Interview with Lance Greenfield
Welcome everypony to the second episode of 'The dirty truth!'. I'm your announcer, Little Mic.
Today, we're going to be interviewing that strange zebra pony, Lance Greenfield, also know as Girokon.
His wife Twilight Sparkle wanted to be here today, but declined at the last minute. Something about a new book.
Anyway, our interviewer, Vestal, will be asking Lance a series of questions, sent to us by our viewers. Over thirty questions have been sent in for Lance. This should be a very interesting episode.
I will now shut up and allow Vestal to began.
Attention now shift's over to Vestal
I give my signature wave and turn my attention to the zebra type Pegasus sitting in front of me. He had strips all over his body and was wearing a pair of Wonderbolt flight goggles, with red tinted lens.
I put on a smile, "Alright Lance, you ready to begin?"
Lance nodded and rubbed his hooves together, "Sure am." He then looked at me. "But first, your date with Cody, how'd that go?"
"Let's not talk about that," I said as I leaned down and picked up the large list of question's, "Well, that's a lot of questions. Okay Lance, you have two choices: I can split the question up into groups, or ask them randomly?"
He shrugged, "I don't really care, I guess just randomly."
I smiled, "Alright, my favorite way to ask questions. Lets began, first question: Why do you keep rubbing your hoofs together?"
Lance chuckled and shook his head, "Well, I only do it when I'm nervous."
I grinned, "Really? I stutter when I'm nervous, which never happens. Next question: How lucky and/or unlucky you think you are?"
He held a hoof to his face, "Well, lets start with lucky. I'm lucky to have great friends and a loving wife. For unlucky, well lets just say that if a manticore had a choice between me or twenty other ponies to have for lunch, he would chose me."
I laughed despite myself, "Sorry about that, moving on. Why did you choose to be a Pegasus?"
He undid his wings and spread them out, "Well duh, to fly of course."
I chuckled, "Okay lance, since we have so many questions, how would you like it if we go fast pace?"
He cocked his head, "What do you mean 'fast pace'?"
I smiled, "I ask a question and you answer and we move on. Sound good?"
He nodded, "Sounds good to me."
I looked at the list, "And we begin: Have you ever read cupcakes? And if so, were you ever the least bit nervous when you met her the first time?"
He visibly shuddered, "Uhhh, yeah, I've read it. When I first met her, I wasn't worried. It was when I was alone with her the first time when I became worried. So yeah, I'm kinda scared of her, never know when she'll snap and go on a killing spree."
What is he talking about? What is he talking about? "Did you read Sweet Apple Massacre and if so, what was your reaction?"
He gulped audible, "I read it, and it made me sorta sick to my stomach. He did so many things to those fillies... still wasn't the worst one I've read."
"Don't you find Greg's ways a bit disturbing? Ever thought of kicking him out of your house?"
"Greg is a weird dude, he has his moments. Though I would never kick him out of my house. I couldn't do that to him, besides, its pretty fun having him around."
Huh, I wonder if he's talking about the Greg who's scheduled to appear... moving on, "Do you believe Greg still has a chance with Pinkie?"
He looked confused, "A chance with Pinkie? I didn't even know he liked her, and she sure doesn't seem to like him. They're friends and all, but I don't know about that."
"Does Twilight know about the Jackass video? If yes, how did she react?"
He rubbed his hooves together, "She knows, and she almost killed me when she watched it. Saying it was unsafe to be doing those kind of stunts. I agree with her, one hundred percent on that one."
"What was your most enjoyable moment you've had in Equestria?"
He put a hoof to his chin, "Hmmmm, tough choice. I guess it would be the first time that me and Twilight made love..." He looked around and rubbed his hooves furiously, "Uhhh, I mean... Uhhh, party?"
I chuckled and looked at the list again, "What was your least enjoyable moment you've had in Equestria?"
"I'll have to give two for that one: The worst was when I died because of poisoning, and the second would be when we did Jackflank, worst choice of my life right there."
I'm loving this guys answers! "Why do you like Coke so much?"
He smiled, "Easy question, because it taste so damn good! I mean, the flavor just washes over you. Uhhh, that's all on that one. If I keep going, we'll be here all night."
"What is your favorite thing about Twilight?"
"My favorite thing about Twilight? Well, there's two things. One, she is very smart and loves books. Second, she is just so nice and caring and can be so adorkable."
Adorkable, that's a new one, "What do you like about your cutie mark?"
He looked down at his cutie mark and smiled, "Well, I like how it shows that I will do anything. It shows bravery and courage. But like Greg said, it also shows what a dumb ass I am."
I chuckled, "What did it feel like when you did the sonic rainboom?"
"Oh, it felt awesome. Image going down a large hill on a Japanese motorcycle, picking up so much speed you can't even see through your visor. Yeah, it felt like that in a way."
