Kindling
Two more weeks passed since Discord had taken Fluttershy to the roof the Opera House. But in that period, so much had changed between the two of them, that if one had met them, they would never have suspected that once upon a time, Discord was holding Fluttershy against her will.
Indeed, even the others found the change to be startling. Discord still kept to himself for a large part; he would always be somewhat of an introvert. But his laughter would ring throughout the tunnels, a sound that was not often heard. In the past, Derpy was always cautious about approaching Discord; now, her fear for her master had practically disappeared. Rarity, who often brought Discord his meals to his chamber, was still getting over the compliments he would frequently give for her cooking, not to mention how he was just so much more…cheerful.
"Something has to be done about the Master," Rainbow Dash commented one evening during supper.
Shortround gave the mare a sour look. "Done? What needs to be done? The Master is in merry spirits!"
"Exactly!" Rainbow Dash grumbled. "And…well…it's just not right!"
Rarity, who was serving everyone, made a loud dismissive sound. "Pish posh! The Master has never been in better health, and merry spirits are good for him. One can not expect somepony in his prime to spend his life brooding away in darkness."
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Unless you looked in a mirror as of late, that's all we're good for! And while the Master isn't as cursed as we are…he's not a…a 'normal' stallion…to pretend that he is would be horrible!"
Shortround shook his head. "How so Rainbow Dash? How would it be horrible for the Master to be happy now and again? It's a blessing, I say. And what is 'normal' anyway? Down here, to be a 'freak of nature' is normal," he chuckled.
All the others chuckled with him, except for Rainbow Dash who was just looking as sour as ever before. "You think it's funny that the Master is abandoning his duties?"
Shortround's smile quickly disappeared. "What on earth are you groaning about?"
"It's her fault!" Rainbow Dash hissed.
"Hush!"Rarity snapped, not wanting anything rude said about Fluttershy.
"It is! Before she came here, the Master struck fear into the hearts of those who reside above! The legend of the Opera Ghost thrived, and no person dared cross the Phantom's rules or instructions for fear of death! But now…" she sighed. "Now, what threats has he made? What fear do ponies have? None! Because of his so-called 'merry spirits', the Phantom of the Opera is becoming more of a filly story to give people nightmares rather than an entity that controlled this place!"
Shortround groaned. "You truly are the most selfish pony I've met Rainbow Dash. Why don't you just say that you're afraid for yourself, that somepony will come down here and take you away-"
"DON'T BELITTLE ME, SHORTROUND!" Rainbow Dash roared. "You had best be worried about your own skin too! Without any threats from the Phantom, sooner or later ponies will not fear coming down here, and will find us!"
"Impossible!" Shortround retorted. "You know as well as I that any pony who doesn't know these passages will either find themselves trapped, lost…or worse. The Master designed them specially; we have nothing to worry about."
Rainbow Dash found herself chuckling, although it was a cold cynical chuckle. "Yes, of course, you're quite right Shortround…but wait! If I am not correct…isn't there a young mare amongst us who somehow…got past all those traps without a scratch on her?"
Shortround refused to meet Rainbow Dash's eyes, knowing fully well that the mare was right. "The odds of another having the same luck as Fluttershy would be extremely slim," he argued.
Rainbow Dash took a bite from the food on his plate. "But not impossible." She ignored the glares she was receiving from the others around the table and continued eating, knowing very well that she was upsetting Shortround who always made it a habit to say "grace" at supper.
"Y-y-you s-s-should be nicer t-to Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash," Derpy softly stuttered, poking at the food on her plate with her fork.
Rainbow Dash was surprised by the protest, not used to hearing Derpy stick up for herself…or anypony in that matter. "Oh really?" she drawled. "Are you threatening me?"
"Stop this nonsense!" Rarity ordered, putting a hoof on Derpy's arm to calm her.
"No Rarity, this is actually getting rather interesting!" Rainbow Dash chuckled. "I'm curious to see what Derpy will do to defend her 'lady fair'."
Derpy was beginning to tremble with anger. "S-s-she's good! A-a-and m-my friend! D-d-don't talk badly a-a-about her!" She pounded a hoof on the table, causing the plates to shake. "A-a-and don't b-b-belittle me e-e-either, Rainbow Dash!"
