//------------------------------// // How to Date My Dragon // Story: Guy Talk // by JonRS //------------------------------// Episode 9 How To Date My Dragon “I’d like to welcome everyone to a very special episode of Guy Talk, where we objectify females in a society dominated by them for the sake of entertainment. That is what I would say if I weren’t being the one treated as a trophy today. I’m Spike and I’ll be sitting in as the producer for today.” “I’m Snips.” “I’m Snails.” “And I’m Vinyl Scratch. I’ll be joining these two to help Spike find his true love.” She announced. “ Unless Rarity’s outside, I find that highly unlikely. Anyway let‘s describe the selection process for our five contestants. You apparently went through quite a bit to get these girls on the show.” “Yep! After last week’s show, we received an overwhelming number of possible contestants mailing in to get a chance to be with you so I had to cull the herd, if you will. First, I removed everyone who wasn’t in your age range. Secondly, I limited it strictly to creatures living in Equestria. Finally, I removed all of the males who wanted to enter.” “Wait a minute! Shouldn’t that have been the first group to go?” Spike asked. “I’m trying to be open minded here, Spike. I think you’d make the cutest little bottom.” “But I’m straight! And what’s a bottom anyway?” “Oh, it basically means you’re receiving.” She explained making Spike grimace. “What about me?” Snails asked. “You’re definitely a top, Snails!” The mare said as an idea popped into her head, “As a matter of fact, I-” “Whoa! If the next words out of your mouth are what I think they are, I’m leaving right this instant. I don‘t care what any contract says.” Spike threatened. “Aww, but I’m sure Snails would be very gentle-” “That’s it! I’m out of here.” Spike said getting up. “Alright! Don’t get your tail in a twist.” Vinyl Scratch said as Spike sat back in his chair. “Umm, I don’t get it. What was she about to say?” Snails asked not sure of what Scratch was getting at. “Forget she said anything, Snails. So how many contestants did you have after that?” Spike said trying to change the subject. “I started with about a thousand prospects but I manage to whittle it down to about two hundred after all that.” Vinyl Scratch explained. “Wow! So how’d you get down to five?” Spike asked. “I’ll answer this one, Scratch,” Snips said proudly, “You remember that brilliant idea I had where I would sleep with the fillies you rejected.” “I don’t remember it being brilliant. I actually remember it being the worst idea ever and calling you a horrible pony for coming up with it.” Spike said bluntly. “That’s the one! I decided to use the competition to my advantage by making the runner up have to go on a double date with me, you , and the winner. I figured the runner up will be so devastated by losing her shot at you that I could swoop in for the remains.” “Do you know that you just described the feeding habits of a vulture?” Spike asked him. “I know! Isn’t it awesome?” Snips exclaimed as Spike sighed. “Anyway enough fillies dropped out that left us with today’s contestants.” Vinyl Scratch explained. “I’m surprised they all didn’t drop out. Seeing as Snips is trying to take advantage of the runner up.” Spike pointed out. “It just goes to show how dedicated our contestants are today. Let’s bring them in.” Vinyl Scratch said as five fillies walked into the recording studio. A few familiar faces stood amongst the remaining contestants, notably Apple Bloom, Silver Spoon, and Diamond Tiara. There was another filly with bright red fur and a blonde mane that ended in red tips as it cascaded around her neck. Her cutie mark was simply a huge flame on her flanks. The unicorn wore a look of apprehension as she entered the room. Her bright yellow eyes scanned the room until she spotted Spike sitting behind the booth. She blushed and looked down with a smile on her face. Something clicked in Spike’s head as he could have sworn he met this filly before. He couldn’t recall where, but he definitely got the feeling that they met before. The other filly was an tan earth pony wearing what could only be considered an obscene amount of makeup. Her cutie mark was two heart shaped pillows. Several pieces of gaudy jewelry hung from her body including chains, earrings, and bangles. Her dark blue mane was tied into two long ponytails that were wrapped in gold ribbon. She walked into the room and immediately shouted upon spotting Spike in the booth. “Yoohoo! Hey