Canterlot
Pop!
Twilight panted as she nervously tried to calm herself. It’s not every day the clumsiest mare in Ponyville goes berserk and tries to murder you with enough power to level a mountain.
She took the moment of relief to observe her surroundings. Several buildings were demolished, covered in bright pink bubblegum. Several ponies were running about, panicking and yelling “It’s the alponylypse!” At the gate of Canterlot, the Palace’s Garden was quite a while away and she had little time.
It was a long shot, but if Discord had the possibility of helping fix this mess, she would be willing to take the chances.
“Hey!” A voice yelled. Twilight looked behind her to see a mob of different ponies armed to the tooth and nail with pitchforks and torches, barely ten feet away. Before she could think of any other thoughts, she heard another pony call out, “It’s that Twilight girl! Get her!”
Twilight yelped before running and the mob followed behind. Twilight was able to run at an even speed as the crowd. She didn’t care where she was going at this point, but she just had to ditch the crowd.
She ran down random roads and paths, taking care not to accidentally trap herself in a dead end. As she ran past destroyed restaurants, homes, and schools, she couldn’t help but feel the guilt of causing this mess multiply tenfold. Innocent ponies were injured, property was destroyed… all because of her.
Twilight briefly considered just tossing herself into the crowd to be maimed, but the thought went away. She had to fix this.
As the unicorn ran, she began taking notice of other things while trying to evade the angry ponies. For one, the blood red sky intimidated the unicorn and gave her a feeling that things were about to get worse.
It totally did.
Soon, the ground started shaking violently, knocking the purple mare over. Defenseless, she watched as the crowd caught up to her. Several already started kicking her, and the ones with pitchforks raised their weapons high.
“So…” Twilight thought sadly. “This is it…”
But before they could do anything, the temperature rose. The mob suddenly stopped their assault and looked around. It was long until they looked up and realized a terrifying thing.
The sun was heading straight for Canterlot.
The crowd scattered in a frenzied panic, allowing the downed unicorn to pick herself up off of the ground. She was thankful beyond words for being able to survive that encounter, but she was still in an awful situation.
The situation was worse than she thought. Now she was definitely on a time limit. It wouldn’t be much longer until the sun would fry her and all of Equestria. At this point, Discord is her only hope now.
Twilight grunted as she limped onwards, sporting new bruises gifted by the mob. The palace was closer than when she was standing at the gate, thought it was still quite a distance away.
At the crippled rate she was traveling at, there was no way she’d get Discord’s statue by walking before the sun would consume the world.
“Well, at least it can’t get any worse.” Twilight told herself. She paused and then her eyes went wide. “Wait! I didn’t mean it!”
The unicorn suddenly noticed another energy ball soar over her head. She briefly wondered how it managed to get here before the sphere managed to strike a random mare, a good hundred feet away.
The mare stopped panicking and her eyes suddenly became empty. Her coat and mane became several tints lighter.
She looked around mindlessly, then noticed another pony nearby, looking concernedly at her. The first mare then lunged at the second and bit her. The second mare yelled out in pain before going through the same transformation as the first. Twilight’s eyes widened in fear.
“Zombie ponies… Really?!”
Twilight backed away and ran away from the zombies, luckily being too far to be noticed by them in the first place.
After a good while of running, she slowed down. “I hate today so much.” Twilight mumbled as she slowed down to a walk, still looking at the zombies. “I wouldn’t even be surprised at the slightest if-” she stopped. “Wait, EVERYTHING BAD ALREADY HAPPENED TODAY!”
“You too, huh?”
Twilight looked at the direction the voice came from. An unfamiliar, blue earth pony stallion was the owner. He looked vaguely familiar; she definitely remembered seeing him around Ponyville in the background.
Twilight cocked her head. “Yeah… and you are…?”
“Noteworthy. And you’re Twilight, am I correct?”
“Yes, you are. So, what’s up with you?”
“I had to drag two mares to the Canterlot Palace with my stupid friend, got lost for a couple hours, met up with the aforementioned ladies, he blew up a tank with baby alicorns inside, spent the next hour trying to find a donut shop that wasn’t made of melted rubble, then he ran off after a fight about politics.”
“Huh. Well, I spent my whole day trying to find a reversal to the spell that’s going to probably destroy the world, got flattened by pegasus, got chased out of my house thanks to a fire and my dragon suddenly growing fifty feet, then had the living Tartarus beaten out of me by a wall-eyed pegasus.”
“You win.” Noteworthy said. “So, what brings you round these parts?”
