//------------------------------// // The Great Flam Scam // Story: Hearts and Hooves Day // by PonyTom //------------------------------// "Oh Twiliiiiight!" Twilight was buried in a book at the moment, not surprisingly, entitled "Falling In Love: The How To Guide for Eggheads Who Want to Court." There was a knock at the door; wait, how long had there been knocking? Was that what that noise was? Twilight stood and approached the door, opening it with her magic. Rarity almost jumped back in shock at what she saw; Twilight had not apparently slept the night before, what with sagging eyes and a messy mane and all. "Oh my GOODNESS! Twilight! What--how did--what's wrong!?" Twilight blinked tiredly and laughed a bit. "Oh, uh, I guess I forgot to sleep last night..." Rarity bit her lip. "Dear! Hearts and Hooves Day is tomorrow! You've got to get some rest before the date I found you for today begins!" Twilight groaned and hung her head. "I've been reading up on dating all night last night, and I'm beginning to think this is a lost cause..." Rarity's jaw hung open. She slapped Twilight across the face, causing the lilac unicorn to yelp. She rubbed a hoof over her pink cheek. "What the- What was THAT all about!?" Rarity huffed. "Sorry dear, but you forced my hoof! You are NOT a lost cause! You're a beautiful mare and any pony would be lucky to have you! Do not begin to talk bad about yourself, because I don't care if we don't find you a date for Hearts and Hooves day, this has become nearly personal now! I must help you find a special somepony!" Twilight sighed. "Thanks Rarity... I'm sorry, I've just been out of sorts lately... I think I could use a little nap..." Rarity smiled. "Good... I've got a date ready for you later, so you get some sleep, and I'll wake you in about five hours, alright?" Twilight smiled a bit and nodded, and then she slowly trotted back into her home, shutting the door. Rarity sighed, tapping a hoof to her chin. "I just hope this pony wasn't... too much of a desperate attempt on my part..." As Twilight headed back inside, Spike yawned and stepped from the staircase. "Morning Twilight... who was at the door?" Twilight rolled her eyes. "Rarity, Spike..." Instantly, the little dragon's eyes seemed to fill with life and joy, a big smile plastered on his face. "Raaarityyy..." he said as if entranced in some sort of warm embrace. "If anypony can get you a date, it's her..." Twilight rolled her eyes once more, then blinked a few times - rolling ones' eyes consecutively could hurt when you didn't get a proper night's sleep! "Yeah... I'm going to go to bed and get a little rest before tonight's date... wake me in five hours if Rarity doesn't show up, okay?" Not that Rarity wouldn't show up, of course. Twilight trotted up stairs and climbed into bed. She pulled her sheets over herself and yawned, closing her eyes. "Twilight..." She groaned and tossed a bit. "Twiiiliiiight..." She opened an eye. "Spiiike... I just laid down..." Spike was staring at her like she was crazy. "You've been out for six hours... Rarity got caught up in some Cutie Mark Crusading and she gave me this note to give you." He produced a parchment rolled into a scroll. "I tried to wake you, but you fell back asleep! You didn't even look like you really woke up!" Twilight shot out of her bed and trotted around. "Oh gosh! Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh! I'm late! I'm going to miss my own date! This is bad! This is bad bad bad bad bad!" Spike held the scroll out. "No no no, Twilight! Read this!" Twilight took it and unfurled the scroll, opening it and reading it. ************************* Dearest Twilight, It is with great misfortune that I must tell you I won't be able to help you today, for my sister and her friends have dragged me into some of their crusading shenanigans. Fortunately, you won't need me for much. Your date is set for 5:00 PM, and you are to meet the colt you are going to be enjoying this evening with at your library; he will be there to pick you up, so don't worry about having to find him. Also, please please PLEASE do not get upset with me. I figured that despite past experiences, this pony and yourself might have something in common. Your friend, Rarity ****************************** Twilight sighed in relief; at least she knew that the pony in question would be finding her this time. Still, she was a bit worried about that last part; why would Twilight be upset with Rarity over a stallion? Unless she picked a stallion she might not mesh well with? It rose a lot of questions, but she decided for now to ignore them, otherwise she might doom tonight's date. "Spike, can you make me a quick meal? My date will arrive in thirty minutes, and I have to make sure I'm not looking like I was on the wrong end of a lab experiment." Spike threw his claw to his head in a salute, and grinned. "You're gonna have to make sure you do good, cause if you don't, this victory is as good as mine." Twilight snorted, ignoring Spike's words. She had more important things on her mind. