"Agent Pinkerton to Agent Dusk. Agent Pinkerton to Agent Dusk. The targets have been spotted in the middle of a field."
Twilight rubbed her temple to try and soothe the oncoming headache. "Pinkie, there's no point in using code names when we're standing right next to each other."
"I know," Pinkie grinned, "but it just makes spying that much more fun!"
"We are not spying!" Twilight hissed. "We are conducting research on the compatibility and love prospects that two of our friends might have with each other. Nothing more."
Pinkie cocked her head. "Then why didn't you tell me to leave my stealth suit at home?" she asked.
"I did. Four times."
"Oh."
Slightly fed up with Pinkie's antics, Twilight put the headphones back on and returned back to studying the pair of ponies sitting in the middle of the park. She levitated a notebook and observed, listening (via magical means) and watching (via physical means), while Pinkie Pie pulled out a deck of cards and began playing solitaire.
"Subjects are talking about current apple harvest." A pause. "Now they've moved to apple products." Another pause. "Now discussing cider." Twilight rolled her eyes. "Now they've devolved into a bragging contest. They are not touching. Neither participant shows the classic signs of arousal or even infatuation, and they haven't for some time."
"What makes you so sure of that?" Pinkie asked, looking up from her game.
"The pegasus's wings are the greatest indicator, and Rainbow Dash's haven't moved once this entire conversation."
"Well, yeah," Pinkie said, placing a red nine on a black ten. "But a wingflare doesn't mean that all the time." She looked up and grinned. "I would know. I was a pegasus in a previous life."
"Pinkie, reincarnation has not been proven and, from a purely scientific stance, is more than likely impossible."
Pinkie just nodded as she slid a card to the king's corner.
"This is getting ridiculous," Twilight complained. She picked up the notebook again and scribbled another note. "Fail to reject the null hypothesis. I guess this just goes to show that gossip is not always based on empirical evidence."
"Huh?"
"The rumors are false. Rainbow and Applejack are not in love."
"That's what you think," Pinkie said. "Got any threes?"
Twilight wasn't even sure how to respond to that, and settled for packing her bag, turning, and leaving Pinkie playing... whatever she was playing.
* * *
"Are they gone?" Rainbow asked.
Applejack closed her eyes to listen. Silence was all she heard. "Yep."
Now knowing that she was in the clear, Rainbow laughed and put her foreleg across Applejack's shoulders and lay back in the grass, pulling Applejack down on top of herself. She smiled as she settled into a comfortable position. "It's been, what, two weeks since she put that magical listening bug on us, and she still doesn't know that we know?"
Applejack couldn't help but smile as she rested her head on Rainbow's chest. "Yeah. It's pretty funny, actually. Nearly runnin' herself ragged tryin' t' see what's right in front of her."
"And translating it into that science-babble? Heh... I wonder how she'd translate what we did last night."
"Ah'd be interested to know how she'd translate..." Applejack reached up to whisper in Rainbow's ear.
Rainbow's ears perked up excitedly. "Right now?"
Applejack shook her head and lay back down, sighing contentedly. "Nah. Not right now. Ah just want t' stay like this fer a while. But tonight..." She let her sentence trail off invitingly as she gently ran a hoof up Rainbow's body.
Rainbow Dash smiled as she brought a hoof up to stroke Applejack's mane. It would be worth the wait.