Twilight thought for a moment. Was it a good idea to let him know of her intentions? Releasing Discord could only worsen the problem. It would also spark some doubt in this fellow if she was going to have him tag along.
She decided that things probably couldn’t get any worse at this point, so she said, “I’m here to release Discord, the god of chaos, in an attempt to reverse everything with the power of chaos.”
“That’s the silliest thing I’ve ever heard, and I heard Caramel talking about his non-existent ‘swag.’” Noteworthy said.
“It’s worth a try.” Twilight replied honestly. She looked around at all the chaos. “It’s either we all get enslaved by a villain who has been defeated several times before, or we all die from the sun crashing into Equestria.”
“The lesser of two evils, I suppose.” Noteworthy noted. “I’m not going to spend the next hour trying to find Caramel’s brain and my wife doesn’t get out of work until seven, so I guess I could give you a helping hoof.”
The two shook hooves. “So, how do you suppose we find Mr. Discord?” Noteworthy asked.
“The last I saw of his statue, it was still in the Canterlot Gardens.” Twilight replied. “The only problem is getting there.”
Noteworthy held a hoof to his chin. “Hmm… That’s going to be tricky. The Palace guards are most likely still stationed; they never leave their spots, even during Armageddon. We’ll need to find a way past them.”
“Wouldn’t teleporting work?” Twilight asked.
“We could try.” Noteworthy said. “But your friends, Applejack and Rarity, managed to sneak into the palace using the same trick. Considering that the Princesses also got out, the guards will no doubt have increased their defenses. They’re dedicated, but a bit short-sided.”
“Alright, I’ll teleport us both outside of the palace. We’ll assess the defenses, then continue planning from there.”
“Good. Now, you might want to teleport immediately.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because those zombie ponies are heading right for us.”
“WHAT?!” Twilight looked behind her. Indeed, the zombies were making a fast shuffle towards them. With little time to argue, Twilight threw her front legs around Noteworthy, then quickly mustered her magic to teleport as the two zombies lunged at them.
A moment later, they reappeared in a trimmed bush several hundred feet away from the palace. Immediately, Twilight noticed that there were more guards in front of the palace gates. There was a purple, anti-magic shield around the palace that Twilight knew she would be incapable of bypassing. Not only this, but there were pegasi guards in the sky carrying spotlights to look for intruders.
“There seriously didn’t do this at any other time?” Twilight said to herself. “Well, we’re bucked.”
Noteworthy took in the scene as well. “Pretty much. How are we going to get past these guys?”
“Give me a moment, it’ll come to me.”
Everfree Forest
“Sweet Tooth, are you sure he was this way?” Pinkie asked. Even if Sweet Tooth was an adorable (and surprisingly smart) bundle of fluffy joy, she wasn’t entirely sure that she was being led the right way.
“Yep, yep,” the puffball replied. “It hard to miss. Big and fatty.”
“Sound like a minotaur alright…” Pinkie muttered. “Well, I guess you might be right. After all, you did see that deadly pony-eating raptor earlier.”
The two continued running, rushing past trees in the deadly race to reach the minotaur before it reached their friends.
A loud roar echoed through the forest, followed by a familiar pegasus’ scream.
“We’ll never make it in time!” Pinkie cried. “What are we going to do, Sweet Tooth?”
The puffball frowned at his friend’s distress. Suddenly, an idea occurred to him. How could he have forgotten? He reached into Pinkie’s left saddlebag and after a bit of rummaging, he pulled out what looked like apple juice in a glass bottle. He pulled out another one, but with grape, and another with lemonade, and another with water. Pinkie Pie gasped, releasing his plan.
He took a small sip out of each, turning the drinks turned black and fizzy. He looked at Pinkie, who was also doing the same. Soon, they had about twenty bottles of soda. Pinkie Pie rummaged through her saddlebags again and pulled out some heavy-duty duct tape.
“I’ve got fur, but you don’t,” Pinkie said, making a large strip. “So I’ll ride on you, got it?”
“Yes.”
Pinkie tied the twenty bottles of soda to Sweet Tooth’s back, all of them facing down. Sweet Tooth spun around, ran in circles, and jumped a few times. Pinkie hopped onto his head and gave the bottles a good kick.
The bottles practically exploded as the fizz blasted the two high into the air. They were soaring higher than any pegasus could ever dream! Of course, Pinkie decided to take the moment to sing, “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Princess.
Glad to know that Pinkie listens to the oldies. Rock on, you crazy pink pony you.
