“This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be real.”
Okay, so I was freaking out a little bit. After reading one too many fan fictions about humans waking up here, the fist thing I did was to chamber a round. Heh. Here I am in, apparently Equestria, with a crappy L85A2 that doesn't even have a SUSAT on it, and I'm preparing to defend myself with it? Really, against magic? The fuck is wrong with me?
Once I'd finished my little mental meltdown, to which I'm sure I'd get the chance to have a better one later, I decided to try and find civilisation. Even if it was ponies. Hell for all I know, I wasn't actually on the RLF team, my mates had gotten me completely rat-arsed, and the few who knew I was a brony put me in some collapsing building and made it look like something from the show. It didn't explain my uniform or my rifle, but that's the kind of thing we did to each other!!
I went with the whole “my mates are dicks” routine, and fished out my water bottle, hoping that some nice cold refreshing non-alcoholic liquid might clear my head. Well, it did, but not how I hoped. Turns out I was in that particular castle, which meant I was in Equestria.
Just fucking great!! Every bronies dream, it happened to me by accident, and I've just realised none of us actually know the route from here to Ponyville.....or anywhere else for that matter!!! Wait, if they ask, then I'll tell them they are myths in our world and we know stories of them. Hopefully AJ won't pick up on the half truth there!!
In the end, having a limited supply of water and a not very nutritionally supply of Haribo, I started walking towards the opposite end of the hall where I had seen a door, keeping to the shadows and watching for anything that might like to snack on a fresh human. Hey, you'd be paranoid as well!!! As I pushed the door open, I realised where exactly I was. Another hall, with a stone feature in the middle, that used to house, what I believed them to be anyway, representations of the Elements Of Harmony, and just beyond that...Fuck yes, the main entrance!! Ponyville here I come!!!....After the Everfree forest....fuck!!!
Thinking there was no use waiting around, I made my way cautiously over to the rather tatty looking rope bridge. Okay, just think about this for a second. The ponies maybe small, but surely their combined wait is more than me, right? Gingerly I put a foot out on to the first plank. I felt a sudden rush of adrenaline as I heard a strained creak throughout the wood. I looked around for another way across, but as far as I could see, there wasn't one. Okay, so the wood looks old and will probably break because I don't spread my weight as evenly as a pony. I had a sudden flashback to training when we had to cross a river with just two ropes, and the moron who set it up tied them at the same level!!
Okay, you did this then, you can do it now. It was river then, now it's chasm god (Or should the be Celestia now?) knows how deep. Don't panic. Wait, where'd the rope go?? Before I knew it, I was across on the other side, with solid ground beneath me again. Just as I jumped down, I heard a snap, and watch as the bridge fell away from my side. Heh, I guess that's why I choose 'Lucky' for all my user names!!
I tried to somehow get bearings, but as I didn't know the terrain, I went with my gut instinct from all my time running through woods after my mates with my BB guns. Good times. Even better with beer. I shouldered my rifle and started walking straight ahead. Damn, why didn't I bring a torch?
I had been walking for what felt like days, but in reality, it was a little over four hours. I was beginning to think I'd picked the wrong way when I spied what looked like a landslide, but the cracks in the cliff face didn't look......natural.
Of course!! This is where Nightmare Moon tried to throw them off a cliff!! Wait, just exactly when am I? Shit I hope it's after the episodes I've seen, otherwise things could go from bad to worse pretty fuc...
…...what the hell was that growling? As I turned around, I saw a set of green eyes glowing at me. Timber-wolves. Right, so according to the show, if I break it to pieces, it'll just make itself whole again. Let's what did they give me, armour (with no plating), webbing, field dressing, and a emergency survival kit....for the airfield where I work? Really? What's the poi....wait, it has wind proof matches. Timber-wolves are made of wood...This is the stupidest fucking idea I've ever had.
.
I ripped out the kit from my pocket and grabbed the matches. Time for plan 'A'. “Here doggy doggy doggy, here boy, come get something to eat!!” I said, trying to goad it a bit closer. Unfortunately, it got a bit closer then I wanted it to! About four foot from me, it suddenly leaped, and closed it's jaws around the chest part of my armour holder, and thankfully didn't pierce my skin. It had me pinned, and perhaps it was either a stupid one or luck was still on my side, as I moved my hands closer together and lit a match. I tried to thing of something witty to say, but nothing came to mind.
“Fuck it, burn you wooden piece of shit”, I cried as I thrust the match in to one of it's nostrils. Seriously, who knew they had them. It's eyes suddenly stopped glowing and focused on it's snout before turning tail and running away, as the glow kept getting brighter and brighter. After it went dark again, I felt like I was being watched. It was then I noticed more green eyes looking at me, the had to be at least five more wolves. I took stock of my matches, six left. Okay, lets see how lucky I really am today!! I lit one and looked directly in to the nearest set of eyes and calmly said, “Right then, who's next?”
The reaction was instantaneous. They all turned around and fled whimpering. Wow, if they weren't dogs, they'd make great pussies!! I turned around and continued my trek for around another half an hour before I hit a clearing. I checked my watch and it said Eighteen-thirty-three. Looking to the sky I could see the line where day met night, so it was either dawn or dusk here. Either way I just wanted out of this forest. Trying to find a clue as to which direction to go, I spotted three things that I knew did not belong there, you could tell just by looking. The first was a red ribbon tied in to a bow. The second was a few strands of purple/pink hair. And the third was a orange feather. On the ground nearby was something that made me angry instantly, though I don't know why. There on the grass, was a few patches of blood.
Looking around for more clues, I found six sets of tracks. three were obviously the fillies, so I knew the general direction of Ponyville. The other set made my blood boil. I been there perhaps a total of five hours, and already felt like it was my duty to help. These tracks looked like paw prints, but they were spread out like a humans stride. There was only one type of creature I could think of like that, and I was not going to let those three be left to a fate like that.
Any sane or sensible person would've followed the fillies tracks home and got help or at least raised the alarm. Fortunately, I am neither. I started following the Diamond Dog tracks, and after an hour of walking, the forest finally began to thin. As I got near the edge, I could hear what sound like three little girls crying. I stopped and checked my gear over. Rifle ready to go with a thirty round mag, three spares, total of a hundred and twenty rounds. I hope there aren't that many, or it'll be “Swing batter batter swing!!”.
I pulled out my head-over and put it over my neck. I took out the cam cream and started to break up my face. Once satisfied, I dumped my pack, pulled my head over above my nose, donned my helmet, and started to crawl to a good vantage point....