there, lover dragon!” She shouted in what could only be considered a loud Manehattan accent. The other contestants all looked at her with annoyed expression which she willfully ignored. Spike merely waved back nervously. “What are they doing here?” Snails said pointing out Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. “If Diamond Tiara had a choice, she wouldn’t even be here.” Silver Spoon stated. Diamond Tiara gave an indignant grunt as she looked in Spike’s direction. Vinyl Scratch decided to explain since Diamond Tiara wasn’t as forthcoming. “As it turns out, Diamond Tiara’s visit made for a pretty bad impression of Barnyard Bargains and Fil…. I mean Mr. Rich wanted her to return in order to show how kind and considerate his family and company really are.” “So she has to be nice to us?” Snips asked. “Yeah, that’s about it.” Vinyl Scratch confirmed. “Whoa! I don’t think she’s ever been nice to us“ Snails said in awe of this new development. “Say something nice!” Snips told Diamond Tiara who looked at him with a defiant glare. “You… aren’t…. a complete loser, Snips.” Diamond Tiara said straining to eke out a compliment. “I don’t know if that was nice. I mean it was nice for her, but overall it was like a backhanded compliment.” Snips said. “Hey, could we move this along? I don’t got all day here!” The little earth filly replied with no small amount of attitude. “Yes, I agree. I’d like to continue with the competition as well.” The unicorn said speaking a polite manner. Spike could tell she was from Canterlot right away. That polite way of speaking was taught to all the foals from well respected Canterlot families. He never had much contact with those types back in Canterlot but he couldn’t get the feeling that they had met before out of his head. “Alright, seeing as we are well acquainted with most of our contestants. Let’s get know the one’s we don’t know. Who wants to go first?” Vinyl Scratch asked. “She can-” “I’ll go first!” The gaudy filly proclaimed as she interrupted the unicorn. “My name is Lucy Goosy and I’m here to lay my hooves on that little cutie pie sitting behind the glass.” “So why do you want to go out with Spike?” Snails asked. “I got this friend back home in Manehattan named Eenie Meenie. She slept with this griffin kid in our neighborhood and now she’s strutting around bragging about how cool and exotic she is for doing him. I mean she’s always going on an on about it. I mean I slept with him too, but she thinks she’s all hot stuff because she did it first. So if I’m going to outdo her I need to sleep with someone who’s not a pony and I figure Spike’s the perfect candidate. He’s cute, popular, and there‘s no way she can ever top it because I‘d have his virginity. She’d have to sleep with an alicorn or something to top dragon boy over here.” Lucy said as she blew a big kiss to Spike who felt even more uncomfortable around Lucy. “Wow! You definitely have my vote!” Snips announced. “You know if I won I’d be pretty grateful to any colts who voted for me.” She said shooting seductive looks at Snips who was absolutely smitten and Snails who was slightly put off by her forward demeanor. “Ok, let’s hear from our other contestant. Tell us a bit about yourself.” Vinyl Scratch said trying to move attention away from Lucy. She bowed like a proper lady before introducing herself. “My name is Ashley Phoenix. I guess you might say I‘ve always had a fascination with fire and things of that nature. It was inspired by someone very dear to me.” She said in a tranquil tone as she looked down. Spike somehow got the feeling that she was talking about him. “So why do you want go out with Spike?” Snails asked. “He doesn‘t seem to recall, but Spike and I have a history. If I can. I‘d like to rekindle what we once had. It meant a lot to me.” She said to the surprise and amazement of everyone including Spike. “Whoa, Spike! Why didn’t you say something earlier? You never told us you had a girlfriend before.” Vinyl Scratch said. “I know her from somewhere, but I would have definitely remembered if we were dating. Are you sure we were dating?” Spike asked her. He looked at the filly again trying to discern where he had seen her before. He racked his brain trying to recall where he had might have met someone like her but nothing came to mind. “It’s okay, Spike. I’m sure it’ll come back to you.” Ashley said smiling at him. “Hold it right there, Ashley or whatever your name is!” Diamond Tiara stood in front of her. “I‘m Spike‘s first girlfriend! He