Cultural Artifacts

by Dan_s Comments


7) Half-Moon with a Twist

Dan's Comments

Cultural Artifacts - Half-Moon with a Twist

DISCLAIMER: My Little Pony is the property of Hasbro, Inc.

Day 17

        The friends left the hospital, walking through the late evening together. Rainbow and Applejack had placed themselves between Twilight and Trixie. Although the glares were mostly Trixie to Twilight. Twilight was too busy giggling at the antics of her normally staid mentor.

        "Y'all didn't!" Applejack insisted, and chuckled, "If the Cutie Mark Crusaders did that, I'd tan their hides."

        "But it was a dream, Applejack," Celestia explained, and smiled, "Besides, who'll know?"

        "You told us," Pinkie pointed out.

        "A Discord-adjusted dream?" Luna explained as she walked along with them. "We could be playing mumbley-peg with the towers of Canterlot, and no one would care."

        "Not the most dignified way to pass the time," Rarity admitted, "But, without the weight of your crowns, perhaps more high spirits were in order." She laughed into her hoof. "Besides, it must have driven Discord mad you four having fun like that."

        "There is that," Celestia admitted sagely.

        The approach of a griffon out of the darkening skies caused them all to grow serious. The young male landed, and gave a salute. He handed a satchel to one of the guards, but addressed the group. "Glorious Mystery, I've been sent from the griffon lands to help with decoding the visitor's language." The eager, young griffon scholar looked among the pony faces. "What did I miss?"

        "Is he kidding?" Rainbow insisted.

        "I say we head to Sugarcube Corners, and give him a full update," Celestia said.

        "Not about the, uh," Twilight said. Twilight's eyes twitched towards Luna and Trixie.

        "Especially about stealing everyone's bathing suit and dumping crushed ice in the swimming hole," Celestia insisted, "If he's a spy, and he reports that, they won't believe a word he says ever after."

        Twilight thought the only one sweating more than her was the young griffon.


        Big Mac trotted up to the wall of the town hall where the Royal Observer Corps had temporarily attached the monster's front door. The shadows from the lights of the town concealed the two others until he was practically on top of them. "Howdy," he said carefully.

        "Ah, Big Macintosh, I'm glad to see you again," Shining Armor said. "I'm afraid we'll need the key, and I'd feel better with the caretaker looking over our shoulder." Glory stood at his side.

        "Ah heard it was gone," Big Mac said.

        "We think it's on the other side of his door. And that doesn't mean in the middle of the town hall," Armor said. "If it's where we think it is, we'll have to swear you to secrecy."

        "Then don't tell me. I'll watch you, you figure out where the house is," Big Mac said as he produced the key, and unlocked the door. "Look, but don't touch," the stallion urged as he opened the door, and stared. "That wasn't there." The corridor looked like the covered walkway to the monster's front door. The garage wall was duplicated on the other side of the walkway except it had two doors inset into it. The faint illumination seem to come from no discernable source.

        Armor and Glory let the stallion step inside and they closed the door behind them.

        "That's modern, classical, and ancient Equestrian, and they say essentially the same thing. 'Don't open this door,'" Glory said as she examined the letters cut deep in the iron-banded, heavy door.

        "I guess the last is the monster's language," Armor said.

        "Why's 'please' so tiny?" Big Mac asked as he peered closely at the door. The door flared with light and opened inwards. Big Mac grabbed it and pulled it closed with a dolorous boom. He looked at the two unicorns. "I don't think that's his house."

        "Agreed," Armor said, "How'd you know it was a trap?"

        "Discord did it," Big Mac said as they walked a little ways down the corridor and found a door that said 'To Canterlot Bypass'. The trio looked at each other.

        "Someone is going to do this anyway." Shining Armor extracted a stephscope and set it against the door. "Sounds like traffic noise." He removed the earpieces and let Glory listen. Big Mac just shook his head.

        Glory and Shining Armor exchanged glances as they removed several wands from their saddlebags, and a collapsable 11-foot pole. While Armor unfolded and locked down the pole, Glory carefully ran the wands over the surface of the door.

        "If there's a magic trap here, it's so low-powered there's no leakage on this side," Glory said.

        "Then it could be right on the other side of the warp, if it really is Canterlot through there," Armor said and positioned the pole. "Stand clear and open it." The faint glow of his force field appeared between them and the door.

        On the other side was ordinary, Canterlot traffic. The narrow alleyway was not well traveled. Armor wasn't taking chances, he moved the rod ahead slowly. The end of it began taking on a reddish hue as it passed the boundary layer. Armor withdrew it, and the red didn't spread from the area that had been affected. He looked at Glory, who nodded and the entire length passed through the barrier. This time it turned orange as it passed through. It encountered no hidden tripwires or other traps as he waved it around and then, just as slowly, and carefully, he brought it back. The orange color faded as it came through, but the red that had stained it initially was revealed and remained.

        "Captain, I recognize this alley. It's on South Street near the edge of the city. This doorway is set right into the mountain," Glory said. "There's a nice Zebra bakery just around the corner."

        "So, if you're in Ponyville, and you don't mind changing color, you don't have to hop the train to Canterlot," Armor said.

        "What happens when you run out of colors?" Big Mac asked. "Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet. What happens next?"

        "I think we nail this one shut unless we need an emergency evacuation route," Armor said. Glory and Mac nodded. "There's where his front door used to be," Armor said and indicated the last door that appeared to be unchanged from it's setting on the house. "Anyone notice that neither Derpy Hooves, nor the Great and Powerful Trixie were color-shifted or otherwise damaged?"

        "They didn't touch either door, they said. I think that proves them out," Glory said.

        Big Mac hooved over the key, and they inserted it from a distance, safely behind Shining Armor's defense shield. Then he turned the key in the lock.

        "Sounded normal," Big Mac offered.

        Armor touched the latch and opened the door, slowly. The only thing that flooded the corridor was light from inside the house. The trio approached and looked around.

        Armor whistled. "No wonder Twilie was obsessed," he said as he looked around, " 'Open Sesame Seeds' indeed.

        "There's two more just as big, and a couple little ones," Big Mac said, and started looking around. "Funny. Last time I was in here, it's like the house wanted me out. Just feels normal now."

        "Probably Nightmare was watching this place. Another clue we missed or ignored," Glory said. "Big Mac, stay in there. Captain, come look at this."

        Armor trotted forward. It did look like a geode, crystals softly glowing in greens and blues and yellows, making a soft, omnidirectional white light. Glory pointed up at a column of crystal set in the wall. The huge, quartz column glowed softly with refracted light it seemed to carry to the rest of the structure. The two guards silently nodded to each other, and headed back to where Big Mac waited.

        "We were out of your sight, search us," Glory said sharply.

        "Ma'am, your word," the stallion began.

        "No, you want to be able to honestly say we didn't take anything. It's important." She carefully unpinned her hair and opened her saddle bags.

        She smirked as he carefully pawed through her long mane and tail, as if searching for burrs or parasites, which was close enough to find anything gross. He emptied her saddle bags, and shied when she pointed out things he should rifle through. He left repacking to her and checked Shining Armor's, mane, tail and saddlebags.

        "Please stay in here," Glory said, "The captain and I need to discuss a few things. Please be patient."

        "Yes, ma'am," Big Mac said, obviously embarrassed at the search he'd just done.

        Armor closed the door and evoked a privacy shield. "What was that about?"

        "Two things, we're going to have to be above board, and I don't want him moving from that spot. So he can't eavesdrop, or look through any windows. That was the Crystal Vein, or I've been smoking Poison Joke."

        "Yes. He's about a three-quarters of a mile out of Canterlot. The first half is straight-down. There's plenty of mine shafts and tunnels through the mountain. I agree, the monster and the translation team are better off being way out in plunky Ponyville, than an air chariot's ride from the capital," Armor said. "That bypass will be tempting enough, if there is a door into the mountain there. Getting him besieged by the nobles might be amusing to think about, but having him actually shoot some would be a nightmare. And that's just explaining to their Highnesses, I'd also have to face my sister and my mother." Armor shivered at the thought.

        "Especially if they burn those books," Glory agreed. "We tell their Highnesses and no one else." She waited for him to nod. "How did he even know about this place?"

        "Nistag had a lab down there, er, down here, while their Highnesses were in the Castle of the Pony Sisters," Armor said, then looked at the two confused expressions, "Don't be surprised, I knew who was stashed out there, and their history."

        "There's still one door, and I think we'd better examine it too," Glory said and knocked on the front door, "Please join us." Big Mac had the door open before she'd finished.

        The red stallion locked the door behind him and headed for the exit.

        "I'm afraid we have to go through the first one," Armor said.

        Big Mac stared at him. "It's a trap."

        "Maybe so, but we still have to go through," Armor said.

        Big Mac sat on his haunches and shook his head. "Bad idea."

        "This may take a while," Armor said.


        The griffon drained the last drops of melted ice cream from the sundae and placed it with the cluster of others while he rested his head on the table. Inducing an ice cream headache had not made the other headache any better. "Majesty, Highness, I can't report that, they'll think I've been drinking!"

        "But you have," said the fourteen, small Pinkie Pie faces refracted through the sundae dishes.

        He started away from the collection and saw only a single mare on the other side of the wall of dishes.

        "You drank out of each of these when the ice cream got too melted," Pinkie said.

        "I think they will assume I've been drinking something from Sweet Apple Acres," the griffon amended.

        "We did promise full disclosure," Celestia said, "And you may encounter something similar. Now that Discord is involved."

        "Your Highnesses, there are a lot of people in the government who believe Discord is a pony-myth. Part of the legend to support your claim to the throne. Even his recent actions did not reach into the griffon lands," the young griffon said. "I think I will keep the tale as a dream you had, that might have had some bearing on the ease of translation."

        "Now they're blamin' the monster fer things someone else done," Applejack said angrily. "That bit us real hard."

        "I am aware of the truth, Miss Applejack. I am also aware of the facts that my fellow griffons expect," he said, "Like regurgitated meat fed to chicks, my leadership likes a very stable, calm world. Without great shocks, like monsters dropping out of the sky, and Chaos Spirits changing butterflies to glass, and creatures threatening to invoke eternal night. Yes, I was in Baltimare when Discord 'improved' the city. The consulate security and 'residents' were the only force able to keep that swarm of flying monkeys away from the hospitals."

        "How did you, oh," Fluttershy said.

        "Cheer up, we do have those two examples of the alien writing," Twilight said, "That's good news."

        "Yes. The first brick out of the wall. That is always the most difficult, and we have a willing helper. I understand it has mastered our numbers, and some of our mathematical notations."

        "Yes, but it is physically unable to speak out language," Twilight said, "Even with a native speaker coaching it, it comes out a barely recognizable jumble."

