Why I shouldn't be in the Royal Guard
Chapter 2
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the trademarks or copyrights used in this piece of fanfiction. I only own the OCs that I have created.
Night Sky and Plaid Kilt were coming back from their patrol throughout the northern part of Canterlot Castle. The lavender walls provided a pleasant feeling of comfort, despite it being nighttime.
"So then, I jumped into some noblepony's carriage. I said 'I got a hoof here buddy, step on it!" Night Sky said, telling Plaid Kilt how she apparently had gotten asked to join the Royal Guard.
"And all of a sudden, this guy pulls out a crossbow. Well I knew any delay would her her hoof, so I got out of the seat and started walking towards him" It was a big carriage "He says 'Where do you think you're going, crackerjack?' Well I got a little prize for ya, buddy" She then proceeded to buck Plaid in the ribs once, than another time, before finally hitting him in the jaw with her forehoof "PUHYAG, PUHYAG, KIYAH! Knocked him out cold!" Only then turning to notice that she had done the same to her friend.
"Oh..." She said, as she looked down at her unconscious friend.
"Oh..." She said again, this time noticing the maid staring at her. She casually walked up to the maid, put 10 bits in her pocket, and said "You didn't see nothin'." Before slowly backing away. What I was even doing with a severed hoof? She wondered, as she continued to put distance between her and her unconscious Earth Pony friend. I should probably get some ponies to help me take care of him...
The next night...
"So yer sure that's what happened, lass?" Plaid Kilt asked, curious as to how he was apparently knocked out before waking up in the janitor's closet.
"Positive." Night Sky replied without missing a beat "If I hadn't shoved you into the closet at the last second, that bulldozer would've run right through you. It's not my fault that you happened to hit your head on the sink in there."
"What is a bulldozer anyway, lass?" he asked, curious as to what could pose such a threat to him.
"I don't know, ask a scientist!" She half-shouted, eager to change the subject.
"So anyway, why is it that we're the only bloody guards here who don't look like creepy bat demons? Ye think they're racists er somethin'?" asked Plaid, clearly not understanding the concept of racism.
"Racist towards what? Hearth's Warming Eve lights? I'm pretty sure that Holiday was made to end racism." replied the pony who didn't look like a Christmas tree (I can say Christmas, I'm the narrator, I'm in your universe, possibly standing right behind you). "Anyway they told us when we were given our armor, that we would get our sexy bat wings and kitty eyes when we arrest somepony. It shows that we 'bring honor to the Night Guard' or some other propaganda that they shove down our throats" Don't worry Night, you're not the only ponies having propaganda shoved down your throats. For you see, he public school system is doing a similar thing to Equestria's youth. Hail Celestia!
"Yeah, sounds great, but we can't just go arrestin' anypony off the street, lass." observed Plaid Kilt, always one to point out the obvious. We salute you, Captain Obvious of the USS Noshitsherlock!
"Plenty of ponies do something wrong every day, we just need to find them." Night Sky said "And you call me 'lass' way too much. Give me a good nickname, I gave you one."
"No. Ye didn't. Ye looked at a pine tree, then looked at me, and made the connection." said the disgruntled stallion.ont
"Anyways, I don't think you're festive spirit will get me some sexy bat wings, and I don't think it'll get you... whatever it is that Earth Ponies get. Kitty eyes, maybe? There aren't very many Earth Ponies in the guard, you know. Now in the army, there were plenty. They were great for charging at the enemy, and crushing they're cute wittle birdie skulls." Night Sky reminisced, though she personally had served in Equestrian Air Command.
"Aye, I'm breaking down social barriers, lass. They should use der' fancy magic to give me some wings anyway, and even a horn. Make me a regular, ol' alico..." Plaid Kilt was cut off as Night thrusted him against the wall.
"Don't ever talk about that! Don't ever mention those two words in the same sentence!" yelled Night Sky, tears were her eyes. "Don't ever say 'horn' and 'wings' in the same sentence! And don't ever, EVER SAY THE A-WORD!!!" she roared, tears were now rolling down her face. "They were just colts! Just colts, and I ran!!"
"I... what?...I..." Kilt stammered, genuinely scared for once.
"Don't mention those words again, clear?" she said, inches from his face, but she seemed to be calming down a bit....
Then she punched a hole into the ivory column next to her. Calmness levels: questionable.
"k...k...okay..." Kilt finally managed to get out, which was a credit to his bravery because, dear reader, our favorite dark blue Pegasus was royally pissed.
"I need a drink. And possibly a donut." She stormed away. The Trottish stallion just stared after her in shock. Where in bloody tartarus did that come from?
Meanwhile, a unicorn guard passing through the gardens stopped to smell the flowers. And for a minute, he thought he could hear somepony crying.