can‘t even remember you. Who the hay do you think you are coming in here and making wild accusations?” Diamond Tiara said getting in her face. Ashley’s calm demeanor started to slip at Diamond Tiara’s rant. “I’m not making wild accusations. It’s true. Spike and I were a couple!” She said trying to keep her anger in check. “Leave her alone, Diamond Tiara!” Apple Bloom said but Diamond Tiara ignored her. “Prove it! Where’s your evidence? Spike can’t remember it so all we have to go on is your word. How do we even know you’re telling the truth or that you‘re not crazy?” Ashley looked at Diamond Tiara with a fiery yellow glare as her horn started to glow. “I‘m…not….CRAZY!” She shouted as a gust of hot air blew Diamond Tiara onto her back. Silver Spoon immediately ran to her friends side. “What happened, Diamond Tiara? Are you okay?” She said helping her friend up. “Sh-She pushed me!” Diamond Tiara said pointing a hoof at her. “No, I didn’t!” Ashley replied looking down. “I didn’t see her touch you. Can we get on this? I don‘t want to be here all day, you know.” Lucy said trying to move things along. Diamond Tiara knew she was pushed and was about to say something about Lucy’s attitude and Ashley’s violent behavior when Silver Spoon stopped her. “You have to be nice, remember? You remember what your dad said.” She whispered to her friend. Diamond Tiara really wanted to tell the both of them off and leave in a dramatic fashion, but her father made it clear that she had to be on her best behavior or the consequences would be dire. “Fine,” Diamond Tiara said standing as she looked at Ashley with a forced smile, “I… apologize.” She said through gritted teeth as she got back in to her place with Silver Spoon standing between her and Ashley. “Wow! We do sure have some rather spirited fillies competing for Spike’s heart. I’ll kick things off with the first question.” Vinyl Scratch said shuffling through some cards she had made earlier. “Alright, let’s start with Apple Bloom. I’m going to describe a scenario and I want you to tell me how you would react. Got it?” “Okay.” Apple Bloom nodded. “You and Spike go to a party. After hanging out for awhile, you and Spike decide to split up, but he promises to meet later and take you home. The party starts to wind down and you’re ready to go home, but Spike is nowhere to be found. After a little bit of searching, you find Spike talking rather closely to another filly. The two of them seem to be having a great time, but Spike promised to walk you home when you got ready to leave. What do you do?” Apple Bloom thought about it for a couple minutes before responding. “I guess I’d just ask Spike if he still wants to walk me home. I guess I’d be kind of disappointed if he didn’t want to leave with me, but I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it.” “Really? I’d drag Spike out of there, and if that hussy he was talking to so much as looked at me wrong, I’d smack the taste out of her mouth.” Lucy replied. “Except for the violence, I’m with her. No way I’m letting Spike disrespect me twice! What about you, Silver Spoon?” Diamond Tiara asked catching her friend off guard. “Huh? I guess I wouldn’t mind walking home alone.” Silver Spoon said nonchalantly. “I thought you liked Spike. You’d just let him ignore you while he talked to some other filly?” Diamond Tiara asked her fiend. “I mean… I guess I agree with Applebloom.” She replied nervously. “You agree with her? Something’s fishy going on. It’s almost like you don’t care about going home with Spike.” The filly said becoming suspicious of Silver Spoon. “W-What? I kissed him, right? How can you even say that?” The filly said adjusting her glasses nervously. “I’ve been wondering about that. Every time I ask you about Spike it’s like you could care less. I’m beginning to think you don’t like him at all.” “Umm, what about you, Ashley?” Silver Spoon asked changing the subject entirely. “I would make sure Spike kept his promise. Promises are important.” She said throwing a smile his way. His expression changed immediately as the phrase caused his mind to flashback to when he was much younger. Since Twilight wasn’t interested in going out or socializing in general at the time, Princess Celestia would occasionally take Spike to a playground near the castle. It was a great chance for the princess to talk to her subjects and get them used the idea of a young dragon walking around at the same time. Spike remembered meeting tons of other ponies, but he met one