How the hell did this happen? Or should that now be hay?

by Lucky424


Dreams.....and breakfast?

Early the next morning, so early the sun had not risen yet, a very quiet pegasus knocked on the back door to Sugarcube Corner. She didn't want to use the front door, as she didn't want anypony to know of her plans.....expect the one who's help she needed. Unfortunately, it was not Pinkie that answered, but Mrs Cake.

“Oh good morning deary. How can I help? Oh, but why are you at the back door, surely you meant to come in the front?”

“um, good morning Mrs Cake, I was wondering if Pinkie is around as I wanted to talk to her. If you don't mind.”

“Of course deary, she's looking after the twins whilst we plan our next special cake for Hearts Warming. They're are upstairs in the foals room, but be warned, they are all a bit boisterous this morning.”

“Okay, thank you Mrs Cake.” As she made her way out to the store front and upstairs, she greeted Mr Cake in her usual friendly manner. Cresting the last step, she gave a start as the foal's room door swung open and a all-white mare trotted out. “Oh good morning miss. Is my friend Pinkie Pie in there? I need to talk to her.”

The other pony opened her eyes and then shook off all the flour from her coat and mane before tackle hugging the slightly nervous yellow mare. “Fluttershy!! I knew one of my friends was coming by, but I couldn't tell who, as I have a different Pinkie Sense for all of you, but when they all went off, it either meant you were all coming or somepony was coming to talk to me about something they didn't want others to know yet!!!

Fluttershy just let her brain reboot as it scrambled to intercept the hundred-words a second speech Pinkie had just spouted not an inch from her face. “Um, good morning Pinkie. How are you today?”

“I'm good Fluttershy, how are you? Oh, but you didn't come by just to ask me that did you? Now what can Auntie Pinkie do for you?

“You know, I am a year......um, never mind. Well, you know when Rarity said about finding that creature, if it was disguised like the forest?” The pink mare bounced her head up and down as she listened. “Well, I went to where in entered, and it didn't go back to the Everfree. He went to Whitetail Woods.”

Pinkies eyes widened as comprehension kicked in. She got off Fluttershy and motioned her in to the foals room, who were both fast asleep. Dropping her voice to a whisper, the pegasus continued to tell her friend her plan. “Well, the guards aren't looking in there for him, so there is a good chance we can find him first. I think that if we can, then he won't run. If I'm right, and he is a soldier, then he probably sees the guards as enemies.”

“Okay, so what do you need my help for? You're the one who's good with woodland critters.”

“I know, but after he ran in there last night, they all abandoned their homes. I was wondering if any of your Pinkie Senses might pick him out”

“Okay, just give me a minute.” Pinkie then proceeded out of the room and downstairs, leaving Fluttershy to ponder following her. As she was about to move, Pinkie bounced back in to the room. “Okay, I spoke to the Cakes, and they'll sort the foals out when they wake up. Let's go!”

Trotting down the stairs and outside, Pinkie followed Fluttershy to where they saw a strange imprint in the mud. “Huh, that doesn't look like his hoof prints to me.”

“No Pinkie, that's where Rainbow dropped him. He landed on his flank.”

“Ohhhh....wait, I'm getting something......” Fluttershy turned to her friend, and sure enough, something was happening. Pinkie's mane and coat we moving as if there was a full force gale blowing at her, when there was no more than a gentle breeze everywhere else. “....I know where he is.”

With nothing else to say, Pinkie started trotting in to the woods, with Fluttershy following her. After around an hour walking straight and saying nothing, Pinkie stopped, sat down and closed her eyes. To anypony else, she would have looked like she was mediating in the woods, but Fluttershy shy knew different.

“He's up there, on the largest branch, about half way up. I'll wait down here for you to come back.” She said pointing at a massive tree.


I walked for what felt like hours. There were no landmarks, there were no trees, there were no animals. There is only this path. I can not go back. The path disappears behind me. I can not change direction, for this place will not allow me. I can only move forwards, along a darken path, with no light sources what so ever.

I hear growling around me, and notice glowing eyes. This must be my punishment for torturing Smokey. Wonder what's going to happen when it comes to Runt, Grunt and Braindeads turn? As I continue forwards, more features start to show themselves. These timber-wolves are massive. So big, that the three largest have Diamond Dogs on them. No prizes for guessing who they were.

At a signal from Grunt, they all surged towards me. I went to cock my rifle, but then noticed something wrong about it. I have a L85A2. In my grip was something that didn't exist....yet. I took a double take at the ammo counter on the top of it, noticing the blue lights had “60” displayed. I also noticed that instead of black leather gloves and DPM patterned sleeves, my limbs were now covered in a very light shade of red.

“Wait, what? An MA5B and PINK armour? This has to be a dream. My own fucking dream and my subconscious turns me in to freaking Donut?

I racked a round in to the chamber and went to fire, but nothing happened. Pulling the mag, I was expecting to find it empty, and the ammo counter frozen. Was I that lucky? Fuck no. Sat in the magazine were crayons. Motherfucking crayons! “Really brain? First you put me in pink, and now you've given me Caboose's gun? Just what the fuck is wrong with you?”

