//------------------------------// // Something From Nothing, Part One // Story: A Series of Inexplicably Convenient Events // by Shanenator //------------------------------// A Series of Inexplicably Convenient Events Original Concept Written and Edited by Shanenator Chapter One: Something From Nothing, Part One ***** “wwaaaaaAAAAieeeoohh. Num num num…” I smacked my lips contentedly and sleepily fluttered my eyes open. Oh wow was that a good nap. I squinted my eyes against the harsh sunlight as I checked the sun’s position in the sky. It was just about noon. Looking around, I found myself in a familiar locale. A small stream gurgled happily behind me. A lone tree on my right offered shade from the midday sun. It was a very peaceful area. Otherwise known as my favorite napping spot. I yawned broadly once again before looking down. Sure enough, there was a book there. Of course I wasn’t reading it, though. I just had it there to look the part. After all, I somehow had the misfortune of being Celestia’s personal student, so I had to at least pretend I was always studying. If anypony caught me asleep, it would be easy to act embarrassed about nodding off situated in such a peaceful location. I lazily glanced at the open book, curious as to what I had been ‘reading’ about. Some random history on an ancient pegasi myth. Totally lame. I closed the book, titled ‘Predictions and Prophecies,’ and stood up. I groaned in pleasure as I cracked my back loudly, shaking each and every limb out and stretching any kinks or cramps away. Ah, yes. The life of laziness is a good one indeed. Seriously, though. I still can’t believe Princess Celestia took me on as her personal student. Ponies don’t have any idea how much extra WORK that is. I would be most happy if she just forgot about me one day. But nooo. Instead it’s ‘read this,’ ‘study that,’ and ‘test on these.’ Ugh. Alright. Maybe I was pretty good at magic as a filly. Maybe I did a bit of light reading on the subject. But it was totally to supplement my other reading interests! Because let me say: I did read a lot as a filly. A lot of fiction. Anyways. I got into a couple of magic books so I could glean some background information on how magic works. It was all to get a better understanding of my regular material. But of course, my parents saw my ill-conceived venture and misinterpreted it as a drive to learn more. Next thing I know I’m standing in front of a bunch of fancy teachers trying to crack open a dragon egg with magic. How the hay was I supposed to do that? Hey, I have an idea. Can I just have a hammer please? That would do the trick. But no, that would be against the rules. Which sucks. It also might have hurt the dragon. I guess that’s a good reason. Anyways, after giving the egg a few half-hearted attempts, I was just about to admit to the board that I was a total foal and had no idea how to pass the test when suddenly there was a gigantic explosion. Apparently sudden shocks can make unicorns do very unpredictable things. I, for my part, easily broke open the dragon egg, lifted the severely startled board of teachers into the air, and managed to transmogrify my parents into plants, all in the blink of an eye. Okay, great. I passed. More work for me, woohoo. But oh no. The universe had no intention of stopping there. As if on cue, who else than Princess Celestia herself walked in and saw me doing incredible magic at the age of five. Naturally, my sheer raw talents instantly qualified me to become her personal student. Oh boy. I did, however, manage to get my Cutie Mark out of the whole ordeal. Now THAT was something I got excited about. I was even open to the idea of being Celestia’s student for a while. Maybe it would be fun. Oh no. It was so much work. It sucked. It sucked some more. It still sucks. I have so much stuff to deal with I’m surprised I still have my sanity. It’s not all bad, though. After months, years even, of constant procrastination and apparent failures, I’ve managed to get Celestia to adopt a more lax work schedule. It still sucks, but at least I have a bit more breathing room. I may put up with the workload, but by golly I’m going to fight it every step of the way. Sighing heavily, I put the heavy book in my saddlebags and began to head back to the library tower. Oh yeah, I pretty much live in a library. Princess Celestia evidently saw fit to both expose me to even more ‘knowledge’ and to give me a part-time job to supplement my studies. I hated both those reasons for my living quarters being what they were. Sighing in exasperation once again, I started off on the long trek back to the castle. Why did I constantly make my way out here again? Oh right, because it’s an awesome place to nap. If only I actually practiced teleportation once in a while. Maybe I could just teleport back and forth. It would be nice. Hmmm…nah. Cresting a hill, a trio of giggling voices reached my ears. I rolled my eyes. Schoolfillies. As I continued along the path, the sources of the voices finally came into view. Of course, they just so happened to be fillies that I knew. Please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me… “There you are, Twilight!” Horseapples. I stopped walking, waiting for my accosters to continue. “Moondancer is having a little get-together in the West Castle Courtyard. You wanna come?” the middle pony, Twinkleshine, finished. As she did so, she leaned forward eagerly. Her two friends, Lemon Hearts and Minuette I think their names are, mimicked the action. Alright, Twilight. You can do this. Initiate evasive action alpha. “Who?” I asked, tilting my head to the side slightly. The three mares were a bit put-off by my response. “Oh, come on Twilight,” Minuette began. “You know, Moondancer! Don’t give us that, of course you know her!” I frowned slightly and put a hoof to my chin in apparent thought. “Hmm…the name doesn’t quite ring a bell…” I lied yet again. The three ponies looked incredulous. “Twilight! She sits next to you in class! Surely you know her!” Lemon Hearts spoke up, looking slightly desperate. I shrugged half-heartedly. “Sorry, I really don’t. You know how it is, being Princess Celestia’s personal student and all. I really wish I had more time to get out and meet ponies…” Three pairs of eyes widened. Hah. I’ve got them now… “Weeeelll…” Twinkleshine