CHAPTER 3: FOREVER DREAMING
"Gah, these last few days have felt so long.."
It was the early morning, and Lightning Dust had just gotten done leaving her room. Surprisingly she had a soft smile on her face, although her eyes reflected a more grim emotion. She turned slowly from her door, then began making her way down the hall. She wasn't at the academy anymore so she figured she might as well start trying to find something else to do with her time, perhaps volunteer at the rainbow factory? As she trotted steadily down the hall, she couldn't help but wonder What does one do when they've failed at their dreams? Does this mean you've failed at life? No, she thought. This couldn't have been the end, she winced somewhat, although she told herself that, did she truly believe it? Did she consider herself now a total failure? Lightning Dust shook her head, such thoughts wouldn't solve anything. She looked ahead, her eyes confident and determined, as suddenly she heard her dad, she'd forgotten he'd give his daily rambling.
"You going out? Well I guess it would make sense, seeing as you were kicked out! Haha."
Lightning Dust stopped at the entrance to the living room. Unlike most times she'd trotted down this hall and just kept going, this time was different. She'd been dwelling on old memories a lot these past few days, she couldn't help but think about her dad as well. She gave a contemplative stare to the backside of his reclining chair, he was watching the Equestria Daily news through the magical prompter, most ponies had them. He was also, as expected, drinking himself into a drunk stupor as usual, as Lightning Dust spoke, his eyes widened slightly, surprised, although she couldn't see his expression.
"Whatever happened to us dad?"
To this, her dad winced somewhat. He looked quite sad, he was silent. Her words were sincere, honest curiosity, and he didn't expect it, but he got it. He got it because at times, he to wondered that very same question. They weren't always like this, there was indeed a much happier time. That time felt so long ago at this point, it was all just a hazy memory to him. As he reflected on the thought, he couldn't recall the last time he'd felt so emotional, such feelings never stirred in him for so long, why now? He felt guilt, remorse, perhaps he'd always felt it, but got drunk so much he never realized. To her surprise, when he spoke, his tone was much more relaxed, clear and understandable, he sounded sober.
"You know kiddo, I just don't know."
Lightning Dust's eyes were wide, it was so unexpected, she couldn't remember the last time her dad actually talked to her in such a manner. She only asked on impulse, only because she'd been thinking a lot about her family recently, and her heart ached, oh how much she cherished that decision now. And to her surprise, he continued. Although around this point, he spoke faintly, it was as if he weren't even aware of what he was saying, just words, flowing out.
"I tried ya know, I really did, oh I swear to you I did. I guess, as with most things, it just doesn't work out huh? Never thought it'd turn out like this though, crappy father, crappy husband..."
He sighed heavily, as Lightning Dust just continued to listen.
"I'm sorry kiddo, truly..I am.."
His eyes widened as he felt his chair forcefully turn upon itself. He faced the opposite direction of the room, he felt his daughter embrace him tightly, a sudden hug, he hadn't felt this in years. Actually, it felt longer than that, it felt like an eternity since he'd felt this sort of loving embrace. She remained there as she muttered with her eyes close, a soft smile "It's cool dad."
She still had that aura of upbeat confidence about her, but, she seemed vulnerable, more open, as did he. They remained like this for a brief moment, her dad wasn't sure how to react. As important as it was, it was just as fleeting, gone in what felt like a flash only after it was over. Lightning Dust then turned, trotting off in a confident stride, she didn't want it to get awkward, and wanted this to be a fond memory. Before making her way to the door she took one last glance at her dad "I'll see you later dad."
With that she left, closing the door behind her.
Lightning Dust's father just remained motionless in the chair, as he smirked slightly to himself. That moment, as short as it may have been, seemed to ease the old pegasi. He smirked, relaxing his shoulders a bit, as if a heavy burden had dispersed at that moment. He laughed softly as the words barely escaped his mouth.
"Later kiddo."
