//------------------------------// // Chapter 9 // Story: What We Lose // by Subsolar Drift //------------------------------// Birdsong floated through the open window, waking me from my sleep. Groaning, I opened up my eyes and stared at the ceiling. My head pounded along with my heartbeat, each one accompanied with a prick of pain. I tried to turn away from the window so I could fall asleep, but  my muscles protested. So I just laid there waiting for my body to hurt less. Eventually, the pain dulled enough for me to move and I slowly got out of bed. Wincing with every step, I made my way to the hallway. I stopped and frowned as I realized I didn't know where the bathroom was. I moved to the next door down the hall with a sigh. I opened it only to be greeted by a broom closet. I closed the door and went to the next and opened it. A small room with a messy bed laid before me. I moved on  down the hall to the next door and opened it. Finally, it was the bathroom. As I started towards the shower, my reflection caught my eyes and I stopped. I looked disheveled, my mane a mess from sleeping for who knows how long and my eyes were barely open. I ran a hoof through my mane, as I turned towards the shower and hopped in. I turned the tap and was hit by a stream of freezing cold water. I yelped and fumbled for the tap as I tried to turn it to a warmer setting. Sighing as the water became a bearable temperature, I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of the water. I stayed there for a minute, just relishing in the heat as my muscles relaxed. I opened my eyes and looked around for some shampoo to sort out my mane. Seeing a bottle, I picked it up and sniffed. Lavender. Applying a generous amount, I quickly washed myself and stayed in the downpour a little longer. As the water grew cold, I finished up and dried off. I found a brush and quickly began to deal with the bird’s nest that was my mane. I watched myself in the mirror as I worked the knots out, eventually frowning. My mane laid there, tangle free and clean, but I couldn’t decide how I should wear it. I tried a couple different styles to no success, and finally settled on a style that that didn’t look too bad. It was straight and flat, the bangs falling just above my eyes.  I left the bathroom and headed downstairs, my stomach growling. I made my way to the kitchen I had seen earlier. I shifted on my hooves, wary of looking for food in the cupboard. Rainbow had said this was my house, but I still felt out of place. Finally, I got myself to look through several of the cupboards, but couldn't find much of anything to eat. My stomach grumbled, disappointed at the lack of food. I returned to the living room and went over to the desk, hoping to see some bits so I could at least go out and get something to eat. I didn’t know the town, but I was sure I could find somewhere to eat. Instead of bits, I found a note that had been left there. Dear Twilight, I have some business to attend to in town and Rainbow Dash is busy, so I’ve arranged for your old friend Fluttershy to come visit you around noon. She should be bringing you some lunch. Yours Truly,  Princess Celestia.  Checking the clock, I saw it was two minutes ‘til 12. Figuring I had to wait ten to fifteen minutes before I got some food, I moved over to the bookshelf and started to look for something to keep me entertained. Just as I began to browse the titles, I was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. My stomach growled at what was likely the arrival of food and I trotted over to the door. A yellow mare, whom I recognized from the picture I’d found, met me at the door. Startled by my sudden appearance, the mare jumped and stumbled back, quickly making her body as small as she possibly could. Trembling, she looked up towards me but quickly stopped as her eyes met mine. A smile crossed her face and she stood back up. She swallowed and squeaked, “Oh my, hello Twilight, my name is Fluttershy. You may not know me, but we used to be good friends.” It sounded like something she’d planned to say before hand.She shook ever so slightly as she spoke, obviously unsure of me, but that was understandable. “Hello Fluttershy nice to meet you!” I returned her smile and offered my hoof for a hoof shake. It wouldn’t hurt me to get to know the ponies that used to be my freinds. She very lightly grasped my hoof and shook.  “Would you please come in?”  I moved back and swung the door wide to let her in. She picked up a basket that sat on the ground next to her and trotted in. As she passed me, another burst of pain seared through my head making me wince. Frowning and rubbing my skull I closed the door behind her, silently cursing headaches. “I know that you might be hungry, so I brought some lunch.” Fluttershy placed the basket on the table in the center of the living room.  