Elsewhere in Canterlot
“Man, this sucks,” Caramel muttered while he walked the burning streets. “First I go travel to Canterlot pulling my crush and her overweight friend, then I get lost trying to find the stupid donut shop, then I have to blow up a tank, got lost again, and now I’m seeing everypony get turned into zombies.” He sighed, depressed. “This is even worse than the time Moonlight took me to see a ‘My Little Romance’ concert… except there’s less fire.”
A building to his left violently exploded in a fireball of death and destruction. Caramel remained stoic, his mane flowing from the winds as several pieces of sharp metal and brick barely missed him. The pained cries of burning innocents filled the air.
“Yup, still less fire.” He said.
He melodramatically walked on the road, contemplating his last moments in life. All sorts of things he could have done… the adventures he could have gone on… the ponies he could have met… so much potential… all taken away…
Caramel glared at the sad orchestra in the street. “Seriously guys, quit it with the sad music. You’re not making it any better.”
Two of the ponies in the little quartet, Octavia and Brass, exchanged glances, shrugged, then packed up their things and made their departure.
Caramel thought about it. He spent so much effort and time for Applejack. He dragged her cart, blew up that tank, and had an abacus thrown at his head for her, and how does he get repaid? Well, he definitely didn’t get repaid by her dramatically jumping into his front legs, hugging him tightly, and engage in a deep, passionate kiss as she goes on and on about how she cannot do without him!
It might have been the stress getting to him, but he put his hoof down. “That’s it! I’m sick of Applejack not returning my feelings! It’s all her fault I’m here and not eating chocolate cake at home! I might only have a few hours left, but I’m gonna give her a piece of my mind!”
Fueled by anger, hopelessness, and a bit of hunger, he ran towards the park he left Applejack in to confront her.
In the Plains of… Really, Where Are These Plains?
“Great, first our world is going through post-apocalypse, now this world is going to explode with us in it!” The stranger stallion said. “Plus, I’m not even sure that they way we came here can let us go back the other way.”
The two foreign ponies that were met by the police upon their arrival (remember them?) were now in the fields where Twilight fought (or more accurately, was beaten to near-death by) Super-Derpy. They definitely lost the guards after that incident in Sugar Cube Corner. Exhausted and hungry, our non-relevant heroes were still on their quest to find their pet that had somehow eluded them.
“Is… is that an owl?” The female unicorn asked. She pointed a hoof to where an owl was pecking an unconscious pony about half a mile away. To be precise, it was a gray, blond-maned pegasus.
Uh oh.
“Hey!” The stallion shouted. “Quit trying to take a piss on that lady pony!” He ran towards the diabolical owl. Despite his assumptions, Owlowicious was not urinating on Derpy. Instead, he was simply trying to consume the blond pony’s shiny, electricity-conducting mane.
Once he got close enough the pony waved at the owl to go away. In retaliation, Owlowicious went ahead and started to viciously peck the stallion’s head. The gray stallion flailed his limbs and flung his wings in order to defend himself. It was not working.
“Ow, ow, ow!” He yelled. “Don’t just sit there! Help me!”
“Quit yapping.” The mare replied as she slowly caught up to the three. “I’ve already had enough of this dumb world and I don’t want to be bugged anymore. Besides, if it pecks your face enough, you might look prettier.”
Owlowicious must have either gotten tired of fighting with the ponies or realized that Derpy was slowly getting back up, because the bird’s wide eyes expanded and he flew off.
“Yeah, you better run, feather face!” The stallion dizzily yelled. He turned back to the mare. “Does that unconscious pony look okay?”
The mare took a brief look at Derpy. “Well, she’s a blonde, so-”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh.” The unicorn looked down at the unconscious pegasus again. She was starting to stir and slowly and lethargically tried to lift herself up “Well in that case, she’s coming to. She must’ve been knocked out by something.”
The stallion walked up to Derpy. “Hello Miss. Are you recovering well from that rogue owl assault?”
Before either of them knew, Derpy suddenly smashed them both into the air so furiously that they went flying with a twinkle in the distance.
Yay, Actual Story Time
“… Anything yet?”
“No…” Twilight sighed. “There seemed to be no penetrating that many defensive barriers. There’s no teleporting into it, no fighting our way into in, and no sneaking our way into it.”
She stopped to think. Was this it? Had she come all this way to do nothing but fail?
Suddenly, an explosion went off. More specifically, beyond the palace gates. Even further, at the royal gardens where Discord was held as prisoner. Almost immediately, all the guards abandoned their posts to investigate the explosion.
“There couldn’t have possibly been a better time!” Twilight exclaimed. “Right… Noteworthy!”
