//------------------------------//
// Chapter 5: Revelations 
// Story: The Conversion Bureau: A Boy and his Dream 
// by Lord Chit Chat 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 5


I woke up that morning without any sorrow, without any regrets, but only joy. I didn’t know why. I figured I’d dreamt of something so beautiful and heavenly that it had overwhelmed me with joy. It is a shame I couldn’t remember it. Not even a hint of it, but I was happy my day started on the right foot. I woke up with a blanket on me. I’ll have to guess the librarian didn’t want to wake me up and didn’t want me to catch a cold.

I slowly got up and stretched out a bit. I looked around and saw the librarian already working behind her desk. I decided I’d thank her immediately and went straight to her desk, although a little slow considering I just woke up. As I approached her she noticed me.

“Good morning, Mr. Eriksson. Had a late night book, did we?” she asked.
I chuckled “Yes, it was quite the book, people would say. I’d like to thank you for taking care of me when I fell asleep in your library, as well as apologizing for doing so in the first place.”
“Oh not a problem. In fact, I wished more ponies fell asleep in the library while reading a book. It isn’t as visited as I’d like it to be.”
“How come?” I asked.
“Well, the selection is relatively limited, it contains only the most basic books with a few personal additions, as well as some donations, but pretty much what you can find here, you can find in any library in the world. So the ponies that pass through tend to do just that. Pass through that is. And the ponies from around here either can’t, don’t want to, or they already read everything in the library.” she said.

I thought about it a few second before a thought came into my head. “Well, I might help you with the selection. As you know Twilight Sparkle is a good friend of mine and I’m sure she’ll be glad to supply the library with some more books.” but then I remembered that the world would end in a month, so it was pointless persay to have some books shipped from Equestria to Los Alicorn. But I decided to go with it, since nobody but a few outside Equestria knew that it was going to happen. And when it would they would probably be alerted in time. “Anyway, did Ms. McMillan or Caffeine Dash drop by this morning?”
She smiled with glee when I told her about my idea “Oh, thank you, thank you, Mr. Eriksson. I’d be eternally grateful if you did ask!” she then calmed down as I asked my other question “Hmm, no, they didn’t. But you should probably go and get some breakfast, it’s a bit late already.” she pointed at  the clock on the wall.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to miss the most important meal of the day.” I smiled and went to the mess hall. At that point almost all of the tables were empty, and Chef had already started resting at a table near the counter. The kitchen was filled up with dishes and and the bins were filled up with trash. Some chairs and tables were in a disorderly state. I fought my way through the chairs and tables and sat next to Chef when I noticed he was sleeping. I observed his snoring for about a minute or two stifling the urge to laugh. I then gently poked his nose for no apparent reason. He didn’t react to it much, except for a small scratch. I then proceeded to scratch the area behind his ear to which he replied “Yeah, that’s the spot. Crikey that’s good...”
He then gently opened his eyes and saw me scratching his ear. “Erik?” he said in an asking tone.

“Yes?” I giggled slightly.
“Can you please stop scratching me? Not that I don’t like it mind you, but it doesn’t make us look very professional and, mind you, I do need to look professional.” I immediately stopped scratching.
“Sorry about that, don’t know what came over me. Anyway, I know I overslept a bit, but is there any chance of me getting some breakfast?”
“Well, there’s always something in the fridge, but it wouldn’t be fair of me to the other ponies, that were on time, to just give you breakfast.”
“Okay, okay, I know where you’re going with this. Yes, I will help you clean the dishes. Or rather I’ll help your crew clean the dishes, seeing you were snoring just a few moments ago.”
“What? I don’t snore.”
“Yes, yes you do.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Yes. You do.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“No.”
“YES!” was heard from the kitchen. Red Pepper then appeared and continued “Yes, you do snore Chef and I can’t believe two grown colts, well erm, men or well, both, can argue like they’re children!” she chided.

After a good laugh and apologizing to Red Pepper, Chef had two tomato sandwiches made for me. They were delicious, as expected. After I ate the sandwiches Chef and I entered the kitchen where several ponies were doing various tasks.

