back onto the bed and began to cry again.