//------------------------------// // Chapter Three // Story: Doctor Whooves Classic: The Happiness Patrol // by Tragicom //------------------------------// As Firefly waited for the 'show' to begin, she kept a look of defiance on her face. This wouldn't break her. She wouldn't let anything break her. Dandy Candy walked into the room. "Big smiles, you two. It's show time!" She smiled. But she wasn't very happy. Meanwhile at Surprise's House... Surprise watched the telescreen intently. She continued to smile that unnerving smile that never seemed to budge as she observed the protestors. She wrapped up her beloved Gumball in bandages, as the alligator was still recovering from the electric shocks. "Look at 'em, Gumball. Dressed in dark clothes, listening to slow music, and generally being sticks-in-the-mud. Depressing. If only they could learn to smile. Smiling makes everything better!" she said. She pressed a button to contact her patrolmares. "Happiness Patrol, there's a protest on the rise. Time for a 'very special party'. No prisoners, pretty please!" She smiled. She never stopped smiling. Meanwhile in Town Square... The ticket stallion had finally received the program for the late-night auditions, and was looking it over for The Doctor. "Firefly Sigma, right?" "Yes." "She's on there, listed as doing a 'miracle survival act' for her audition," he explained. "Miracle survival?" The Doctor said, "What does-no, wait. If she survives..." "It's a miracle," the other stallion finished. Meanwhile at Surprise's House... Surprise applied a bit of ointment to Gumball's claw, and gave the gator a soothing backrub. "You know, Gumball, we're a great team. You and I can change this place, and make it so happy. No matter how many killjoys come our way, we smile and laugh 'em away. And if they're still miserable, we make it so they don't have to be miserable ever again." Gumball growled in affirmation. "I know, that is really nice of us, isn't it? Now, I'll deal with the killjoys in town square, ready for round two in the pipes?" Gumball growled once again. Meanwhile in Town Square... "Attention Everypony! The Happiness Patrol is on the move to dispell the protestors. Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!" the P.A. blared. The Doctor smirked. His plan was working exactly as he thought it would. He looked at the swarming crowd protestors that Reed Plate had gathered with pride. These city streets, filled to the brim with obnoxiously bright colors, were now muted by both the night sky and the dark cloaks of the protestors. He was that much closer to ending Surprise's foolish methods. Chocolate Torte walked over to him. "Doctor." "Ah, Chocolate Torte. Have you come to see the fun, or is that classified?" he asked. "I'm actually leaving the planet. Census is done." Torte offered a parchment to The Doctor, as if to request that he read it. As he did so, a look of confusion crossed his face. "Whistle Blower, Honey Mixer? I know these names," The Doctor pointed out. "I know. They seem to have just up and disappeared." "The full extent of Surprise's work over the past six cycles," The Doctor realized. Much to his shock, the list was incredibly long. This only served to fuel the Time Lord's fire. "You get out of here," he said. "It's just about time to begin." Torte left to find the shipyard. The Doctor turned to Reed and nodded. Reed responded by playing an old classic on his harmonica. The Doctor began to croon. "It's still the same old story, a fight for love and glory, a case of do or die..." A group of brightly colored mares marched into the square, led by Dandy Candy. Firefly and Sugar Cane were dragged in with chains. "Oh," The Doctor said, stopping his musical number, "I was wondering if you lot were really going to show up." "Doctor!" Firefly shouted. "I'm very happy to see you're okay, Firefly." "I'm happy you're happy, Doctor," Dandy interjected. "But it's over for them, and it's over for these killjoys." She lifted her gun. The Doctor smiled. And then he burst out in hysterical laughter. Dandy lowered her gun in confusion. Firefly looked at him with equal bafflement. "Doctor, what are you doing?" "HA, HA, HA! Isn't it obvious?! HA, HA! They can't shoot me! What they see before them is an incrrrrrredibly happy pony! HA, HA, HA!" he laughed his way through his victorious speech. "Sure I was grumpy before. But now I'm having a ball! And so are these killjoys!" That was their cue. Reed and the killjoys began to burst out in laughter and cheering. The sound of their laughter drowned out the muzak. Dandy and the other patrolmares didn't know how to respond to this. They were told to destroy the protestors, but they were happy! The once dreary demonstration was now one of the most upbeat they had ever seen. And why wouldn't it be? They were about to win. "Quite frankly, the only killjoys around here are you lot!" The Doctor declared. "None of you are happy about this turn of events, save Firefly and Sugar Cane!" Firefly and Sugar exchanged understanding glances, and joined the others in laughter. It was at this moment that Praline Pie arrived with another group of patrolmares. They were equally shocked at this turn of events, and realized the sad reality of the situation. They