A crying baby on a plane. Nails on a chalkboard. The sounds of suffering coming from the nearby hell pit known as Tartarus. These were some of the things that were preferable to Discord's crying. It echoed across the walls, down the halls, through the rafters and ceiling, and permeated throughout the entire town. On that day, it was said that a faint wailing could be heard all the way from Appleloosa to the Dragon's sacred Dueling Grounds, and all who heard it trembled in fear, for it was the sound that harrowed a great doom, a ringing of a bell to announce the coming storm... Or it was just really weird to hear a baby crying out of nowhere.
Anyway, getting back to little Discord, there four ponies who had the unfortunate experience of having to experience a Discord wail first hand. And let me tell you..... that aint something to laugh at.
"Ugh how do we make this little freak shut up? Seriously I'll never be able to nap with all this racket!"
"I'm not sure darling, and do you really think you should use the term "freak" to describe him? He is only a child Rainbow. I hardly believe that such uncouth language should be used in the presence of an infant. But I do think we should try and put an end to that awful racket. However, I am not entirely sure of what to do, as I What do you think Applejack?"
"I dunno Rares. I dunno much 'bout raisin children, as Granny Smith was thu one that done raised my brother, sister, 'n me. I guess the only one outa all of us who has any experience foal sitting would be..."
At this, all heads in the group sharply snapped up and pointed towards where a certain pink mare had been. Confused at the disappearance of their bubbly lovable friend, they looked around until they realized she was, in fact behind them, staring at the place she had previously occupied, looking around to find the missing mare who was, in fact, herself.
"Pinkie!!" came a threefold resounding cry
"What?"
"Please darling, would you mind baby-I mean foalsitting Discord.....why did I say that....the heck is a baby?"
"Sure :3. But why can't you guys stay and help me?"
"Oh well.. I've got er...Dresses to make. Yes. Dresses. Lots of them."
"A-and Ah've got apples to buck...so many apples."
And I gotta napImean train for the wonderbolts....yeah...train...hehheh."
They say that the eyes are a pathway into the soul. That you can tell if someone is lying just by looking into their eyes, or you can rack them with soul crushing guilt. The pinkie stare, or as some people called it "The Heart Wrencher", bored into her three compatriots and made them sink into themselves slightly. Now Pinkie wasn't stupid. She knew her friends were lying. She didn't mind that, but she'd rather they just tell the truth, so she used the pinkie stare, to let them know....she knew.
"Okie Dokie Loki" she responded cheerily
As her friends left hastily, she closed the door behind them, and her eyes flashed a cold blue, her hair deflated, and she said, in a murderous tone "fools." And with that her eyes were once again a gentle blue, her mouth a wide shiny grin, and her hair as curly as cotton candy.
"Whew. That was close. Almost became negapinkie for a second. Now lets see, how should I solve this problem?....hhmmm This calls for extreemmme measures. PINKIE PIE STYLE!!!
"Oh Diiiiscoooord. Look at your auntie Pinkie." said a strange pink...thing.
"-sniffle- Gah?"
"That's right. Now where's Pinkie Pie?" And with that, the creature put her hooves over her face and disappeared.
What deviltry is this? Some form of magic? Where has she gone? thought Discord. All of a sudden she reappeared , shouting:
"HERE I AM!!"
This, understandably, shocked the little draconequus so much that he started to cry. This sent Pinkie into a panic, desperately trying almost everything in her repertoire; from the oinkie piggy song, to breaking the laws of physics and the fourth wall, almost causing the universe to collapse, all to get him to smile, and chuckle just once, and still, the little child screamed.
Then Pinkie had a feeling of dread in her gut, and she knew that, if anything, Discord was like Pound cake and Pumpkin cake. And she had to pull out her last trick of all. The mother of all party tricks..... The Flower Shower. Just thinking of trying to wash the flour out of her mane sent shivers down her spine, but she had to do it, if she wanted him to smile. So with that, she rushed into the kitchen, grabbing any and all sacks of flour she could find. Struggling back with her heavy pay load to the room where the little God of Chaos was wailing. She loaded her flour into her party cannon and pulled it close to her.
"Hey Discord..... Surprise!!"
And with that (read:awesome) one-liner, Pinkie fired the cannon. The resulting explosion was a cataclysmic as the princess's most powerful magic flare. It was thing of beauty, and great power, with the harsh nature of a lioness from the kill, primal and full of terrible awe. It shook the town and the cities about 1000 miles around it as a level 6 earthquake. Even Cloudsdale was affected, almost falling apart at the seams. It was said a great white cloud be seen in the ancient Buffalo stomping grounds, and that the Great Drake, father of all dragons, took it as a sign as the beginning of the end. You know what, here's a picture:
Yeah....that's what happened
As the ringing died down from Pinkie Pie's ears, she noticed a certain sound that wasn't there before. Discord was Laughing! FINALLY! Pinkie pie gave an exasperated sigh at the huge amount of effort she had taken to get this sound. If one were to look at her, it would appear like this:
However, this look of frustration eventually broke into a smile as Pinkie Pie raised a hoof to the sky (as there was no ceiling now) and proclaimed
"NAAAAIILLLEEDD IIITTT!!!!"
Meanwhile, in Canterlot: Celestia was having a good morning for once. The Appleloosa settlement was prospering, the Situation with the Staliongrad leaders looked to be calming down, and she had a nice...succulent...moist piece of cake on her plate. As she levitated towards her mouth, slightly drooling with anticipation, an earth-shattering boom resounded about Canterlot, shaking her concentration, knocking the cake from her telekinetic grasp. She watched in horror as it crashed to the floor.
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOO" cried the heartbroken monarch. Maybe she could salvage it a little bit. Just one bite, just one. But as she was about to try and pick up her beloved, the doors crashed open and Blazing Wall, her chief administrator of Defense crashed into her room, crushing her slice of cake. Celestia stared crestfallen at the place where her godly treat had lane, under the hooves of her Commander. The room began to heat up, her eyes began to glow red, and the full fury of the fun began to gather in her horn.
"Captain" she said "This had better be important."
By now the commander had realized the gravity of the situation. He had stepped on Celestia's cake... This was enough for him to be torn asunder by rabid timber wolves. But what he had to say was of utmost urgency. So, bracing himself, he looked his leader in the eyes and said
"You have to follow me Princess."
Celestia was about to bring down the fury of the Sun upon him, but the pain and devastation in his eyes told her that she was needed badly.
"Lead the way."
There was an observation deck once used for royal proclamations. It was there that Celestia saw, wide-eyed, the destruction that had been hinted in Blazing's eyes. The fields were shaken askew, with trees toppled over, houses caved in, nearby cities with smoke rising from fires she knew were erupting, amd even the pristine city of Canterlot hadn't gone unscathed, with several sections of the city in ruins, flames licking at the thatched roofs, Nobles homes cracked and broken, hurt ponies limping everywhere. Yet none of this was what she focused on. What she, and what kept her attention, was the great white mushroom cloud emanating from Ponyville, still rising from the town, her mouth agape from the sheer size and strength of the thing before her.
"Princess, what are your thoughts on this?" Blazing Wall asked
All she could reply with, was:
