Sanctuary

by Kaidan


V. Agoraphobia

        The doppelganger descended from her throne and walked forward until she stood inches from Twilight's face.

        "What am I?"

        "You seem to think that you're my conscience, or super-ego. I have yet to see any evidence you actually hold the moral high ground," Twilight mocked.

        The voice that had been tormenting Twilight began to laugh heartily. "You don't have to agree to make it true. For years I have been trying to help you out and keep control of your desires." The doppelganger motioned to the younger version of Twilight.

        "My id, Sparkle. She would represent my desires. Are you implying by opposing her that my hopes are false, and that you are correct?"

        "Is that going to be your one question? I had certainly hoped for something better."

        "No," Twilight replied. Certainly there had to be a better question to ask. Asking which reality was correct might prove fruitful, or she might get an answer similar to Big Mac's. Inquiring who destroyed her memories, or what they were, might also prove fruitless. If Twilight's id was to be believed, then her super-ego had not acknowledged their illness.

        "I have a different question in mind," Twilight stated. "I would like to kno—" She was interrupted by a deep rumbling that resonated through the hall. "Oh you've got to be kidding me."

        "What is that?" The doppelganger walked past Twilight to face the entryway into its chambers. The wall rippled from impacts on the other side, knocking lose bits of stone and dust.

        "That's the monster I was trying to tell you about, it came from the Everfree!" Sparkle exclaimed.

        "And I told you, child, that there is no Everfree. We're the only ones in her mind. This isn't possible. . . unless you know something we don't, Twilight."

        "I've been assuming my inability to tell my memories apart was due to an illness. My friends seem to think I'm sick with some rare disease, while I think it was all just a delusion." Twilight gestured around with her hoof. "Now, I'm not quite sure what to believe. All the evidence does seem to support my insanity."

        The room began to shake more violently. The ceiling was covered in tiles that reflected what Twilight could see in the waking world. Images of her room in the library began to flicker, others were filled with static. Segments of the ceiling began to collapse, becoming deadly projectiles as they fell. Energy arced through them, tainting the air with ozone.

        "Well good news, Twilight, you're definitely ill. That," the voice exclaimed. "That does not belong in your mind, nor do I believe it a product of your obvious insanity or I would have been aware of it before."

        The doppelganger, embodiment of her conscience, and chief instigator of her guilt, turned to face her.  Twilight shrank back under her judging gaze, as if she were less than nothing.

        "You will leave now while I deal with your mess."

        "No!" Twilight yelled. "This is my mind, I'm staying to help."

        "It was a mistake to bring you here, you caused this manifestation. Now get out!"


        Twilight was jolted awake as her body shivered. She was lying in bed and nothing seemed amiss. The blanket was still tucked in, the faint light of a few fireflies in a lamp dancing across them. Books were still neatly stacked, the door closed securely, and the room was quiet.

        The silence. That was what bothered her the most. The feeling that she had just been dreaming was stuck in her mind, but so was the feeling that something more had happened. Something important was missing, an absence that was difficult to explain.

        Twilight sat up in bed, realizing the beginnings of a headache. Closing her eyes and rubbing her temples seemed to help. As she reflected on what had just happened she was able to retrieve fragments of it from the outskirts of her mind.

        She had been talking to the voice last night, asking it to show her the memories and help her sort out her illness. She had been on Sweet Apple Acres with her younger self. Twilight had also been at a party in the hospital. Something had then torn her mind apart, chasing her to the voice.





        "Oh no, answer me! You can't be gone!" Twilight shouted. She held her eyelids shut trying to force herself back into her mind to no avail.

        The door clicked and slowly opened. "Good morning, Twilight. Everything okay in here?" Spike questioned.

        "No, it's not! I can't hear the voice in my head anymore! It's gone, Spike!"

        Spike tilted his head to the side then glanced around the room. "Voice? Isn't that a good thing if you can't hear voices?"

        "You don't understand, it's in my mind tearing it apart! I have to go back in there, I have to save them!" Twilight lay back down and covered her head with a pillow.

        Spike began counting fingers on his claw. "AJ? No, she'd be too busy harvesting. Maybe Pinkie? At least she'd cheer her up. Fluttershy? I suppose she's as close as I could get to a psychologist. . ." Spike continued to muse over who would be best able to talk sense into Twilight this time.

