My landing point when I teleported back to Earth was the front yard of the house I used to call home -- the one that had been foreclosed. Apparently someone had recently purchased it and a different vehicle was sitting in the driveway. I decided that at this point it was too late to try to get the house back, so I paid it no attention and searched for the magic signature of my van. I was able to locate the vehicle after a few minutes of scanning. The van was a fair distance away, but I was able to teleport to its specific location. "This is starting to get tedious," I thought. I was now standing next to my van, which was now in someone's garage. I examined my surroundings, feeling a little nervous about being in the garage. "Who owns this van now? Should I even be doing this?" I wondered. I decided to get in it at this point. Without the key, I had to use magic to turn the van on.
"TS, magic battery level?" I asked nervously.
"Magic battery level, one hundred percent. Analyzing driver data. Driver data confirmed. Good morning, Beatrix Lulamoon," came a flat sounding voice.
"Morning, TS. Can we go to Ponyville? I have something I need to do there," I said hurriedly. "I hope this works," I thought.
"Sorry, Beatrix, but as I am registered to another owner, I cannot perform your requested action." I was dumbstruck by this statement. It took me a few moments to devise a new plan. I just hoped the owner of the van didn't decide to take an excursion in the vehicle while I was in it.
"Okay, if you can't do that, can you locate Brenda Walker for me?"
"Searching. There are 41 matches. Please provide more information," TS requested. I gave as detailed a description as best I could. "She is currently listed in San Rafael, California."
"Can you take me to her or send me to her?"
"Yes, Beatrix. I shall send you to her. Acquiring target destination. Preparing teleport." I felt myself enveloped in a magenta aura as the car sent me on a teleport to Brenda's location. I was standing at the front door of an apartment on the third floor of a building in what looked like a somewhat seedy part of the city. The air was rather noisy as the sounds of various activities filled it. The sky was a nice light blue with a decent amount of cirrus clouds very high up. I knocked on the front door and Brenda answered it.
"Oh. It's YOU! What are YOU doing here?" Brenda asked very angrily. "Do you know how long it's been?"
"Nice to see you too, Brenda. No, I don't know -- why don't you tell me?" I asked, almost facetiously.
"It's been five months! Where the FUCK have you been?" she asked as she knitted her brows. Her face almost seemed contorted in rage.
"Bouncing back and forth between two different versions of Ponyville and Canterlot," I replied nonchalantly. "I spent a few months in hospital after being attacked and nearly killed."
"I knew it was a bad idea for you to do that! We lost the house and everything! Now you come back ... for what? You want to come back to me? It's too late for that, Mike! I divorced your sorry ass three months ago!" she yelled at me.
"May I have a copy of the papers then?" I asked. I tried my hardest not to smile at this point. Brenda went back inside the apartment and returned a moment later.
"You can have the damned things for all I care!" she screeched, throwing the papers at me as hard as she could. I used my telekinesis to catch the papers and order them neatly. I put them in my saddlebags.
"You have no idea how much those papers mean to me," I said, losing my resolve not to smile.
"So where the fuck are you going to go now?" she asked as she lost some of her anger at me.
"Back to Ponyville, of course! Bye!" I laughed, lighting my horn and teleporting away.
"...Take me with you..." she said as tears started to trickle down her cheeks. I just barely caught her saying that as the blinding whiteness became everything and nothing for me once again. I felt a twinge of guilt leaving her behind, but we were divorced now -- she was now my ex-wife. I think a part of me died at that moment...
The pre-dawn light was starting to cast long shadows in Ponyville as I stood in front of the Library once again. I was trying to decide whether or not to spend some time here with Trixie and Twilight or if I should venture to the "good" Equestria. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, but even before I had a chance to knock on the door, Trixie came out to investigate what had caused a disturbance in the ether. She was still rubbing a little sleep from her eyes.
"Michael? Is that you? What brings you back?" she asked.
"I didn't get my car back," I stated flatly. "But I did get something better."
"What could have been better than retrieving your vehicle?" came her query. Did I see a smile grace her lips?
"The divorce is official -- I got the papers!" I exclaimed, perhaps a little too excitedly.
"So what does that mean?"
"It means I can travel back to the other Canterlot and marry the other Trixie," I replied with quite a bit of happiness in my voice.
"Um, Michael ... may I ask a question of you?"
"Of course, Trixie, what would you like to know?"
"You know earlier, when you asked me what I might say if you asked me to marry you?"
"Of course -- you and Twilight laughed your heads off," I answered, a little consternation coloring my statement.
"Well, the thing is this -- your question was so unexpected, I didn't really know how to respond properly. After you left, Twilight and I discussed the matter at length -- and we came to the conclusion that if you were truly serious about marrying me, I would be quite honored to be your mare. Obviously, you would have to seek another transformation into a stallion, but I will give you a good idea of what I would like you to look like. So now I have another question for you, Michael -- are you truly serious about marrying me or is it the other Trixie you wish to marry?"
"Wow. Trixie, we haven't really spent much time together at all -- and before I make a decision of that magnitude, I would need to spend quite a lot of time getting to know you better. But as you said before, both you and Twilight have spent a very long time together, and I wouldn't want to come between the two of you."
Trixie hung her head, her ears drooping. "I understand, Michael. If you should ever change your mind, though, I will wait for you. If you ever need a friend in whom to confide, I will listen to you. Even though we don't know each other very well, I would like you to know that I actually do like you quite a bit. I have to make breakfast shortly, would you like something to eat?"
"Thanks for your offer, Trixie, but I'm not really hungry right now. I'm afraid I must be going again, so until we meet again, Trixie, good-bye, farewell, take care. Who knows? Maybe I might be back sooner than I think."
"Good-bye, Michael. I hope to see you soon, though," she said somewhat sadly.
I lit my horn again and prepared another teleport to the "good" Ponyville. My horn was starting to ache now from all that teleporting in such a short period of time, but I made it across the dimensional barrier to stand in front of Twilight's tree. Night was starting to fall so I knocked on the front door. Spike let me in.
"It's good to see you again, Mike. So how did things go?" asked the dragon.
"Well, I didn't get my car, but I got my divorce papers," I stated proudly.
"Hey, Twi! Mike got his divorce papers!" Spike shouted towards the stairs. Twilight came down to meet me.
"Is this true, Michael?" she asked, some concern in her voice. I removed the papers from my saddlebags and showed them to her.
"Hey, let me see those," Spike insisted. I lowered them to his eye level. I watched in shock as he set them on fire with his dragon breath.
"What? What? ... That ... was ... that ... WHYYYYYY!??!?" I wailed as tears began to trickle from my eyes. "I -- I can't even -- why would you do that?!"
Dumbfounded by the drake's action, I fell to my hocks and held my head in my forehooves, silently mouthing the word "NO" over and over again.