She removed the blanket covering the basket and revealed the food. My stomach roared as my eyes fell on the sandwiches and salad and their aroma reached my nostrils. Each and every piece of food looked delicious. I grabbed a sandwich with a smile towards Fluttershy, and took a bite. Daffodil and daisy. Swallowing, I sighed in contentment as the food hit my stomach. “These sandwiches are great!” I quickly took another bite, enjoying Fluttershy’s meal. She got herself some salad and sat down across from me. “Oh, they’re nothing special, just something I thought you’d like.” I ate quickly, managing to scarf down three sandwiches before I slowed. It was quiet as we ate, so I decided to break the silence and ask, “So what do you do Fluttershy?” She was surprised by the question, “Oh, nothing too special. I run a small animal clinic. When somepony’s pet gets hurt, they come to me and I help them out. I also help all the critters in the Everfree Forest, if they need it.” Her smile was small, but she was obviously passionate about what she did. “What kind of critters?” I wondered aloud. “Oh all sorts! There are beavers, birds, otters, squirrels, and even a few bears!” “Bears? Don’t they scare you?” She seemed so quick to scare, it was hard to believe she spent time with bears. “Not really. Sometimes they can be a little scary, but they’re usually just acting tough when inside they’re just little softies who need a little love!” Her enthusiasm was incredible and infectious. Her face glowed when she talked about the animals, and it made me happy to see her smile. “Oh, I’m sorry, I’ve been carrying on, haven’t I?  I’m sorry for wasting your time Twilight.” She apologized.   “Oh Fluttershy, it’s fine! I was actually enjoying your stories. Please do continue.” I gave her an encouraging smile, settling her nerves enough for her to continue.  We sat their for some time chatting. After a while, Fluttershy got up and made some tea for us to share. She stopped often asking if it was alright for her to continue. She was somewhat uncomfortable being the one talking, but I didn’t have anything to talk about. The more we talked though, the more comfortable she got. She was recounting a tale about a cockatrice when another sudden spike of pain seared through my head. I spilt my tea, only barely managing not to drop the teacup. Fluttershy stopped talking, looking towards me with concern.  “Twilight? Are you okay?” “Yeah,” I groaned. “I’ve just had a pretty bad headache earlier, and it feels like it’s coming back.” “Oh, Twilight!” she cooed as she came over towards me. “Is there anything I can do?” I shut my eyes, “Not really, I’ll just have to wait it out.” “Well, Zecora might have somthing you can use.” “Zecora?” I said my head throbbing even more. “Oh, Zecora is a zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest. She’s a shaman and makes all sorts of potions. She often makes some to help out my sick animals.” A wave of nausea came over me as she talked. “Fluttershy, I’m so sorry. I was really enjoying our talk, but I think I should lay down.” I began to feel light headed as I spoke and stood. “Oh thats fine!” She rose to her hooves as well and walked over to my side. “Let me help you lay down, and then I’ll go.” She helped me up the stairs, even going as far as to tuck me into my bed. By the time I was there, I was near unconscious, finally drifting off as Fluttershy hummed a lullaby softly. The pain faded and sleep overtook me. ~~~ The town hall was crowded by almost all of Ponyville’s populace. Earlier that morning they had all been visited by an enthusiastic Pinkie Pie who had informed them of a town meeting to be held that afternoon. Many had grumbled and had been reluctant due to the short notice but when told that it was the Princess speaking there, resolved to come.         “Attention, ponies of Ponyville!” The sound of Celestia’s voice cut through the chatter in the hall and everypony fell into silence. All eyes on Celestia, she smiled and began. “Thank you all for coming here on such short notice. There is an important matter that you all need to be aware of. You are all familiar with my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle, and the accident that placed her in a  in a coma.” Not a sound issued from the crowd as most wondered if the worst had finally come to pass.  “Worry not my little ponies as what I have to tell you today is good news. Two days ago, Twilight awoke from her coma.”  A roaring cheer echoed from all the ponies present, their loved community member, and many time hero, was healed. Celestia waited patiently for the noise to die down before continuing. “While it is fantastic news that she has woken, all is not well.” Confused muttering spread throughout the room, the jubilant mood deflating. “Upon waking, my faithful student has no recollection of her past.” A stunned silence filled the air. “I have done my best to restore her memories, but I was unable to help her. She will undoubtedly be going through an incredibly difficult time but with the help of you, her friends, she may just be okay. Please help her and be patient with her, and hopefully in time all will be alright. Good day my little ponies.” When she finished, she walked of the stage and through a door into another room. The ponies began talking amongst themselves once more, discussing every last detail of the Princess’ speech, including what they could do to help out Twilight. Four ponies made their way through the crowd, listening ever so slightly to all the conversations as ponies left. They arrived at the door Celestia had gone through and entered.         Through the door was Mayor Mare’s office. There was a large desk, many bookshelves, several  chairs, and out of the window, a great look over Ponyville square. Celestia stood by the window, gazing at the horizon with a blank look on her face.          The princess shook her head and turned towards the four ponies who had entered and smiled. Walking over to them, she gestured towards the seats, sitting herself down as well. “Its good to see you girls. Thank you for coming today, and thank you Pinkie for getting everypony to come to the meeting.”         “No problemo Princess!” Pinkie replied with a salute.         Celestia, chuckling at Pinkie’s antics, continued. “I wanted to know if you had any questions for me, since you all are Twilights greatest friends it’s the least I can do.”          