began thoughtfully. “Maybe this is a good time to change that! C’mon Twilight, it’ll be fun!” My eyes widened slightly. Uh oh. Played like a filly. Come on, Twilight, throw them off… “Hehe. You know, that’s a good point. I’d like to come, I really do! But I’ve got this report due tomorrow that I have to work on. I tried to start it by the river, but I accidentally fell asleep…” I feigned a yawn. “Hoo, boy. Excuse me. I hardly get any sleep these days, hehe. I’ve gotta…head to the library…more research…” I yawned again, but this time it was authentic. The three mares regarded me sadly. “Gee, that really bites Twilight. We’re sorry to hear that. Do you need any help?” Twinkleshine offered. I waved her off. “No, I’m alright. Thanks for the offer, but you should go have fun. I’ll catch up with you later.” I started to head off down the path again, waving goodbye as I went. The three mares waved back, wishing me luck. As soon as the three forms disappeared behind the nearest rise, I allowed myself a sigh of relief. Disaster narrowly avoided. Heh. Research paper my flank. I was heading back home to take another nap. The rest of the trip back was uneventful. I passed Lyra and whatshername on the way back, but they only waved and said hello. They looked to be out shopping. I politely waved back, but probably departed the scene a bit more hastily than necessary, fearing the possibility of having to dig myself out of yet another social situation. Slowly taking my time up the spiraling stairs, I finally made it back to the library. I calmly pushed the door open and walked in. “Spike, I’m back,” I called out nonchalantly. I heard a surprised snort and a small ‘wha-?’ from somewhere in the center of the room. I entered the library proper to see my small draconic assistant wiping the sleep from his eyes. “Spike,” I said, my tone suddenly serious. “You weren’t napping on the job, were you?” I inquired, giving him a rather hard glare. Spike fidgeted on the spot, twisting his tail with his claws. “Uh, maybe just a little one…but it was an accident I promise! I won’t do it again!” he pleaded. I continued to give him a hard gaze but soon cracked a smile. I couldn’t help myself. “That’s my dragon,” I said happily, ruffling the spines on his head as I walked past. Spike stared at me open-mouthed for a moment or two before taking on an indignant expression. “Twilight! Don’t do that to me! You practically gave me a heart attack!” I just laughed good-naturedly. Soon Spike was chuckling as well. It was hard to keep his spirits down. He was a dragon after my own heart. If there was one good thing about this whole ‘personal student’ deal, it’s Spike. He and I have become best friends, and partners in laziness. He makes me so proud sometimes. “So. How was your nap?” he asked. “Oh, you know. The usual.” “That good, huh?” “It always is,” I chimed happily, walking towards the shelf to put the book back. Spike noticed it. “What’s that you were ‘reading’?” he asked amusedly. I even turned around in time to watch him make the air quotes with his claws. I snorted in disdain. “I dunno. Some lame history tome.” I flipped the book open to a random page and decided to read a passage to humor the situation. “The Mare in the Moon: myth from olden pony times. A powerful pony who wanted to rule Equestria, defeated by the Elements of Harmony and imprisoned in the moon. Legend has it that on the longest day of the thousandth year, the stars will aid in her escape, and she will bring about nighttime eternal. Heh. Eternal nighttime. Now that’s something I can get on board with. But like I said, totally lame, right?” He nodded enthusiastically before turning around, probably heading to his bed. “Yeah. Totally.” I closed the book and levitated it into its place. Free of work for the time being, it was time for another nap. However, my brain still felt like processing the passage I had just read and I paused as something clicked. “Hey, Spike…” I said slowly. “Yeah, Twi?” he answered from across the room. “Isn’t this year the thousandth anniversary of the Summer Sun Celebration?” “…Yeeaaahh. Why do yo-ohhhh…” he finished in understanding. His head poked up from behind a pile of books and we stared at each other for a moment or two. Suddenly, I burst out loudly. “Spike! Do you know what this means?” “What? What does this mean?” he inquired fearfully, cringing slightly. “It means that I might have just completed my history assignment for next week! Yes!” I hoof-pumped the air in excitement. If there was one thing I liked more than naps, it was finding shortcuts to my work. Across the room, I saw Spike grin excitedly. “Oh yeah! Awesome!” His smile suddenly turned into a thoughtful frown. “But are you sure this will work? I’m not sure it’s quite what the Princess was looking for…” I paused at that. Yeah, it might have been a bit of a stretch. But it was worth a shot! The risk of taking the time to write up a short letter was worth the potential of bypassing the entire assignment! “She might go for it. Worth a shot, at least. Spike, take a letter!” The dragon grinned again and reached behind the pile of books. A moment later he held a quill and scroll firmly in his claws. “Ready, Twilight!” “My ‘dearest’ teacher,” I began, placing a sarcastic emphasis on the word ‘dearest.’ Spike snickered at that, but continued writing. “My continuing studies of pony magic have led me to ‘discover,’” another snicker, “that something really bad is about to happen. For you see, the mythical Mare in the Moon is evidently Nightmare Moon, and she might be about to return to Equestria and bring with her eternal night. Something should probably be done to make sure this terrible prophecy does not come true. Figured you might want to know. Your ‘faithful’ student, Twilight Sparkle.” Spike looked about to burst with laughter as he finished up the letter, but somehow managed to keep it together long enough to finish with half-decent clawwriting. Finally he relented and allowed himself to chuckle to himself for a moment or two. “Phew! Twilight, you’re killing me! How unusual for you to be so ‘serious,’ hehe.” I grinned cheekily. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. Go ahead and send it, Spike.” “It’s on its way!” he replied. With a burst of green flame, the letter was gone. “But do you think she’ll actually respond, Twilight? She’s pretty busy preparing for the Summer Sun Celebration, after all.