Leveling with you here... I really liked the clock. No joke. It was my favorite clock. It was my only clock really. Which auto makes it my favorite. It was a pretty cool one either way. You ever see one of those "luck cat" things? You know? The white cat thing with the yellow eyes and the hash-brown thingy? Yeah, that. Well, it was kind of like that; only black and white eyes... And it was smoking a cigar. Not only that, but the second hand was a match it was using to light it, the minute hand was a charcoal it was using ti spark up, and the hour hand was his wang. Man... That was a good clock.
I can probably fix it. Or I could bring it to Turner... He's good with his clock shiz. He's the one who got me the clock. Sold it to me for a low, low, low price: Never come back into his store, and it's free. That's a pretty good deal. Truth be told, that's how I convinced Octavia's mom to let her move in with me. It's like my report card said all throughout High School: has extreme focus, but never on the correct matters. They were totally right. I have amazing focus... But I rather keep it on something useful.
What things are useful to me? Easy... But... We'll have to start at useful things on my list at number fifty. Everything twenty and up is--Yeah... Tavi...
What am I thinking about? A clock? High school? Gah...! Stop it! I gotta keep straight. It's this kind of crap that Octavia hates! Octavia hates... Yeah... She does hate. A lot. Heh... Pretty funny when you think about it. I mean, I always stuck by Octavia since I first saw her. Not because I thought she was hot or anything... I mean... I was following her when we were in fifth grade.
Yeah. Fifth grade... I bet she doesn't even remember it. 'Course I do... It's REALLY fucking funny when you think about it. Octavia hated me for years because I never left her alone and always tried to go out with her since eighth grade. But, when you think about it, she was the one who started it. Well, since you're already listening, how about a little story time?
You see, about the time in fifth grade, when I was just a little trouble-maker instead of a hell-raiser, Octavia didn't have a pole up her butt... Back then, it was just a stick. Octavia was a snooty, uptight, prude of a kid... Again, I'm talking about young Octavia, not current Octavia. Let's get that clear first off. Anyway, one day on the playground, some time around Spring, I was just kicking the sandbox because that's just what I did... Kick the sandbox. I'm sure you did stranger things... I bet you ate a bug.
Off the point. Anywho. I was kicking the sandbox that day, and I saw Octavia. Back around that time, I just liked teasing the girl. She always had the best reactions to me stealing her crayons or breaking into the bathroom stall she was using and stealing the toilet paper. Priceless looks. So I saw her, and she looked a bit annoyed. This kinda thing got my attention... She was annoyed and I wasn't the one bringing it? Something was really wrong here. I was going to ask her what was wrong, but she told me before I could even say anything.
"To the deepest bowels of the abyss with these philistines of underdeveloped troglodytes!"
I still have no idea what that meant...
"Do I present myself as some sort of trophy or coin to be bartered with at the local pub? I say no! No! I am not! Yet I am treated as such a degree! My own mother, birth-maker and live giver of mine, has decided to stagnate a prominent note to my aging life. Not that I much care for it now, nor do I ever plan to enjoy it, she seeks to rob me of the possibility of finding a suitable companion of my own!"
I followed that one... Her mom was killing her dating buzz right in the nuts.
"She has decided to 'honor' my hand onto another's without may say or knowledge. Be it only a date, I am not too enraged. But I would much rather find my own suitable date!"
FREEZE! Pay attention here, because this is right about when I tuned on and turned my life around. It's really big, listen up.
"As long as it had been my choice! I would settle for anyone to be my date if it had been my choice over my mother's! I would've even dated you! Yes. Even Vinyl Scratch, the kicker of sandboxes, would be a more suited date. She may be crass and dim, but she is at least body-wise my type and has a mildly attractive personality..."
I watched her walk away from me... And that was the first time in my life I couldn't talk. That entire day after that, I did pretty good in class, I was really polite and kind... I didn't even go to the principal. I just... Couldn't. She broke me with one conversation. And it was a one-sided conversation. For three years after that, I kept a bit of a distance from Octavia... she put a piece of coal in my chest and I couldn't get it out. For three years, I watched Octavia go on a lot of dates with big boys, small boys, black boys, white boys; one girl, two girl, whore girl, good girl... I even followed her on a few of those dates. How did I pull it off without getting seen? Easy... I won't tell you though.
Octavia's dates were always set up by the other person. Octavia just seemed to be strung along for most of them... I saw her smile maybe once or twice on half of the dates, but otherwise, zip. Kisses? Don't even get me started on that. She NEVER kissed anyone on any date. At the door? Hand. At the dinner table? Menu. At the tunnel of love? Pepper-spray. No one could ever get close enough for a kiss unless the stole at least five dates with her... That's when they got some cheek. Oh, what? Cheek not good enough? You ever see her skin? That is some FUCKING hot, soft, perfect skin. You get cheek, you die of happiness.
But, cheek is all I ever saw... I've never seen her kiss someone. I bet she did kiss someone while I wasn't looking... I had to sleep at some point. But for all the times I did see her, on whatever date, she never seemed happy. Even our first date after I broke her and she gave into one date with me, she didn't seem at all happy. I brought her to the fanciest pasta place I could find... In town... that I had a coupon to... And my pop's friend owned the-- It was still a good place, alright?