It was quiet for a few moments until a now unusually somber Pinkie cleared her throat. “Why was Dashie running out of town this morning in tears?” Celestia sighed and looked once again out the window. “My dear Pinkie, that was my fault. I’m afraid I gave her some harsh news a little too bluntly, and she was very hurt.” Pinkie frowned at that, and opened her mouth to speak, but Fluttershy had already asked the question they were all thinking. “What news?” She said with surprising strength. “I didn’t tell everypony the whole truth of the situation. Yes Twilight has lost her memories, but they haven’t vanished. She just can’t get to them.” “Well why ever not?” Rarity questioned. “Her magic is not working properly and blocking her memories.” “But why would that hurt Rainbow Dash any more than Twilight just not having her memories?” Rarity continued. “There’s more. It seems that my faithful student’s magic has been particularly harsh on her memories with Rainbow Dash.  Twilight will feel pain when old memories are told to her, but if something involving her marriage and love, it might just kill her. That’s why Rainbow was so distraught.” The four ponies sat there stunned as they realized just what that meant. “Did any of you see where she ran to? I think it’d be best if I went and talked to her about this all.” Celestia's words broke the other four from their daze. “Dashie was headed towards the Everfree forest, just out of sight of Fluttershy’s house.” “Thank you Pinkie. I will see you all soon, but first I must make sure Rainbow Dash is okay.” With a flash, she was gone. ~~~ My eyes stung, unprepared for the sun that shone into my face. I groaned and rolled over on the surprisingly soft ground. I struggled to open my eyes so that I could see where I was. My body froze and I realized what I was laying on. I managed to open my eyes only to confirm my fears. There I sat, on a cloud high above Ponyville next to a Princess I would've dearly loved to avoid. "Hello Rainbow Dash. Did you have a nice nap? " Collapsing, I groaned.  "I found you fast asleep on the floor of the Everfree and thought you might be a little more comfortable here. Since you’re up now, I think you and I need to talk." "Look Celestia. I really don't want to talk.” Especially not to you, I thought. “Just leave me alone. I'm Rainbow Dash for ponies sake, I can handle myself. " With a sigh she relented.  "Very well. Just let me know if you wish to speak sometime. Have a nice day." She unfurled her wings and flew off before I could say a word. It took me a moment to realize what she'd done. Muttering curses under my breath, I realized I had no way out of talking to her. "You know about it don't you? " I asked, knowing she could hear me. "Somepony told you." "I watch over all my little ponies, especially the spouse of my favorite student. " her voice came from behind me, but I didn't even bother to turn towards her. "And yet, I never noticed until this morning. I feel I’ve let you down." She paused for a moment and then finally asked the question I’d been hoping nopony would ask. “Why did you stop flying Rainbow Dash?” I was silent for a moment, deciding how I wanted to approach the situation. Finally, I spoke. "Celestia, have you ever been in love?” She responded with nothing but silence. “Love changes who you are. I don’t look at the world the same anymore. For the longest time, I flew to escape my pain, to move on. But when I fell in love with Twilight, she became my world.” I took a deep breath to steady myself. “She was there when I was hurt and needed a shoulder to cry on. After I fell in love with her, I stopped running away from my problems. For once I faced them head on!” I stopped, lost in thought. With a slight shake of my head I brought myself back and went on with a sigh. “But then she was taken from me, trapped in her own mind. A coma with unknown causes, no one knowing if she’ll ever wake, and it’s more pain than I’ve ever had to deal with. So I fly.” I don’t even try to stop the tears as they stream down my face. “I fly to escape thinking of her. I fly to get away from the pain. I focus every part of my being on the flight. And...” The words catch in my throat, my body doing everything it can to stop me from saying it. Silently I beg and pray that if I don’t say it it won’t be true, but at last I manage to force the words out. “And I laugh, and I smile, and forget all my problems” I spit out the words, my face contorting in my self hatred. “There my wife is, the love of my life, lying in a hospital close to death, and what do I do? I go out and have fun.”  My body shakes with rage as I speak. The words bringing all the emotions back to me. “I swore off flying that day. I don’t deserve to fly. Why should I get my happiness when Twilight might not get her’s.  I deserve every last second of pain that I get from this all. She can still be happy, and that’s what I’m going to devote my life to now. It’s what I have to do.”         I cried as I stopped, unable to go on but having gotten my point across. The wind howled as I sat there. Some time later I turned around only to be met by open air. A path of clouds made it’s way down to the ground and Celestia was nowhere in sight. I wiped away my tears, sniffed, and made my way down into Ponyville.         I made my way through town, indifferent to my surroundings. I arrived home soon, hooves tired and sore, and went upstairs. I stopped in the door to what used to be our room. There was a battle in my heart as I debated whether or not to enter. Finally with a sigh, I walked on down the hall, into what used to be the guest bedroom. I laid down on the bed.  I wanted to cry, but no tears came.