        "Just wait here, Twilight, I'm going to go find one of your friends." Spike stepped out of the room, wondering how he could leave her alone. Last time she had nearly burned down the library.

        The door clicked shut softly as Twilight continued to mumble and roll around on the bed inside.


        Twilight had no success in re-entering her mind. She had tried calming down, and tried getting angry. Smothering herself in blankets had no effect, nor did demanding the voice return her. For the first time in as long as she could remember, the voice was gone. The absence of it should have overjoyed her; instead it filled her with fear.

        After giving up, she untangled the bed sheets and got up. Science would provide her with a reasonable explanation. Gazing over the bookshelf she recalled the texts of the various tomes by their titles. None of them would be helpful, so she walked over to the door to explore the rest of the library.

         The door swung open and she saw the dozens of books. It only took a minute to decide where to start. An old book by a stallion named Freud. He had been the first to identify the id, ego, and superego. If his theories held true, it could explain what she had just seen in her mind.        

        After locating the book Twilight began to skim through it for answers. It was overly complicated and old, yet for his time the stallion had made impressive insights into the mind of a pony. One thing stood out and bugged her. If the voice in her head that was taunting her was her conscience, her superego, then why was it able to take on the shadowy form in the atrium? For a moment, it had looked just like the illness that had chased her out of the Everfree.

        The whole ordeal had been surreal and possibly a dream. Could a simple book prove any of her theories true?

        Twilight went over to the window to take a break from the first of what would be many books she had to research. It was a beautiful day outside, yet it did not make it less terrifying.

        Across the street the Cutie Mark Crusaders were playing. They seemed unphased by the maze of houses that seemed to stretch on endlessly. The cloudless sky made the mountain in the distance that housed Canterlot visible.

        Ponies may have built houses and found clever ways of hiding it, but the world was a big place. Twilight could have walked in any direction for hours without seeing another pony. It would be so easy to get lost, and though Canterlot might appear to be just over the next hill, it was nearly a hundred miles away.

        Whether this library were real or an illusion, Twilight took pride in knowing exactly where everything was and how many feet away they were at any given moment. Aside from Spike organizing the books wrong on occassion, she had brought order to the library.

        The door flew open and startled Twilight.

        “Hey, Twi, you ready for a picnic?” Dash asked.

        “A picnic? That’s not on any of my schedules. I suppose I’ve been preocupied lately, still, it would have shown up on a checklist. . . maybe a sticky note. . .” Twilight continued to ignore Dash while looking around to confirm the picnic.

        Dash grabbed Twilight and shook her. “Equestria to Twilight! It’s a surprise, that’s why it’s not on your checklist, sheesh.”

        “We can’t have a picnic I’m trying to find why the voices in my head went silent!”

        Dash cocked her head to the side, then looked at Spike. “What are you feeding her?”

        “Don’t look at me, I found her like this,” Spike answered.

        “Uh, hello? I’m standing right here,” Twilight said.

        “Sorry, it’s just I was hoping you’d feel better by now. I invited all your friends, they want to see you and know you’re okay.”

        “Oh, I guess you can invite them in now, Dash.” Twilight walked over to start setting the table for tea.

        “No, we’re going outside to a picnic. You’re killin’ me, Twilight,” Dash stated.

        “I can’t go outside, it isn’t safe.”

        Dash smiled. “You’re safe with me, don’t be silly. I worked really hard on this.”

        Twilight turned to face her friend. Of all the ponies she had met since arriving in Ponyville she trusted Dash the most. That did not mean she wanted to go outside with her. Last time, Dash had almost lost her.

        Smiling, she addressed her friend. “Sorry, maybe next time we can go.”

        “Oh no, you’re coming outside and I’m going to show you there is nothing to be afraid of,” Dash said.

        “Spike, can you tell Dash I’m just fine here?”

        “Don’t look at me, I think fresh air would be good for you,” Spike replied.

        “I’m a grown mar—” Twilight was interrupted as Dash landed behind her and began pushing.

        “Out we go, and don’t think of trying magic, it’s bad for your health or something, right, Spike?”

        “Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Spike said.

        “Ugh, this isn’t happening, let go!” Twilight protested. She tried to run away but Dash had her by the tail.

        “This will be fun! There will be cake!”