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Twilight had just finished eating her meal; it was a light meal, after all, they would be going for dinner together, and she didn't want to stuff herself before hoof. She hummed and watched the clock - it was now 5:30. She couldn't expect the pony to be there right on time, she figured. Oh well, Ponyville was a big town, certainly-- There was a loud noise... sputtering, churning... what was that? She was just about to check when she heard a knock at her door. She opened it and stared out at her date. Standing there with a big grin on his face (partially obscured by a mustache) and holding his disc-like hat in his hooves was none other than Flim... or was it Flam? Twilight, in total silence, slowly peared over his shoulder to see his twin brother sitting on the Super Cider Squeezy 6000, waving at her. "Why hello there, Miss Sparkle, and may I say it is a delight to see you this bright and sunny day! Your friend Rarity approached me and said that you were looking for love, for romance, and for a stallion who can sweep you off your hooves! Well, look no more, my fine mare, for your knight in shining armor has arrived!" Twilight stared. He continued grinning at her, but she could tell her silence was getting to him and he was getting a bit nervous, looking around. Twilight sighed and smiled a bit. "Oh, sorry, I was just lost in thought... uhm.. hello... uhh... Fllll.....iiiim?" The pony laughed and shook his head. "Flam, thank you! It's easy to remember us like this: I'm the handsome one!" Twilight couldn't help but laugh at this comment. "Oh... well, thank you very much, Flam. So, what do you want to do today?" Flam placed his hat back on his head. "I'm glad you brought that up, my dear! I say I'm glad you brought that up!" He trotted to the machine and hopped on. "Why not hop on the Cider Squeezer 6000 and I shall take you across Ponyville in style!" Twilight held her hoof out, expecting his help. The pony just smiled at her, not seeming to catch the hint. She sighed a bit and shrugged, tugging herself up onto the machine. Oh well, not every date had to be totally romantic, besides, in today's day and age, it was not uncommon for mares to prefere to help themselves, right? Twilight blinked and stared at Flim as he charged the machine. "What's he doing here? This is just a date between you and me, right?" Flam laughed. "Yes it is, my dear! He's just here as my wingpony! He'll keep other ponies off our backs to ensure this date has capital success!" Twilight smirked. She was not all too familiar with the wingpony concept, but she figured it was resourceful. Who knows, maybe this can work out? The machine began to wirr and pump and made it's way down the street; Twilight suddenly realized she felt very exposed as a lot of ponies stared at her and the brothers, after all, their machine was not the most subtle thing... ------------------------------------------------------------------- "So then I says to them, Apple family, you suck!" Twilight stared in disbelief where this conversation had gone. The brothers had taken her to a fancy restaurant; surprisingly moreso than the cafe Rarity had picked for her, although she had remembered Rarity talking about subtlety, and if the Flim Flam brothers were anything, subtle was probably not one of them. "You DO know that I'm friends with the Apple Family, right?" Flam stopped and blinked, before smiling again. "And what a great family they are, don't you agree? Tight knit and full of love! Why, I don't think I've seen a more deserving family in my life!" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "You challenged them to a contest... and tried to take their home from them..." Flam was becoming noticeably nervous. "Yes, well... I.... ahh..." The yellow unicorn sighed and took off his hat, holding it to his barrel. "I won't lie to you Miss Sparkle, it was a dark time, dark time indeed. My brother and I were out to make a name for ourselves and we didn't care who we stepped on to get there... but since then, since we were chased out of Ponyville, we've been attempting to change our ways! Mend our injustices, make right what we made wrong!" His lip noticeably trembled and she thought she could see a tear in his eyes. "And I would do anything to take back that horrible, awful day." Twilight frowned a bit. "Oh... uhh... I'm sorry, I didn't know..." she smiled some. "Well... if there's one thing I've learned, it's that everypony deserves a second chance... what you did was wrong, but at least nopony was hurt..." Flam put his hat back on his head. "Thank you very much for your kindness, Miss Sparkle. It's nice to have somepony of logic and rational thought to speak to, who doesn't let their judgment get clouded by anger." Twilight smiled a bit; he certainly seemed to be a nice stallion. She looked around, realizing that Flim was no where to be found. "Where's your brother?" Flam laughed. "Oh, he's located nearby, closer to the front, in case anypony tries to interrupt our evening... that whole shindig!" Just then, the waiter arrived with their meals and set them out. For Twilight, there was a fancy meal she had wanted to try for herself; it was dandelions laced with some fancy sauce, with a side of some fancy soup and grilled vegetables; the mere sight of the food made her mouth water. Flam had purchased the same meal himself, out of lack of creativity or desire, she didn't know. "Oh my goodness! This... this looks absolutely delicious!" Flam grinned. "But of course, my dear! Only the best for a mare dating Flam! So, tell me about yourself?" Twilight smiled and nodded. "Well... I'm a student of the studies of magic and friendship--" Flam held up a hoof. "Wait, the studies of magic and what? Friendship?" He quirked a brow. "Is that really a field of study? It sounds like the education you'd get would be about as useful as a degree in philosophy..." Twilight giggled nervously. "Uhh... well, not so much, it's mostly the magic thing, but the friendship is sort of a secondary study... you see, I kind of study the magic OF friendship and--" Flam seemed more confused. "Wait, so one can get magic from friendship? Is it strong enough to power magic-charged technology?" Twilight bit her lip. "Well, it's not like... REAL magic... it's kind of complicated." Flam shrugged. "I understand missy. Why, my brother and I had to get quite the education to build the Super Cider Squeezy 6000! Sometimes it's hard to describe!" Twilight quirked a brow. "Wait, you're educated?" Flam nodded. "Yes filly! We both attended the Technical Institute of Manehattan! Earned our degrees in magical engineering, and used that education to build our amazing machine!" He grinned proudly at this. Twilight herself felt amazed. "Wow! That's amazing!" she said, a smile building onto her face again. Flam nodded. "Oh yes! Dare I say, we made enough money to pay back all our tuition and more! Why, we live like kings these days, even if we make like bandits with our trading genius!" Twilight giggled a little, shaking her head. Eventually, the two ponies finished their meals and Twilight sighed, content. "That was delicious..." Flam nodded. "Superb indeed! My compliments to the chef!" Eventually, the waiter came to their table. "Has everything been alright?" Twilight nodded and smiled, and Flam held up his hoof. "Actually, I found your meal to be quite chilly! I was under the impression that it would be warm like most broths?" Twilight quirked a brow. "What? I thought it was warm..." Flam shrugged. "Well, my meal was definitely subpar... I really don't feel like eating anymore, so please do not try to buy me with corrections, I feel a bit insulted you would serve me an unfinished meal." The waiter seemed to become nervous. "I'm so sorry sir... uh... I... I'll be right back..." The pony trotted off and Twilight turned to look at Flam. "What are you doing? That meal was perfect..." Flam grinned and wagged his eyebrows. "Twilight, my dear, sometimes you have to be venturous if you want to get by in this world. I'm just evening out the score." Twilight now seemed a bit upset. "But... this is wrong... you lied to that stallion... for what?" Flam rolled his eyes. "Well, so I could get a free meal. And it's not exactly lying - last time I was here, the dish I ate was warmer than this!" Twilight sighed