Rainbow Dash leaned back in her chair. "I must say…I'm impressed Derpy," she sighed, bowing her head. "In all the time I've known you…you've never stuck up for anypony, even yourself…and yet here you are…defending your gypsy mare and telling me to, more or less, keep my mouth shut."
Derpy was still trembling, but she was unsure what to say or how to react to Rainbow Dash's words. Then, when Rainbow Dash began to chuckle, Derpy found herself grinning and laughing back. "At least she's good for something," Rainbow Dash muttered, grabbing hold of a wine bottle and pouring a hefty amount into her cup.
Derpy's smile faded into a dark frown. "S-s-she's good for m-m-m-many things…and if you d-d-d-disagree…t-t-then you'll have to g-g-go through me!" she threatened, her hoof slamming down once more onto the table.
"Please!" Rarity cried, worried for the food that was still on the table. "This behavior is highly inappropriate for the dinner table! I am deeply ashamed of you both!"
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "You should be proud! Today Derpy has grown up and has finally stood up to me," she laughed, raising her glass and clinking it with Derpy's.
"That's enough!" Rarity barked, raising her fork in the direction of Rainbow Dash. "Let this be the last word on the subject…the Master has always taken care of us and will continue to do so! But the stallion is allowed some happiness for all the burdens he bears, including us," she emphasized, looking directly at Rainbow Dash. "We serve him, yes, but if not for him, we'd have no food on our table, no clothes to wear, no books to read," She cast a look at Derpy, "and for all I know, we'd still be prisoners to that bloody carnival! So I suggest," she growled, looking at each and every one of them, "that you show some gratitude by eating the food on your plates and giving the Master some peace!" She sat back down, shaken from her anger, and stuffed her mouth full of potatoes.
The others said nothing, just stared at their plates in silence.
"Well…that was passionate, I must say."
All four heads turned to one of the shadowed corners from which Discord emerged, his paw and claw coming together in applause. Everypony's eyes were wide; their mouths open, wondering how long he had been standing there. Rainbow Dash turned very pale.
"Master," Rarity said, quickly rising from her chair.
"Sit and eat, you've said quite enough for tonight," Discord reassured, a gentle paw reaching out and patting her shoulder. His eyes were locked on Rainbow Dash, who was trembling in his chair.
"Master…I…I just w-want to say-"
"You needn't say anything, Shortround," Discord sighed, admiring the food on the table. "Roast potatoes, baked bread, and for a main course…surely that's not artichoke, is it?"
"Cabbage!" Derpy said happily. "R-r-roasted Cabbage…w-w-which I helped with p-preparing!" she stated proudly.
Discord smiled at Derpy and patted her shoulder. "Indeed…you have proven yourself grown up in many ways, Derpy," Discord said proudly. Derpy couldn't help but beam.
Rainbow Dash however was sinking in her chair. "C-c-can I f-f-fetch you plate, Master?" Rarity offered, again rising from her chair.
"Stay and eat your food Rarity, you work far too hard to be serving anyone any further," Discord commanded gently, but with great authority. Rarity sat right back down and gazed up at Discord as he continued to circle the table. "I merely came to say that there is no need to bring any dinner to my chamber…"
"Oh?" Rarity asked, still unsure of how to react. Discord seemed to possess a dangerous calm about himself. "D-d-do you know when we shall expect Fluttershy?"
Discord smiled. "Mademoiselle Fluttershy shall be joining me this evening…I actually came to see if there is a basket that I may place some food in."
"I shall fetch it for you Master," Shortround said quickly, rising from his chair and shuffling out of the chamber.
Discord smiled after Shortround and then came to Discord's chair, smiling down at the mare. Rainbow Dash avoided Discord's eyes at all times, focusing her whole attention to the cup of wine she held in her hoof. "I must say Rainbow Dash…I had no idea how worried you were about everypony's safety here," Discord sighed, coming around Rainbow Dash's chair and seating himself in the spot where Shortround had been.
Rainbow Dash said nothing; she simply continued to drink her wine.
"Indeed," Discord sighed, "I also was rather surprised by your words…I had rather thought that you and Mademoiselle Fluttershy were getting on much better." Discord stretched himself out in the chair, his paw and claw lounging on the arms, his legs crossing over one another, his head leaning back as he gazed at Rainbow Dash. "Perhaps there is something you wish to explain?"
