Ah, it's good to be free once again! I stretch a little bit, working out the kinks in my body. A few ponies see me and run away, screaming something about a monster. Princess Celestia will know I'm back soon enough. Time to get to work.
First things first: The Elements of Harmony. In a snap of my fingers, there they are! Oh, it's just so easy! I juggle them for a few moments, adding in a few rocks and garden statues. Then I walk away and let them juggle themselves. I have more dire matters to attend to. Another snap of the fingers, and out comes a fleet of pink clouds made out of cotton candy. I look questioningly at one, and it begins pouring out chocolate milk. Ah, a creation worthy of my name! I direct my army of sticky, chocolatey chaos to break all of those boring ponies out of their monotonous lives with something completely different.
Looking around, everything is so decidedly mundane. It could do with some spicing up! I change the grass into carpet, the hedges become a little bit more brambly, and the statues begin a game of Old Mare. Much more comfortable. I begin releasing waves of chaos, not sure what they will do to Equestria, but knowing it will make the lives of all of these ponies far better. I can't be everywhere at once, but my namesake can.
I wait for the inevitable visit to Celestia by her new champions. She doesn't know where the Elements are, so she's going to cry wolf and get other ponies to do her dirty work. She's changed since last we crossed paths. Celestia has become shrewd, cunning, royal—I've, well. I haven't changed. Not since I got turned to stone.
I toy with the new ponies for a little bit, tell them some half-baked riddle, then leave the clueless mares to wander around until their fearless leader comes up with something that fits the riddle. Of course she'll focus on the first line, which is what makes riddles so much fun! Oh, they'll be at this for hours! Time to enjoy some chaos.
Manehattan has been overrun with giant sewer rats—harmless, of course. Fillydelphia has had a particularly nasty revolt of food that feels like it deserves more say than simply being eaten. Canterlot... well, let's just say those snobby ponies don't have their noses turned up so high anymore. Who would have thought that balls of garbage could float? And Ponyville, that place is developing nicely. Plenty of wonderful chaos brewing there.
Ah, my banana phone is ringing. That means it's time to go back to those boring ponies. I snap my fingers and decide to make a dramatic entrance. Yes, yes, no wings, no magic. In the maze they go, and separated they become. Time to have some fun!
Honest Applejack first. She loves apples, so they ought to confuse her most. Having one's life's work give an omen of bad faith is sure to weaken the resolve. And a little hypnotism to make sure she doesn't decide to quit this halfway through. Oh, look at the compulsive liar inside of her go crazy! This is sure to cause some laughs further along the way.
Next is Pinkie Pie. I'll feel a little bad for this one, but it's for the best. We can't be having her ruin everything. After that, Rarity. Let's turn her greedy as can be. And after that, Fluttershy. She was pretty resistant of the idea, but nopony can resist a touch of chaos. Now she's cruel, and most unpredictably so. And, finally, the oh-so-loyal Rainbow Dash. What a piece of cake. Or pie. Or pike. Though, a slice of pike may not be as satisfying as that of pie or cake. Oh well, no matter. It's time to break the sad news to the would-be saviors of Equestria.
“I'm not playing fair? Perhaps we haven't met. I'm Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony? Helloooooo?” I already know how this is going to end; the ponies will find out where I hid their elements, grab them, and try to vanquish me. Whatever this magic of friendship is, they don't seem to be very good exemplars of it. Add some chaos, and they become polar opposites. How easy to defeat my terrifying foes.
I follow the ponies to Ponyville, giving them some fun along the way. Despite how thoroughly enjoyable chaos can be, they don't seem to be enjoying themselves very much. I thought the roads made out of soap and the randomly changing day were good touches. Oh, what do ponies know of the finer points in life? Chaos is different. Exciting. Unexpected. That alone is worth everything.
They find the Elements, they put them on, and they try to stop me. They fail, of course. They never stood a chance against me. I particularly liked the part when Twilight Sparkle tried to make the dragon the new Rainbow Dash. Oh, chaos does bring out the best in all of us, doesn't it? These ponies will no longer be a problem.
Ah, Twilight Sparkle is looking somewhat lost. Let's see if we can get her to see things my way now. “Twilight, you've got to see this!” I show her a pony getting showered in pepper. She sneezes, and the buildings all fall down! Who could have seen that one coming? “It's priceless!” It doesn't even faze her. I decide to take away her cloud. “Come, now, Twilight Sparkle. You've got to get into the spirit of things! After all, this is your new home!”
The unshakable leader of this ragtag band of would-be saviors looks back at my re-imagining of Ponyville. “Not anymore.”
This is the best news I've heard in years! Finally, Discord is free to do whatever he pleases, and chaos can be pursued at will by none other than myself, as well as any other creatures who are as willing as I to embrace that which they don't know. Yet... I can't help shake the feeling... that I'm not as happy as I should be.
No matter. I take my place on a throne atop a hill that previously didn't exist and oversee the Chaos Capital. So much chaos. So much disharmony. So much fun! Scared ponies, crazy ponies, happy ponies, sad ponies, angry ponies, confused ponies, ecstatic ponies. No one could have expected all of this. It's exactly the world I'd dreamed of, imprisoned all those years in a magnificent statue. Plotting this world. Everything has come to fruition. I'm not about to cut back now. A passing cotton candy cloud passes nearby. I decide to get a nice drink from it and raise a glass. It fills up from the top to the bottom, and I prepare to enjoy. “Chaos is a wonderful, wonderful thing!”
“Not as wonderful as friendship!”
Oh, please. This again? The only ponies who were ever within my league were Celestia and Luna. I pointedly ignore them, but they seem determined to be the heroines of the day. I suppose I'll toy with them a little bit. Oh, so the Sparkle one can cast magic. Big deal. I pointedly ignore them as the already-defeated ponies prepare to wave their worthless Elements again. They've yet to admit defeat.
I notice that something a little different is happening this time. The Elements are responding. They... appear to be harnessing its power. Well... it's probably nothing. I'm Discord. They can't catch me off-guard.
Then a rainbow erupts from them. My eyes were closed last time, but this seems uncannily similar to what happened before. Maybe I should go. Maybe I should stay. I can't go back to being stone. Not that lonely, solitary existence again. I need change. I need chaos. I can't let them—oh no, oh no no no no nonononononono--
Well, bollocks.
Nine whole days between chapters. Of a short story. This one got pretty lengthy because it was based on two episodes, so I didn't schedule my time properly. Fear not, the next one shouldn't be quite so long of a wait!
--Scootareader