        "That could be overcome with the universe maritime code used by blinking lights between ships," the griffon said, suddenly all business, "It does limit who he could 'speak' with but that can't be helped. Also, we should stop calling it 'monster'. While technically correct, if it is a partner in our investigations, we need to reinforce that it is intelligent, and not a dangerous animal."

        "How about Meatball!" Pinkie said.

        "Good choice," Rainbow said and frowned, "He's probably got some in that cold box."

        "Why not 'Big Guy'?" Spike asked as he pulled himself up on to the table, with a little help from Twilight. "It fits, and it's different enough from pony and griffon names that nopony is going to mistake it for one."

        "It is rather bland for so dashing a champion," Rarity said, "I know, Tuxedo, something."

        "He's only in the tuxedo one night, and they had ta cut him outta it," Applejack said and grinned at Spike who was caught between his point and wanting to assist Rarity.

        "Lofty, towering, major, high, massive, alpine, vital, outlandish, substantial, eminent," Pinkie offered rapid fire.

        "Where's Trixie?" Rarity said.

        "She went back to the hospital to keep an eye on Big Guy," Luna said.


        Big Mac was backing up the stair way as rear guard. Armor stood in the center and Glory took point. The stone corridor was wide enough to walk two abreast, the stairs were wide and shallow. But the ceiling was well above their heads.

        "We should not be here," Big Mac said quietly, as if breaking the silence would bring disaster.

        "We are here," Glory said as they arrived at a large door. No handle on this side, but no huge reinforcement either. "This is a stout door, but it's an interior door."

        "Check it," Armor ordered as he pulled out the gear to check for magical tricks and traps.

        Glory was taking out her gear. Big Mac was looking every which way, seeing nothing to explain his worry.

        After several moments, Armor began packing the gear away. "I can't believe it, no defenses," Armor said.

        "Believe it," Glory said, "I can't find anything either. Ah, okay, maybe the corridor is shielded, and the rooms at both ends. So, don't let the door close."

        "Let's get their Highnesses," Big Mac said, "This worries me."

        "Yeah, well, we're professionals," Armor said, "And we're scared too. But I don't want to endanger the princesses. If Discord is faking his redemption, this is going to put a big exclamation point on it."

        "I want to go home alive either way," Big Mac said as he looked around.

        "It's just a latch," Glory said of her examination of the door, "An old unicorn trick, the latch is completely inside the door."

        "Open it," Armor said and looked around. "It's okay Big Macintosh, I think he's enjoying how scared he gets us, over nothing."

        "Yep," the stallion replied.

        "Ah, Captain, Mister Macintosh, I think you need to see this," Glory said as she peered around the door.

        "What is it Lieutenant?" Shining Armor asked as he headed forward. The red stallion backed into the room, and stood in the open doorway. What was in the room and the sheer size of it made him turn around.

        "There are more stuff toys in here than even I've got," Glory said as she looked around. The shelves reached into the darkness above, and a pair of chairs and a tea set stood in the center of the large room.

        Armor walked over to a collection of stuffed toys he recognized. "These are the ones that were sold for charity after Elements defeated Discord."

        "I've still got mine," Glory said as she walked up to Big Mac, "I'll hold the door." He nodded and walked inside, looking around carefully.

        "Yeah, Twilie has hers, still in the original packaging, so she can offer them for charity herself later, much later," Armor said and chuckled.

        "Some of these are old," Big Mac said as he looked closely at one that had the fur worn off and had pearl buttons for eyes. "But none have dust on them." Big Mac walked to the far end of the room. Glory sent a light after him to illuminate the area he walked in. "Captain," Big Mac called, "Please come here."

        "What is it?" Armor asked as he headed over.

        "These have been played with recently. Take note," Big Mac indicated a few hairs caught under one of the button eyes. "And this one," he said and the very different color of those hairs.

        "Captain?" Glory asked.

        "Stand fast, Lieutenant," Armor ordered as he carefully collected the hairs in a clear vial. "I should have listened, but I had to make sure it was safe."

        "I could have tried to stop you," Big Mac offered.

        "What's going on?" Glory called from the door.

        "We're leaving, and we are in big trouble," Armor said as he walked out the door, closely followed by Big Macintosh.

        "What did you two find?" Glory asked as the two spooked stallions passed through the door, and she closed it after them.

        "These look like body hairs, not mane or tail, do you agree," Armor said as he showed vial with the hairs. Some were white with a faint pink tinge, and others were dark sapphire blue.

        "Oh," Glory said, "It's been a pleasure to serve with you, sir."

        "We could always use a few good farmhooves," Big Mac said, "You have references?" the farm pony said and smiled.


        Glorious Mystery was not certain, in the service of the griffon lands, he'd dealt with a lot. Outside of this experience was one Twilight Sparkle, the sister of the Captain of the Royal Guard and personal student of her Majesty Celestia. The mare was so forcefully polite, but he wasn't certain that bunking with her in the town library was a good idea. "I'm sure that I can find somewhere. No reason to put you out."

        "Nonsense. The Equestrian to Monster dictionary is here. All the reference works are here. If one of us gets an idea and needs the other's help, it's better than running all over town."

        He decided to go for the embarrassing truth. "Miss Sparkle."

        "Twilight," she said happily.

        "Miss Sparkle. Have you ever heard a power saw called a 'griffon snore'?" he asked. "It applies."

        She snickered. "Yes, I heard, and I shielded that room."

        "Oh, thank you. If you have anything you want the paint removed from, you might want to just leave it in there," he said, feeling more relieved. "Do you mind if I copy the two letters?" The two pages floated over. "This should make things easier."

        "Too bad there's not a code book," Miss Sparkle said.

        "Codes aren't that easy. The other element we have to work on is an audible code. And of course explaining it." He briefly considered. "What happens if his hearing doesn't let him detect all the tones of Equestrian? We've been assuming that he can eventually understand us. There are plenty of animals who have different hearing ranges."

        "He's tried to say my name, and he butchered it, but we can ask the nurses to run a hearing test," Miss Sparkle said, "I guess the math is the other element I'm interested in. How advanced is their math?"

        "Better question, how thorough is our unified coverage? Things we couldn't make work, or things they couldn't cascading one on the other. The danger is, that people, yours and mine will object to using 'alien science'. Ironically, the more successful we are at discovery, the more likely they are to pull that card. Not a pleasant thought."

        "I'll let the Princesses deal with that. We don't have the data yet," Miss Sparkle chided.

        He nodded, accepting her hope that thing would go well.


        It was well into the night when Armor walked to the command post where both Princesses were waiting. The small vial of hairs felt like it weighed a ton in his saddle bags. He'd let Big Mac return to his farm, and let Glory to return to the barracks where she would remain. I alone have to do this, he thought.

        "We found where the door goes. There are actually three doors. One goes to the house, which is behind the Crystal Vein. I think we keep that one secret. The second goes to an alleyway in Canterlot. Although further tests on the safety of that route need to be performed." He steeled himself. "The last, goes to a room I believe both of you are familiar with, and I apologize for invading your privacy." He horned over the vial. "That room is a cenotaph, isn't it?"

        Her Majesty looked at the hairs, then horned the vial over to Luna. "Yes," Celestia said, "A memorial to many who have gone before."

        "I admit, finding my sister and her friends represented was rather unnerving," Armor said. "Until I realized what it was. I apologize for intruding on your memories." He bowed.

        "Thank you," Celestia said, "And thank you for your discretion."

        "If I may say, from what Trixie said about your vacation, you are lonely. Aren't you, your Highnesses?" Armor said cautiously, "Like mayflies, we intrigue you just enough, that you desperately miss us when we're gone."

        "Yes," Luna said wistfully.

        "I'll have a crew secure those other two doors. I think the monster would be discreet, but someone else might not be." Armor bowed and left.

        As he walked away, he wondered. What would it be like, to know I'd still be there, when everyone I cared about would be gone? he considered, I don't think Discord will get away Scott-free for his part in revealing that secret. But I may have a word with Twilie, about letting her Majesty be a little more affectionate with her. I think she needs it.


Day 18

        Twilight heard the scratching at her window, and spotted the yellow and pink pegasus. Fluttershy? she wondered why the usually timid pegasus wouldn't simply walk through the front door. Probably saw we were closed, but this makes no sense.

        "Fluttershy," she said quietly although the 'snore-proofing' had a limited effect both ways.

        "Please come to my house as quickly as you can," Fluttershy said and was headed away in an instant.

        And people think she can't fly well, Twilight thought as she searched the sky for the now-vanished pegasus. She took a little time to write a note to her guest, and run a brush through her mane, before teleporting to Fluttershy's home.

        She heard the faint sound of snoring, and wondered if there was a gap in the spell on the griffon's room that let the rest of Ponyville hear it. She smirked as the fast moving pegasus shied when she saw Twilight already waiting for her.

        "Oh, hi Twilight, you teleported, didn't you?" Fluttershy said as she landed beside her.

        "You said 'quickly'," Twilight replied, "What's the emergency?"

        "Be gentle," Fluttershy said as she entered her house as delicately as she usually entered a stranger's. Sleeping on her couch was Rainbow Dash. Angel, with a large and badly dented pan, and a spoon stood on the couch waiting.

        Fluttershy nodded. Twilight braced for the racket, but Angel managed a quiet, but fair approximation of the Wonderbolt's theme song. Rainbow was instantly awake and eager, rather then her usual post-awakening condition.

        " 'Shy, I said not to tell anyone," Rainbow said and visibly drooped.

        "You said 'not just anyone', Twilight isn't just anyone. I could tell Applejack, or Pinkie Pie," Fluttershy offered, "Or Rarity."

        "No, no, Twilight's fine," Rainbow said desperately. Then all the bluster and bravado bled out of her.

        "Are you all right, Rainbow?" Twilight asked as she trotted over.

        "I'll get the tea," Fluttershy said, "Come on, Angel."

        Rainbow spared a glance at Fluttershy and sighed. "I guess this looks pretty pathetic."

        "That depends why you're here," Twilight said, "Fluttershy seems to think there is a problem."

        "Yeah," Rainbow said and sat on couch, "But I don't think talking about it is going to do any good."

        Twilight glanced around the inside of Fluttershy's home, and realized her usual impulse to organize wasn't there. As always, the place was perfectly in balance. "Why don't you tell me what's bothering you."

        Rainbow Dash mumbled something. The scene reminded Twilight of her first meeting with Fluttershy. "Should I get Spike?" Twilight asked.

        Rainbow sighed. "What good are we Twilight? Us, as ponies, not us as the Elements of Harmony?" Rainbow heaved another sigh. "I mean, everything that just happened. Why didn't we see it, why weren't we ready for it, and why did someone else have to help us fix it?"