had to arrest the other patrolmares. While Dandy's squad turned themselves over, knowing they had no choice at this point, The Doctor freed Firefly and Sugar. "That was impressive, Prof!" "And I'm just getting started." Meanwhile in the Execution Yard... Surprise and Jelly were taking an early-morning walk. They made it a point that after a long night's work, they would spend a little bit of time together. "The night looks really pretty, huh Jelly-Belly?" "Yes, dear," he replied. He smiled. He wasn't happy. "It's the kind of night that makes you happy to be alive!" Jelly didn't respond. She turned to him with that never-budging smile. "I said, it's the kind of night that makes you happy to be alive." "Oh, yeah," he nodded, a little disturbed by his wife's expression. "I'm happy you're happy." "And I'm happy you're happy." The P.A. blared out. "Attention everypony! Chaos has broken out in Town Square! The Happiness Patrol has fallen into infighting. Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!" Surprise rolled her eyes. "There's always something. You stay here and wait for Gumball, I'll deal with this." "Yes dear." Meanwhile in the Empty Streets... The Doctor, with Firefly, Reed, and Sugar in tow, raised a manhole cover. "What's next, Prof?" "We work our way up," he replied. He promptly dived into the pipes. Meanwhile in the Waiting Area... Dandy Candy played the slots, while her patrol division sat around within the painted triangle. Praline Pie looked at the former patrolmare with shame. "Hope you're enjoying yourself, killjoy," Praline said. "I'm not a killjoy!" Dandy scoffed. "I remember working with you. You never quite fit in. I could tell you would crack eventually." The telescreen on the slot machine activated, and Surprise appeared on the screen. "At least you won," Praline pointed out. "No, I didn't," Dandy said, a little bit worried. "I'm broadcasting live, sillies!" Surprise informed them. "Now, release Dandy Candy, will you?" "But she's a killjoy!" Surprise's eye twitched. Her smile still wouldn't move. "I'm losing my patience, Praline. Let her go!" she practically screamed. Dandy saluted, and left. "What should I do?" Praline asked. "You're in the waiting zone. Wait." Meanwhile in the Pipes... As The Doctor and company finished their descent into the pipes, the shaggy natives ran their way. "What's wrong?" Firefly asked. "Gumball," the leader replied. "You said you frrried the alligator," The Doctor said to Firefly. "Hey, nopony's a perfect shot." The sound of the reptile's growl echoed through the pipes. "I think we should go that way," The Doctor said. "That way, danger," the leader reminded him. "Prrrecisely." Meanwhile in the Oval Office... "So," Surprise began, "explain what exactly is going on, Dandy." Dandy nodded. "The protestors are marching, and steadily attempting to bring down the factories. The Doctor and his posse seem to be roaming the city." "No problem, then!" Surprise giggled. "The factories are heavily guarded and we'll find The Doctor soon enough." "We think he went into the pipes," Dandy replied. "Excellent. Gumball can deal with him." Meanwhile in the Pipes... The Doctor continued his trek down the pipes, hoping to track down Gumball. As the growling grew louder, The Doctor's smirk grew. "Alright, this should do it," he muttered. "Firefly, you and Sugar get out of here. I'll meet you both topside soon enough. Go help the protestors." The girls nodded and departed. "What about me, Doctor?" Reed asked. "Give me an A-Flat." "Eh?" "No, A-Flat. On your harmonica," he clarified. "But what about the syrup? If I play, won't it come tumbling down?" "That's the plan," The Doctor replied. Reed's eyes widened with understanding. He played the note, but it only seemed to alert Gumball to their presence. "Um... try a C," The Doctor guessed. Reed complied, and the two heard a crackling sound. "Now we run?" Reed asked. "Yes." The two departed as they heard the sounds of an avalanche behind them. Meanwhile in the Oval Office... The P.A. continued to blare. "Attention everypony! Guards have turned traitor, and are helping protestors bring down the factories. Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!" Dandy looked concerned, but Surprise, well, you can probably guess at this point. "It's just the one factory. We've got thousands," Surprise said, waving her hoof in dismissal. "But what about the riots? Or the reports of public grief?" Dandy asked. "All we need is a strong patrolmare who knows the streets like the back of her hoof. Praline Pie, maybe?" Dandy gulped. After her imprisonment, she had lost a lot of faith in Praline. "But she's a fanatic!" "Fanatic's only a few letters away from 'fantastic'!" she declared. "Bring the Waiting Area up on the screen." The telescreen flared to life, and the image appeared. Praline Pie was now bound and gagged by the other patrolmares. Sugar waved at the camera, while Reed taught a few members of the patrol how to play the harmonica. Surprise's eye twitched again. "Alright..." she said, slowly. "The Kandykolt, then." Meanwhile in the Kandy Kitchen... Fortunately, the Kandykolt was able to unstick himself this time around, and he was experimenting with what appeared to be vanilla extract. The