Rainbow Dash took another swig from her cup. "N-n-no Master," she whispered.
"No? No there is nothing you wish to explain? Or no, things are not going well between you and Mademoiselle Fluttershy?"
Rainbow Dash swallowed the lump in her throat. "I…I j-just meant-"
"Please speak up Rainbow Dash, I have been playing the organ for a good portion of the day and confess that my hearing is not as keen as it normally would be."
Rainbow Dash swallowed again. "I only meant that…i-if Fluttershy-"
"Mademoiselle Fluttershy," Discord corrected. "Until you are on better terms, I think you should remain formal, don't you?"
Rainbow Dash felt sweat dripping from her brow into her eyes. "Y-y-yes Master," she muttered. "I…I'm only concerned that…if Mademoiselle Fluttershy c-c-could get down here…o-others may a-a-as well."
Discord nodded his head and leaned forward, his arms coming to rest on the table. "Yes, I can understand your concern…but…thankfully, I know I can depend upon you to be on guard in case that did happen, yes?"
Rainbow Dash nodded her head, her eyes remaining downcast to the table.
Discord smiled. "Good," he said, giving Rainbow Dash's shoulder a hearty shake. "And as for your 'concern' that I am not doing my duties as the infamous 'Phantom of the Opera'…" he rose from his chair and leaned close to Rainbow Dash, his face near the mare's ear, his voice so soft, but so dangerous. "Answer me truthfully, Rainbow Dash…do you find me fearsome now?"
Rainbow Dash bit her lip, her whole body trembling.
"Well?"
"Y-y-y-yes M-m-m-master," she stammered.
"Good, I'm glad," Discord whispered. "Never forget…" he emphasized, his teeth clipped and his voice a hiss in the mare's ear. "I know my place and my duties…so it's wise that you remember yours."
Rainbow Dash nodded her head fervently, still looking away, her teeth biting her lip to keep from crying out.
Satisfied that his point was clearly made, Discord moved away from the trembling mare, his paw coming down on Rainbow Dash's shoulder, this time giving it a pat of reassurance. "I promise you, you'll never see that place again," he whispered, compassion coming over him for the mare who feared the carnival more than anypony else.
Discord turned to see Shortround, standing in the entryway of the cavern, holding the basket of food. "Ah! Thank you Shortround," Discord said rather jovially, taking the basket from him. "Enjoy your dinner."
They watched him disappear into the shadows, just as suddenly as he had arrived. Shortround went back to his seat, his eyes looking desperately at Rarity, hoping for an explanation, but she gave none, she simply continued to eat her food in silence. It was Derpy who broke the silence, sitting tall and proud in her seat. "The Master agrees that t-t-today, I've grown up!" she poured herself a small cup of wine and lifted it high into the air. "To Fluttershy!" she said happily. "I'm v-v-very happy s-s-s-she came!"
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Fluttershy was grinning from ear to ear as she listened to the beautiful music being played beneath her. Every December right before Christmas, the Opera House gave a free public concert of Handel's Messiah. It was simple, yet elegant; the stage decorated with red and white roses, the four principle soloists sitting on four elegant red velvet chairs while the chorus stood behind them. The orchestra was playing with great gusto, and Fluttershy couldn't help but hum softly to some of the familiar tunes that her father had played on his violin every Christmas. And, much to her relief, this was one performance Fleur De Lis officially did not participate in. According to Discord, Fleur De Lis would not participate in something as meager as a public choral concert.
Fluttershy still couldn't believe it; she grinned at Discord and then smiled down at the musicians on the tiny stage beneath her. Both she and Discord were sitting on a cat walk high above the auditorium, close the Opera House's grand chandelier that hung over the audience. No one would see them, and no stage hooves would come up to where they were during the performance. It was as if she were at a private concert.
Earlier that evening, after a long rehearsal, Discord congratulated her on her progress, and felt that it was time for a treat. Fluttershy had no idea what he meant, as he had never given her a "treat" before after a rehearsal, but she couldn't help but grin when he told her to wear one of her more "elegant" gowns for that evening, and to come with an empty stomach. Fluttershy did exactly as she was told, and at exactly seven o'clock, he arrived at her chamber, dressed in one his finest black suits, wearing a crisp clean white linen shirt, cravat, and tie. He held out a rose for her, which took Fluttershy by surprise, for she was still unsure about how he felt towards her, but her heart skipped a beat as he offered her the flower and bent to kiss her hoof, hoping beyond anything that perhaps, he too, was feeling something more.