        "That's what friends do," Twilight offered, "And I don't think anyone really expected all that to happen. Not the Guards, not the Princesses, and not us. But that it wasn't expected isn't what's bothering you, is it?"

        "I, hate, losing," Rainbow said bitterly, "The guards and Princess Luna managed to threaten Pinkie into protecting the monster. Then even they couldn't protect him, somebody snatched him out from under their noses, and ours. Suddenly we couldn't do anything right. The bad guy was one step ahead of us, and always had us looking in the wrong direction. There were only two people who seemed to have a handle on things. The monster, who we were supposed to be protecting, and Discord, who is supposed to be a bad guy."

        "Maybe they attended the club meetings," Fluttershy offered as she set a tea tray on an end table near Rainbow Dash. "Tea will be a little bit." She walked off.

        "You don't believe that and neither do I," Rainbow whispered to Twilight.

        "You're taking this awfully hard," Twilight said, "We won, in the end. Discord's plan, if he had one, couldn't have worked without us. I don't think the monster planned this, he was probably like Daring-Do, making things up as he went."

        "He got those two papers you and the Princess were so excited about," Rainbow said, "And that was no fight, it was an ambush. He couldn't trust us enough to do our job, so he turned us to stone until he needed us. That wasn't 'making it up as you go'. Doesn't it bug you."

        "Not really. Well, not much," Twilight said, and enjoyed Rainbow's perplexity, while Fluttershy poured the tea. "I was happily studying magic with my mentor, with no ambition beyond increasing my magical knowledge beyond what it had been the day before. Then I got a busy-work assignment to check on a festival I hadn't even planned to attend. Before I could be rid of all the crazies and weirdos I had to deal with and get back to my studies, I had to collect a selection of the creme de la crazy, and go face something so powerful that even Celestia couldn't defeat it forever. Those same crazy, wonderful ponies kept me from dying, and we didn't destroy the Nightmare, we rescued her Majesty's long-lost sister. And now I can't think of ever being without those same frustrating, wonderful friends again. This has been another disaster, no one could have expected it, and no one could have been ready for it. We all were distracted by the obvious, and missed the other ways things could have worked. Just like now."

        "Now?" Fluttershy asked as she poured the tea.

        "Yes. The Big Guy didn't kill any of them, not even Nightmare. He let us deal with them our way," Twilight explained, "That's the victory we should be proud of. As hard as he fought, he let us and our laws and customs deal with those villains. Bad guys come and go, making a friend understand that something is important no matter how silly you might think it is, that's a victory."

        "Yeah, I guess," Rainbow admitted, and accepted a hug from Fluttershy. "I guess I've been moping all this time because I can't help. I'm no egghead, and when it came to the fight, the Big Guy and Discord handed it to us mostly done."

        Twilight considered. "Actually, do you have any books on aerobatics?"

        "Twilight, Rainbow Dash here, books for eggheads," the cyan pegasus reminded her.

        "Actually, I thought you could write to the Wonderbolts' leader Spitfire, and ask for her recommendations on books full of diagrams of aerial moves. I saw a big, thick book the Big Guy had, with that kind of diagram on the dust jacket. Just think," Twilight mused while ignoring Dash's wide-open enthusiasm, and Fluttershy's delicate giggling, "You could catalog all the aerial maneuvers his people know, and be the first one to tell the Wonderbolts about aerial maneuvers nopony has ever heard of."

        "Yes, yes, yes, yes," Rainbow said as she hugged Twilight fiercely, "Sorry, gotta go, letters to write." And she was gone.

        "Thank you, Twilight," Fluttershy said as she gave her a more gentle hug, "She was pretty depressed."

        "I was feeling pretty bad about all this myself," Twilight admitted in the depths of the pink mane, "But it all turned out okay, and we'll be ready for it next time."

        "There's be a next time?" Fluttershy whimpered. A moment later they were both under Fluttershy's bed. The whimpering pegasus hadn't let go.

        "Gee, and I thought only unicorns could teleport," Twilight observed.


        Celestia entered Sugarcube Corners, and with all the dignity of her age and office raised a bare hoof to Pinkie Pie. "Beep."

        With a gravitas none one would have believed she had, Pinkie hopped onto the counter and touched the sovereign's nose. "Beep."

        The Cakes and most of the customers were staring so hard they were in danger of setting the place on fire.

        "So, cupcakes, muffins, cookies?" Pinkie said, then with a leer, "Triple-chocolate, fudge-iced seven-layer cake with raspberry filling?"

        "Fifty-six should do, and have the guard prepare the royal wheelbarrow," Celestia said. Celestia continued as Mr. Cake fainted, "I have sent to the capital for a larger support staff. Including a cook/nutritionist for Big Guy and our griffon. The medical staff warned us about certain flowers we eat all the time. So I thought you wouldn't mind showing them the town, where food can be bought, and welcoming them."

        "Your Highness," Mrs. Cake offered to not offend either participant, "Ah, shouldn't they get settled in, before the welcome party?"

        "After the last few days, I want the welcome party, before they are settled," Celestia said, "A full Pinkie special. But load the confetti in the cannons, and the cake batter in the oven. I'll have Twilight check on that personally."

        "Understood, I'll give them a real Pinkie Pie Welcome to Ponyville Welcome!" the pink mare saluted, Celestia returned it and walked out.

        Mr. and Mrs. Cake considered the effect of a full blown Pinkie Pie on the newcomers. "She's either a sadist, or a genius," Mrs. Cake admitted, "I can't figure out which."


        Sir Eagle Bell, the head of the Equestrian civil service had always agreed that the grit must be removed from the gears of government to ensure things ran smoothly. What he disagreed with was that grit was always unuseful. The three before him were a prime example.

        Holly Hock was the first. A brilliant chef and nutritionist, but while the leaf on her flank was holly, the hock was ham. "Holly Hock, your brilliance with meat dishes is well noted. Your absence from the staff preparing for a griffon diplomatic event conveys Royal displeasure more clearly than would a team of commandos landing in their capital, and burning it to the ground. However, the guests in Ponyville require your talents far more that we at the capital."

        "I shall do my best, sir," the chef said.

        "I'm sure you will," the bureaucrat said, "And I thank you for the salad recipe. It seems it's completely dealt with my anemia. I just wish my niece didn't think that me eating it somehow made me 'wicked cool'."

        "Just a salad, with a few ingredients most would rather not think about. Your niece has learned to prepare it for you," Holly Hock said, "I should say your younger niece."

        "Yes," he said, then glared at the next one in line, a guard pegasus whose squeaky voice and slight build often had her mistaken for a filly. "Corporal Forget-me-not, you are being sent away from the glittering jewel of Equestria: the elite ponies, the stage shows, the night scene, the opera, the ballet, and the sophisticated restaurants to tantalize the most jaded pallets. To be banished to pedestrian, podunk Ponyville where the only entertainment once the sun goes down is reading a book, where the chance of finding fine cuisine is minuscule, and you'll be tasked to both guard and help translate the library of a monster who happily eats flesh and apparently kills to defend ponies. You could at least have the decency to act like you're being punished."

        "Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. Won't happen again!" The pegasus' grin vanished and she saluted.

        The old bureaucrat looked at the third member, the one he regretted sending. "Glory, I know you 'want' to go, but you have nothing to prove. Not to anyone who cares about you."

        "Except to myself," Glory Belle said, "I want to be there when the engineering discoveries are made, Sir Bell."

        He frowned at that. "Of all the family, and the entire military, you're one of the few I'd tolerate being 'Eagle', you insist on 'Sir Bell', why?"

        "Because all those false faces who insist on using it without having the right have diminished it. Better to do what I do instead," the unicorn mare said, "And a little formality keeps the game going a little longer. Don't be worried. And if Aunt Marigold decides I need a 'proper' coltfriend, there's a major land holder out there, one of a family closely associated with her Majesty that I will be 'consulting' with."

        "And when she demands to meet this pony?" Eagle asked.

        "I shall have her coordinate with Miss Pinkie Pie to plan the welcome party," Glory said deadpan. She looked at her favorite uncle with an starkly stoic expression.

        The first crack was Eagle's snort. Both broke up in guffaws, leaving Holly Hock to smile and Forget-me-not to look on worriedly.

        "Think Prince what's-his-face and polo," Holly offered, and was rewarded with horrible comprehension.

        The niece and uncle's laughter faded to occasional spurts. "I think I would like to be present when that meeting occurs," Eagle said, "And their Highnesses too far away to save them."

        "Agreed," Glory said as she looked at her troops. "I think I'd better warn them about the more colorful citizens."

        "Ma'am, that Twilight Sparkle and her magical hiccups fit in, is a good warning," Forget-me-not offered."

        "True," Holly agreed.


        The good, night's sleep had left the young griffon famished when he rose. The dragon had simply stated that the mare of the house was off studying something for Princess Celestia, and that their subject was still unconscious. That had left him time to evade the dragon's attempts to 'keep him safe' in the library, and go explore the town. First observation, most of these ponies are not early risers, he thought a hint smugly, as he wandered over to one of the few eating places open at this hour. Yep, it smells like a bakery, but I'd rather get a few biscuits and some coffee on my own, than stay inside. I'll get to get the locals used to seeing me wandering, and I need to see if I can place a dead drop or two for my findings.

        The small number of patrons, and the couple who ran the place seemed only slightly confused to see a griffon. "Do you have biscuits, and Blue Mountain coffee?" he asked, and watched their expressions turn to horror. "Muffins are okay in a pinch," he offered desperately.

        The sound of someone blowing bubbles through a bubblepipe drew his attention. "We take pinching muffins very seriously here," the pink mare in the deerstalker cap told him.

        "I wasn't going to steal them, Miss Pie," he replied.

        "Pinching steel muffins is even worse," she pronounced and blew more bubbles through her pipe.

        He remembered his briefing from intelligence, and realized they hadn't been kidding. Maybe they are right about the rest, he thought desperately.

        "Oh feathers, a wild Maguffin! I must get my paint!" he shouted as he pointed, then dashed out of the store. Three alleys and a short flight to the top of the town hall later he glanced around, then in a fit of irrational paranoia, looked into the bell at the center of the tower.

        "How ya gonna do that, you don't have any paint?" the bell clapper asked him, and blew more bubbles through her bubble pipe.

        An insane dash of speed and he was on a cloud. "It was an earth pony," he breathlessly reminded himself, "It can't get me up here."

        "You spook pretty easy for a spy," came a voice from behind him, and again the bubble pipe.

        "Who says I'm a spy?" he asked, trying to turn the tables on his pink pursuer, who couldn't possibly be hanging from a baby alligator wh owas floating suspended by a bakers dozen of balloons.

        "Your uncle," she replied and blew more bubbles.