“Alright, listen up. This here is my good friend Erik and he volunteered to help you lot with the dishes. So, Bill and Pepper, he’s all yours. Have fun, Erik.”
“Thank you, Chef.”
I went to shake hand and hoof with Bill, when I saw that he had a whiteboard and a couple of markers hanging down his neck. I figured I’d ask later and acted as if it weren’t there. He did seem a little frightened though. I then walked over to the dish washer.
“Here, put these on.” Pepper threw me a pair of latex gloves. “They were unused for quite a while, but  I don’t think you’ll mind.”
“No, quite the contrary. Having my hands soaked for a few hours would be even less pleasant than wearing a pair of stale gloves.” I put them on and the waited for Pepper for some instructions.
“Okay, so, Bill here dips them into soapy water, I clean some of the hardened stuff with the sponge and you put them into the dishwasher, okay? When it fills up you let me know.”
“Got it.”

After getting comfortable with my new job I started talking to Pepper. “Well, Pepper, how’s it going?”
“Well, same old story, same old - cook, eat,  wash, repeat.”
“I guess being a cook for a community this size doesn’t leave you with a lot of free time, does it?”
“No, but that’s why we change roles here in the kitchen every now and then. Usually every month or so, so we can get some nice shut eye. And the occasional volunteer is a nice break, of course.” she let out a smile.
“Well, I’m glad I made your day a little bit easier.” I looked at Bill soaking the dishes with his mouth. Bill was an earth pony with blue coat, lime green mane and tail and light blue eyes. He seemed a little bit on the down side of things. One thing that I didn’t notice right away, was that Bill didn’t have a cutie mark, which was strange considering he looked quite old enough not to have one.

“So, Bill, what about you?”
Bill looked at me silently, then picked up a whiteboard, grabbing a marker in his mouth and resting the board towards his hoof. He started writing and when he was done the whiteboard said:
“Fine. Thank you for asking.”
“Is there any particular reason you can’t talk? Or is your throat just hoarse?”
He then erased the whiteboard with a small washcloth. It was quite extraordinary that he could do all of that with his mouth. He wrote something else and now it said:
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Pepper looked at what he had written on the whiteboard. “Oh, sweetie, you don’t need to be scared of Erik over here. He’s not going to hurt you.” she comforted him.
“What’s wrong Pepper? Is it something I did?”
“No, it’s just that...well...” she paused for a second engulfed in thought and then asked
“Is it okay if I tell him?”
He again erased and re-wrote on the whiteboard: “Okay.” 
“Well, Bill here had some unfortunate events with humans before.” said Pepper.
“Really? What kind of unfortunate events?” I furrowed a brow.
“Well, some anti-pony gang caught him shortly after he left the conversion bureau and cut out his tongue. Poor thing didn’t stand a chance. He didn’t even decide for a name for himself or earn his cutie mark by then. Being mute has a lot of limitations as you could probably imagine. He came here, what was it Bill? Two years ago?”	
Pepper looked at the blue earth pony and he nodded in response.	
“Yeah, he didn’t say much about what happened in between, but it doesn’t matter anyways. The only important thing is that he came here and found something to do. Even though it isn’t that special something...”

I stared at Bill aghast by his story, he had turned the opposite way looking at Pepper for comfort. I tried to think of something fitting and comforting to say but wasn’t able to come up with anything. In the end I stayed silent. To which Pepper asked “Erik?”

“Yes, Pepper?” I said almost whispering.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine thank you.” I showed her a forced smile.
“You don’t look very fine...was it something I said?”
“No...well...yes. It was Bill’s story really. Every time someone reminds me of the fact...that...” I looked at Pepper for a good second or two and then took off the apron and just rushed outside the kitchen.