Discord still had no idea what possessed him to make such an offer. Since their conversation on the roof, he was going out of his way to be more open with her, to share his thoughts, not only on music, but on books, art, and philosophy as well. Always the professional musician, Discord would quickly bring them back to the task at hoof if their conversation began to wander during rehearsals. But she was lingering more after rehearsals to speak with him, and he now and then found himself going to her chamber, to either learn her thoughts on something, or to simply bid her goodnight. It was strange, this friendship he had with her, but he had hoped that it would help fight the strange emotions that were raging through him. Sadly, he was finding that instead, it was kindling them.
Yet he ignored his discomfort about such things and tried to focus on his music when they were apart. He was working hard with the stage and art directions for Don Juan, as well as sending up instructions daily to the managers to begin ordering supplies for the opera. He was quite determined to see it performed before the season ended. Yet with so much work at hoof, Discord knew that both he and Fluttershy needed a break of some sort…and knowing that it was the evening for Messiah, he could not imagine a better treat for his rising star than a night at the opera.
He felt like a fool, a stallion well past the age to behave like a love-sick school filly, but he couldn't stop grinning at the thought of her surprise when she learned what he had in store. He went to kitchens of his lair, momentarily taking care of some unpleasant business with Rainbow Dash before fetching the food, and then arriving to take Fluttershy to her surprise.
She was a vision like nothing else he had seen. Indeed, he felt his heart stop at the sight of her.
He had instructed her to wear the most elegant gown she had, not remembering what he had brought her so many weeks ago, but he was not prepared for what he saw. She was a vision in ivory; the gown sparkled, hugging her curves deliciously and then fanning out into a full skirt that made her look like a princess from a fairy tale. He would not have been surprised if it were glass slippers she wore under the skirt. She wore white satin gloves that went up to her elbows, and the old locket that she always wore hung delicately on her neck. Of all her gowns, this one was also the most revealing; the thin lace that served as sleeves revealed her creamy shoulders, and the neckline was dangerously low. When she greeted him, she smiled a dazzling innocent sweet smile, and then did a little twirl, asking him if she had followed his instructions properly. Discord could only nod his head, his voice momentarily gone. This was an image that would forever be burned into his mind.
They then proceeded to the catwalk, going by the underground lake, past the old animal stalls, and up some old steps that he knew were abandoned, and safe for her to climb. When Discord opened the trap door to the catwalk, Fluttershy gasped, the grand chandelier being the first thing to greet her eyes. He took her arm led her to a place on the catwalk where he knew they would be secluded in shadows, but where she would have the best view of the stage. He proceeded to lower his cape for them to sit on, and then revealed the food that had been prepared for their supper. He also revealed a bottle of wine and two glasses that were in the basket as well. Fluttershy couldn't help but giggle as Discord insisted on a toast to the evening.
"What shall we drink to?" he asked, raising his glass.
Fluttershy smiled, feeling her cheeks become aflame. "To the Angel of Music," she whispered.
Discord's brow furrowed at her words. "The what?" he asked, hoping he did not sound as if he were ridiculing her, just simply…curious to what she meant.
Fluttershy smiled and clinked her glass with his. "The Angel of Music," she said again, as if anypony would understand what she was talking about. "The Angel of Music was what brought me here…to this city, to this place…and to this moment."
Discord cocked an eyebrow at her words, curious to know more about this mysterious angel she spoke of, but clinked his glass with hers and raised it to his lips. "To your angel," he whispered, before drinking.
Fluttershy took her drink, wondering if Discord knew that her angel was indeed…him.
They ate the roast cabbage, potatoes, and bread that Rarity had previously prepared, talking quietly with one another, Fluttershy trying to guess what would be performed that evening. Discord couldn't help but find her charming, how she seemed like a little filly, fidgeting with excitement every time she heard the orchestra tune their instruments, trying to figure out what music it was they were going to perform. And then, the curtains opened and the orchestra began to play, and Fluttershy immediately recognized the opening song. "Handel's Messiah! she squealed happily, and without thinking, she leaned against the catwalk, her arms clinging to the ropes that separated her from falling to her death, and her hooves, coming out from under her skirt and dangling over the edge. It was positively unmarelike, but neither Fluttershy nor Discord cared; he had never seen her so happy…and he knew that this was the image that would truly stay with him for the rest of his life.