        Luna watched the forms for the concrete going up. The mayor had come up with the eminently practical solution of building a small shelter and insetting the door into one of the walls. The picnic tables were also going up, the small piece of ground being somewhat park-like. In the distance, all the observer corps' bunkers were being filled in and the grass trampled to death in the weeks of activity being replanted with flowers and other plants to generate a garden maze.

        It gives him a little privacy, and gives the Ponyvillians a reason to stay somewhat close, Luna thought as she watched the work. And I should try harder not to think about the possibility of the aristocracy finding out where the house really is. Ponyville also is a layer of armor that all the bits in Equestria couldn't buy. Most of the nobles look on this place with a horror that matched whatever our monster showed those other villains. That should keep them at bay. If they learn they can stay within a stone's throw of Canterlot, he'll never get a moment's peace.

        She walked the short distance to the command bunker. There she saw a sight she had grown used to, but the member of the family was different. "And you accuse your sister of studying too hard?" Luna asked Shining Armor as the stallion hunched over a desk overflowing with diagrams only he could possibly understand.

        "Highness," he said and bowed slightly, sending a few papers drifting, "Rainbow Dash brought up a very good point. We were taken completely by surprise, and we have no one to blame but ourselves. I was diagraming the decisions we made, and where we went wrong. It does us no good if we don't profit from our mistakes." He directed his horn at the escaped papers and they returned to where they belonged.

        "You may be taking things too personally. Neither I nor Celestia saw through the deceit," Luna admonished, "And if we were fooled, you have no shame in being fooled."

        "It's being fooled again that I'm objecting to," Armor replied. "Highness, we had more than enough evidence for Nightmare's return. But we got ourselves into thinking about everything in terms of the monster. Bad dreams, must be his fault. A foalnapping, can't be connected."

        "That Nightmare was directing us in that direction also has to be taken into account," Luna replied. "You could not have known that beforehand."

        "It was still sloppy thinking on our part," Armor replied. "We all reacted as she wished, and we shouldn't have."

        "Don't study it too hard, or you'll be thinking Cadence is a monster in disguise," Luna said.

        Armor smirked at that. "I already checked her out," Armor replied in a parody of his serious and on-duty manner. "It's the secondary aspects of this that bother me. We have a somewhat unusual individual. One trained in problem solving. Rather than accept that rather mundane reality, which fits the data rather better, we assume he has to be some kind of Batmare or Mare Do Well character. I could probably do tricks of logistics and tactics that would seem supernatural to a junior officer or civilian. But that comes from almost a decade of education and experience. You and your sister spin webs that leave me in the dust. Political acumen is not an alicorn power, but having experience with what works and what doesn't from pure longevity is. We don't know how old our friend is. If he'd a spry oldster, he could simply have a huge life experience to drawn on. He also could be smart enough to confront every problem with his strengths. The only time he pitted brute strength against brute strength was against Applejack, who was trying to tickle him. He lost, but gave as good as he got because of using his advantages."

        "He also tried that against Celestia in the dream. She was nearly two heads taller than he was and almost as strong as her native form. Which is considerably greater than even yours or Big Macintosh's strength. He lost, but I suspect it was the unwillingness to give up that he was displaying."

        "That's the other frightening possibility. That he's been losing, where he loses, to divert us," Armor added.

        "If you are assuming he's a threat," Luna said, "Allow me to assure you that he is a good deal more fragile than any pony. Granny Smith is less rickety than he is. A big part of why Fluttershy is so enamored, was she saw this fragility, his attempt to set it aside, and she was drawn to it. I got to see and discuss a similar situation myself."

        "Highness, what you, her Majesty, and the player did or did not do is neither my business, nor of any interest to me," Armor said carefully. "And considering what the nobles talk about when they think the guards are deaf statues, no answer will be good. If you did, you are a pervert. If you didn't, you are a prude." He swallowed and proceeded carefully. "If you didn't on his request, you should have forced yourself on him, and possibly intentionally hurt him in the process. To either show him who is boss, or so he might be more receptive when they use him for 'political' purposes."

        Luna hadn't felt this angry in a long time. "I should force compliance, and wound a partner, simply so when they try to force themselves on him, he might be more malleable?" she asked as carefully as he had offered what he had heard. "Discord isn't that foul. I'm almost glad that - thing- lodged himself in the Big Guy's mind. To watch his back."

        "Highness, I have had to listen to 'Molestia' comments about her Majesty and my own sister, for several years. I think I can understand exactly what you feel. But those same fools who would think nothing of talking like that, would faint if someone accused them of using a dessert fork to eat a salad. They aren't the majority, but no one silences them, so they feel free to chatter like that without fear," Armor said, "That is why I advise you to not discuss what actually happened even among yourselves."

        "Thank you," Luna said and marched out of the command post before she started demanding that the officer name names.


        The young griffon had given up. Everywhere I go, somewhere there is either a deerstalker cap poking out of concealment, or the sound of a bubble pipe. And so far, every likely spot for a dead drop already has something hidden in it. Medical kits I could understand, but who hides eyepatches and rubber balls in the knot of a tree high in the air?

        He sat on the edge of a cloud, the deerstalker cap behind him and the two eyes peered out of a fold in the cloud. Mentally he began to compose the message that he could send through ordinary channels. To my commanding officer, I have already met the local station chief who is incredibly persistent and resourceful.

        'Dear Uncle, the people here are very friendly.'

        The existing dead drop plan will have to be scrapped and all sensitive messages passed face-to-face or through the diplomatic bag.

        'The food here is barely acceptable, I wouldn't mind an occasional care package of granny's home cooking.'

        They have only restricted my access to the monster due to his present medical condition.

        'I have done some sightseeing, but there aren't too many sights to see.'

        I will continue my mission.

        'Affectionately, your nephew'

        He glanced back and the small alligator was gumming the hat seated on the cloud.

        All the ponies here are crazy.

        'P.S. The weather is as described.'

        He saw three pegasus had surrounded him, and all seemed to be watching him as if he were the only interesting thing in the world. All the ponies here are totally crazy.

        He mentally scratched out his postscript and added, 'P.S. The weather was exactly as described.' He wrote the letter quickly and dropped off the cloud. He dove straight for the post office. The two pegasi tried to keep pace. One pegasus not only tried to keep pace, but actually outran him to arrive first.

        Two bits says she's behind the counter, he thought and opened the door. I won.

        "Which is cheaper, posting this to the griffon mission in Canterlot, or straight to the griffon lands?"

        "The griffon lands, but I'd post it to the mission," the gray pegasus explained, "We don't guarantee delivery in the griffon lands. Some of the locals like spooking the letter carriers and eating the mail," the gray pegasus said. "Maybe you could put a word in, seeing as you're gonna be sending supersecret stuff back to your bosses in the griffon lands. You being a spy and all."

        "Why does everyone think I'm a spy?" he asked.

        "We had a 'welcome spies' party for you and your friend last night while you were asleep. I delivered your invitation myself," the pegasus said, "Twilight didn't let Pinkie collect you, saying you needed your sleep. So you've been invited as a guest to the 'welcome spies' for the Canterlot bunch coming in a few days." She slid an invitation over to him.

        Dear uncle, what have I done to offend you so? he wondered.


        Bored, bored, bored bored, bored, Discord thought as he languished. I seriously overplayed it with Celestia. I never knew she was such a cuddle bug. He dismissed the faint jealousy. Although, it was amusing watching those other two. That braggart was so terrified of falling under his spell that she never let herself be alone with him, and she acted even more skittish than he ever did. Even when 'Molestia' was chasing him around. And he thought she was gonna kill him and defile his corpse, or the other way around. He giggled at that thought in the silence of his host's mind. Then memories that disturbed even him rose up unbidden. Back! Back! he mentally shouted and cracked a whip, but on they came. Those 'trust exercises' he insisted on, and Celestia at first thought were so wonderful. Guiding the poor, blindfolded dear safely across the landscape I can understand. Luna carrying him aloft while Celestia stood ready to catch him if he fell. Those I could understand. He shuddered as the next memory foisted itself off on him. Letting her hold him at the bottom of the swimming hole, with only her magically restored breath allowing him to breathe, Discord remembered and shuddered again, That goes beyond insanity. Of course once Celestia understood the basic rules, she had to maximize things. Tickling him until he blew out his breath, and restoring it instantly with her own. Extending the time far beyond the proposed ten minutes. Those were all classic Celestia. Of course I nearly died laughing when he explained that drowning is one of his kind's most primal fears. The closest thing in Equestria to what they'd been doing would be to set some pony on fire, and backing up telling her that it would not hurt or burn. Discord shuddered again at the idea that anyone would face their deepest fear, with only the good will of an enemy between them and death. Well, I did tell him Celestia wasn't like that . . . and he actually listened to me? He trusted both of us? No, he couldn't have! It's impossible. They must have told him about me. They must have explained. He's not stupid. But, he believed me and acted on what I told him. Discord considered. All right. I have to do something completely and totally rotten to redeem my reputation!

        'Discord,' he heard from outside his prison. Sounds and smells being the only senses that penetrated the comatose mind. And the monotony of both had been maddening.

        Ah Celly, so lonely, come to see me, he thought, and then realized he couldn't respond. I'm going to have to do something about that.

        "Discord," he heard, "Before I return to Canterlot, I just wanted to say a few things."

        Yes, I'll be good, and wash behind my ears, gag me! he replied.

        "If you hurt him," Celestia said.

        Oh, she actually feels something for him, and I was so hoping to kindle something. Poor Luna, always the bridesmaid, never the bride, Discord chuckled.

        "If you hurt him, Discord," Celestia continued, "I won't save you."

        Oh threats, Celestia, huh, what? Won't save me? Discord thought.

        "Whatever he does to you, will be on your head," Celestia told him, "I might plead with him to keep you alive, but others will see in retrospect, it will not be one of my most merciful actions." She chuckled happily. "Enjoy yourself."

        Oh very droll! he wanted to shout, I'm not afeared of this upstart! Who came up with the plan that held those maniacs enthralled. Who thinks the atomic bombs were the lesser of two evils. Who actually read and compared Mein Kampf and Rules for Radicals. Discord looked around his not so empty dungeon. Celestia! Don't go! Don't leave me alone in here! Please. He mentally stuffed himself in a corner, and tried to watch every shadow. They moved, when he wasn't watching. And somehow, he knew, they were laughing at him.


        Twilight looked at the mages of the Academy who'd come to help, to Princess Celestia, and to the monster's friends. "Part of his recovery is a lack of life energy, we will donate a tiny part of ours, and he will recover more swiftly." The chanting began, and the spell wrapped itself around the monster. As the power built, a glow surrounded the monster.