I was sitting on a bench overlooking the runways. This part of the airport was intended for smaller airplanes (judging from the lower jet bridges) and like most of the airport this one was completely devoid of planes and you could see the many houses around the airport itself.
“Mommy, mommy, look! That’s Mr. Eriksson!” a young colt shouted.
“It’s not polite to point at poni-I mean people. Lower your hoof Anthony!” said the mare.
“Oh, it’s quite alright. I’m not bothered.” I turned around and faintly smiled at the two.
“I’m sorry, he never saw a human before and when he heard that there’s one right here he had to know everything about you and really wanted to meet you.” the mother said.
“Does he now?” Oh Jake, and you said this wasn’t a human obsessed town. 
“Well, I’ll have to disappoint the little guy. We’re not really all that special.”
The little colt approached me and said “Hello Mr. Eriksson. My name is Anthony, it is a pleasure to meet you.” he extended his hoof clearly for a handshake.
I handshook with him and said “It’s a pleasure to meet you too Anthony.” I returned my sight to his mother and said “I must say that your son is a very polite young colt.”
“Thank you. Now Anthony come along, we don’t want to be late for our appointment at the dentist’s.”
“Goodbye Mr.Eriksson.” yelled the young colt as he trotted off to his mother’s side.
“Goodbye...dear little pony.” I sat in depression once more.

After a while I heard two familiar voices behind me. It was Caffeine Dash and Chef. I didn't hear what they were saying, but after a while Coffee approached me.

"What's wrong, Erik?" he asked.
“Everything is wrong, Coffee. Everything is wrong.”
“Oh, how so? Do you feel like telling me?” Caffeine politely inquired.
“It just doesn’t seem right...that we were given such a chance.”
“You mean, you don’t think of humanity as deserving of the chance to start anew? Or was it something completely different, like the divine dessert we had today? Please elaborate.”
“The former Caffeine, the former. It just doesn’t seem right to me.”
“What doesn’t seem right? The fact that humanity has caused so much suffering throughout history and when we finally got the chance to restart and change our acting some chose to continue in the old ways. You aren’t really explaining yourself here.”

“Damn it Jake! We don’t deserve it! We outlived ourselves and you know it. If it weren’t for ponies we’d have died from the Red Plague or simply because of the lack of oxygen. And if that wouldn’t kill us we’d kill ourselves! And how do we repay them? We treat them as if they were just walking and talking pieces of meat. What kind of savages are we? We weren’t capable of evolving for the past five millennia. Quite the contrary, we devolved! There may have not been open wars including guns, bombs and tanks, but the corporations and banks sure were in a full scale war. Even we were at war Jake! Even we were at war!” I paused for a moment letting a tear down my cheek “As we enter Equestria we’re just going to screw it up like we did our world! I hate repeating myself Jake, but there’s nothing else to say.”

“Not really true. We can never know what the future holds, well except Pinkies ‘feels’ but thats just something else entirely. There is no way for us to know for sure that the influx of ponies with human standards will corrupt the entire pony society. I am also quite sure that Celestia and Luna wouldn’t allow violence or callousness among the convertees. These renegade groups you speak of. The aggressors in the conflict. How could you know that they are the basic human? In my eyes they are the anomalies who were born without compassion. I know because I have felt like that myself. Not proud of it but i have to admit. You are afraid of the past repeating itself? Sure, I can understand that. But hanging onto the past and never letting go is a good way to have it repeat itself. New convertees go through some social adjustments after becoming ponies, so that the culture shock would be lessened a bit before they were let out into the full society. Oh well you probably zoned out halfway there. I guess what I’m trying to say is.” Caffeine sighed heavily. ”Let go...let the past be the past but live in the illusion called the present.”

I chuckled “You always had a thing for stating the obvious so I don’t feel as stupid when I hear them. You’re right Jake about Celestia and Luna not allowing that to happen. I guess I always prepare for the worst, but I forgot to hope for the best and instead knew the worst was going to happen. I guess it’s just the sense of duty that makes me feel this way. All leaders must know all possible outcomes and prepare for as much of them as possible. I don’t know why I think of myself as a leader, because I’m obviously incapable of such a role.” I stood up and leaned against the glass.