in particular that was different from the rest. Something occurred between them that seemed innocuous at the time, but that wasn’t the case now. She was standing right here and Spike knew exactly why she was here. “Is something wrong, Spike? You look like you Snails after he ate one too many cupcakes.” Snips asked shaking the dragon from his thoughts. “Umm…. Nothing!” Spike said quickly. He looked at Ashley who was looking at him with a big expectant smile. Spike knew that he had to play ignorant and hope she wouldn’t bring up what happen between them. “Are you sure? You look pretty stressed.” Vinyl Scratch asked him. “I was just thinking about which one of these lovely fillies I would be going out with.” Spike chuckled nervously. “Whatever! It’s time for my question!” Snips said ready to go. “Who’d you want to ask first?” Scratch asked. Snips pretended to think about it before honing in on the one filly he actually favored. “Hmm… How about Lucy?” Snips said zeroing on the filly. “I would be so honored to receive your…. ‘question’.” She said obviously flirting with Snips, who seem to eat up the attention. “So you happen to walk in on Spike masturbating, what do you do?” He asked causing Spike to fall out of his chair. “What type of question is that?” Spike asked angrily as he got up. “Are you saying you don’t do it?” Snips asked him. “Th-That’s not the point! You can‘t just put me out there like that!” Spike shouted with a flustered expression. “Don’t worry, Spike. I wouldn’t let you play all by yourself.” Lucy said licking her lips. “I’d dump him on the spot. That kind of stuff is absolutely gross.” Diamond Tiara commented. “Spoken like a true virgin.” Lucy laughed. “W-What’s wrong with being a virgin?” Diamond Tiara said taking it personally. “I’m just saying that it’s sad that you can’t get a guy to even touch you.” Lucy pointed out. “Diamond Tiara could get anyone she wanted!” Silver Spoon spoke up. “Yeah! If that’s true, why hasn’t she lost her virginity yet? I could understand if you were saving it for someone but you acting all uppity like you‘re better than everybody. I can‘t stand that type of pony.” Lucy snorted. “Shows what you know! Anyone of these losers would bend over backwards to have my virginity.” Diamond Tiara said pointing to Snips and Snails. “Pass!” Snips said quickly. “Me too!” Snails added. “Liars! You chumps would kill to be with me.” Diamond Tiara argued. “Don’t get us wrong! You look great. You’re probably the most attractive filly in town, but you’ve got a horrible personality!” Snips said clarifying their reason for rejecting her. “B-But Spike! You like me, right? You were my boyfriend!” Diamond Tiara said turning to the dragon in desperation. “I’m sorry, but I only did that because Snips wanted me too. I never really considered you my girlfriend.” Spike admitted. “Th- That’s not true! You’re lying! You’re all lying!” Diamond Tiara shouted. “Don’t listen to them, Diamond Tiara. You’re a wonderful filly.” Silver Spoon said comforting her friend. That was when Apple Bloom spoke up. “Think about it, Diamond Tiara. Don’t you ever wonder why you only have one friend? If you were as great as you think you are, you’d have tons of friends, but all you have is Silver Spoon and she doesn’t even want to really be your friend.” Apple Bloom informed her. Silver Spoon glared at her with the evilest look she could muster for a few seconds before she went back to tending to her friend. “Don’t listen to them, Diamond Tiara! You’re wonderful! They’re just jealous. You don’t need any other friends to prove that. All you need is me.” Diamond Tiara suddenly started to laugh to herself. “I guess it’s all true. I’m such a fool. I was so blind, but I understand now. You made me understand Silver Spoon.” The filly said laughing as tears started to form in her eyes. “Wh-what are you talking about?” Silver Spoon asked. “I always wondered why you really kissed Spike. It was obvious you didn’t like him. I suspected along time before that but I guess I always convinced myself otherwise. I wanted a friend and you were there so I ignored it. I pushed everyone away and constantly looked down on them, but you stuck by me and I didn’t want to question it. You never wanted to be my friend, did you?” Diamond Tiara asked her becoming serious. “What are you talking about? Of course, I’m your friend? What else would I be?” Silver Spoon asked. “Do you really think I’m that stupid, Silver Spoon? I guess I am since it took me so long to notice it