a bit, feeling the illusion she had crumbling. Eventually, the manager returned in place of the waiter who had been serving them. "I'm very sorry sir and ma'am for this inconvenience. Your meal is on the house tonight, and if there is anything I can do for you, bring you a new dish, or some more drinks, you have but to tell me." Twilight looked at Flam with a pleading look, obviously not happy. Flam looked to her for a bit and sighed. "... Can you get a salad for my date?" Twilight hung her head. "N-no thanks, I don't want any salad... I'm alright." The manager nodded. "Yes, well, here's a gift card for your next meal, up to fifty bits worth. We do hope to see you again..." he placed the card on the table, and Flam took it greedily, shoving it in his vest with a victorious grin. "Thank you my good stallion, your kindness has allowed me to review my opinion of this restaurant... perhaps I will give it another chance." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The ride around town was quiet. Twilight was staring out at the environment from the side of the Super Cider Squeezy 6000, not saying a word. Flam finally cleared his throat and spoke up. "I'm terribly sorry, Miss Sparkle, that you had to see that. I'm really not a bad pony, I just couldn't afford a meal like that." "... that's why you don't go to a fancy restaurant and you go to something more practical..." she muttered under her breath. "What was that?" "Nothing..." Flim only seemed to chuckle a bit. Flam glared daggers at him. It was late out, and a few ponies were beginning to head indoors for the evening. Eventually, the machine left the edge of town and traveled down a path into the fields. "Where are we going?" Flam grinned. "Why, we're going just outside of Ponyville my sweet! Somewhere scenic to finish off this date!" Eventually, the machine pulled into the grass and stopped at the edge of a hill. The sunset was a rather beautiful sight, the sky turning various shades and hues as if painted by a master painter. On any other day, it might have taken her breath away. Suddenly, Flim hopped out of the machine. "Right! I'm going to leave you two lovebirds alone! I'll be in town if anypony needs me!" With that, the pony headed off just out of sight. Twilight sighed a bit, staring out at the sunset. "So..." said Flam, "... The twilight sky is pretty tonight!" Twilight simply nodded. "Sure is..." Flam grinned. "Fitting that you should be named after it, my dear." Twilight blushed a bit. "Thanks..." It suddenly became very silent. She turned to face Flam who simply stared her in the eyes. She stared back. Then she noticed him slowly moving forward, his grin having faded, and his lips puckering, his eyes slowly closing. She felt herself move forward, her own lips puckering, and eyes closing. 'Wait... what am I doing?' "What the-GET OFF!" Twilight shoved Flam back and he fell out of the machine and tumbled hooves over head. Twilight was fuming. "What in the wide wide world of Equestria do you think you're doing!?" Flam chuckled indignantly. "Well, I wanted to end the perfect date with the perfect kiss, and I--" "Perfect Date?" Perfect Date!?" Twilight's mane burst to flames, her eyes turned red, and her coat bright white. "This date has been a disaster! You got to my home thirty minutes late, you ridiculed my education, you lied to a waiter to get a free meal, and then you drag me out of town to make some sort of cheesy move on me!?" She hopped out of the Super Cider Squeezy 6000. "This has been horrible! You haven't changed at all! You're still a backstabbing, two-timing selfish.... con artist!" With that, her horn flared, and she disappeared in a pop. Flam stared dumbfounded into the nothing. Flim stepped out from just behind the machine, laughing. "Oh Flam! Brother! I swear, I have never seen a crash that bad in my life!" Flam growled at his brother. "Hey! You be quiet..." Flim started winding down. "Haha... ha... ohhh... yeah... so! Tomorrow is Hearts and Hooves day, and you have yet to get into a mare's bed!" Flam snorted. "The night's young dear brother! Besides, I do believe our bet was that I do it before the END of Hearts and Hooves Day?" Flim burst into laughing. "We've been doing this for a week! I don't think one day will make a difference!" Flam snorted indignantly. "Well, we'll just see about that... I will NOT be your slave for a month, not if I can help it! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TO BE CONTINUED...