Caffeine laughed a bit. “Leader? Since when did you shoulder the task of being humanity’s ambassador. No wonder you’ve been down. Sure you owned the biggest company and made it possible to be turned pony, but that was all years ago. There are almost no more humans left. Those who hid from the change are counted by the thousands. Erik there is no humanity left now. Just the empty husk after a long gone civilisation. You need to relax and just appreciate the work you’ve done to enable this. By the way didn’t you have one final mission to accomplish? Something about preserving what little intelligence humanity once had.” Caffeine nuzzled Erik’s side reassuringly.

“A civilization we grew up in Jake. A civilization that we grew up in. You know me, I’m pretty nostalgic. If the world didn’t end I’d probably buy myself a castle somewhere and live like a nobleman. And nobody can hide from the change Jake, noone. There are only three humans left on Earth. And I have to assume that the third one can’t close the door so to speak. And it’s up to me to do it. It’s just a formality, but still needs to be done. At least that’s what I think should be done and if I don’t do it, who will?” I slid down the glass and sat down on the floor. “

“Well if it will get you out of your blue to complete this one last arbitrary task then... What would you say to some company along the way? The school year is almost over and I could use a holiday after fifteen years of diligent work.”
“When does it end?”
“Whenever I say it is.”
“Wouldn’t that be unfair towards your students? Ending the school year a bit early like that?”
“Early?! Hah! I’d be ending it five years late. I haven’t had new students in quite a while and I recently received message from higher up that the school would have to temporarily move to a new location for a little while.“
“Well, if you really think you should do it, it would probably be a lot easier for me if I had you along my side all the time.” I scratched Caffeine behind the ear.

“I’ll have it sorted out by morning then.”
“Thank you, Jake. I could always count on you.”
“And you always will. One other thing I have to remind you again, try not calling me Jake anymore. I know it’s hard, but it’s just not who I am anymore.”
I chuckled “Right. I’ll try to, but you have to excuse me if I don’t.”
“You know I will.”


I patted Caffeine on the back and stood up. I went to apologize to Chef for rushing off like that. He forgave me, of course, but he said he wouldn’t be giving me a double portion of dessert tonight, to which I laughed. He asked if I’d want some lunch, but remembering that Tricia was probably still in the library waiting for me, I said I’d go get her first and then we’d both come for lunch. After that I went back to the library where I found Tricia reading the books that we rented earlier.

“So, how’s the reading going along?” I asked.
“Super. I just finished my third one and started the fourth.”
“Excellent. Would you like to catch a break and have lunch?”
“Sure, I’m a bit hungry anyways.”

She left the books on the table and we were off to the mess hall. We both ordered some spaghetti and sat down at one of the tables. We talked a bit about what she had read, I answered a few questions and after that we just talked about how ponies actually live in Equestria. I told her that her best bet would be to talk to one of the ponies that had actually lived there rather than me who had only watched a cartoon based on them a few decades ago. After a while I went to get our food and saw Pepper working at the counter. As soon as she saw me her ears drooped.

“Chef told me what happened, I’m sorry, I...” she said.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about, Ms. Pepper. I’m known to have emotional episodes here and there. Just a very bad habit of over-reacting. There’s not a pinch of your fault in it.” I said. She perked  up, smiled and said “Well, if you say so. Have a muffin, but don’t tell Chef. I’m not supposed to give you an extra piece of cake tonight.”
I chuckled “Okay. My mouth is sealed.”

I turned around and  found Tricia standing in front of another table. She probably took my advice and asked a few native Equestrian how life is over there. I turned back and watched the ponies prepare the food. Today it was macaroni and cheese with a side of green salad. I buried myself in deep  thought until Pepper arrived and brought me our food. She then looked behind me and said “What’s going on over there?” she pointed her hoof at Tricia. I turned around and saw Raincloud and Hurricane yelling at her. And High Cloud was in front of her facing his parents. I ran towards them to try and put out the fire that had broken out. As I came closer you could hear the actual words.