before now. I’m so pathetic.” Diamond Tiara said running away with teary eyes. “I hope you’re happy.” Silver Spoon said to everyone before she ran after her. The room was silent for a moment before Snips spoke up. “Anyone feel bad about what just happened?” He asked. “Nope.” Lucy said. “Not really.” Apple Bloom shook her head. “Can’t say that I do.” Spike threw his arms up. “I only wished it had happened sooner.” Snails stated. “I can’t say I particularly cared.” Ashley admitted. “Good, let’s move on. It looks like we only have three contestants left. We haven’t heard Ashley or Apple Bloom answer Snips’ question.” Vinyl Scratch said making Apple Bloom blush. “Gosh, I’d really don’t know what I’d do. I guess I’d just close the door and forget I ever saw it.” The filly said nervously shuffling her hooves. “What about you, Ashley?” Snips asked. “I’d offer myself to Spike completely. I’d let him know that he’d never need to feel so alone that he should have to touch himself. I‘d show him that I‘d be honored to receive the fruit of his loins and bear them as my own!” Ashley said with burning conviction. The room went silent for a moment as her statement caught everyone off guard. “Wow, that’s a…. a pretty interesting answer. Spike, are you sure you don’t remember this filly?” Vinyl Scratch asked nervously. “N-nope, I can’t say I do!” Spike said wiping the sweat from his brow. The fire in Ashley’s eyes fell as she realized he hadn’t remembered her yet. “You still don’t remember? What about the playground? Or the sand box where we used to play pretend?” She asked becoming quite frantic. “I’m sorry.” Spike said starting to feel bad. He could tell how badly she wanted him to remember, and the fact that he did remember her made him feel terrible. However, Spike knew that too reveal what happened between them would put him in a compromising position. “What’s the big deal? If he doesn’t remember, just remind him already! Why the hay are you trying to be so mysterious?” Lucy asked her. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a long time. I just wanted Spike to remember it on his own. I guess I always hoped it would be special enough for him to remember.” “Why didn’t you stay in contact with him? If he meant so much to you, why’d you stay away so long?” Apple Bloom asked. “Something happened between me and Spike, and I wasn’t allowed to see him anymore. But before that he was one of the few people who was actually nice to me. It was also one of the few times I could say I was actually happy to be with someone. ” She said sadly. Everyone else looked at Spike with mild disgust. He felt even worse now that he was an object of scorn for causing Ashley such sadness. “Alright, I remember you.” Spike relented under the pressure of being a pariah. Ashley smiled as her entire body started to glow brightly. Everyone looked at her dumbfounded by the fact that not only was she glowing, but her body was putting out a fair amount of heat as well. “You do? Do you remember our promise?” She said bouncing up and down with unrestrained giddyness like a glowing ball of light. “Could you calm down first? You’re… glowing. I remember it.” Spike sighed. “What promise? Who is she? Why was she glowing!” Scratch asked wanting know what was going on. “Before I tell you about the promise, you have to understand that I was at a much more innocent time in my life. I didn’t know what I promising at the time.” Spike said explaining himself. “He promised to make me the happiest filly in all of Equestria.” Ashley said dreamily. Everyone turned to Spike who looked flustered. “I was too young to know what I was agreeing to. She said there’d be cake and we’d give each other rings with big juicy gems on them. I was young and hungry at the time. I didn’t know any better when I came up with the idea to make that promise.” Spike argued in his own defense. Snips decided to comment on this particular issue. “Wait a minute! This is what you’re all worked up about! Some promise you made as a toddler to foal you met. There’s always been something I’ve wanted to say to you and I think now is the perfect chance to say it.” Snips said carrying an air of superiority in his voice. “Wait a second, Snips!” Spike shouted, but Snips continued to speak. “That’s got to be the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. You call me out on some pretty stupid stuff, but you’re afraid of some promise you made when you were barely out of your diapers. You don’t have to keep that promise. It