"Do you know what's Twilight's favorite book is?"
He held a hoof to his chin again, "That is a hard question, I mean, she has so many. I guess it would have to be the book she keeps by our bed. Its called, The Art of the To-Do List."
Okay then, weird book, "What's your favorite color?"
" I have two, red and black."
"What will you name your colt or filly?"
He rubbed his chin, "Me and Twilight have been talking, if its a colt, we'll name it Little Giro, after me. If its a filly, we'll name it Sparkler, after Twilight. Yeah, we suck at names. That may change when its born though."
"Will you end up working at a different job?"
He shrugged, "Probably, I mean, I love being a waiter, its fun and I get to meet new ponies. But I don't know if its enough to support a family."
"Did you ever regret the Jackflank stunts?"
He sighed, "Everyday, especially when Twilight talks about having a second foal. I haven't told her that I can't... You know?"
I laughed loudly, "Well, she knows now."
He facehoofed, "Shit!"
I smiled, "Moving on: Any new stunts planned?"
"No. I told Greg he can go buck himself if he wants to do another Jackflank."
I held back a laugh, "Did you consider any other worlds to go to besides Equestria?"
"Yeah, just one other. I thought about going to the world of, 'Keroro Gunso'. You probably don't know what that is, but all I'll say is that it's my favorite anime out there."
Anime? What the... "If you had never met Twilight or Rainbow Dash, who do you think you might have fallen in love with?"
He rubbed his hooves together again, "Well, to be truth full, I didn't come here to fall in love. That happened by accident. But, I may have fallen for Octavia, she seems nice." His eyes widened, "Huh, does everypony watch this?"
I nodded, "Yep, most of Equestria watches this."
"Damn."
I chuckled, "Moving on to the next question: What do you think Frederic would've done if you had been raped by Luna, like with what happened at your house?"
He shrugged, "Well, knowing him, nothing. I mean, it was way before they started dating or anything. But I do know that he would've held it against me."
"When is your and Twilight's foal due to be born?"
He rubbed his chin, "You know, I don't really know. I think five months? Yeah, five months or so."
"If you were Fluttershy, what kind of tree would you like to be?"
"Pine, or maybe oak. Is this a trick question?"
I took a deep breath, trying not to laugh at him, "How many ponies know about the bronies in Equestria?"
He shrugged again, "I have no idea, I guess all of them now."
"How does it feel like to have a 100,000+ pair of eyes reading about your private life in Equestria and EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE?"
He looked around nervously and rubbed his hooves together, "I'm being watched? If I'm being watched, then that means they've seen me and Twilight... Oh God!"
I chuckled, "Don't worry, you'll get use to it." I cocked my head, "This is a strange one: What's it like to be interviewing yourself?"
He scratched the back of his head, "But I'm not interviewing myself. What does that question mean?"
I shrugged, "Beats me, moving on: When was it that you took up practicing parkour?"
He smiled, "I like this question. It all started when I met a guy from Ireland, this was about when I was nine or so. He was running and jumping off buildings and climbing everything, doing all sorts of moves. I asked him what he was doing and he told me parkour. After that, he showed me the basics, and soon, I was doing some small parkour. After a few years, I had almost mastered it. I mean, I'm good at it and all, but I still have a few accidents from time to time."
Parkour? Sounds interesting, I may ask him to show me some after the show. I looked at the list and sighed, "This question again! Would you kill or seriously harm Vestal for a Klondike bar and not get in trouble for it?"
He laughed, "I would, only if you switched out the Klondike bar for a coke."
I shook my head, chuckling, "Moving on, before you get any ideas. Would you let Omnius beat you up for a 20 pack of coke-cola?"
"Oh hell yes! I would let him beat the crap out of me, throw me over a cliff, and beat me with a stick! It would be so worth it!"
I tilted back laughing, this guy was to much! "Wow, you love your coke, huh?"
He smirked, "I sure do, I would do anything for one."
I laughed a little more and looked at the list, "Ff it meant getting rid of Greg forever, would you do a Jackflank's 2 and 3?"
He shook his head, "Hell no, its not worth it. Besides, I wouldn't want to get ride of my stoner friend Greg."
"Did you ever expect the life you have now with Twilight and the ponies/bronies you've met?"
"I never would have expected this kind of life. I thought I would live out my days alone, just going on with life, nothing to keep me happy. But here, I have so much. A loving wife, friends who care about me, and so many fun things to do."
I smiled, "That's nice. Why do you think God gave you all the choice of what afterlife you wanted?"
He furrowed his brows, "I have no idea on that one, He has his reasons. But I think its because He wanted to show us that he was powerful, yet kind."
"If you had agreed to be raped by Rainbow Dash, what do you think your life would be like now?"