telescreen on the side wall came to life, and Surprise appeared. "Madame?" the sugar creature asked. "I'm counting on you to get rid of The Doctor. I don't care how far you have to go." As if on cue, The Doctor and Firefly burst out from a manhole nearby. The telescreen shut off in response. "Hope you don't mind us dropping in," The Doctor said. "Have you met Firefly? She's an expert in calorification, incineration, carbonization, and inflammation." "What?" "She's here to inspect your oven." "Quite so," she said, adopting a stuffy tone of voice. She looked to the oven, and turned on the gas. "You were a fool to return here, Doctor. I told you that you would die!" the Kandykolt exclaimed. "I give you about a hundred-to-one odds," Firefly mocked. She discreetly picked up a red-hot poker with her wing. "On second thought, you die first!" it said, turning to her. "Oh come on," The Doctor whined, "you prrrrromised." The Kandykolt groaned in frustration. "Heads or tails?" "Tails," The Doctor replied. "What do I win?" "That would be telling." It inched closer to The Doctor. Firefly whistled. As the Kandykolt turned around, she opened the over door, and held the poker in front of it. The gas caught fire and set the Kandykolt ablaze! The candy-creature screamed in agony and ran out, crying in anguish. "Think he'll be okay?" Firefly asked. "Well, he is mostly preserrrrvatives," The Doctor joked. The two walked out into the empty streets, and saw that the converted patrolmares were destroying the speakers, so that the muzak would stop playing. "Isn't it peaceful, Doctor?" Reed Plate asked. "The sound of silence." "Not silence," he replied. "I can hear the sound of an empire toppling." Meanwhile in the Oval Office... Surprise tried to contact the Kandykolt, but nothing appeared on the telescreen. Her eyes twitched even more furiously than before. "Where is everypony?!" Meanwhile in the Execution Yard... Jelly waited patiently for Gumball to return from the pipes. In walked Maestro Patissier. "What's going on?" "Kandykolt's dead," Patissier said. "You don't seem too upset about the death of your 'son'," Jelly pointed out. "He wasn't anything special. Before I came to this planet, I was a microbiologist," he told him. "How'd you become a chef, then?" Jelly asked. "I accidentally bred a super-germ. Wiped out a good chunk of the planet." "That's not your fault. Besides, you were able to pack up and start again." "And what about you?" Jelly pondered this. Meanwhile at Surprise's House... Surprise carefully filled her bags with her most treasured valuables, and of course the essentials. She hummed a little song under her breath. Something about sunshine, lollipops, rainbows, and all those other happy things. Dandy looked on with confusion. It was as if Surprise hadn't noticed that her entire world was crumbling down around her. "So how long will you be gone?" "Gone?" "You're packing a suitcase." "Why should I leave?" "Well, given the situation..." "Nothing's wrong, silly! I just need an eensy-weensy vaction!" The P.A. flared to life again. "Attention everypony! A total of 112 factories have fallen to the rebel forces. Enjoy yourselves, and remember to smile!" Surprise's eyes twitched, but that smile just would not move. "See, nothing to worry about! I'm perfectly happy!" Dandy suddenly realized just how terrifying her boss really was. She smiled. "I'm happy you're happy." But she wasn't. Meanwhile in the Pipes... Firefly looked at some sort of map that The Doctor had only recently drawn up. She wasn't sure how accurate it was, but it was all they had. "I think we're under the palace now." "Excellent." The Doctor turned to the native leader. "I believe this is where we say our goodbyes." "What now?" the native asked. "I've talked with the protestors," The Doctor explained, "They're more than happy to let you live alongside them." "Nice." "Very nice." A strange noise began to rumble through the pipes. "What is that?" Firefly asked. The Doctor put his ear to the side of the pipes. "It sounds like a shuttle taking off." Meanwhile in the Oval Office... As Surprise finished packing, she also noticed the sound of a rocket. She activated her telescreen, in the hopes of contacting the crew. A familiar donkey appeared before her. "Maestro Patissier?!" "It's a nice rocket," he noted. "Impressive feat of engineering." "You betrayed me?" she asked, not changing her cheerful expression. "Yeah, but I am suffering. I've got bad company." Jelly walked up behind Patissier. "Goodbye, sweetie." "What are you doing on that thing? You're supposed to wait for Gumball, silly!" She giggled. "I never liked that thing, anyway." The telescreen clicked off as the shuttle launched from the atmosphere. Surprise's eyes twitched again, and she left the room with her bags in tow. Meanwhile at Surprise's House... Dandy wasn't really sure what the plan was at this point. The factories were being overrun, Surprise had left, and the patrol was in disarray. As if to emphasize the point, The Doctor and Firefly burst into the room. "Hello, could you tell me where to find Surprise?" "It's too late Doctor!" Dandy reached for her gun. "She's already left, but I'm delighted to see you!" Suddenly, Dandy's gun was blasted out of her