I didn't have time to continue my self-interrogation, as the nearest wolf was at an arms length. Oh well, at least the gun is real. Stepping forward, I lashed out and caught it on the nose. Hard. The impact sent it sprawling back, as it's rider jumped off. Runt. I went to hit him, but he pulled my own move on me, wrenching the rifle out of my grip. I didn't know what to do as Runt suddenly pulled out a fresh mag, this one I could clearly see loaded with bullets. I looked around my visor trying to find the shield bar, which to my horror, was dead, and not recharging. By this point, Runt had removed the crayon and chambered a round. I tried to run at him, Mjölnir is supposed to make you stronger and faster, but I couldn't move. There was only one thing that I could do, and it was exactly what I did.

No, it was not die with dignity. It was the opposite. “Hey Runt!! I'd just like to let you know that my last memory alive is going to be what happened between me and your mother last night. She really is a bitch, in bed anyway!”

Screaming in anger, he clicked the safety off and fired. He we go, at least I did something right getting those fillies home. As I hear the click of a rifle with no bullets in, I opened my eyes, and got quite a shock.

There, standing in front of me, warping her magic in to a shield, was the princess of the night and dreams, Luna. Keeping the shield up she turned to me. “Only you have the power to vanquish the demons of you mind and heart. Know that what you did to these three, whilst cruel, was necessary.” A quick flash of her horn, and both she and the shield had disappeared. Only I have the power huh?

As Runt pulled out a new mag, I thought about what I needed. A new weapon, one with enough power to deal with them, and the ability to move. As I thought this my armour started to glow, and when it faded, I was left with green now covering me. Floating the air in front of me was a M739 LMG. Damn, I really do play Halo too much. Grabbing the weapon and checking to see that it was loaded with bullets, I chambered a round and stared at my attackers. It was just the Diamond Dogs left, but they were all wearing their armour.

“So, that armour can deflect a 5.56 round? Wonder what it does against 7.62 FMJ-AP rounds?”
Clicking the safety off, only one more thought came to me before I let rip.

“Let's ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!”


Fluttershy nodded and took wing, gracefully flying up and coming to a stop when she saw it. Lying on the branch against the thick trunk, huddled over for warmth, was the creature. Fear instantly took hold, but also her caring nature when it rolled over and she caught sight of the bandage around its midsection. She was about to wake it up when it turned again, and in it's limbs was the metal object, no doubt a weapon of some kind. All of a sudden, a shudder went though it and continued for a few seconds before starting again.

“Oh dear, you must be cold having spent the night out here, and hungry too. Don't go anywhere I'll be back soon” As she took wing again, she met Pinkie still sat down and with her eyes closed. “Pinkie, are you okay?”

Pinkie slowly opened her eyes and looked at Fluttershy, a contemplative look usually reserved for academics on her face. “I know some times you and the others think I'm strange, with how random things can be around me, not to mention my Pinkie Sense.” Fluttershy made to interject but a raised hoof bid her to hold her piece. “The whole reason my cutie mark is balloons and I like making others laugh is because of the true nature of my cutie mark. I can hear and feel the souls of others and what they need to make them smile. I felt your fear as you saw it up there. I felt his soul as well, and his is a kind one. He would not hurt us unless he had to. But I think we should keep his location to ourselves for now. Maybe he'd like some breakfast?”

Fluttershy was shocked at the seriousness with what had just come out of Pinkie at a normal pace, and returned her greeting from the morning, tackle hugging the mare as she spoke. “Oh thankyouthankyouthankyoutahnkyou!!!! He seemed cold as well, so I'll go get him some blankets whilst you get the food, and well' meet back here okay?”

Pinkie just nodded and they took off in different directions, both with a mission their own, but one with which they could not ask for help.


As I stood the looking at the smouldering bodies of the Diamond Dogs, I felt a strange feeling come over me.

“Why do I feel guilty for killing them? I did it to save those fillies. Who knows what would have happened to them if I didn't do anything. Surely Scootaloo would have died from blood loss, as they hadn't done anything to help her. Did I do wrong?”

As the emotions crowded over me, one finally over took the others. Despair. I was in Equestria, I had killed three of their citizens, threatened the personal student of it's leader, and attacked the guards. And I don't know if I can go home.

I took the helmet off so that my tears wouldn't flood and drown me. I had smelled blood mixed with gunpowder before and was expecting that horrible smell. Instead, I was drawn towards the nearest body, and I gave it a tentative sniff.

“Eggs? Why the fuck does this dead body smell like scrambled egg?”

All off a sudden the dark area got lighter. There was no sun rising, and no other light sources. Everything just seemed to get brighter.


I awoke gripping my rifle and instantly sat up. Not that I could've shot anything with the blood rushing to my head, but then I realised why I had smelt eggs in my dream. There, on a plate in front of me, was enough scrambled egg on toast to feed my entire shift at work, and a tray of blueberry muffins. Which is to say a lot!! As I shrugged off my blanket, I leaned for......wait, blanket?

As I looked around for my mysterious host, I heard the best thing I ever awoke to, and started in on my break fast with a smile