        The spell wound down, and the glow faded. To her horror, a male alicorn sat up from the bed. His mane was a horribly distorted version of Rainbow's, especially in that each band of color clashed horribly with the bands near it. His coat wasn't a single color either.

        "I've never seen a paisley stallion before," Celestia said, trying desperately not to start laughing.

        The stallion in question woke, hale, hearty, paisley coat and clashing-rainbow mane. He fixed Twilight with a look of vague resignation. "Twi, wake up. It's time for the party, those folks from Canterlot are here and nopony's seen hide nor hoof of Pinkie."

        Twilight opened her eyes and looked around the inside of the library, then at Applejack standing beside her. "I didn't turn the monster into a paisley alicorn."

        Applejack carefully sniffed the half-empty teacup standing on the desk near Twilight. "Yeah, it was a dream."

        "Very funny. I just wonder where our griffon friends went," Twilight said, "You don't suppose . . . I mean the last griffon Pinkie met, they didn't exactly hit it off."

        "This one's a boy griffon. Not like the lady griffon they had a party for last night," Applejack said. "She seemed well-behaved, and I ain't seen her since last night neither." Applejack shrugged. "Maybe these are Canterlot folk you met when you lived there."

        "I wasn't exactly social," Twilight admitted and blushed.

        "These are palace folks, maybe you ran into them there," Applejack said and headed for the door. There she paused to look back at Twilight. "Come on," she urged, as if to a nervous animal.

        Twilight sighed at her friend's grin. "I'm not that bad," she complained to her grinning friend.


        Mystery had finally had enough. His pursuer, whom he'd mistakenly assumed was a pink court jester, had provided him enough details on Svetlanna's appearance that he knew she'd been tagged. So he set out to relieve her of duty. I'm sorely pressed to scrub the entire mission. If they know what I'm really here for, there'll be too much security. And I was looking forward to this, he thought as he walked to the last of the rally points, the one where they could escape from any pursuit.

        His heart skipped a beat when he saw her again. She was everything a griffon was supposed to be, and more. Not the least reason I would have liked working with her, he thought. Everything about her, from her feathers, to her stance, even her scent screamed 'powerful female'.

        But not now, he thought, She looks beaten. He had the irrational urge to give the poor griffon a hug, then suspected his evisceration would follow.

        The hay bale with the deerstalker cap and tiny alligator was still in sight. He decided to give the ponies an explanation they would happily buy off on. "Sveti!" he called out the code phrase.

        She looked terrifically hopeful, and ran to his side as the hay bale and alligator watched. "Oh Mystery, this can't work. I know you convinced your uncle to let me help, but they discovered me." She threw herself on him and hugged him tightly. "I know this can never work. You're a noble family, I'm just a poor griffon living out a schoolgirl fantasy."

        This isn't part of the 'Sveti' script of starcrossed lovers, Mystery thought of the beautiful griffon in his arms sobbing her heart out, And this is far too elaborate for an improvisation.

        "Carry out your mission for our people. I will return, and accept my punishment," she told him nuzzling her face into his shoulder.

        "Ah," he managed, trying to separate mission and cover from what was obviously going on here.

        Adding the pink forelegs and a second, sobbing female around his neck didn't help matters. "WAAH, I didn't know you were sneaking around to see your special some, griffon! WAAH!"

        Mystery looked from one to the other, felt breathing becoming difficult but not impossible with the limbs around his neck. The insanity of this place must be contagious! he concluded.

        "Oh, Pinkie, great party," a white unicorn mare in guard's armor called to the trio. "We all enjoyed it."

        "WHAT!?" the pinkie mare gasped and nearly teleported to the unicorn's side. Fortunately she left both griffons behind. "The party already started?" she asked, right in the unicorn's face.

        "The party already ended, all that -"

        "AAAUGH!" And the pink mare vanished.

        The unicorn looked up at the moon just peeking over the horizon. "Glory Belle, I'm in charge of the investigation into the 'Big Guy's' knowledge. You must be Glorious Mystery, and you must be the famous Sand Cobra."

        "If such a spy were famous, they must not be very good," the female griffon said.

        Despite the rescue, she still hasn't released her grip, thought Mystery, I don't know if I should be pleased or worried.

        "You are that good. You forget, everything that happens under the sun Celestia sees, and everything that happens under the moon Luna sees. But that's beside the point. The government of Equestria, and we'll get official concurrence from your people's government, requests that you stay on. We've gotten fooled, and an expert on not getting fooled would be helpful. You can also teach him a little of that meditative fighting art."

        "Iron Willows?" the female griffon said. She finally relased Mystery and stood on her own.

        "Exercise, mental focus," Glory said, "And a way to bribe him to help the griffons. He seems to figure out that he's being manipulated. And ironically, he seemed extremely suspicious when he isn't."

        "Wait a feather-pickin' minute," Mystery interjected, "He doesn't mind some blatant manipulation, but gets suspicious when there isn't any?"

        "Maybe he figures it's the cost of doing business," Glory replied, "I'm only reporting what we've seen. He doesn't have a problem with us being blatantly curious, but gets edgy when we've tried to be clever about it. Better to be up front about it or something that gives credible deniability to the effort and his response. Also, what better job for a bodyguard?"

        "You want a close-in guard, don't you ponies have one already?" the female griffon asked.

        "Not a professional, and she is an entertainer, not a fighter. He lacks the brute strength for any of the pony martial arts. So giving him a way to defend himself, without his rather lethal toys, would be to all our benefit," Glory said.

        "Aren't you afraid I'll steal some special knowledge?" the she-griffon asked.

        Glory shook her head. "I don't think he'll play favorites. His home is still in Equestrian territory, and I think his feelings about the alicorn sisters trumps any tie you could bind." Glory smiled. "Besides, I think Holly Hock will appreciate three customers rather than two."

        "Holly Hock has been sent here?" Mystery gasped.

        "Yep, to keep you, now you two, and our friend healthy. I think that you'll find this close to the Everfree, your meals will take on the aura of more home cooking," Glory said. She braced herself and breached the subject she'd been dreading, "I also need you to keep an eye on our friend, because I can't get a handle on whether he thinks this is all unreal, and therefore doesn't matter, or if he's suicidal and doesn't care if he is wounded or dies. Older griffons who can't hunt will sometimes come down with the same fatalistic attitude." She saw she needed to explain. "He was captured by Nightmare, of Nightmare Moon fame, Tirek who your people know well, Nistag and several others. They were planning to release Discord, which they did. Our friend managed to manipulate all of them into a set-piece battle with the Elements of Harmony. And stood right in the middle of the effect. First, Princess Luna has told us that isn't the most pleasant experience in the world. Second, considering several of the people he was dealing with faced it themselves, he had to know what would happen to him when it hit."

        "And third, what are we supposed to do?" Mystery asked, then noticed the stare between the unicorn and the she-griffon. "I think I don't want to know," he concluded.

        "Nothing dirty," Glory said, "But definitely manipulative. Our governments want what he knows, and want his input on certain sensitive programs that are stalled. We need him alive and cooperative for that."

        "Agreed," Sveti said grimly, "So aside from being a loyal dog, what are my duties?"

        "I wouldn't dream of placing myself inside your chain of command. But I think just generally keeping him on an even keel would serve all of us."

        Sveti nodded. "Agreed. What of the spy hunter?"

        "Pinkie Pie?" Glory said and looked shocked. "I hate to tell you, she's not part of the security service. She's just local color. She saw you skulking around and in her world view, you had to be a spy. We knew he was being sent as a spy, you were just the first griffon she saw. And as for the greeting you both got, talk to Cranky Doodle Donkey about the greeting he got. She incinerated a 40-year-old photo album in an effort to befriend him. I could live a long time avoiding finding out what she'd do to an enemy."

        "Pinkie," Mystery said, "I've heard about this place. I thought it was propaganda, until now."

        "Believe me, she isn't the weirdest thing in Ponyville," Glory admitted, "Not by a long shot. And that was true even before the monster came."


        Pinkie charged into the town hall as Twilight, the Cakes and Fluttershy cleaned up the last of the streamers. "Did they have fun?" Pinkie demanded of Twilight, then raced over to Fluttershy. "Did they have fun?" Pinkie asked Fluttershy, then raced to the Cakes. "Did they have fun?" she demanded, and raced towards Twilight. She stopped this time, because Twilight was holding her off the ground.

        "Yes, everypony had fun," Twilight said, then added, "Not as much fun as if you'd been here, but everypony had fun."

        "And I missed it?!" Pinkie Pie said and sniffled.

        Twilight got her umbrella up before the torrent began. She waited patiently for Pinkie's tears to die down. "Where were you anyway?" Twilight hadn't expected Pinkie's tears to resume, but she was prepared. Her umbrella got another soaking, and Fluttershy began sweeping all the water out the door.

        "The griffon spy we spotted yesterday was really the second griffon's marefriend, and she's only here to be with him. Only my catching both of them means that they'll be separated and miserable! And it's all my fault! WAAHH!" Pinkie announced.

        Twilight sighed and patiently waited for Pinkie to unwind. Glory poking her head in drew Pinkie's attention, but Twilight still held her off the ground. The pink, party mare still managed to turn around.

        "Are they going to stay, are they still friends, have I ruined their lives, can a swallow still carry a coconut while migrating, and where did all this water come from, does the roof leak?" Pinkie asked.

        "She sounds like the DI I had the first day," Glory replied, "Yes, by royal arrangement. No, but I don't think they were exactly friends to begin with. Like her Majesty Celestia and Twilight aren't friends. No, they still have that in their claws. Zebafrican or Equestrian? When hydrogen and oxygen love each other very much, and there's nothing out here to leak through the roof." Glory sighed and grinned. "I still got it. She's staying on as a body servant, and close-in guard. After our lapses of the last few days, we're going to have to keep someone closer."

        "Closer that Trixie?" Twilight asked, "She was sleeping in his hospital bed. As his pillow, when last I checked."

        "Does she know what to look for?" Glory replied, "If we were out on the road, and worried about highway ponies, she'd be the expert. But for fixed problems, I think Sveti's the way. Besides, she is also a fully-trained raven."

        "I thought she was a griffon," Pinkie said.

        Twilight was blushing too much to correct her friend. Glory saw Twilight's reaction, and realized as the sister of the Captain of the Guard, she would know exactly what a 'raven' was. "Uh, why is that an advantage? He still doesn't speak or understand our language. And I don't think the that he's, uh, vulnerable to her primary attack."

        "She's going to attack him?" Pinkie said and burst free of Twilight's grip, "And I was feeling sorry for her! ARRRR!"

        "Pinkie Pie," Glory said. "The raven is a special kind of agent trained to make her subjects, ah, comfortable, and willing to talk more openly. They're only bad griffons, if they're trying to make someone give up secrets they promised - "

        "Pinkie Promised," Twilight interjected.

