Chapter the Fourteenth, or "A Game of Wits
I run in a frenzy, looking for any sign of damage. Please don't burn my house down, Spike... I see a flash of green light at one end of the apartment. GODDAMNIT, SPIKE, DON’T BURN MY HOUSE DOWN! I accelerate tenfold, knocking down several party-goers, in order to find the drunken fire hazard.
However, when I find Spike, he seems quite sober to me. In fact, his friends seem far worse off! “Hey, Ssshpike,” slurred Snails, leaning against the wall, “izz dat one human dude!”
Spike turns to me with a look of relief. “Thank the Sisters you’re here!” he sighs. “Snips and Snails are driving me crazy!”
I pant in exhaustion as I look at the trio of teens. “You’re not— not drunk?!”
The green-haired boy looks at me in confusion. “Drunk? Is that what they are?”
“I losht my virginity to my coushin Braid!” Snips sobs, falling flat on his back. “We met at my Uncle Toupee’sh funeral! We din’t want it to happen, it jusht did!”
“They’re drunk,” I confirm, calming down a bit, “but why aren’t you? Didn’t Bon-Bon give you that drink?”
“What, the weird tasting stuff?” he asks. “Nah, I just gave it to Snips and Snails. I KNEW something was up with that soda!”
“Yer DISHGUSHTING!” Snails spits, trying to walk away but sinking to his knees. “She’sh yer coushin, fer cryin out loud!”
“Are they going to act like that for a long time?” Spike asks, exasperated.
“Probably,” I nod. “So… you AREN’T going to incinerate my home in a drunken rage?”
He gives me a suspicious look. “Were YOU the guy who’s been sneaking into the fridge and stealing my ice cream?”
“Nope.”
“Then I’m not going to incinerate your home in a drunken rage!” he grins. “Anyways, it looks like someone’s here to see you!”
I turn to find a blue-haired man, clad in what appears to be a military uniform. He eyes me with suspicion. “You’re Sebastian, right?”
“Yes I am,” I respond, taken aback to his prim appearance, which contrasts everyone’s casual attire.
“Come with me,” he orders, briskly turning on his heel and walking away.
I look to Spike. “What was that all about?” I ask.
He looks at me with utmost pity. “It’s been nice knowing you, Sebastian,” he says grimly before running to his friends.
I sigh in exasperation and follow the officer to my empty balcony (which had extended to about the size of a rather large ballroom). “Alright, Shining, what do you want?” I ask when we arrive.
“You have been summoned by the Princess,” he says simply. He then kneels as a pale young woman beside him steps up. She looks nearly young enough to be a teen, but at the same time seems dignified and sophisticated enough to be around her thirties. She wears a midnight blue gown, adorned with glimmering crystals arranged to resemble constellations. Her hair, also midnight blue and adorned with stars, flows unceasingly, somehow enhancing her beauty further.
As the last time we met, I kneel. “Princess Luna, it’s an honor,” I say respectfully.
“You may rise, Sebastian Espinosa,” she says, and I stand up. She turns to Shining Armor and smiles. “You have done well, faithful guardian. You may retire for the night.”
“Yes, your highness,” he says reverently, and with a mistrustful look at me, he goes back into the throng of people in the apartment.
As soon as Shining leaves, the Princess turns to me. “You are wondering why you have been summoned,” she states.
“Yes, your highness,” I respond, keeping my eyes low.
She gives me a warm smile. “You may feel free to relax,” she assures me. “After all, you are said to be known for your sharp wit.”
I grin at her. “Well, if you say so. Anyways, what do you need, Princess? Is this about the—”
“We wish not to speak of professional matters,” she interrupts. “Let Us instead ask of your personal counsel.” She sighs and looks to the sky. “What do We have to do in a world already so occupied?” she asks.
“I’m sorry?’
She indicates to the sky, which is filled with the lights of the city. “The inhabitants of your world have filled the night sky. They neither can nor have any need to view my artwork. Why is it that they do so?”
Taken aback, I take a while to respond. “Well, we like to show off,” I say slowly. “Nearly everything we build is big, bright, and impossible to ignore. Of course, some people get sick of that, so they go out to the places where nothing’s been built and look at the stars. They like it so much, that they build a place to live there. Soon, a group of people follow them, inspired. They build their own places to live. A few people go over there to make stores, then to make bigger and bigger homes, and in a few years… Well, here we are!”
She chuckles. “Such vain, paradoxical, funny little creatures you humans are…”
For some reason, the Princess’ comment ticks me off. “It’s a lot more amusing when you get to watch it, and not have to LIVE it,” I say sourly.
She gives me a surprised look. “You seem disappointed that you are human,” she says quizzically. “Why is that?”
I sigh. “I guess I’m not much of a ‘people person’,” I admit. “We humans have been on this planet a few thousand years, and all we’ve done is mess things up.”
“And yet you practice justice?” she asks. “Is not the purpose of justice to help the citizens that you are so judgmental of?”
“Not to me,” I say. “To me, justice is the preservation of order. Whether or not the people agree isn’t my problem.”
She sighs, as if she’s heard it all before. “Oh young human, you are so very wrong, and yet We cannot help but to sympathize with you.” She gives me an almost reproving look. “Do you not understand that the purpose of Order is to balance the Chaos of life and bring Harmony?”
I look at her. “What do you mean, Princess?”
She sighs. “Long ago, when Equestria was in its Golden Age, when the harvests were plentiful, the days long and the nights luxurious, when—”
“Yeah, yeah, everything was perfect, get on with it,” I sigh, hoping to speed things up.