Somehow, the zombie ponies had caught up. Noteworthy turned around to see an army of zombie ponies slowly lurching towards them. They were only a few short feet away before they could swipe at them.
“We have to go… now!” Twilight commanded. She grabbed Noteworthy by his front hooves and led him down, just in time to avoid biting range of the zombies. The two regained their balance and made a dash for the palace gates. The guards previously marking the boundaries had left to investigate the garden explosion, leaving it wide open for intruders such as them.
These guards are absolutely brilliant.
The two ran past the palace and bolted straight to the gardens. As they ran, they took note of the unconscious guards that were scattered around the area. Well, to say that all of them were unconscious would be wrong.
Some guards were discarded to act like hamsters, others were on fire, others were fire… All in all, the entire guard platoon was decimated by Discord.
Thankfully, Discord’s statue was at the entrance of the maze garden, so they didn’t have to go far at all. When they did, they were immediately greeted by a guard yelling “CHAAAARRRGEE!!” as he jousted towards a chocolate milk drinking Discord, sitting on what appeared to be a throne made entirely out of cheddar cheese.
The guard’s steely determination was etched on his face as he was ready to stab the god of chaos. He made a promise to keep his world safe from any no-good evil-doers, and by Celestia’s abnormal infancy, he was going to do it! Nothing would stop him, not even a god.
As fireworks spectacularly went off in honor of this guard’s devotion, Discord simply snapped his fingers and turned the guard into a carrot. Almost immediately, a rabbit came out of the garden maze and stole him.
Absolutely brilliant.
“Discord!” Twilight shouted in an all-important manner. “I request of your help!”
“What do you –hic- think you are, a princess?” Discord said drunkenly. He took another swig of his plastic gallon of chocolate milk. “You can’t control –hic- me! I run this mothabuckin’ joooiiiinnt…!”
“Perhaps we should talk with him later?” Noteworthy asked. “I mean, he doesn’t look very… sober.”
“Nonsense!” Twilight said. “He looks fine!”
Discord vomited up a fortress made entirely out of dominoes.
“… Okay, he’s drunk.”
“Must be some pretty good chocolate milk.”
Twilight groaned. She sighed and tried to explain the situation to the intoxicated chaos incarnate. “Well, mister Discord, I know we’ve had some… disagreements in the past, but we must put that aside to save-”
“Yeah, cool story bronyskiiii…” Discord sang. “You know what? I –hic- think that allaya’lls are mah best best… beeeeeeest friends ever…!”
“Oh dear Celestia help me.” Twilight murmured.
“Yeah! We’ll –hic- invite that Celest-laaaaaydaaaaaay. She got back, front, sideways, an’ two tickets to paaaaaraaaddiiiiiissse!!!”
Noteworthy prodded Twilight’s head. “We still got more problems…”
“More?” Twilight asked depressingly. “How things possibly get worse?
Noteworthy picked up a crystal ball off the ground, most likely belonging to Discord and shook it. He held it in front of Twilight’s face and they both peered at the figures within.
Suddenly, all sorts of images of her friends flashed in the ball. Rainbow Dash gathering her team, Rarity and Applejack teleporting, Big Macintosh attempting to seduce Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and her weird little friend, the rainbow soldiers, the filly princesses, Fluttershy getting eaten by a serpent, Rainbow Dash getting eaten by the rainbow liquid, Pinkie Pie imitating her "antience", Fluttershy (almost) getting eaten by a minotaur… everything. Even glimpses and scenes of the chaos and damages done all over Equestria flashed before her eyes.
How could she let this happen? Let so many ponies suffer and have her friends go through so many hardships for her mistakes? The more images that appeared, the more desperate and hopeless her situation looked.
The images disappeared as quickly as they appeared. Twilight looked up, as the last image was the filly Celestia bringing the sun down. It must’ve been happening right now, because Twilight noticed how the world around her was turning red from heat.
“Oh pony droppings…”
She looked up and was almost blinded by the sun that was getting closer by the second. Her body was losing moisture and her whole body was pelted with boiling heat. Her whole body felt like bursting into flames. This actually did happen to several of the unconscious guards. She felt dizzy and light-headed. Would this be the end of her adventures?
It felt like hours, just burning in the presence of the sun coming ever closer. By now, she’s on her stomach, flat on the ground, getting feeling more and more agonizingly fried (However, Discord was feeling a bit chilly and put on a gray parka, waving a gray flag in the air drunkenly shouting “GIVE US GRAY RIGHTS! GRAAAAAAAY RIIIIIIIIIGGHTS!!”). She thought that the sun would kill her, right there.
But it never did.