        "Not to divulge. He wants to divulge some of his secrets, and we want to learn them," Glory said.

        Pinkie's eyes were aflame. "They train griffons in how to make ponies break Pinkie Promises!?" Pinkie shouted.

        Twilight had a flashback to the huge firebird she'd seen on the monster's home cinema.

        "No one breaks a Pinkie Promise!" the pink balrog thundered from dozens of feet above them.

        "Yes they do, and they are punished," Glory said firmly, facing the panting, pink mare without flinching. "But she's here to use her skills to help us. The difference between you invading his house that first night, and setting up your pinkie mines after you talked to Sergeant Mile Stone. That's the difference between stealing secrets, and helping people pass them around who want to."

        "All right," Pinkie panted, "But I'm gonna watch her like a pony really watching someone!"

        "That's fine," Glory said. She let Pinkie by to march off into the night. The Cakes also departed. "Fluttershy," Glory said as she walked towards Twilight, "I need to know, what made you so certain he wasn't dangerous. Pinkie's 'Pinkie Sense' is one thing, but you have a different set of instincts."

        "Oh, he is dangerous, very," the yellow pegasus said happily, "Just not to ponies who don't try to hurt him. He's like a papa wolf with no cubs, and no shewolf. I was kind of hoping that Derpy would get closer. Dinky could use a father, even a nonpony, and he seems to like her too."

        "Fluttershy," Twilight said, "When we were talking about ravens, you do know what we meant, don't you?"

        The yellow mare sighed. "Twilight, I have a bunny in my home and he visits lady bunnies. I do know about those things. I just never thought that would work on ponies."

        "It doesn't exactly. Everybody in Canterlot measures themselves against everybody else. Even the filly who snubbed me at my own Cutesenara," Glory said and raised an eyebrow at Twilight.

        "Sorry, I guess I thought you were monopolizing Princess Celestia," she admitted.

        "It was my party. For a brief few hours, I had every right to," Glory replied, "But that's my point, Fluttershy, in Canterlot proximity and time of interaction with their Highnesses and other powerful people is how they measure their importance. Having an alien flatter you, and urge you forward to meet the 'right' people can be very stimulating. When you're very stimulated, you don't think as carefully about doing the things you really should be doing and the things you shouldn't. That emotional manipulation is what we need, to make him feel safe, and to give him someone to vent with."

        "That's assuming we can get him to talk," Twilight pointed out.

        "They don't necessarily need to be able to talk, but to emotionally support him," Glory said. "Fluttershy, that's where you come in. You seem to have an uncanny ability to read his moods. I know it's easy, but none of the rest of us can do it. Would you be willing to teach Sveti, that's the she-griffon's name, some things to watch for?"

        "I guess," Fluttershy managed, tried to hide in her mane. "I didn't have a good experience with Gilda."

        "I assure you, Sveti is a professional. She won't be like Gilda," Glory said. "I think you'll find she's a good student, and you might like to learn a few things from her."

        Fluttershy blushed and shook her head.

        Glory whispered something to the cowering pegasus.

        Fluttershy perked up. "She could, really?"

        "If you're willing to learn. It's part of her most basic training, being polite," Glory said.

        "I don't think Fluttershy has a problem with that," Twilight said sardonically.

        "Oh no, she might help me be more, assertive," Fluttershy offered the last as if ashamed. "I sometimes can't tell ponies what I want to. Someday it might really hurt somepony."

        "I think an exchange of lessons might be the ticket," Glory said. She shook her head to stave off a yawn that came anyway. "Well, that's enough playing Celestia's junior spy master for one day. I'm off to bed."

        "I hope you don't mind bunking with Rarity," Twilight offered.

        "We'll get the house for the newcomers set up, then I'll get my stuff moved in," Glory said and yawned.

        "There's room in the library," Twilight offered.

        "Not with a couple of courting griffons in there, there isn't," Glory said as she left.

        "Good night Twilight," Fluttershy offered, "Uh, and tell your brother, what happened isn't his fault."

        "Okay," Twilight said, "My brother?" She shut off the lights and headed for the former command post. The door and the concrete structure stood within the wooden forms. But the light from the command post drew her on. She saw the sight that more likely would have been her when her brother came to check on her. Shining Armor was asleep on the writing desk, his notes covering every table and flat space available. She smiled as she used her magic to lift him up without waking him or disturbing the papers.

        How many times did he do this for me, before I became Celestia's student, and he started again after he was an officer of the guards? she wondered as she added a slight warmth to the field carrying his sleeping form.

        The two griffons were awake, staring at each other. When she entered, Mystery headed upstairs to turn down the guest bed. Twilight slipped her brother between the covers and the pulled them over him. All without apparently disturbing him.

        "Thanks," Shining Armor offered, and smiled, before settling into the bed.

        The griffons withdrew into the sound-shielded room and closed the door. Twilight put aside the urge to eavesdrop and let her own weariness drag her to bed.


Day 19

        Luna shuddered as she closed the door to 'the mausoleum'. Shining Armor called it a cenotaph, but I remember some of those ponies. Looking at them, I keep having the awful feeling that my sister turned them into stuffed animals before they could die, to resurrect them all later. I know that's not the case, but it seems wrong to let your memories dominate you like that. Or is it because she doesn't want those memories to fade? I think Discord knew exactly what he was doing putting access to our Royal chambers right through that room. The equipment securing the door to the corridor was easily disabled and removed from her side of the door. Why do I think he's laughing at me? the Lunar Diarch wondered as she walked down the corridor to the front door of the monster's house. She took a deep breath, and magicked open the locked portal. Inside were the book cases, the curio cabinets, the furniture shaped for his people and not ponies. The eerie similarity to pony-fashioned objects still bothered her. Did they create us? We use their tools. Are we a figment of their imaginations? The sharp contrast between good and evil in our society seems out of kilter with their more nuanced approach that each situation requires a new approach. Is that why Discord sided with him? To discover a way he could do what he wanted, and not receive punishment for it. To frustrate us with his antics, yet make himself the hero? If that's the case, how will we know if he's reformed, or is simply playing a more devious game. And to the ponies, will it matter?

        She let her hooves take her to the bedroom and thoughts of their time in the recent dream. "Ha," she laughed at the awkwardness of the first night. "With only each other for warmth, and only our wings to avoid laying on the dirt, that was a comedy of errors, embarrassment and, it was surprisingly fun. Harkening back to when Celestia and I would cuddle. So many centuries gone. When did we become so serious that we fear what others would say about us sharing a bed? Or just sharing a private evening together?"

        She put aside her wool-gathering and concentrated on what she'd broken in here to do. There's no place in Canterlot or Ponyville that I could get away with this, and not face endless questions, she thought, Thank goodness he's still out cold in the hospital. If he walked in, that would really be an embarrassment. Then she grinned. Or I could 'bribe' him to accept my transgression, she chuckled at that, then cleared her mind. I have Discord's template, and my own shapechanging powers, so this. Should. Be. Easy.

        She looked over her transformed body, and noted the similarities to Discord's work. The first headache hit her. I thought as much, she considered as she walked into the once great mystery, which was simply a private bathroom/dressing room and a clothes closet. She looked in the bathroom mirror at herself. I suspect that the horn, tail and the other 'heroic' aspects aren't standard. So the change is neither stable, nor permanent. She felt a wave of weariness pass through her. All right, but I need to be able to hold this form. For at least a little while. He needs to be able to relate to at least one being like himself to - The wave of fatigue nearly drove her to her knees. Okay, the headache is fading, but I'm going to fall asleep on my feet if I stay here. The weariness and fading headache made her distracted and giddy.

        Her eyes fell on the obvious solution. The sheets in my own room would be rough against my skin, and I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I took a small liberty.

        The sheets are as soft as I imagined they would be, for beings whose exposed skin would report any scratch or itch, She thought as she sat on the bed, I bet they still smell like him. I bet - The sudden sneeze and the massive head pain were followed by the sound of splintering wood and groaning metal.

        Luna looked at her pony form, and the wreckage that was never designed to handle a being of her weight. "Well Luna, that was stupid," she told herself as she carefully climbed off what had been a very comfortable bed. The metal bolts had torn right out of the wood in places and the frame was badly bent where her pony-form had 'landed' on it. "All right, I can blame the damage on the teleport. Or I can give him a replacement. Where am I going to get a replacement this big, if he wakes up today, or tomorrow? Or in a week?" She leaned down and surveyed the damage. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

        "Isn't that supposed to happen when he's in there with you?" Celestia asked from the doorway to the bedroom.

        "I suspect you're going to keep reminding me of this for the next two centuries," Luna said as she stood and faced her sister and her sister's impish grin. "So punishment can come later. How am I going to fix this?"

        "The royal artisans could duplicate it, and then everyone in Canterlot will know what happened. Or," Celestia said, then took a thoughtful pose, with her hoof on her chin.

        " 'Or'?" Luna said, dreading every second that Celestia dragged it out.

        "There are three immediately available replacements," Celestia said, "My bed."

        "Which would make this your sleeping quarters," Luna replied, "I thought you didn't have any interest in him. That he terrified you."

        "Tastes can change," Celestia said so innocently, Luna knew she was being teased.

        "The second is mine, and the sudden disappearance of my bed would cause endless speculation."

        "I think you and he will make the most adorable centaurs," Celestia said happily.

        "If I had something of my own to throw at you, I would," Luna said darkly.

        "Well, if you don't want your older sister's advice," Celestia backed out of the bedroom.

        Rather than panic, Luna held her ground. She won't be able to resist teasing me, Luna thought, I just have to wait.

        Any minute now, Luna thought. Right about now.

        She'll be cracking now, just now, Luna thought as she stared at the corridor. Wait a second, I know exactly where to get one! Luna grinned and dashed out of the bedroom.

        Celestia was waiting in the entry hall. "Ready to apologize and get my help?"

        "Nope, got it, need to take him to see Zecora anyway," Luna said as she cantered out the door. "Lock up and don't steal all the cake mixes," Luna called over her withers as she headed back to the Ponyville exit.

        Luna saw Celestia pout as she locked up the house behind her. As luna headed down the wood forms fo rthe Ponyville struncture she heard Celestia relock the door that led to the cenotaph and thence to their quarters. "You guessed," Celestia told her sister, "That's no fun."
------------------------------

        Shining Armor awoke before dawn. He smirked at his 'little' sister tucking him into bed, which he'd had to do for her for years. I guess her Highness is right, Armor thought, Twilie's not the only one who can get obsessed with a job. And I'm still no closer to tracking down the failure than I was before. 'Blame the monster' is hardly the best root cause for this. Well, I'd better transfer my notes to Glory, and pack my things to head back to Canterlot. Her bed was empty, and he heard nothing from the griffons' room. Spike is still asleep, he thought as he picked his way downstairs, Doesn't she have another helper?