She stares at me reproachfully, but goes on. “There were three gods of our world: Eunomia, Goddess of Order; Harmonia, Goddess of Harmony; and Discord, God of Chaos. Each country and society would have an Order and a Harmony incarnate presiding over its citizens. Celestia was Equestria’s incarnate of Harmonia, and We – that is to say, I – were Equestria’s Eunomia incarnate. Discord was not to have an incarnate, however; His power was too unbridled, too manic, too unpredictable to leave into mortal hands. He simply traveled the world, allowing for his everyday Chaos to bring the world delight. Howev—”
“Hold on a sec,” I say, incredulous. “Discord’s Chaos brought DELIGHT?! HOW?!”
Luna gives me a cold look. “There was once a time when anyone who would interrupt Us would be beheaded.”
That shuts me up quickly.
Luna clears her throat and continues. “However, a day came when Celestia and Discord began to argue. Discord began to rebel from his natural position as a neutral power and brought Chaos solely to Equestria, and although it was a harmless Chaos, it brought despair to Our citizens. Finally, Our Sister had suffered enough of Discord’s delinquencies. She and I entrapped him in stone, forever stopping his brand of Chaos from occurring.
“However, a new brand soon replaced it,” she continues. “Unnatural creatures sprang from the cracks, filling the void of Chaos with fear. Parasprites, changelings, and other monsters soon were brought forth. We first tried to pacify them by channeling Discord’s Chaos Energy into a promising young ruler, the Crystal Emperor, but his heart grew black and his mind mad, and he enslaved his people until we had to vanquish him. Finally, We - that is to say, I - resolved to simply fight off the monsters in our midst, and protect Our citizens at all costs.”
She sighs. “Our - that is to say, my - judgment soon became clouded over with suspicion and paranoia. We suspected Our citizens of bringing in the monsters themselves. Many times, we have vented our cynicism to an unaware passerby, simply watching the stars while We were on nightly patrol. Our citizens began to fear night, and avoid it at all costs, perhaps in hopes of appeasing Us, but We were incensed at this; how dare they ignore the night that We worked so hard to make safe?! Soon, the rage consumed me, and Our Sister had no choice to imprison me.”
Suddenly, to my surprise, she begins to cry softly. Not knowing anything better to do, I awkwardly pat her back. “Uh… There, there, Princess…” I say, hoping I wouldn’t get sent to the moon for this.
She looks up, teary eyed, and gives me a weary smile. “We— I am sorry for losing control of my emotions. It is not proper to do such a thing…”
I try to give her a comforting smile. “Hey, we all have our moments,” I assure her, still patting her back.
She chuckle. “You can stop now,” she assures me.
I sigh in relief and put my hand to my side. “Good, my arm was about to fall off!”
She gives a girlish giggle before sighing and looking back at the moon. “There was a time when Our— MY moon never waned. When I was imprisoned there, I thought my Sister darkened it just to spite me. Now I realize She didn’t darken it; I did.” She turns to me with a weary look on her face. “I have often thought how nice you mortals have it, with so little responsibilities to accomplish. Now I wonder how you can avoid going mad with so much free time to think!”
I smile at this. “To be fair, we DO have things to occupy our time.” A crazy idea goes through my head. “Would you like to play a game with me, Princess?”
She cocks her eyebrow. “What sort of game?”
“Hold on, I’ll be right back.” I shove my way through the small village of partygoers to get to my room. Surprisingly enough, it is its normal size, and even more surprisingly, it’s devoid of partygoers. I search my room to find a small checkered board and a wooden case. I turn to see Hermes in his cage, sleeping peacefully. “How the hell can you sleep through this, ferret?” I ask fondly. I stroke his white fur for a little before rushing back to my balcony.
When I return, I find that Luna has changed from her gown to a military outfit of the same color. She looks at me eagerly. “What game hast thou prepared for Us, Sebastian Espinosa? Is it one of wits or one of strength?”
“The first one, I suppose,” I grin. “It’s called chess. Do you know how to play?”
She almost deflates in front of me. “We hast never heard of such a game,” she admits sheepishly. “We were expecting something… familiar.”
I laugh at her reaction. “Don’t worry: it’s rather simple once you have the basic gist of it!” I go on to explain the rules of the game, familiarizing her with the pieces and how to move them. By the time she grasps the concept, she moves back to her old grandiose self again, and demands a rematch.
Our first game ends with me winning in six moves. The second round ends with me winning in seventeen. By the time we reach our fourth game, she's actually starting to become a challenge! Our tenth game is the closest she gets to beating me. “HAHA!” she boasts, knocking my last rook off the board with her queen and putting me in check, “WE HATH SECURED VICTORY FOR THE TROOPS ON THIS NIGHT!”
I give her a smirk as I kill her queen with a bishop, trapping her king in a corner. “Checkmate, Princess.”
Her eyes widen and the smile falls off her face. “How did thou—”
“Oh, don’t take it so seriously,” I laugh, moving to wipe the pieces off the board.
She holds my hand down, a fierce glint in her eye. “We shalt not forfeit this match! Not while our honor is at stake!”
I laugh at her ferocity. “Sorry Princess, but I’ve got to make sure that your royal guests aren’t royally trashing my home! Maybe another time, alright?”
A dark blue aura encircles the board and sets it upon the table. “Our Sister is among Our subjects,” she says firmly. “She shall practice the utmost control over the situa—”
A loud explosion, accompanied by a flash of bright pink, booms across the city. The princess and I both simultaneously turn to find that the light is emanating from the center of the crowd of partygoers; the partygoers themselves seem stunned, as if in a trance, by the source of the light.
I turn to give an “I told you so” look at Luna. She’s wide-eyed and even paler than usual. “Perhaps it would not do too much harm to check up on our subjects,” she admits, and we run off to see what’s going on.