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe she will, maybe she won’t. Either way, I think now it’s time for some well-deserved relaxation,” I responded happily, levitating over some pillows. Spike grinned again. “Oh yeah. Now you’re talking my language, sister!” We laughed heartily at that. Settling down into our respective piles of pillows, we both let out happy sighs of contentment. I was just closing my eyes and drifting off into the happy lands of naptime when I was disturbed by a voice speaking up. “Um, Twilight?” “Yes, Spike?” “You don’t think that myth is…real, do you?” I snorted again. “Of course not. It’s just a made-up fairy tale to scare little foals. If it was true, I’m sure Celestia would be on top of things.” Spike seemed to accept that and fell silent. I was just about to drift off to a lovely nap yet again when my peace of mind was interrupted yet again by a sudden choking sound. Said choking sound was suddenly replaced by a loud belch. I lazily opened an eye and looked at the source of said disturbances. “A reply already?” Spike picked up the scroll and inspected it. “Yep! It’s got the royal seal and everything!” “Alright then,” I replied, closing my eyes once again. “Go ahead and see what it says.” I heard the sound of a claw ripping off a seal, and then Spike cleared his throat. “Ahem. My dearest and most faithful student Twilight…” we both chuckled a bit at that. “You know that I value your diligence, and that I trust you completely. But you simply must stop reading those dusty old books!” I gasped in shock at that last statement. I sat up hurriedly, fixing Spike with a surprised gaze. One that was mirrored quite effectively in my assistant’s face. There was a tangible pause as we both processed what exactly had just been said. And then we both burst out laughing. “Ahahahaha!” I laughed uproariously, struggling to even breathe. “Oh my goodness! This is just…just…PRICELESS! Aaaaahahahaha!” I continued to go crazy on the floor, my body wracked by laughter. I pounded the floor repeatedly with my forehoof, tears streaming from my eyes. Spike was in hysterics as well. “Ahahaha! She actually…haha…thinks you READ these books? Ohoho, that’s a good one!” “Hahaha! I know, right? Actual reading? Hah! As if! Hahahaha…” I finally started to calm down a bit. “Ohhh…if only she knew…” Spike chuckled, also winding down. He wiped a tear from his eye before responding. “Phew…yeah, haha. As if you actually read that. More like found it on a whim, hehe.” “Hoo…yep.” I released a long breath and calmed myself. “Alright. That was funny, but that can’t be all she said. What else was there?” Spike looked down at the letter and cleared his throat again. “Ahem. My dear Twilight, there is more to a young pony’s life than studying.” “Yeah, like napping,” I interrupted with a yawn. I opened my eyes to see Spike glaring at me. “Heh, sorry. Proceed.” “Like I was saying,” he continued. “So I’m sending you to supervise the preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration in this year’s location: Ponyville. And, I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends.” …What. My eyes widened considerably at that as I stood stock-still in shock. Spike was also silent, staring at the parchment in utter horror. “Oh, Twilight…I’m so sorry.” I had no words. This…this was horrible. Of all the things that letter could have caused, this was, without a doubt, the worst possible thing. “P.S.,” Spike continued, suddenly noticing an addendum at the bottom of the letter. “Nice try. This doesn’t count for your upcoming history assignment. You may, however, write it on your experiences with the Summer Sun Celebration instead if you wish.” I promptly fainted. ***** An hour later, the two of us were crouched unhappily in the back of a royal chariot being flown off to Ponyville. “Humph,” I said crossly. “It’s bad enough that she didn’t accept the letter for my history assignment, but now I have to go do stuff in Ponyville too! Ugh!” I crossed my forelegs in frustration. Spike looked equally ticked. “Yeah, and I had to go with you. How lame is that?” I glared at him. “Yeah, pretty lame,” he backpedaled. “But at least we can work together to get this stuff done. And then we can head back to our place to catch some z’s, which is…” he trailed off and looked at the parchment again. His expression promptly fell. “Oh look. We’re staying at the library. Fancy that.” We both harrumphed simultaneously. This was going to suck, I just knew it. “And even worse, I have to make some ‘friends.’ If I don’t, the Princess will surely give me even more to do. Ugh, it never ends!” I exclaimed in despair. “Cheer up, Twilight,” Spike attempted to console me as the chariot came in for a landing. “Maybe the ponies in Ponyville actually have interesting things to talk about. We can at least try, right?” I stepped out of the chariot, curtly thanked the pegasi guards, and looked around. I spotted a pink pony who looked like she glued cotton candy to her head trotting towards us. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try,” I acknowledged. We walked up to the pony, who noticed us and stopped. “Um…hello?” I ventured. The pink pony, for her part, sprang into the air with a loud gasp, defied gravity for all of about three seconds, and then shot off like a rocket, leaving not a single trace of pink in her wake. We both stared in the direction she had left in, utterly at a loss for words. Finally, I found my voice. “Well, THAT was interesting all right,” I said, glaring at Spike. Spike held up his claws in a show of self-defense. “All right, all right! So it was a bad idea. I guess we’ll see what happens when we work through the ‘Summer Sun Celebration Official Overseer’s Checklist.’ Number one: banquet preparations-Sweet Apple Acres.” “Let’s just get this over with,” I moaned as we headed off down the street. ***** All too soon, and after an unfortunately long distance traveled, we were walking up to the entrance of what appeared to be a farm. There was a large red barn, a farmhouse in the distance, and plenty of apple fields about. “Is this the place?” I asked Spike. I was answered not by my assistant, but rather by a sudden “YEEEHAAAW!” from somewhere on my right. The source of the cry was soon revealed to be an orange earth pony mare with a blonde mane, a trio of apples on her flank, and a large Stetson hat adorning her head. I let out a sigh and started walking towards her. “Let’s get this over with,” I said dourly. Approaching the mare, I put on my best attempt at a smile and tried to be friendly. “Good afternoon. My name is Twilight Sparkle, an-” Suddenly, I found my right foreleg being practically ripped off my torso by the orange mare gripping it tightly and shaking it vigorously. After a moment or two, I realized she was attempting to shake my hoof. I tried to tell her to lay off and stop hurting me, but her mouth was already running a mile a minute. “Well howdy-doo, miss Twilight! A pleasure makin’ your acquaintance! Ah’m Applejack. We here at Sweet Apple Acres sure do love makin’ new friends!” At some point during her monologue, I had squeezed my eyes shut in an attempt to ignore the pain. However, her last word jogged some part of my brain. “Friends? Uhh, actually…” “So!” I was interrupted. “What can Ah do ya for?” It took me a moment or two to realize that she had stopped shaking my hoof, but my foreleg was still vibrating ridiculously. Thankfully, Spike stepped up and set it straight. He chuckled a bit, but I silenced him with a glare. Anyways, it was time to get on with business. “Ahem. Well, actually, I am here to supervise preparations for the Summer Sun Celebration, and you’re in charge of the food?” “We sure as sugar are! Would ya care to sample some?” My ears perked up at that, and I suddenly realized that it had been a fair while since I’d eaten anything. Now I’m a simple pony. I appreciate the small things in life. Things like sleeping. And eating. And sleeping. And right now, free food sounded pretty tempting. I glanced at Spike. An eager nod affirmed my decision. “Well, I suppose that IS our job after all.” Applejack grinned and suddenly rushed over to a triangle mounted on a fencepost. She banged on it for several seconds before very loudly yelling: “SOOOUUP’S OOOON, EVERYPONY!” Following this loud exclamation, there was a sudden stampede of ponies, and the next thing we knew we were seated at a picnic table coughing vigorously to clear the dust from our lungs. Quick as a flash, Applejack materialized next to us and starting running her mouth again. “Now! Why don’t Ah introduce y’all to th’ Apple family? This here’s Apple Fritter…” a plate of mouthwatering apple fritters accompanied this statement and were promptly placed on the table before me. “…Apple Bumpkin, Red Gala, Red Delicious, Golden Delicious, Caramel Apple, Apple Strudel, Apple Tart, Baked Apples, Apple Brioche, Apple Cinnamon Crisp…” The crazy apple farmer paused to take a deep breath. I wasn’t really paying attention at the moment, however. All I could focus on was the veritable MOUND of food piled before us. And boy, was I hungry… “Big Macintosh, Apple Bloom, AAAAND…” she walked up and shoved an apple in my mouth. It was delicious. I happily chewed and swallowed. Spike looked rather jealous. “…Granny Smith. Up and at ‘em, Granny Smith! We got guests.” The elderly green mare woke up from her nap with a jolt and slowly hobbled over to the group, mumbling something unintelligible about the soup being on. I immediately decided that I liked her. “Why,” Applejack continued, placing a hoof around my neck, “Ah’d say you’re already part o’ th’ family!” My ears perked up at that. Could it be? Was I actually making ‘friends’? Cool. One less thing to deal with. “Ahaha!” I chuckled happily, still staring at the food. “Well, I can see that the food situation is well handled…” I trailed off, drooling slightly. “Aren’cha gonna stay fer brunch?” a tiny voice asked. I looked down to see…who was it, Apple Bloom? Yeah, that was it. Anyways, I saw Apple Bloom staring at me sadly. Who could resist such a face? And such mouthwatering food? “Of course we are!” I said happily. “Let’s eat!” A cheer went up through the Apple family as Spike and I cheerfully dug into our pile of pure apple-y deliciousness. ***** “Food’s all taken care of! Next is weather,” Spike said as we headed back into town. I opened my mouth to reply but all that came out was a loud belch. I blushed and grinned sheepishly as I patted my rather overfull stomach. It was bulging a fair amount, but I wasn’t complaining. Sure it hurt a bit, but it was WORTH it. “Hehe. Excuse me.” I placed a hoof over my mouth in a vain attempt to suppress another belch. “Ehehe. I may have eaten a tad more than I should have…” I trailed off sheepishly. Spike turned a bemused eye at me. “I’ll say. Who knew you could pack it away like that, Twilight?” I shot a glare at him, but he only chuckled. “Oh, and you didn’t eat anything,” I replied sarcastically. “I had my fair share,” he said nonchalantly. “But I think you were the one who really impressed the Apples.” I blushed furiously at that. “Whatever. It was delicious. Who are we talking to next?” Spike let out a thoughtful hum. “Hmm. There’s supposed to be a pegasus pony named Rainbow Dash clearing the skies…” I tilted my head skywards. Sure were an awful lot of clouds. “Well. She’s not doing a very good job, now is she?” Suddenly, there was a very large impact that struck my left side. Before I could even scream, I was flung into a puddle of mud and absolutely COVERED in filth. Somehow, I managed to keep from losing any of my delicious midday meal from my ponderously large stomach. I was about to give said pony a piece of my mind when I heard a nervous chuckle from above. “Ehehe…excuse me? Ehehe.” I simply sighed angrily. These ponies of Ponyville really were something. “Ehehe…let me help you,” the voice continued. Suddenly, the sky went dark. Upon further examination, I realized that there was actually just a cloud above me. A rather dark and ominous-looking cloud… …Uh oh. Before I could open my mouth to protest, I found myself the focus of a veritable deluge. I coughed and sputtered angrily. I hated showers! And now I was soaking wet! I preferred being dirty. Looking up at my ‘savior’ I saw a cerulean pegasus mare with a rainbow-colored mane and tail. Hah. Gay. And of course she was completely squeaky clean. How did that happen? The obnoxious voice spoke up again before I could ponder the unfairness of the situation. “Ehehe. Oops, I guess I overdid it!” You think? “Um…uh…how about this?” I wanted so badly to scream ‘no!’ I tried. I really did. But I’m afraid it was lost in the cacophony created by this crazy pegasus flying circles around me and causing a ridiculous rainbow cyclone. Hah. Gay. “My very own, patented ‘Rainblow Dry’!” Oh Celestia, was that supposed to be a pun? It was awful. I resisted the urge to facehoof. I did notice with some bemusement, however, that I was in fact dry. That was nice, I supposed. “No, no, don’t thank me,” the voice continued. “You’re quite welcome.” Wow, she was certainly full of herself. I was about to speak, for the third time, when she suddenly burst out laughing and fell to the ground. Spike soon joined her. I stood there in confusion for a moment or two before realizing they were probably laughing at me. Oh great. Just what I needed. I decided then and there I didn’t like this pony. I, however, decided to be the bigger mare and play it civil. “Let me guess. You’re Rainbow Dash.” At the mention of her name, she immediately canned it and let her obviously incredibly huge ego take over. She stood up hastily, sending Spike flying. I chuckled slightly at that. Ah, yes. Sweet revenge… “The one and only! Why? You heard of me?” she asked excitedly, hovering mere inches from my face. Oh Celestia help me. This pony was more full of herself then I was full of food. And seriously. I ate a lot. Time to be the tough mare. “I ‘heard’ you were supposed to be keeping the sky clear.” I sighed. “I’m Twilight Sparkle, and the Princess sent me to check on the weather.” …What? How was she already reclining on a cloud? She had been in my face just a second ago! Jeez. I guess she was pretty fast. “Yeah, yeah. That’ll be a snap,” she said calmly, waving a hoof. “I’ll do it in a jiffy just as soon as I’m done practicing.” “Practicing for what?” I inquired, slightly afraid to ask. Oh yeah. Should’ve been about twice as afraid. “The WONDERBOLTS!!” she exclaimed excitedly. “They’re gonna perform at the celebration tomorrow, and I’m gonna show them my stuff!” I resisted the urge to guffaw. She thought the Wonderbolts would even take notice of her? She couldn’t even clear the lousy sky! “The Wonderbolts?” I asked incredulously. Hook… “Yup.” “The most talented fliers in ALL of Equestria?” Line… “That’s them.” “Pffft. Please. They’d never accept a pegasus who can’t even keep the skies clear for one measly day!” “Hey!” Sinker. Gotcha, Rainbow Dash. “I could clear this sky in ten seconds flat.” Oh yeah right. Only one way to test THAT ridiculous theory. I narrowed my eyes challengingly. “Prove it.” And she was off like a rocket. Suffice to say, I was not expecting THAT. My eyes almost had trouble following her as she streaked around the sky, her rainbow-colored contrail streaming behind her. Hah. Gay. Sure enough, not ten seconds later the sky was clear and she was perched jauntily on the bridge. “What I tell ya?” she bragged. “Ten. Seconds. Flat. I’d never leave Ponyville hangin’.” I think my mouth was hanging slightly open, because she laughed then. “Haha. You should see the look on your face. You’re a laugh, Twilight Sparkle. I can’t wait to hang out some more!” And with that, she was off. Not like I really cared. I was too busy being frightened over that last statement. Hang out? With her? I shuddered at the thought. Applejack I could handle. Rainbow Dash…no. Just no. That pony was a disaster waiting to happen. A particularly rainbow-colored one. Hah. Gay. “Wow…she’s amazing!” Spike enthused. I shot him a glare. He promptly began to chuckle again. Sighing in exasperation, I headed off towards our next destination. “Hey, it’s not that bad!” he called after me. “Trust me, I’ve seen much worse just after you’ve rolled out of bed!” I had to laugh at that one. It was true. I’ve had some pretty crazy bedmane in my days… ***** The two of us strode confidently into the town hall. “Decorations,” Spike read from the list. Looking around, he added: “beautiful…” “Yes,” I agreed. It was true, the decorations hung about the room were quite nice. “The décor is coming along quite nicely. This ought to be quick. I’ll be napping in no time. Beautiful indeed.” Oh, yes. Nothing was more beautiful than sleep… “Not the décor,” Spike continued. “Her!” he said enthusiastically, pointing. I followed his claw and saw an admittedly good-looking white, stylishly purple-maned unicorn mare nosing through various colored ribbons. “How are my spines?” he continued. “Are they straight?” I rolled my eyes and simply strode up to the white mare. “Good afternoon.” “Just a moment, please!” she replied. “I’m ‘in the zone,’ as it were. Ah, yes!” she enthused, apparently deciding on which ribbon to use. “Sparkle always does the trick, does it not? Rarity, you ARE a talent. Now, uhm, how can I help youuuaahaHAAAUGH!!” Her response suddenly escalated into a scream and she recoiled visibly. “Oh my stars, darling! Whatever happened to your coiffure?” …What? “Oh, you mean my mane? A rainbow-colored disaster happened. I’m just here to check on the decorations and then I’ll be out of your hair.” Heh, a pun. I thought it was pretty good, too. “Out of MY hair? What about YOUR hair?” She immediately grabbed me and started to drag me off. Unfortunately, I was not strong enough to resist her. “Wait! Where are we going? Help!!” Some help Spike was. He just followed us like some little lost puppy. I’d have to have a serious chat with him later… ***** About Celestia-knows-how-long later, and after several rants about the danger rainbow-maned mares regularly posed to fashion, my mane was back to normal and I’d been forced to try on about twenty different outfits. All of which, in Rarity’s expert opinion, were far too ‘insert adjective here’ for her liking. What about my liking? Hmm? Anyways, once she FINALLY decided on something she liked, again without consulting me, she began to strangle me with it while saying: “now go on, my dear. You were telling me where you’re from!” “I’ve…*pant*…been sent…*wheeze*…from Canterlot…” I thought I was going to die. It was quite hard to breathe the way she was pulling on this…whatever it was. Seriously, I NEVER wear clothes. They are WAY too much effort. Recent events only enforced this notion further. She was also attempting to make me lose my most delicious lunch. I