        Outside, Luna's moon was still above the treeline, but a light burned in the command post. I thought she would have doused it, he thought as he cantered in that direction. Inside, he stifled a scream as the papers he'd carefully arranged, were casually flying about. With Twilight in the middle of the maelstrom.

        "I diagramed where they were and even their orientation before I started," Twilight said, while her face was full of rapt concentration, he could hear the cocky smirk in her tone. "I wanted to see how much we were duplicating effort."

        "What have you found?" he asked from the doorway, fearful of treading on a paper flying low.

        "That we haven't, much," Twilight replied. "You concentrated on the military and security aspects, I was concerned with the psychological and civilian aspects. We did overlap a few places, but only where the Element Bearers overlap security. It's a surprisingly large area, but we seem to have covered it, without overlapping too much."

        "And what is your conclusion?" he asked.

        "That we have to quit blaming every weird thing that happens on the monster," Twilight said as she looked at him. The papers fluttered into the array he'd had them in. Perfect in order, position and orientation, as if his scattered brainstorming had been some preparations for a spell. Twilight shook herself.

        "Should I carry you back to your bed?" he teased as she yawned.

        "No, but I think I will be taking a nap. It still bothers me that we missed it. Nightmare was practically dancing in front of us, and all of us said 'it must be the monster'. Embarrassing," she said and yawned again. "I'm also worried about our griffons. I know they're supposed to be spies, but they sure weren't acting like spies."

        "And you know how spies act?" he asked.

        "I wasn't blind to what was going on around me at Canterlot. Everyone wanted to 'be my friend' because it got them closer to Princess Celestia. Even as a filly, I could see through a lot of it. That was one of the main reasons that I became such a hermit. Only you and the Princess were your real selves around me. Everyone else was playing the nose game. Who can stick their nose up higher because they know someone you don't." She shook her head. "Here it's different. Ponies actually have accomplishments they can compare and challenge each other over. And I still don't think Rarity has really put together how connected our family is to the Princesses, or at least she's decided to let our natural friendship get her the contacts that she wants and needs, rather than making it the basis for our relationship."

        "And I think she sees you as someone who should live up to Canterlot standards," Armor replied. "Rather than the rather bookish adventurer you seem determined to be."

        She snorted in frustration at him getting under her skin, again. "What about you and Cadence, were you two planning on keeping that a secret?"

        "We kept it a secret for quite a few years," he said thoughtfully, "Why not up until the wedding?"

        "WEDDING?" she screamed, "When were you planning on telling me? In the invitation?"

        "Actually I was planning to tell you about a week ago, but Cadence wanted to, then everything hit the fan and we have been looking for a less crazy time," Armor admitted.

        "This is Ponyville, this is a less crazy time," she told him. "Okay, I forgive you. With all that's been going on, you could have told me I was on fire and I wouldn't have paid attention."

        "Now that you mention it," Armor said thoughtfully.

        "Ha," Twilight replied, "Brothers!"

        "I could tell you some crazy sister stories," Armor offered.

        Luna storming in supplanted Twilight's reply. "Good, you're both here. If the monster wakes up, don't let him go back to his house. There's been, an accident."

        "You had an accident in his house?" Armor said, "Isn't that why he won't let Twilight in?"

        "Oh, funny," Twilight said, "You know, I bet he has some military history in there that would curl your hair."

        "Then I'd look like your friend Rarity," Armor said and shied.

        "Did either of you hear a word I said?" Luna asked.

        "If the monster wakes up, don't let him go back to his house," the siblings said in perfect unison.

        Luna stared at them. "I'm beginning to believe I have the only sane sibling in Equestria."

        "What about her Majesty?" Armor asked.

        Luna shook her head. "No, her relatives are all completely gaga." She walked out of the command post.

        "What kind of accident could she have had in the monster's house?" Twilight asked.

        "Do you really want to know?" Armor asked.

        Twilight considered.


        Glory was quite intentionally up before either Sweetie Belle or Rarity. She'd heard rumors about the young unicorn's ability to burn foods that normally didn't require applying heat as part of their preparation. She'd easily located the oatmeal and had a fair-sized 'stir-about' going when Sweetie Belle appeared.

        "I would have cooked," the youngster offered.

        "Army life, up before dawn, and straight to work," Glory said. She put a large bowl in front of the filly, and served up one herself. She made sure that the stove was off before she headed over to the table.

        "This is good, not boring like regular oatmeal," the young unicorn offered.

        "That's because I studied with Holly Hock. There's a secret ingredient," Glory whispered.

        "Don't tell me," Sweetie Belle said, "I want to enjoy this." She happily dug into the oatmeal and Glory simply watched her.

        She'd been the 'black sheep' of the family, along with her uncle. Nobles who actually did something instead of either buying or blustering their way in. That's why I'm 'only' a lieutenant, and not a captain or major. Because I'm trying to earn it. So here I am commanding one of the most difficult and important missions in recent Equestrian history, rather than those captains or majors.

        The sound of slow hoofsteps coming downstairs brought her back to here and now. Then those same hoofsteps galloped back up the stairs.

        Sweetie Belle was frowning.

        "I don't know what she's worried about. I've seen natural disasters, even a battle," Glory said, "Your sister can't look that terrible in the morning."

        Sweetie Belle giggled at that, then grew serious. "When did you see a battle?"

        "The griffons tried to forcefully remove a dragon," Glory replied, "The dragon refused, and there was a fight. It wasn't pretty."

        "I don't think I'd like that," the young unicorn said.

        "I didn't either," Glory admitted, "I couldn't understand why they didn't start with talking. So, have the Cutie Mark Crusaders gone Monster Hunting?"

        Sweetie Belle's eyes went wide. "Ah, thank you, but I don't want to peel potatoes and wash latrines. I hear my teacher calling me, bye!" With that, the unicorn, and school supplies vanished. The sound of the door closing echoed through the emptiness.

        "That was interesting," Glory said, and collected the dishes and washed them. She transferred the last of the oatmeal to another bowl.

        "Good morning!" came the cheerful tone, "I." Rarity looked around. "I thought I heard Sweetie Belle."

        "I mentioned Cutie Mark Crusaders Monster Hunters, she said something about peeling potatoes and washing latrines, and left for school."

        "This isn't a school day," Rarity pointed out.

        "That's what I was thinking," Glory said, "When I didn't see a lunch for her. I think you might breech the subject a bit more safely than I."

        "Thank you," the immaculately coiffed and made up fashonista said. "So you must tell me about Canterlot."

        "Bullying until they figured out who my uncle was, and fawning over me to get to him when they did," Glory replied tartly, "My memories of being there as a soldier are much more pleasant then as a civilian. Once they think they know who you are, they stop looking for anything more."

        "Why would you being a soldier change anything?" Rarity asked.

        "Aren't you the one who says 'the clothes make the pony'? If all they see is a guard's armor, that's all they see."

        "I'm sorry, I think it's exciting," Rarity said quietly.

        "For someone making their reputation, it is exciting. You can see how high up you can go. For somepony who's nearly as high as you can go, you wish they'd treat you as a pony, instead of a ladder."

        "Certainly you had friends, family?" Rarity asked carefully.

        "I'm not angry about you asking. I just think that you should know the downside of it. If they knew you were an Element Bearer, they wouldn't care how stunning your clothes were. They'd only see buying and wearing them as a way to ingratiate themselves to you or to her Majesty. You've made the right choice staying in Ponyville. If you create a sensation, like with those shoes, then the snobs can say 'By Celestia, someone from Ponyville created these, by Celestia!'"

        Rarity laughed at that. "I have met a few decent ponies."

        "Next time you get a chance, you must introduce me," Glory said, "I'll introduce you to my uncle." Glory leaned close. "He says he's not a clothes horse, but that suit you gave the Big Guy, in a demur charcoal grey, would wow him in an instant."

        "Arrogant in its simplicity and austerity," Rarity said regally.

        "Exactly." Glory grinned.

        "Oh, when Sweetie Belle asks," Glory explained, "I put some tangy cheese in the oatmeal, that's why it tastes so good, without all the sugar."

        "Thank you," Rarity said, then sampled, "It is rather good."

        "Something I learned from the griffons. We like things a little too sweet. They like things with far too much bite. A little of each makes it different."

        "Where are you off to?" Rarity asked.

        "Check up on Trixie, and the Big Guy. Then see to it that Holly Hock hasn't completely driven every home rental and seller mad with her demands for 'the perfect kitchen'. Then I need to figure out why her Highness is racing around like she's flying obstacle races with Rainbow Dash."

        The princess in question raced by again. Well above the citizens' heads, but still flying nearly flat out.

        "Stretching her wings?" Rarity said hopefully.

        "Leave the worrying to me," Glory told her as she left.

        Once outside, she looked up and waved as the Princess raced in from another direction. Luna halted easily and settled to the ground. She really is lovely, Glory thought as the Princess smiled.

        "Is there a problem?" Glory asked low, trusting her Highness' superior hearing to pick it up.

        "Well, after the last few days, everyone expects that there must be so many important things happening. I wanted to show that their Princess is looking after all of them, and has all those concerns well in hand," Luna said regally.

        Glory nearly bit her tongue to keep from smiling. "So you've been racing around like a barrel racer, having fun, and letting everyone see you," she said very quietly.

        "Exactly," Luna said and smiled. "I have no official appointments until late morning, and I will be able to correctly report I surveyed the entire area, and found nothing amiss."

        Glory bowed. "I will not delay your survey further," she said. When she looked up, Luna was practically at the horizon. "I think I may recommend that her Majesty do a surprise inspection of the windows of Canterlot, or better, estimated time to mount a rescue of a distressed window washer."
------------------------------

        Rainbow Dash looked up at her Highness racing around, and couldn't quite push herself to join her, or challenge her to a race. She walked along the ground, staring at the pebbles and stones in the road. Occasionally she paused, and glanced back at her wings, then would walk on along the road a little more.

        She'd been up at dawn, when Fluttershy had started feeding her animals. She'd taken care of all the weather team's work for the day in just a couple hours. I should be bragging about it, but it just felt like a job, for the first time, she thought as she walked, I should be chasing the Princess around, but that wouldn't be fun either. She noticed someone had been walking along beside her for a while.

        "Oh, Big Mac, I didn't see ya there," she said.

        Oh, does that sound pathetic, she thought.

        "Not enough Rainbow Dash ta do the job?" he asked quietly.

        She was in the air confronting him. "There's no job I can't do!" Then she saw the smile. "Okay, yeah, I'm not feeling too good. About myself."

