//------------------------------// // The Consequences of Chocolate Rain // Story: Collab Cage Mini-Monthly January -- "What the hay happened last night?" // by The Collab Cage //------------------------------// Written by: TypewrtierError The Statue Garden was only beginning to wake up. Tendrils of light slumped over the hedges grudgingly to shine on the marble figures, yawning their way into the far reaches of Equestria. Maybe sunlight could just turn in early today, go to bed and sleep for another 12 hours or so. Everypony would probably welcome the extra sleep. In the middle of a garden, a yellow claw slowly raised itself up and snapped its digits. Sunlight was hurled backwards and immediately returned to its slumber, leaving its rightful controller understandably irritated. The yellow claw scratched its owner’s black mane for a moment then flopped down across a snoring muffin tray. The sun’s monarch took off from a castle balcony, her majestic form soaring on outstretched wings. Her radiance was clearly visible for all to behold, even with only the distant starlight to light her alabaster coat. That is, before she held a hoof to her head and plummeted, horn first, into the fountain standing as a memorial to the Three Tribes. She momentarily appeared over the edge of the garden wall and, as softly as possible, lighted in front of the sleeping figures of muffin pan and creature. She cleared her throat softly then bent close to a twitching ear. “Discord...could you...” “Don’t wake me up!” he wailed in her face. “I’m sleeping!” Celestia fell backwards and whimpered. “It’s time to raise the sun. I spent my energy on that sunrise...could you please—” “Celestia! Will you stop whispering? You know I have a headache!” he bellowed towards her quivering form. “Then why are you shouting?” she groaned, peeking out from under a perfect mane. “Because my head hurts!” Celestia retreated under her mane again with another groan. “Fine.” She took a deep breathe and shrieked into his ear, “Discord, will you be so kind as to raise the sun for me?” She rubbed her forehead beneath her horn. The yellow claw rose and snapped, bringing the sun up with a net of cotton candy clouds to disperse the light over the checkerboard landscape. Discord stretched, flailing about in a manner similar to a spaghetti noodle while Celestia blinked at the landscape wearily. “I can change it back you know,” he offered insincerely. She gave a small ‘meh’ in reply. “I came here to tell you that Derpy would like her pan back.” “What did I tell you?” “Derpy wants her pan back!” “I don’t have her pan, and even if I did, it enjoys my company more,” he said, giving the yipping pan a scratch. “She is in need of it, I heard.” “Well, I haven’t got her pan.” “You’re holding it right there.” “What I do in my spare time is my own business.” “Ugh. Discord, what did you put in the chocolate milk last night? I wouldn’t have had any if I had known you spiked it.” “I did what?” “You spiked the chocolate milk!” “I have no idea what you’re speaking of.” “Do I have to whisper?” “Do I have to shout?” Within the next moment Discord found himself tied into a Josephine knot at Celestia’s unshod hooves. “I never realized that you were so bendy...” she mused, looking down at him. He snapped his claw again and found himself restored and sitting on Celestia’s back. “As I was saying,” he started while Celestia groaned under his weight, “I am in a bit of a quandary because you seem to remember what happened last night when I clearly don’t remember any chocolate milk being involved. “ “I’ll get the Elements to lock you up again if you don’t give Derpy back her pan,” Celestia growled through clenched teeth as she stepped towards the castle. Her legs wobbled even as she stopped to balance herself occasionally. “Why does a pan matter to the Great Princess Celestia?” “...Reasons.” “Celestia? What happened to your crown?” “Not important!” In the next moment Celesta was wincing as Discord skillfully performed a rendition of “Pop Goes the Weasel” on the bagpipes. She responded by bucking him off into a hedge in front of the statue representing Music. “You didn’t answer my question,” he prodded, appearing on top of the statue. His bagpipes replaced the cello the statue had been holding. “Derpy refuses to return my crown until I give her back he muffin pan. If you’d be so kind...” “Nope.” “Discord, I need my crown back.” “Well, I can’t see how that’s my fault!” “Just come with me...” Discord took off to follow Princess Celestia, but his wings flew him, muzzle first, into the stone walkway. He craned his neck to see his usual mismatched set of wings had been exchanged for a uniform gray pair. “Oh...” “Yeah...Like I said: come with me. She’s in the castle.” “Celestia, what am I doing with Derpy’s wings?” “You seriously don’t remember?” “Of course I don’t remember. All I know is that I didn’t spike the chocolate milk. You didn’t happen to heat it up, did you?” “Yeah. Why?” “Never heat up my chocolate milk!” Celestia collapsed again, clutching her head and groaning. “You’re the one who suggested it! I should have known...” “I suggested it? Moi? Au contraire, mon Celestia! I would do no such thing! As a matter of fact—” “Halt die Klappe!” Discord wasn’t quite sure how to respond so he picked Celestia up and transported the two of them to the balcony. Celestia grunted her thanks, then led him inside through two doors made out of peanut brittle. “It’s a shame I remember nothing of last night. I seem to have been in rare form,” he said, admiring the chandelier in Celestia’s room which had been turned to chocolate and was already half-eaten by butterflies the size of pegasi. In his right arm the muffin pan barked excitedly. He patted it affectionately. “I do hope Derpy doesn’t want this back. I am quite fond of the little fellow. However, you still have failed to explain to me what I’m doing with her wings.” “You won them in a card game.” “A card game? Appleloosa Hold-‘Em?” “Go Fish. After you lost your wings to Derpy, she lost her muffin pan to you. She quit when she lost her wings and Luna took her place. By the way, I’m sure Luna will be wanting her horn back after she wakes up with your goat horn embedded in her forehead.” “When did you lose your crown?” he asked as he stepped around a procession of step dancing broomsticks “Before you lost your wings,” Celestia said, eyeing a painting of three vocalizing ponies which had come to life in the most tone deaf way. “You do have really odd New Year’s Feast traditions.” “Never a dull moment!” he said as he ducked in time to avoid the Sphinx statue throwing a pie at the statue of a Cerberus. The Cerberus growled and chased the Sphinx into the bathroom where a loud crash sent a confused guard scrambling. A few moments later another guard, wearing male armor despite being female, peeked out of the room then darted away as soon as Celestia stopped looking. “She’s in here,” Celestia grumbled as she shoved a door made of peppermint candy open, “and she is quite upset.” In the center of the room, under a rock candy chandelier, Derpy sat with her forelegs crossed and a glare leveled in two different directions. From her back sprouted Discord’s mismatched wings. Celestia’s crown rested on her head. “Excuse me,” Discord said, bowing respectfully to the pegasus who reached for the pan, waving her hooves helplessly as he kept it out of her reach, “but, would you please be a dear little featherbrain and give me back my wings?” “Ahem...” “And Princess Celestia her crown?” Derpy nodded and with a snap, Discord made all the necessary switches. “Ah, lovely!” Celestia declared, her headache gone and her crown glimmering in its rightful place. “Wait...your crown.” “Is unimportant. Thank you for your cooperation. Happy New Year’s!” she chirped and trotted towards the door. “I think I’d like to examine that crown...” “Discord!” came a shriek from inside the castle “That would be Luna,” Celestia reminded him, ever-so-helpfully before making a hasty retreat. “What?” “Discord! Du hast meine Horn!” “Horsefeathers...” he grumbled. Derpy smacked him with the muffin pan before flying through a hole in the wall.