hooves. She turned around and saw that Sugar Cane and Reed had also made their way inside. Sugar had fired her own blaster. "Sweet!" Firefly said. "Who taught you to shoot like that?" "Dandy," Sugar snarked. Firefly looked at the defeated patrolmare. "Do you have a class at the learning annex or something?" Reed noticed a tape player next to a speaker system. He ripped out the tape, and attached a nearby microphone. He began to play his harmonica, and in the place of the muzak, blues rhythms filled the air of Laughterra. The Doctor snuck out of the room. "Better than the elevator music," Dandy admitted. Meanwhile in the Empty Streets... Surprise was violating one of her own rules. She was wandering the streets alone at night, but with her floral-print luggage and ever-present smile, she wasn't too worried. Worrying would be sadsy-wadsy. "You aren't going to escape that easily." She turned her head to see The Doctor waiting for her. He smirked. "You can't keep me here, Doctor. There's a scheduled flight anyway," she informed him. "I know, but I also know that you'll never escape what you're trying to run away from." "And what's that?" she asked. "Sadness," he replied. "Nopony can escape sadness." "But you have to try," Surprise countered. "Sadness just makes you feel bad. Happiness is the bestedy best thing in the universe! Everypony deserves to be happy! Everypony should always be happy!" she explained, the biggest of smiles on her face. "And you decided to deliver this charity through prisons, rrrrroving bands of mercenaries, and death by strawberry jam?" he asked. "That wasn't the original plan," she explained, "but I had to do it. The killjoys just wouldn't leave well enough alone. They wouldn't stand aside for the sake of everypony who really wanted to be happy." "Don't you ever feel like crying?" The Doctor pleaded. "Why would I? Everything about this place is super-special happy!" "You call this place happy? A place where the air is always filled with music that has no heart in it? A place where all there is to eat are snacks whose pleasures are as empty as their calories? A place where every building and every light are colors that are so bright that they only serve to blind? Is this really the world you want to live in?!" Surprise took a moment before her response. "It doesn't matter," she muttered. "I'm going to a new planet now. A place where everypony can be happy." "A place where there is no compassion?" "A place where you don't need compassion!" she shouted back. The Doctor's smirk faded. He stopped smiling. "You have no need for compassion?" "Not when everypony's happy!" "But what about the bad times?" "Smile and the bad times just fade away!" The Doctor shook his head. "I feel so sorry for you." He pointed behind her, and she turned to look. Something was crawling out from the manhole. It was Gumball. Poor, old Gumball. The alligator was on its last legs, bloodied from the avalanche of crystallized syrup. In spite of the pain, the loveable lizard had used the last of its strength to find his master. "Gumball?" she asked, her lips starting to tremble. As Gumball took his last steps, Surprise took her beloved pet into her hooves. The reptile let out one last growl, and closed his eyes forever. Surprise's poofy hair deflated like a popped balloon. "No..." she whispered. And then the floodgates opened. Her domain had crumbled around her, her workers had turned against her, her husband had abandoned her, and her beloved pet was dead. Surprise wept. Firefly walked up to The Doctor. "What happened?" she asked. "The first step to recovery," he muttered. A Bit Later in Town Square... With Surprise's control over Laughterra more or less done for, the Happiness Patrol had pretty much disbanded. However, a few select members got together for one last job. Praline and Dandy had paintbrushes in their mouths and wore dirty smocks as they finished painting the TARDIS blue again. "Sorry about the whole 'pink' thing, Doctor," Dandy said. "Ah, forgive and forget." "Personally, I kind of like blue," Praline admitted. Sugar Cane turned to The Doctor. "Thank you so much for letting us like blue." "Anytime. Speaking of blue, what's going to happen to you, Reed?" he said, turning to the former psychology student. "I think it's time I took my music a bit more seriously," he said, "Maybe I'll get a bit futher that way." "I hope to hear your work in the future." The Doctor and Reed exchanged a 'farewell' hoofbump. The Doctor and Firefly made their way back to the trusty old police barn, and Firefly asked one last question. "Do you think they'll be alright, Prof?" "As long as they enjoy themselves, and remember to smile," he joked. The door shut behind them and the box dematerialized, and the citizens of Laughterra were treated to the most wonderful noise in existence. Sugar turned her head to the sky and saw that the sun had risen on Laughterra. It was a new day. And she smiled. Because she was happy. THE END Special Thanks To: Lauren Faust Bonnie Zacherle Sydney Newman Russell T. Davies Steven Moffat Tara Strong et. al All Eleven Doctors Sophie Aldred Lissy-Strata on DeviantArt and All My Fans Next Time: The Fourth Doctor, Twilight Sparkle, and Dr. Stable in... Genesis of the Daleks