She kept grinning at the stage, and then at him while the musicians below filled the auditorium with their songs; her hooves swinging back and forth like a filly. Discord however kept his gaze focused on Fluttershy. He was glad that for at least one night, he could give her something to be happy about, something that may take away the pain of being his prisoner and losing her father, if only briefly. He found himself frowning as he remembered Rainbow Dash's words, his fear that Discord had more or less, gone soft; forgotten his duties to strike fear into the hearts of others as the infamous Phantom. Truth was…Discord had forgotten. He was finding bliss with Fluttershy, bliss in her voice, and bliss in her presence. He had never truly known happiness till she had come into his life…and it frightened him.
Was his guard down? Would others attempt to explore the places they knew were forbidden? He had made a vow to protect his friends, promising that they would never again know what it was like to be behind bars and subjected to humiliation. Rainbow Dash needed to be taught a lesson, Discord could see that…but he pitied the mare all the same, knowing that it was her fear that drove her to such mad fits. He glanced at Fluttershy again, thinking perhaps he did need to keep his distance, at least more so than he was now; he needed to stay focused and alert…but he could not imagine a life without her voice singing sweetly to heaven, or her laughter filling his ears. Even now, as she softly hummed to the songs below, he could feel himself being lost in the bliss that she offered. For the first time in his life…light was coming into the shadowy depths of his soul.
He then remembered Rarity's words, about how he "deserved" some happiness. He looked at Fluttershy again, thinking exactly that as he watched her face glow with excitement.
"Oh Discord thank you so much for this!" Fluttershy whispered, leaning a little closer as the famous "Hallelujah Chorus" began to play. "Oh I love this song, I-oh!" she gasped as she had leaned far too close on the catwalk, but Discord was there, his strong arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her safely back onto the catwalk.
"Careful!" he hissed, his arm slipping under her skirts and pulling her fully back. Fluttershy blushed as she felt his arm briefly brush her legs, but she was more ashamed of her fillyish behavior than anything.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I was being foolish, I-"
Discord had placed a paw to her lips. "You were merely excited, it's alright," he whispered. "Just be more careful…and enjoy the song." Fluttershy smiled at him and turned her attention back to the stage as the chorus continued to sing.
The incident had startled them both so much that neither of them had realized that one of Fluttershy's shoes had fallen from her hooves, landing softly in Box 5 beneath them. But this was no ordinary box…it was the one that the Prince occupied.
Blueblood didn't normally come to these public concerts, he saw no point as no money was made in them. But tonight, he came with hopes that perhaps the elusive Mademoiselle Fluttershy would arrive. It angered him that the private investigator he was paying quite handsomely had not found anything; but Blueblood was determined to uncover the whereabouts of the missing costume mare before her wealthy and isolated grandfather died.
"What the devil?" he hissed, when the falling shoe landed at his hooves. He looked up at the ceiling of the box, seeing nothing, and then leaned out over the edge, trying to see where the shoe may have come from, but saw nothing.
"Is something wrong monsieur?" an usher appeared, having heard the Prince swearing.
"Tis nothing," Blueblood muttered, his paw waving at the usher in a dismissive manner. He picked the shoe up and examined it, noting how fine it was. Where could such a thing come from? It was the kind of slipper a mare of great fashion would wear, but there were no boxes above him…and it had come from above…so where had it come from? He glanced back out over the edge of his box to the ceiling above. All he could see was the chandelier…and what looked to be a catwalk, although it was hard to tell with shadows covering it.
Impossible, he thought. No mare would be up there…must have been some drunken stage hoof playing a trick. Well, he'd have that settled tomorrow. Blueblood rose from the box, clearly bored from the evening's festivities. "Get me my carriage," he ordered the usher. He glanced one last time at the shoe, and decided to take it with him, as evidence to be used against whomever the idiot was that chose to play the prank.
A few more songs later, the performance had ended. Fluttershy, like the rest of the audience, rose to her hooves and clapped heartily to the performers on stage. "Oh!" she gasped, gripping the rope of the catwalk as she tried to find her balance.
"Is everything alright?" Discord asked, vaulting to his feet when he noticed her stumble.