resisted most valiantly. Spike, of course, continued to be no help at all, lovestruck as he was. Wow. I am never going to fall for a stallion that hard. It makes one simply look like a total foal. “Canterlot!” Rarity cried enthusiastically. I stumbled forward at the sudden lack of a considerable force pulling back on me. “Oh, I am so envious! The glamor, the sophistication! I’ve always dreamed of living there!” Oh, brother. Then pick up your things and move? I’m pretty sure a mare who looks so good could afford to live in Canterlot. Some ponies. “I can’t wait to hear all about it!” she continued. “We’re going to be the best of friends, you and I,” she purred happily, pressing close to me. Oh dear. ***** After the crazed fashionista dashed off with claims of ‘emeralds! What was I thinking,’ I quickly grabbed Spike and high-tailed it out of there before she decided to dye my coat a new color. I left the…whatever it was at the door. I was sure she’d find it. Spike, of course, was still daydreaming. “Wasn’t she wonderful?” he said for like the fourth time. I rolled my eyes. “Focus Casanova. What’s next on the list?” He snapped to attention. “Oh, uh, right. Music! It’s the last one! And then we can go sleep, right?” “Yep!” I responded happily. As if on cue, we suddenly heard the sounds of birds chirping merrily on the wind. Following our ears, we emerged from a nearby bush to see a yellow pink-maned pegasus floating daintily before a tree packed with birds. She appeared to be…directing them? Great. Now I’d seen everything. “Oh my,” she suddenly spoke up. “Um, stop please everyone.” I watched as she appeared to float up to one of the birds and whisper to it. I guess he had been slightly off key or something. She soon returned to the forefront of the bird choir and continued. “Now, follow me please. A one, a two, a one two three…” And of course, myself being the blockhead I am, and perhaps being slightly eager to finish my tasks, I walked right out of the bush and loudly called “hello!” At that, the yellow pegasus gasped in surprise and all the birds took off. “Oops, sorry about that. I didn’t mean to frighten your birds. I’m just here to check up on the music. It sounded pretty good.” The yellow pegasus fluttered to the ground and said nothing. Wow, and I thought I was socially awkward. I put on a probably not very convincing smile and waited. When she said nothing, I spoke up again. “I’m Twilight Sparkle.” No response. I tried again. “What’s your name?” She finally responded. “Um, I’m…” I rubbed my ear in annoyance. I couldn’t hear what she said! “I’m sorry, what was that?” “Um…my name is, um…” Wow. Would this pony just speak up? “Didn’t quite catch that.” And then she squeaked. Seriously, I don’t even know. …Alright. Time to leave. “Well, um, it looks like your birds are back! So I guess everything’s in order. Keep up the good work!” After more unintelligible noises I decided to just leave. “Oookay.” I trotted back over to Spike, who for some reason had kept to the bushes. “Well that was easy. Come on, my bed’s waiting for me.” Suddenly there was a loud exclamation from behind me. “A baby dragon!” For the second time that day, I found myself flying through the air thanks to an impact with a pegasus. At least I didn’t land in mud this time. “Oh, I’ve never seen a baby dragon before! He’s sooo cuuute!” she continued. “Well, well, well,” Spike said, shooting me a smug look. I glared back. “Oh my, he talks! I didn’t know dragons could talk.” Wow. That was like, almost racist. Of course they could talk! Everypony with half a brain knew that! “That’s just so incredibly wonderful, I…I just don’t even know what to say!” That didn’t surprise me one bit. She was sure clammed up a moment ago. I finally managed to pick myself up and managed to conjure up enough magical power to levitate Spike onto my back. “Well, in that case, we’d better be going!” “Wait, wait!” she called, falling into step behind me. “What’s his name?” “I’m Spike!” he happily replied, obviously thrilled to get so much attention. “Hi, Spike. I’m Fluttershy.” Oh. So that was her name. She can tell it to a dragon but not a pony, huh? She must be part dragon or something. “Wow…a talking dragon! And, what do dragons talk about?” “Well, what do you want to know?” “Absolutely everything!” she responded excitedly. I groaned aloud. ***** The next half an hour was quite grueling. After having several personal secrets revealed, but not without interjecting a few jabs of my own, we finally were closing in on our destination. “…And that’s the story of my whole entire life. Well, up until today,” Spike finished his monologue of doom. “Do you want to hear about today?” he asked hopefully. “Oh, yes please!” Oh no. Not this time, buddy. It was naptime. “I am SO sorry. How did we get here so fast?” I swear, the sarcasm in my voice was so tangible I could almost taste it. “This is where I’m staying while I’m in Ponyville, and my poor baby dragon needs his sleep.” “No I don-whoooaa!” He began to protest, so I promptly kicked him off of me. That little suck-up! Abandoning me like that! Of course he wanted to sleep. We both did! Nonsense, all of it. “Aww, wook at that. He’s so sweepy he can’t even keep his widdle bawance,” I cooed in a purposefully demeaning voice. Oh wow, that glare. THAT was satisfying. Fluttershy, of course, immediately swept him up into her forelegs. “Poor thing. You simply must get into bed!” She promptly barged her way into my new home. Quick as a flash, I somehow managed to get him out of her grasp and shove her out the door. “Yes, yes. We’ll get right on that. Well, goodnight!” And with that, I promptly slammed the door in her face. Frankly I didn’t care much for her, either. Wouldn’t even talk to me. I turned around to see a rather peeved young dragon. “Huh. Rude much?” “Oh, hush you. We both know that it’s time to hit the hay. I mean, come on! It’s been at least five hours without a nap. I get cranky, you know. I just need to be alone so I can sleep without a bunch of crazy ponies trying to make friends all the time!” I suddenly realized that I didn’t actually know where my bed was, so I would have to turn on the lights. “Now, where’s the light?” Oh if only I knew how bad of an idea that was. “SURPRISE!” ***** “Surprise!” Oh sweet Celestia help me. It was the crazy pink