sounds pretty crazy anyway. It’s not like you have to-” Snips stopped when he noticed Spike making the cut off sign with his claw. Unfortunately. It was already too late as Ashley’s eyes started to glow with fiery rage. “How dare you?” She said with a resounding and deeper voice than usual. Her hair levitated upward resembling a bonfire burning out of control. Her horn looked like it was engulfed in a small flame as she stared at Snips with such intense hatred. “Calm down, Ash. Snips was just joking? It’s so funny, right?” Spike said trying to wink at Snips, but he was too focused on the terrifying filly to play along. She was starting to walk towards Snips. Her hoof steps burning their imprints into the carpet. Everyone was frozen in terror as the fiery filly marched towards him, except Spike who knew he had to stop her. Fortunately, he had a pretty good idea how to do it. “Oh no! My stomach hurts.” Spike groaned loudly as he clutched his sides. “Spike?” Ashley said returning to normal as her concern erased all traces of her burning wrath. “Ashley… ooooohhh. I need your help!” Spike said playing it up. Ashley looked at him anxiously willing to do anything to help him. “W-What should I do? Do you need blood? What’s your type? I’ll give you as much as you need.” “No! Just go to Ponyville Hospital and get some help! Tell them you need help… Quick!” Spike said pointing to the door. “Okay, where is it?” Ashley said as she trotted in place. “Across town! Head straight out and you can’t miss it!” Spike informed her. “I’ll be right back, my darling Spike. Hold on!” She said zipping out of the room. Spike dropped his act and pick up the phone. He proceeded to dial as he whistled calmly. “Yes, is this Ponyville General Hospital? I’d like to admit a patient to your mental ward. Yuh huh. Okay. She’s a filly with a flame for a cutie mark. She has a blonde coat and yellow eyes. Her name is Ashley Phoenix. Yep, you can’t miss her. She’s also a unicorn and she might resist at first. Mm hmm. Alright. She’ll be there in about half an hour. Alright. No, thank you. Buh bye.” Spike said hanging up and letting out a sigh of relief. “Spike, what just happened?” Snails asked. “I’ll explain later.” “Anyway, it looks like we have two contestants left. Go ahead and ask your question, Snails.” Scratch said still a little confused by what just happened. “Oh right! I… ummm… Wait a second. I think I forgot my question.” Snails said massaging his temples. “How could you forget your question? It’s like the only thing you have to do as a judge.” Snips said chastising him. “A lot of stuff happened and I just forgot it.” Snails admitted. “This is why you’re failing math.“ Snips told him. “You’re failing too!” Snails corrected him. “That’s different. I fail because I refuse to apply myself. You’re naturally stupid.” “That’s it!” Snails said about to jump at him. Scratch put her hooves up to separate the two of them before contact could be made. “Snips.” She said in a stern, motherly tone. “I guess I’m sorry.” He grumbled. “And?” Scratch said looking at him. “I’ll try harder in math too.” Snips sighed. “I want you to try harder too, Snails. You guys got way too much potential to fail anything. For now just come up with another question.” “Okay, why don’t they just tell us why they should be with Spike?” Snails asked. Lucy immediately jumped on the question. “I should be with Spike cause I’m sexy, beautiful, and I would make sure it was a first date he’d never forget.” The filly said licking her lips. “What an answer!” Snips said applauding and whistling his approval. “What about you, Apple Bloom?” Snails asked. “I can’t really promise what Lucy’s offering, but if you picked me, I would try my best to make it the date ever. Not just for me, but because Spike is really special to me and I’d like it to be something we could share together.” “Wow! That was really sweet, Apple Bloom.” Spike said blushing a little. Lucy put her hoof to a mouth making a gagging expression. “Well, I think we each have enough to make a decision as to who goes out with who.” Vinyl Scratch said. “Yeah, I think we should totally go with Apple Bloom.” Snails said announcing his choice much to the dismay of Snips. “What? I mean….” Snips paused for a moment to think before letting a sly smile creep across his face, “Could I speak to you for a moment, Scratch?” Snips said acting calmly. “Sure, what’s on your mind?” “Actually, I was hoping I could speak to you alone for a second.” Snips asked. “Okay, but