Handsome Jack being the most athletic and adventurous of entrepreneurial geniuses of manly sexy-beastliness ran as fast as he could.
And he could run pretty fast...
Like... Super, duper, woop-de-looper alliuper fast...
That's Tigger fast homes...
Tigger fast...
You can't even comprehend that speed.
It's incalculable to the human mindo-sphere.
Do it, try to freakin calculate how fucking super duper whoop-de-looper aluiper fast Handsome Jack is going, here here let me start you off.
Handsome Jack leaves your moms house after a week of fucking her silly, He leaves your room after defiling it with your slutty mom's dirty juices at super duper whoop-de-looper aliuper speed...
You die because your brain is too tiny to comprehend this copious amount of mathematical awesomeness...
Moron...
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Rainbow Dash was flying through the daylight sky. It was a brilliant blue, partly cloudy to provide ponies with a little shade from the warm spring sun shine. Rainbow Dash was skipping work, most likely to go be a general nuisance with Pinkie Pie, destroy Apple Jack's property, break through Twilight's window, break through Fluttershy's window, or maybe she was just going to contemplate why she hadn't been asked to join the Wonderbolts given she was the only pony who could preform a sonic rainboom... Never mind the fact she quit school at age six and was technically the only pony who could preform a sonic rainboom as she was the only pony who had a rainbow mane...
Yes there were many things the most amazing pegasus in equestria who's accomplishments included dropping out of school, peeping on and making out with her best friend who may or may not be gay (I mean really. can Fluttershy reallly say no to romantic advances? I don't think so... I don't think so), antagonizing the general populace, destroying public property, and being wrong more often than any other pony...
Well she was flying you see, because honestly this is all she is good at and even then there's at least seven other ponies who are better at it than her... Well she's flying and doing nothing whatsoever because she's lazy and useless and yadda, yadda, yadda... But you see Handsome Jack is following her so it's mildly important we talk about her...
"Hey! Hey! You! Pride parade! Slow down! C'mon I just wanna talk!"
Rainbow Dash, being a total idiot didn't quite understand english being an elementary school drop out, or at least didn't seem to. Because if she did she would have obeyed the truly handsome individual who was not running out of breath and in fact slower than a super sonic flying pony.
"Hey! Talkin to you danger zone! Get down here so I can try talking to you! We can even pretend you're smart enough to understand me! C'mon!"
Finally it seemed Rainbow Dash learned how to hear because she looked down to the most handsome man in equestria and her face seemed to contort into one of a reminiscent sadness.
"daddy?"
She slowed to a hover and descended to the ground, her eyes glassed over a bit as she slowly approached Handsome Jack.
"daddy? ohmygosh..."
Handsome Jack having previously been quite interested in the cool little pony... Now that it was looking like a simpering little dog he wasn't so sure. She had a rainbow lightning bolt on her ass, a bitchin mane, this pony was the coolest thing he'd seen since he'd gotten here... Which may not be saying much but hey... Gotta get your awesome where ya can right?
"Hey kiddo... What's up? Huh? You okay? Oh don't tell me you're crazy too... Fuck you're crazy too..."
"Daddy!"
"Why did the one cool one have to have daddy issues..."