cotton candy pony from earlier. “Hi, I’m Pinkie Pie, and I threw this party just for you! Were you surprised? Were you? Were you? Huh huh huh huh?” Oh goodness gracious. She was absolutely loony. “Very surprised!” I quite honestly replied. “Libraries are supposed to be QUIET,” I continued, hoping she’d catch my drift. No such luck. I struggle to think of a denser pony I’ve had the misfortune of meeting. She simply laughed it off. “That’s silly! What kind of welcome party would this be if it were quiet?” And then she started touching me. Seriously, she started to rub her head against mine. Really? We’d just met! Give a mare some space! “I mean, duh! Boooriiing! You see, I saw you when you first got here, remember? You were all ‘hello’ and I was all ‘HUUUH,’ remember? You see, I never…blah blah blah lonely, blah blah blah sad, blah blah blah super ginormous party, blah blah blah…” Okay, I’ll be honest. I totally tuned her out. And I thought Applejack could run her mouth. This pony REALLY took the cake in that regard. Completely ignoring what she was saying, I headed over to the refreshments table. Might as well get a drink. Pinkie kept yapping the entire time. I briefly wondered where Spike got off to. He was probably napping, the little deserter. I tuned back in to channel Pinkie as I poured myself some reddish punch and started to drink. “See? And now you have lots and lots of friends!” I turned around and was most surprised to see all the ponies I’d met over the day. Applejack, the most tolerable of the bunch who I might actually try to befriend. Rainbow Dash, the pony so full of herself I felt like beating my head against a wall. Rarity, the pony whom I might also actually try to befriend in the hopes she’s not nearly as crazy as the others. Fluttershy, the pony who would rather talk to Spike than me. And finally, Pinkie Pie, the crazy pink pony psychopath. Woohoo. ‘Friends.’ If this is what Celestia had in mind she is one cruel teacher… I think I must’ve worn an expression of utter disbelief on my face because Applejack suddenly frowned and asked, “are you all right, sugarcube?” Truthfully, I’m not sure if I was more disbelieving at the fact that Pinkie tried to pass the group off as my friends or at the fact that I had just drank a glass of hot sauce. Which really wasn’t that bad, honestly. I could handle it just fine. I’ve eaten many a bag of jalapeno chips in my days. But still. What was hot sauce doing at the refreshments table? “Um…Pinkie, why is there hot sauce on the refreshments table?” Pinkie grinned and grabbed a bottle of the sauce, pouring it all over a poor cupcake. “So that I can do this, of course!” And she promptly devoured the hot sauce-covered cupcake. Okay, that was disgusting. I almost lost my delicious lunch. For like the third time today. Seriously, I just needed to get away from these crazy ponies and take an hour or five to nap and digest. No! More! Craziness! I hastily excused myself to my room for some much-needed R&R. Hah. As if that would happen… ***** Hours. That party kept going for HOURS. VERY. LOUDLY. It was official: I was in a very bad mood. It was early in the morning by now, and I still hadn’t gotten any sleep. Like I said earlier, if I go much more than six hours without some form of sleep, the world had better watch out. I felt just about ready to go downstairs and kick a particularly poofy pink flank straight out the door. It was at that moment that the door opened and the little traitor walked in, wearing what appeared to be a lampshade on his head. Hmph. How ridiculous. “Hey, Twilight! How’s it going?” I glared at him in response. “Spike! What are you doing down there supporting that racket? Do you know what time it is?” Spike simply rolled his eyes. “It’s almost time for the Summer Sun Celebration, duh. Now come on, Twilight. I love sleeping as much as the next pony, but Pinkie Pie sure knows how to throw a killer party. We’re just about to start ‘Pin the Tail on the Pony’! You wanna come?” “No!” I shouted vehemently. “All the ponies in this town are CRAZY!” I rolled my eyes to emphasize my point. Spike sighed defeatedly. “Oh come off it, Twi. You know we have to stay up anyways or else we’ll miss the Princess raise the sun! You really should lighten up, Twilight. It’s a party, after all!” “Nananana I can’t hear you! Nananana!” I replied belligerently, stuffing a pillow around my head to block out any noise. I heard the door close as he left the room, clearly giving up on rousing me from my grouchiness. And boy, was I grouchy. Here I thought I had some time to catch a nice, quality nap, but NOOOO. Silly me! All this ridiculous ‘friend-making’ kept me from it! Next time I see Pinkie, I swear to Celestia I’ll… Whatever. I huffed in annoyance and gazed absentmindedly out the window. For some reason, my gaze was drawn to the Mare in the Moon, and my mind flicked back to the prophecy I read earlier. “Bah. It’s just an old pony’s tale. The Princess has it handled,” I muttered softly to myself. Suddenly, my door burst open yet again and Spike walked back in. “Come on Twilight! It’s time to watch the sun rise!” I frowned in annoyance, but nonetheless followed him downstairs. I was more than delighted to see that the library was now empty, but less than enthused to see the mess left in the wake of the party. I huffed again as we headed out the door towards Town Square. ***** I yawned tiredly as I stood amongst the quietly mumbling crowd waiting for the epic sunrise. I wasn’t particularly excited, honestly. I’d already seen the Summer Sun Celebration several times over. Usually after a decent night’s sleep, too. This one was getting marked down in the books as ‘entirely forgettable.’ Suddenly, I was jolted awake by a hyperactive voice that began yammering nonstop next to me. “Hey, Twilight! Isn’t this exciting? Are you excited? Cause I’m excited! I’ve never been so excited! Well, except for that one time…” Pinkie Pie. There she goes again, yapping a mile a minute. I shot her my best uncaring glare I could muster, which she of course ignored, so I had to settle for simply ignoring her. Wow, she sure could talk. “…but I mean, really. Who could top that?” I wouldn’t know. I didn’t know the half of what she actually said. For all I knew we could’ve been talking about that one time we met each other in town and she went ‘HUUUH’ and I thought she was a psychopath. With perfect timing, I was saved from future interactions with Pinkie by the sudden music of a bird choir starting up. That must be Fluttershy. Sure enough, the yellow pegasus was conducting a group of a dozen or so birds singing. How adorable. The spotlight soon fell to the Mayor of Ponyville. I looked her over. She seemed alright. Maybe she was less crazy than everypony else in this Celestia-forsaken hick town. “Fillies and gentlecolts! As Mayor of Ponyville, it is my great pleasure to announce the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration!” A cheer went up through the crowd. Pinkie went totally nuts. I yawned in boredom. “In just a few moments,” the Mayor continued. “Our town will witness the magic of the sunrise and celebrate this, the longest day of the year! And now, it is my great honor to introduce to you the ruler of our land, the very pony who gives us the sun and the moon each and every day, the good, the wise, the bringer of harmony to all of Equestria…” Okay, I felt this was a bit much. As Celestia’s personal student, I could’ve added a few less-than-flattering descriptions to that list. But the ponies around me were practically bursting with excitement, of course. “Princess Celestia!” The birds played again. The curtains parted. The crowd inhaled in anticipation. I yawned again. …But there was nopony on stage. The crowd gasped in surprise. I actually let out a guffaw of laughter, but was able to suppress it quickly. I doubted it was heard over the general commotion. The crowd began to panic a bit and whisper to each other in rapid, hushed voices. I, for one, quickly changed my opinion of this Summer Sun Celebration to ‘most eventful one thus far,’ and snickered happily to myself. Hah! She totally stood this crowd up! What a ruler. The Mayor, naturally, tried to calm everypony down. “Remain calm, everypony! There must be a reasonable explanation.” At that point, Pinkie started going nuts again. “Ooh, ooh! I LOVE guessing games! Is she hiding?” I was about to open my mouth to start leading her on when Rarity spoke from the balcony. “She’s gone!” The crowd, of course, gasped in alarm. “Ooooh, she’s gooood,” Pinkie cooed. I came SO close to facehoofing. Suddenly, Pinkie let out a shriek of alarm. Well, THAT was new. I wonder what- Oh. Nightmare Moon was standing on the podium. Haha, fancy that. “Uh oh,” I muttered. “The prophecy was true after all…” Spike promptly fainted. The building fell into an awkward silence as Nightmare Moon regarded us all coldly. “Oh, my beloved subjects…” she began haughtily. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen your precious little sun-loving faces.” Ever the brave one, Rainbow Dash burst out. “What did you do with our Princess?” Actually, that was not a bad question. How did she fall for this nonsense? I even pointed the myth out to her, and yet she still got beaten by Nightmare Moon! Wow. Fail. Just goes to show: I’m awesome and she needs to get her head in the game. Nightmare Moon laughed haughtily. “Why? Am I not royal enough for you? Don’t you know who I am?” Pinkie Pie once again decided to open her big, dumb mouth. “Ooh, ooh! More guessing games!” I could no longer resist the urge to facehoof as the pink pony began to rattle off several awful guesses at her name. Applejack beat me to the punch by mere seconds when she stuffed an apple into Pinkie’s mouth. Huh. That was surprisingly effective. I’d have to remember that one. “Does my crown no longer count now that I’ve been imprisoned for a thousand years?” she asked cruelly. “Did you not recall the legend? Did you not see the signs?” For some reason, I felt the urge to speak up. Maybe it was just to wipe that smug expression off of her face. Or maybe I’m just an idiot. “I did. I know who you are.” Desired effect achieved. Undesired side-effects include suddenly being the center of attention for an immortal evil goddess. “You’re the Mare in the Moon: Nightmare Moon,” I casually continued, hoping she’d be more thrilled at the panic I caused than angry at my outburst. The crowd gasped as if this was some big shocker. Seriously, you ponies. You really need to, ahem, ‘read’ more. “Well, well, well. Somepony who remembers me. Then you also know why I’m here,” she replied nonchalantly. “Yeah. You’re here to bring about ‘eternal night.’” I said with a smirk. “Big whoop,” I added under my breath. Honestly, half of me hoped it was true. Then I could sleep, like, forever… Unfortunately, the townsfolk around me evidently did not share my sentiments and began to full-on panic. Nightmare Moon cackled deviously. “Indeed! Remember this day, little ponies, for it was your last! From this moment forward, the night will last forever! AHAHAHAHA!!” Ah, yes. Cue the maniacal laughter. I rolled my eyes. So generic. She was so stereotypically evil she almost seemed straight out of one of my books. It was at this point that the Mayor finally decided to take action. “Seize her!” she cried. “Only she knows where the Princess is!” It was then that I realized that there were actually still royal guards abo-oooh. Never mind, not any more. With a cry of ‘stand back, you foals!’ Nightmare Moon sent them sprawling with a couple of lightning bolts. Heh. They’re just as lame as their matriarch. But still. What the hay were they doing this entire time? It was then that the irate ex-Princess decided to turn into a tacky little cloud of black smoke and head out the door. Rainbow Dash, ever eager to prove her worth, or perhaps bone-headedness, followed. The resulting panic that followed was evidenced by a large stampede towards the now open doors. As if we couldn’t just leave before. I myself also made my way to the exit, calmly but perhaps a bit more hurriedly than I could have. But hey. It was eternal night now. And that only meant one thing to me: naptime! Looking about, I was pleased to see no sign of Pinkie Pie. Excellent, I lost her. The crazy psychopath… The trip back to the library was uneventful. I laid Spike in his bed, whom I graciously scooped off the floor, and then headed up to mine. Ahh, peace at last. I had just settled down into those wonderful sheets when the unthinkable happened. There was a sudden rapid knocking at the door. That better not be who I think it is…