I really tried to look fancy in front of her for our first date. I don't think I have to say how well that went. At the very least, I did make her chuckle at just how stupid I was being. Sure, I'd like to say that once I stopped acting like something I wasn't, she liked me; but that's bull-shit. But what isn't bull-shit is how I think I won her. You see, Octavia is a bit of a nut when it comes to tradition. Case to the point: she locked herself inside her room all day on St. Patrick's Day because she didn't have any green. She thinks it's normal to be like that, and for her, it almost is. It kinda balanced out her tightness to have a little strangeness. Anyway, back to my point. Around our third date, we were leaving her house after watching some horror film about a turkey killing people, when we walked under one of her mom's Christmas decorations. Mistletoe. Bow-chicka-wow-wow...
At first, I kinda just laughed it off while I put my coat and hat on. But, when I saw Octavia, she was REALLY red in the face. One of her hands fell against my shoulder as she seemed to mumble something. I stood there stunned as I watched her move in to kiss me... And she did... She kissed me right on the rim of my glasses as I ducked.
"Nu-uh! You're not kissing me! No way. Not gonna happen!"
"It's traditional. Please. Just let's get this over with. I am fully aware this is what you want, and you are pretending to be 'knightly' so I'll swoon. But in the end, can we just get through with this so I can end our third date and be rid of you?"
"And THAT is why I can't let you do it. I don't care if I look good to you, I've been a fool since we met. But, now I have you in a real corner. You say you have to kiss me under the mistletoe to end our date. So, if you never kiss me, you can't call the date over."
I ran through the snowy night right then and left Octavia stunned. Some how, I think she was impressed at how fast I put that together. And let me tell you, impressing Octavia isn't easy. Giant snowman? Boring. Winning first place at a band show? Ziltch. Beating her at a game of checkers? Never did it, so I don't know. Buuuut... Man... The next day, she impressed me. I sit behind her in class around that time in our lives. Normally, she's already sitting there and already finishing the work for the day. That day, I got there before her. Weird enough, right? Got weirder.
Turns out, she came in right after me, and boy did she look pissed. I saw her throw the door open to the classroom, fire fuming from her eyes. I REALLY tried to ask her what was wrong, but she shut me up and shut me up good. In a split second, the entire class was crowded around the two of us as she tackled me from my chair and dangled a mistletoe over our heads. I swear I heard the class cheering or gagging or something... But with Octavia's lips pushed against mine, all I could hear was this choir from nowhere. When she snapped off of me, gasping and grunting with a furious look, she pushed up and stormed to her chair.
"No one out smarts Octavia... Is that understood Vinyl?"
It was understood... Damn was it understood. That day I got a detention for refusing to get off of the floor even when class started. Can you blame me? But, wait! Oh man! It got A LOT better! I know last time I said I'd skip the details of this kind of stuff... But fuck it! This was one of the happiest moments of my life!
Here it goes. So I get to detention after school, the room being the music room which doubled as the detention room because we're too cheap to get a real room built... And BOOM! No teacher was there. Instead, Octavia was sitting on the stool in front of the piano. Her nose was pressed up in a book as she pointed out the space in front of her. Sure, this was weird... But I've seen someone bring a cannon into school and literally shoot fun at everyone... I'd take anything.
When I got close, she told me that the teacher had to step out and she was left in charge of watching me. Of all the honor students in the school, they gave the one you got me detention the whip over me. It was awkward enough, so I was just gonna sit down... But she didn't have any of it. She grabbed my hand and put her book down before I could get too far. The next thing I knew, I was against the case of the piano and Octavia was standing in front of me; kicking the stool she was sitting on a second ago to the ground behind her. I know what you're thinking... How long did we bump it? Well... We didn't.
For an hour she just looked at me, studying me I think. God knows I didn't move an inch. I was as turned on as I was terrified. One second -YES I counted- one second before my detention ended, she finally said something...
"You are a fascinating person, Vinyl. I have no shame in admitting that. But, I do have shame in that despite how many people I have gone on dates with, I have never been given or have given the title of 'going steady'. In this case, I find it a bit hard to ask this of you. Yet, I will try. Vinyl... Would you considering going out on a date with me? A fourth date. One that you did not have to cheat me into. But in fact one I wish to go on with you. Dispensing any masquerades in it... I want us to be... mutual."
It was a start...
By the way, do you buy into that whole 'everything comes full circle' thing? I don't know... I think it holds some kind of thing to it. Anyway, I'll just tell you where I fourth date was. It was kinda our first date as a couple when you think about it. It was a pretty stupid date. It wasn't at an ice rink, or a diner, or at a park. To be completely honest... It was at a clock store.
Heh...
I really liked that clock...
"Aw sweet! Looky here! This is the best clock I've ever seen!"
"Oh my..."
"It's so awesome! It's got a dick, a cig, and whatever the hell this thing is!"
"Vinyl... That is the most disgusting, vile, inappropriate thing I have ever seen."
"Yeah? So?"
"...So we should very much buy it! It is so garish. What a commemoration it will make."
I really liked that clock... It was Octavia's favorite.