        "Apple buckin', remember?" Big Mac asked.

        "Yeah, I guess you're used to head-strong mares trying to prove themselves," Rainbow chuckled. "It, I didn't do anything. I stood where I was told. I waited, like I was told."

        "Ya won, like it was planned," Big Mac said and stared at her.

        "Yeah, but I felt so helpless the whole time," Rainbow said. "Like nothing I did mattered."

        " 'Cept the last, where you won it all," Big Mac said. He looked at the apple trees all around them. "Not enough rain. Too much rain. Bugs get into the trees. Timberwolves get into the fields. Me or AJ get hurt apple buckin'. Maybe pears or oranges catch folks eyes this year." He looked at Rainbow. "We're still here. You're still here. The Big Guy's still here. The bad guys are not." He tousled her mane. "And you need to be better than who you were yesterday, nothing else."

        "Yeah, I guess," Rainbow said, "Thanks." She looked around nervously. "You won't a . . . tell anypony? Will you?"

        Big Mac looked around carefully, then shook his head. "Nope." He smiled and jumped the fence to go back to tending the fields.

        The dark blue figure raced overhead.

        "Okay, Princess, let's see what you can really do," Rainbow said and leapt into the air.
------------------------------

        Holly Hock, out house-hunting, spotted Glory when she entered the house Holly Hock was looking over with Forget-me-not. Thank Celestia, I was afraid no one would rescue me, the chef thought.

        "Glory, I don't seem to be getting through to this pony that I don't care about view or spacious bedrooms, I'd sleep on the floor in a pile of rags if that got me a decent kitchen," Holly Hock said.

        The real estate agent looked at them with confusion. "But, you're from Canterlot."

        "I told you they'd hide the best from us if they found out we're from Canterlot," Forget-me-not said. The pegasus mare flared her wings in mock-aggravation.

        Glory took pity on the real estate agent and walked over to him. "Which of your buildings has the largest kitchen?"

        "There's a restaurant that's been used as a warehouse," the young earth pony stallion said nervously.

        Holly Hock grinned. "Then show us." She whispered to Glory, "I thought he'd never get the clue."

        Glory nodded.

        Holly Hock watched the ponies of Ponyville glance and glare at them. Some seemed to be uneasy about any 'foreigners', others were more curious. I wonder how many of them actually know who and what they're looking at, she thought as she walked along. At least Glory can chat up this moron. I simply cannot understand why a simple declarative sentence 'this is too small, show me a larger one' never penetrated.

        The Princess raced overhead, swiftly pursued by a cyan and rainbow pegasus.

        "Running away from her fan club?" Holly Hock asked Forget-me-not.

        "Element of Loyalty, theoretically the fastest pegasus on Equestria," the small guardsmare said, "Rainbow Dash."

        "Fastest at ground level. There's a mare a lot faster at altitude," Holly Hock replied.

        Forget-me-not nodded. "Nice mare. Weird, but nice."

        The building they'd been led to was in decent shape. The windows weren't even boarded up, although they had been painted over. Inside there was some trash on the floor, which needed a good mopping, but Glory and Holly Hock ignored that to look at the kitchen.

        "It's not -" the real estate agent shouted as he tried to block their approach. He discovered that though Forget-me-not was small, she was a fully trained guard, and blocked his approach.

        "This is perfect!" Holly Hock announced with delight.

        "After we burn off the first layer of bird dropping!" Glory replied with disgust at the accreted layer that covered every horizontal surface.

        "Ah, it's steel and stone, that'll be fine!" Glory said. "I wonder if the birds will keep coming here. Be convenient to have ingredients that volunteer."

        The real estate agent made the connection, and fainted.

        "Can you not talk like that in public?" Glory warned.

        "Ah, he won't remember anything except he made a sale," Holly Hock opened the cabinets, "Make sure that we get to keep these." She indicated the pots and pans in the cabinet. These at least had been protected from the bird privy the rest of the kitchen had become.

        "Are kitchens all you think about?" Forget-me-not looked around the mess that was the kitchen. "As for this one, I'll wait for a fire hose to wash it out."

        "That's brilliant!" Holly Hock announced, "Get the weather team to flush this place out, and then we can heat it up to drive off any extra water."

        "What's this 'we' stuff earth pony?" Glory asked peevishly.

        "Let's check out the cold boxes. If the magic held, we can still use them," Holly Hock said as she approached the large doors.

        "WAIT!" Forget-me-not called. "There might be something in there."

        Holly Hock sighed. "I think all this monster talk has gotten to you," the chef pony chided. "If some birds got in there, they would have frozen to death already. If a cow or pony got in there, there's another latch on the inside to let you escape." She pulled the latch.

        Earth Ponies can't teleport, so Holly Hock didn't teleport clear across the room. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!" she still screamed after moving to the farthest point from the door it was possible to achieve.

        Forget-me-not trotted up to the door and looked into the cold box. There a cardboard cutout of Nightmare Moon hung and bobbed. "Very good likeness," Forget-me-not said, "Wouldn't you agree Holly Hock?"

        "Don't open the other one," Holly Hock gasped as she tried to control the fading panic attack.

        "That rainbow pegasus," Forget-me-not said, "Also a practical joker."

        Glory nodded as Holly Hock trotted over. "Okay. I think we can convert that open area to sleeping quarters, and the bar around the corner can be the dining room for our guests," the chef said.

        "How'd you know there's a bar?" Forget-me-not asked.

        "I saw it through the pass through near where I landed. Small for a restaurant, but enough to let twelve to twenty eat. More if they eat in shifts, and a couple of booths if somepony doesn't like sitting at the bar on a stool."

        "Speaking of stool," Glory said of the floor covering, "I think we should quit walking on this stuff. Let's get washed up."

        "Let's buy, not lease," Holly Hock said, "It's a good place for a base camp near the monster's home."

        Glory nodded.

        "You suppose that we could ever convince him to come to Canterlot?" Forget-me-not asked, "After all we've all had such a wonderful time there."

        "I don't see what your problem is," Holly Hock answered peevishly, "You stay to the working-stiffs and you don't deal with the snobs. Most of those 'sophisticated palates' wouldn't admit to drinking piss if you gave it a fancy enough name and the right garnish."

        "You didn't!" Glory exclaimed.

        "Nope, of course not. That didn't stop me from starting a rumor that somepony did," Holly Hock said. "Fastest way to separate the leaders from the followers."

        "That's really disgusting," Forget-me-not said.

        "Believe me, that's a lot less disgusting than some of the things some ponies think of as 'high-class' food," Holly Hock said as she picked up the unconscious real estate agent and started out the door.

        "Name one," Glory said incredulously as she held the door open.

        "Peach seed sauce," Holly Hock replied.

        "Aren't those poisonous?" Glory asked as she followed Holly Hock down the street to the real estate agency.

        "Yes," Holly Hock replied, "But some idiot got the idea to replace the almonds in an almond sauce with peach seeds. So if you're snooty enough, you can use a sauce that'll kill you if you have too much or it isn't prepared right. All for a little tongue tingle that a decent breath mint could generate. Crazy as the griffons and even the Diamond Dogs are about eating things, they don't have a snooty sauce that can kill you."

        "I could have lived a long time without knowing that," Glory said.

        "You could have asked me," Forget-me-not said.
------------------------------

        Twilight hadn't expected to see Lyra in the library. The mare was staring at the two letters the monster had delivered to Celestia. Why won't she just burn those? Twilight wondered of her mentor.

        "Hello Lyra," Twilight said, "Don't believe what's written there, Princess Celestia said it was just to lull all the villains into trusting him, so he could set them up."

        "Clever," Lyra said distractedly, "But I wasn't looking at the words. I was looking at the letters."

        "The letters?" Twilight asked.

        "Yes. Why are so many of our devices better suited for humans with hands, than for the ponies who have to use them."

        "Please, not that 'we're some lost colony of lost toys' speech," Twilight pleaded.

        "It would serve you right for your counter argument about evolving those things ourselves from some universal ideal," Lyra replied, not taking her eyes off the two pages. "Just because that's the 'latest thinking' doesn't make it right."

        "Excuse me," Glorious Mystery said as he walked out of his room, "I haven't heard your theory, miss."

        "Lyra Heartstrings, I'm a musician, but I am also one of the local eccentrics," Lyra said and gave the griffon a hoofshake. "Your people aren't the tool-users we ponies are. But the tools we do use would make more sense if a creature like you or the dragons, or the Big Guy invented them and gave them to us. Also we ponies have the ability to do magic, control the weather, and raise and lower the sun and the moon. It wasn't until I went to an amusement park in Manehatten that it all made sense. I looked at all the ponies working there dressed as silly characters, selling refreshments, and just generally keeping the place spotless, and I realized that's what all of Equestria is, or was. We were created to work the park, keep it clean and entertain the guests. From what I read in the Equestria to Monster dictionary, there are at least five instances where races from Equestria have monster analogs. They made us, all of us, from their history. And then, for some reason, they let us go."

        Lyra seemed to be warming to the accepting audience, while Twilight was practically biting her tongue. Lyra continued, "Sentience is awareness, including the ability to experience pleasure or pain and make predictions about the future. Sapience is the ability to think and solve problems; intelligence in the strict sense. Sophonce is sentience and sapience with metacognition: self-awareness, including self-reflection and the ability to think about one's thinking. Most animals are sentient, to a greater or lesser degree. Even Timberwolves can think and plan. Sapience may have been given us to help deal with day to day problems at the park. Maybe we developed sophonce out of our sentience and sapience, and they couldn't keep treating us as toys or servants and they, well, pushed us out of the nest to be our own people."

        "That certainly explains things better than the 'latest thinking'," Mystery offered, "So how will looking at the characters on those letters help you?"

        "I wanted to see if they looked anything like the characters in Equestrian," Lyra said, "The closest they come is the pictographs in that big dictionary. The other lists of characters only have a few similarities, and not many in any of one list,"

        "Now you're going to tell me they made up a language just for us?" Twilight asked.

        "That is what a code is, and ciphers use alternate characters," Mystery said thoughtfully.

        "Those are to conceal information, not to communicate," Twilight replied.

        "If you make them easy to learn and obvious, they can be used," Mystery said. "Like the images on signs, or the international maritime codes," Mystery said as he walked over and pulled a book from the shelves. "These are one, two, up to four flags or patterns of lights to signal all kinds of messages. Every mariner and most professional fliers have learned and memorized them. I was planning on concentrating our translation on these codes. That'll let the Big Guy communicate audibly. Once we can communicate the basic meanings of each code, he'll be able to have rudimentary communications."

        Lyra grinned. "Will we be able to find out if he is human? He seems like he might be," Lyra said.

        Twilight shook her head at the grinning mare and the chuckling griffon.