make it quick.” Scratch said leaning over to lend him an ear. Snips preceded to whisper quickly into Scratch’s ear. Snails tried to listen in but was sitting too far to make out anything. Lucy sat there impatiently awaiting word from the judges who had won. Apple Bloom played with her hooves as she tried her best not to look nervous. Spike found himself looking in Apple Bloom’s direction trying not to stare. For reasons he couldn’t explain, he found himself unable to look away after that stuff she said earlier. He hadn’t been seriously pulling for anyone until now, but he kind of found himself hoping Apple Bloom would win. It also helped that he found the thought of going on a date with Lucy Goosey more than a little unappealing as well. Spike’s thoughts were interrupted as Snips and scratch finished discussing whatever it was they were talking about. “It looks like it’s up to me to pick our winner with our other judges firmly split between our final two contestants. As you know, it‘s been quite the process trying to choose who would go out with Spike. From a pool of thousands, we have narrowed it down to two. No matter what the outcome is you can take pride in the fact that you have made it this far, but only one can claim the trophy that is Spike’s love and affection. Without further ado, I’d like to introduce the filly who will be going with Spike as first date is….. Lucy!” Scratch said as she applauded her. “Whoo! Yes, I knew I’d win! I’m so freaking awesome!” Lucy said as she jumped for joy, “Hey, no hard feelings, right?” She said extending a hoof to her disappointed opponent. “Congratulations.” Apple Bloom said half heartedly as she shook her hoof. A weak smile was the best she could do to hide the tears that were starting to form in her eyes. “Yep! Enjoy your double date.” Scratch said. “Wait a minute! What double date?” Lucy asked. “You and Spike will be accompanied by our runner up couple, Snips and Apple Bloom. You will all be going to Ponyville’s fanciest restaurant for a full course meal and onto the spa for massage lessons from Aloe and Lotus Blossom. The next day will be the post date interview to see how our prospective couples are doing.” “Hmm, I guess that sounds okay. A massage session with Spike sounds pretty good. Hey, dragon boy! Why don’t you come over and congratulate me personally?” Lucy called to Spike who looked hesitant. “Don’t worry, Apple Bloom. I know you’re pretty bummed about missing out on Spike, but I will totally be there for you in your time of need on our date.” Snips said winking at Apple Bloom. “Um… Thanks, Snips. I really appreciate that.” The filly said nervously. Spike looked at Snips suspiciously as he remembered the colt’s plan. The thought of Snips getting close to Apple Bloom made him uncomfortable. “Spike! Are you just going to sit there or are you going to congratulate me? Lucy said becoming impatient. Spike sighed as he got up and walked over to greet the winner. He decided to take a few seconds to shake Apple Bloom’s hoof first, much to chagrin of a certain impatient filly. “I’m sorry you didn’t win, Apple Bloom.” Spke said putting a claw out to Apple Bloom’s surprise. “Really?” Apple Bloom said wiping a tear from her eye. Lucy made a big show of coughing loudly as she waited for Spike to focus on her. “You have no idea.” Spike said eliciting a laugh from Apple Bloom and an angry frown from Lucy. “Hey, Lucy. Good job on winning!” Spike said moving towards her and offering to shake her hoof. Lucy laughed at the gesture. “Oh no, scales! I didn’t come this far to shake your claw.” Lucy said wrapping her hooves around his neck and preceding to force her tongue down Spike’s throat. Spike had been kissed only twice, but this was a whole new level of uncomfortableness. He could feel every motion of her slimy tongue as it licked the inside of his own mouth. It was gross and absolutely suffocating. Spike tried to push her away, but she had a death grip on his neck that he couldn’t break. He had to bear it until she was finally satisfied. “Mmmm! Someone’s grabby. I like that!” She said licking her lips as Spike caught his breath. He wanted to tell her he was trying to push her away, but he was too busy enjoying the feeling of fresh air in his lungs. Vinyl Scratch decided to end the show while Spike caught his breath. “Well it looks our dragon is in for quite a date. Remember to tune in and find out how it went. I’d like to thank and apologize to everyone who listened to this. Good night, Equestria!”