“-she didn’t do anything to you! Why do you have to be so mean to her?!” High Cloud yelled at his parents.
“Cloudy, get over here! You can’t trust a human! She’ll just use you for her own selfish desires!” said Hurricane
“Son, your mother is right, get over here and let us handle this brute.”
“She isn’t a brute, all she wanted to ask me was what is Equestria like!”
“What’s going on here?” I intervened once I arrived.
“Oh look, another one. Come on High Cloud come over here and leave these barbarians to their bloody misdoings.” said Raincloud.
“I just wanted to ask them how’s it like in Equestria and then they started yelling at me how I’m not decent enough to speak to them.” Tricia replied to my earlier question.
“You have to tell them Mr. Eriksson! You’re not so mean like they think you are.” said the little colt.

I glanced at his parents and then turned towards them. “I’d be telling a lie when I’d say we weren’t warmongering beasts-” they smiled “-but I’d also be lying if I’d say that everyone was like that.” their smiles disappeared.
“If you don’t care to acknowledge that besides Adolf Hitler there was Mahatma Ghandi, that besides Stalin there was Martin Luther King, that there was the Union besides the Confederacy, that besides war there was science, art, love, friendship...then I have nothing more to speak to you about. We may have brought our planet to its demise, we may have succubmed to capitalism, but that doesn’t make us warmongering barbarians. Just like in Equestria, there are both ponies good-” I paused for a moment “-and less good.”
“How dare you speak to us like that you-” Hurricane got interrupted.
“How dare I? How dare you speak to me about how we are dumb and filled with bloodlust when you choose to ignore the majority who aren’t? How dare you judge us all based on a few? Look at your son, Mrs. Hurricane. Do you want him to learn how to hate humans? And teach him the very thing you hate about us? Hatred? You say you are better, but to me it seems you’re no better than our corporate leaders. Filled with both shit and themselves. If you pardon my expression.”

Both of them were shocked and speechless. They tried to say something, but as soon as the first letter came out they would close their mouths. After a while Raincloud was able to say “Sss-son, let’s go home.” High Cloud turned to me and was looking at me as if I were his big brother and he was awaiting my approval. I chuckled and nodded. Tricia stared at me.

“You sure showed them.” she said.
“I’m actually surprised myself how good that ended up being. But let’s have lunch before I have to do that again, okay Ms.McMIllan?”
“Sure. What’s for lunch anyway?”
“Macaroni and cheese with a side of green salad.”
“My favourite...wow.”

After that we sat down and enjoyed our food. We didn’t talk about the incident earlier, but I could see that she was a bit stressed about it. After we ate up our food I said “You know, this doesn’t change the fact that Equestria is much more pleasant to live in, despite there being both good ponies and less good ponies. I put the emphasis on less good because there really aren’t bad ponies, per say. You still don’t have corporations or politics which is pretty much what brought us here in the first place.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Thanks for saying it though. Makes me feel more secure in this decision.”
“I’ll sound like a salesman or something trying to sell you something that obviously doesn’t work, but, you won’t regret the decision.”

After we had cleaned up the table and started to leave when Caffeine arrived.
“Erik, would you mind explaining me why do I have two very upset ponies in my office?” he tapped his hoof against the floor.
“Well, what did you expect me to do when they started to shout at Tricia just for being human after she had asked a trivial question such as ’What’s it like in Equestria?’? I had to deal with them and frankly I think it ended up surprisingly good.”
Caffeine didn’t say something for several moments. “Well, if that’s how it was, then I guess I don’t have anything to argue with you about.”
“I certainly hope so. I don’t like arguing with friends.”
“Oh, I almost forgot-” he pulled out a letter out of one of his saddlebags which he wore when he was at work. “-this letter came in for you today. It’s from Twilight.”
“The Royal Equestrian Postal Service sure works fast.” I adjusted my glasses.





Dear Erik,

I’m almost done and should be arriving in two days. Your letter to the Princesses drew a lot of their attention, especially Princess Luna. Sadly, Princess Celestia has to finish up the preparations for the purification spell, but Princess Luna will be arriving with me. Your good friend, Twilight Sparkle. 





I took off my glasses and almost let them fall out of my hand.
“What is it, Erik?” asked Caffeine.
“Pp-Princess Luna... She is cc-coming to visit us in two days.”
Caffeine broke out in a grin. “Are you serious?”
I nodded.
“Hay.”