        Twilight sighed and sat down as Dash pulled her outside and Spike walked alongside them. She knew from Pinkie’s surprise birthday party how persistent Dash could be. Perhaps the best course of action would be to play along. The ground wasn’t that comfortable when you were being dragged across it.

        “Alright!” Twilight shouted. She stood up and walked alongside Dash towards the park. “But don’t think I’ll forget about this, I don’t like it out here.”

        “Why not?” Dash asked.

        “It isn’t safe, I don’t know my way around and if I get lost it could take me years to find Canterlot.”

        “Why Canterlot?”

        “It’s the only place I can see when I’m lost in the forest.”

        Dash looked at her and rose an eyebrow. “Wouldn’t the trees be the only thing you could see?”

        Twilight froze. “Oh Celestia! You’re right, I’ll never find my way back!” She turned and sprinted for the library. She was stopped abruptly by a sharp pain near her rump. Dash had bitten her tail and held fast.

        The pegasus towed Twilight the rest of the way to the picnic. When she finally got there, she saw all of her friends were happy and waiting for her.

        “Twilight! I’m so happy you’re okay!” Pinkie cheered.

        “Calm down, Pinkie, she’s clearly having a bad day,” Rarity explained.

        “Hi everypony,” Twilight said. She was shivering despite it being warm outside, it was uncomfortable out in the open. At least all six of her friends were here. It wasn’t often Spike and the girls got to hang out, in fact Twilight couldn’t remember the last time it had happened.

        A wide smile crossed Twilight’s face. It was enough to make her forget about her fear of the outdoors. Maybe Dash was right about bringing her out here today.

        Something jumped out from behind Fluttershy. The while projectile landed on Twilight’s face and grabbed on, trying to hug her.

        “Ahhh! Get it off!” Twilight shouted.

        “Angel, No!” Fluttershy scolded.

        “Gah!” Twilight was hyperventilating, her mind filled with an unreasonable panic. Before she could stop herself, a bright white flash emanated from her horn. Her eyes burned from the blinding light.


        Twilight didn’t want to wake up. Her muscles were all stiff and sore, to the point that she didn’t want to move a single one. Despite the bed being warm, the blanket had an odd feel to it. She rolled over, ignoring her protesting muscles, and curled her legs in towards her stomach.

        The room was brightly lit, annoying her dreary eyes. The harsh light and smell of hospital chemicals was one she had never gotten used too. It made it so difficult to sleep in. She fidgeted beneath the covers for awhile trying to get comfortable again. Any minute the orderlies would come wake her up, yet she still wanted a few more minutes of sleep.

        Twilight slowly caught up with her train of thought. Opening her eyes revealed what she feared most. She was back inside her room at the asylum. This meant she was having another nightmare, delusion, or perhaps she had woken up in her head again. There was only one way to find out.

        Slowly she was able to shake the sheet off and get her protesting legs to hang off the side of the bed. Standing up revealed she was still a bit dizzy. Judging by the pain and dizziness, it was unlikely a dream. It could be a delusion still.

        “Anypony there?” she asked. Her throat was dry and hoarse. There was no answer, even the voice of her conscience would have been a welcome relief. She walked over to the door and tried to force it open. It was padded, and beneath that was a thick metal door. It didn’t budge an inch.

        There was a simple solution, she would just fire up her horn and magic her way out of this. Even if it hurt or misfired, what’s the worst that could happen? Twilight would end up vaporizing the door instead of blasting it off it’s hinges.

        She focused her magic into her horn and unleashed it at the door. Instead of pain or the feeling of a loss of control, the magic vanished as quickly as she channeled it. She tried again, then again and Twilight had no luck.

        Bringing  a hoof up to her horn she could feel cloth covering it. Something was on her horn. Twilight looked around for a mirror. There was nothing reflective in the room, just books and a few patient-friendly pencils.

        With both hooves she tried pulling the cloth off her horn but it was on too tightly. No amount of magic or force removed it.

        Something landed on her back and began thumping it. She spun around and sent the rabbit flying.

        “Angel?” Twilight asked.

        The white rabbit rushed Twilight and bit her.  A slow trickle of blood began to flow from her leg. She jumped back when the sharp pain reached her brain.

        “Ow!” she shouted. Nothing here added up. Angel shouldn’t be here, she should feel pain, and never in her dreams and illusions had her magic been silenced. “Crap, I don’t think we’re in Ponyville anymore, Angel.”