He held his hoof to his chin, "Well, I don't know. I know for fact that I would avoid her at all cost, but other than that, I don't know."
I looked at the next question and became confused, "This isn't a question, its more like a request. What would you say if I wanted you and Twilight to be the godparents of our twins?"
Lance chuckled, "Oh Frederic, you never cease to amuse, I would say yes by the way."
How did he know who asked that question? I looked at the list and chuckled, "I like this one: Imagine you're on a small island, and you can choose 5 people to assist you, who will you choose, and why?"
He looked to be thinking, "I would chose; Greg, Twilight, Frederic, David, and Peter. As for why, they are my closest and most dearest friends."
"What was your reaction when you got your cutie mark?"
"I was kinda pissed off at first, seriously, who wants their talent to be a test dummy?"
I chuckled, "Where did you think up of the name Girokon?"
"Well, I messed two things together. One of my favorite characters from a anime was Giroro. That's where I got Giro. As for the kon part, I took it from a friends last name. Thus, the name Girokon was born."
"When you were with Octavia, it looked like you were about to cheat on Twilight. Is this true?"
He rubbed his hooves together, "Huh, why would I do that. I mean, I'm happy with Twilight. Sure, I may have... small feelings for Octavia, but I wouldn't cheat on Twilight for her."
"Do you think that Greg's smoking would be bad for your colt/filly?"
He adjusted his goggles, "Well, I haven't thought about that. I guess it can be, I may have a talk with him about it."
"Do you have any sort of idea what that dream was with your Earth friends, and you jumped out the window?"
He raised his hooves to his sides, "I have no idea. I think it was a coma dream, but some how I was able to hear Twilight. It was a weird dream, that's all I have to say."
"Why do you think Rainbow Dash wanted to drain Twilight's magic with that one cupcake?"
"She told me why. She was trying to remove Twilight's magic so that she could have her way with me, without Twilight using her magic to stop it. I have to say, it was a smart idea. But it also killed me, so yeah."
"Do you think differently of Rainbow Dash now that she tried to rape you twice?"
He shook his head, "Nah, I still see her as Rainbow Dash. Besides, in her eyes it wasn't rape. I hope."
"Do you like roofies?"
"I have no idea what those are, but David talks about them all the time. I may ask him about them."
I shrugged, "I really wish I knew what they were. Have you ever thought about trying a blunt with Greg?"
"Once, when I was in his room. But I would prefer to stay away from that stuff. I may try it with him sometime though."
"Why do you hit your head all the time?"
"I wish I knew that answer! I keep hitting my head, over and over again. I'm going to have brain damage one day. I just know it, and Twilight will kill me if that happens."
"What was your reaction when Whitemark heard you and Twilight sexing it up?"
He chuckled, "Oh man, I was embarrassed big time. I wanted to beat the crap out of him and then hide in a hole for a while. Doesn't matter though, I walked in on him and Rainbow Dash having sex a while back, that was funny!"
"How do you feel that there is no computers in Equestria?"
He groaned, "I hate it! I can't serf the net anymore, and I can't do all the things I like to do. It sucks, big time. I'm having withdraws, if it wasn't for the bronies and Twilight, I would be crazy right now."
"On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you love Twilight?"
He grinned, "On a scale from 1 to 10 huh? I'll have to say one hundred! I love her more than anything, I've never loved anything or anyone this much... Shit, that was sappy!"
I chuckled and looked at the last question on the list, "Last question, and its the best one of them all! On a scale of 1 to 10, how handsome does Vestal look today?"
He laughed and rubbed his hooves together, "I would have to say... six."
I stood and bowed, "Why thank you my good sir."
Lance stood and laughed, "Six, it works for everything."
I held out my hoof, "It was a pleasure to interview you Lance."
He shook my hoof, "It was fun, I wish Twilight would have been here with me. That would have been some funny shit right there."
I laughed and looked around, "Yeah, that would have been fun."
He looked at me and smirked, "I bet I can drink more apple cider than you."
I smirked back, "Your on!"
*Cough* Little Mic leaned over, "Vestal, your still on the air."
I chuckled and turned, "Sorry about that Micky, I'll give you full attention now."
Little Mic glared, "Its Mic, not Micky!"
I waved him off, "What ever you say Micky."
Attention is now shifted back over to the announcer
This was a good episode, a lot of interesting questions and answers. I wonder if I can pursue Lance to help me get a marefriend... Err, I mean we hope you all enjoyed this episode.
Tune in next time for the next interview. Our next guest is the prankster himself, the blaze of glory, Peter Kruzel, also known as Purple Blaze.
We are ready to start receiving questions for him, so start sending them. Address them to him and him only please.
Thank you all for watching, goodnight everypony!