"Oh…just…" she felt around with her hoof, but couldn't find her missing shoe. "Excuse me," she muttered, lifting her skirts, trying to see where it had gone, but…it was nowhere to be seen. "How odd…" she murmured.
"What?" Discord asked, concern etched across his masked face.
Fluttershy bit her lip, wondering if he would be terribly upset with her. "I can't find my slipper…the one to my left hoof…it seems…oh no."
Fluttershy knew the answer before she said another word. "I think we can be assured that since there was no gasping or screaming in the middle of the performance, your shoe did not hit anypony."
"Yes, but…shouldn't we be worried? I mean…don't you think somepony will wonder who was up here?" Fluttershy bit her lip, fearing that perhaps she had given away the Phantom's secret, but Discord couldn't help but grin at her worry.
"Nonsense," he assured her. "There is nothing to fear or fret about…" his eyes briefly caught that of a petrified stage hoof who was walking along another nearby catwalk and who also turned and fled at the sight of the Phantom. "But we should be on our way."
Fluttershy nodded her head, feeling tired from the night's events, still in awe of everything that they had shared. She felt so honored by what Discord had done, to think of her and bring her here to this performance, and she was so grateful for the growing friendship between the two of them…but her heart ached with love for him that she feared would never be returned.
She followed him safely down from the catwalk, and down the steps they had climbed to reach it, but she cursed her stupidity for losing her shoe, as the ground hurt her stocking-covered feet, (she had removed the other shoe and was now holding it). Sensing what she was thinking, Discord spun around and without a word, scooped her up into his arms as if she weighed next to nothing.
"OH!" she gasped, finding her arms around his neck and shoulders. "T-t-this is not necessary…t-t-thank you, but-"
"I will not have you hobble all the way back," he argued. "And you're tired…rest Fluttershy…" his voice was soft, warm, and deep; very hypnotic. Fluttershy's mouth closed and felt her eyes grow heavy, relishing the feel of his strong arms holding her, his black cape swirling around her, carrying her like one of the dark heroes from her books. Her head fell to his shoulder, and her eyes fluttered shut as he continued to carry her without struggle or complaint.
Discord was still surprised from what he had done. But it was as if an unknown instinct had taken over, and without a thought or care, he scooped her up and began to carry her as if…as if he had always done so. And she felt so right…she was small, but not thin; just the perfect shape really, and she fit so perfectly in his arms. He had not realized that he had been holding his breath when he felt her head fall to his shoulder. How could this be? How could this angel be here, with him, allowing him to hold her? To touch her? He was a monster! She had seen, several times, what his body looked like and what lay beneath his mask! And yet…she had fallen asleep in his demon arms.
Oh God above…he was done for.
He placed her very carefully in the gondola, and then sailed them back to the shore of his lair. He picked her up without struggle once again, and carried her to her chamber, where he laid her softly, gently, upon her bed, her hair spilling around her pillow like a pink silken wave. He took a blanket and carefully laid it over her gown, checked that her fire was blazing warmly, and then pulled the lace curtains around the bed to offer her more privacy.
"Discord?"
He was startled by the soft voice, thinking she was asleep. "I'm here," he whispered, bending to one knee so his face was at the same level as hers.
Her eyes momentarily fluttered open so she could see him, and she smiled. "T-t-thank you…for tonight…" she whispered.
He smiled back and without thinking, found himself leaning forward and placing a kiss to her forehead. "It was my pleasure angel," he whispered back, before quickly rising and hurrying out of there.
What had possessed him to kiss her? He was amazed that she hadn't screamed at the feel of his odd-shaped lips touching her flawless coat. But her words rang through his head; she had thanked him for what he had done, for his surprise, for his gift to her. In a world where he saw countless mares fawn over jewels and diamonds, his Fluttershy had thanked him for taking her to a secret place, eating a simple meal, and watching a choral concert. Perhaps she was right; Fluttershy was not like these mares he had based Aminta on. If she were moved by something as simple as music…perhaps it was possible to dream, to believe that…that she could love–
"Madness," he scoffed at himself, before entering his chamber and grabbing hold of a bottle of wine. He always knew he was on the brink of madness, but now…now he feared he was quickly toppling over the edge. "I will control this," he ordered to himself before taking a deep drink. "I will conquer this!"