As she trotted through the city of Cloudsdale, it was quite a beautiful day. Lightning Dust wasn't an entirely different pony, but still, something had changed. She thought back on her mother's message to her, she'd stay confident, sure, but there was also the fact she needed to show some kindness here and there. It was interesting, even though she'd been kicked out of the academy, if that never happened, she might of never had that sudden impulse to question her dad. Still, the overwhelming disappointment of failing to become a wonderbolt tensed her, what of her dreams now? She recalled a conversation with her father.
Back during a time, when the entire family seemed happy.
"What kiddo? Dreams? Well, dreams are kind of a complicated thing."
Lightning Dust's dad laid upon a soft bed of grass made up of the open field. The sky was a gorgeous blue color in the mid-afternoon, many other ponies besides him were out and about, enjoying the day. Not far from the area, one could see a casual park, and further in the distance, Canterlot. This was obviously a public and well known place of relaxation. As he laid upon the grass, he also held in his hoof a split loaf of bread, munching on it softly. Suddenly gazing over him would be a familiar figure, a filly Lightning Dust, eyes wide with curiosity. In her hoof she held the second half of the loaf, nibbling on it softly.
He leaned up somewhat beside her, laughing gently. "I won't lie to ya, dreams, although they're great to have, they also make up a great portion of who we are, perhaps too large a portion."
Lightning Dust raised a brow at him, she'd looked puzzled by his words while munching on her bread. She chewed as she managed to get out the word "Huh?" Her dad began to laugh as he ruffled her mane "I guess it's expected, you're still so young."
He looked up at the sky and continued "Dreams can either make, or break you. Ponies these days like to consider their dreams some sort of motive, some life goal. I personally think you shouldn't put so much thought into it, because if you let your dreams consume you, ah they will. And for most, if things just don't go according to plan, your world just spirals downward, as if you've failed your purpose in life."
To this Lightning Dust shuddered, such choice of words, but as she and he both would come to find, everypony had their opinions. She couldn't help but ask, a hint of fear in her voice "So if we fail, it's over?"
Her dad just gave her a soft smile, and looked at her as if he expected that sort of question. He shook his head "Ah, that's the thing kiddo, you shouldn't even view it as a failure." Her eyes widened curiously "It doesn't matter if you didn't achieve everything you set yourself up for, nopony can predict the future, and circumstances out of our control can play a big role as well. To put all the blame on yourself is idiotic, what's important is focusing on what really matters, and accepting things for what they are."
Lightning Dust blinked a bit, she took another bite out of her bread "What really matters?"
She raised a brow curiously as he smiled "What really matters is the journey it took to get to that point in your life. Remembering all the tiny things we forget, the things along the way ya know? What really matters is the path you chose to go about your dream, not the dream itself, all the things you got out of that pursuit, be it, friends, family, experience, knowledge. We can't go about looking at life in such a simplistic way. Don't look at it as a task or chore to be completed, look at it as something that shapes who you are, and be grateful for that." He shrugged as his daughter looked at him wide eyed, she didn't get half of what he'd said but he just smiled at her, thinking perhaps with time kiddo. He then rubbed the top of her head, then looking into her eyes sternly "Just remember, it's your life. Don't let it be dragged into the gutter by your own volition."
As he said this, Lightning Dust continued to stare at him, chewing while she spoke "So what about you dad?"
His eyes widened.
"What's your dream?" She muttered curiously.
He looked at her, paused for a few brief seconds and then burst into laughter rubbing the top of her head "To take care of you guys of course! I want to make sure you guys are happy, have a steady, comfortable; lifestyle."
Suddenly there was the sound of somepony trotting hastily towards the father and daughter. They turned to see who as it was none other than Lightning Dust's mother. She had a tired look upon her with a smile as she saw them "Sorry about that you two! You guys have fun?" Lightning Dust flapped steadily over to her, giving her an affectionate hug as she wrapped a hoof around her daughter, hugging her back gently.
Her husband just sat there, a caring smile as he stared at the two, his supposed pride and joy "We were fine darling, you done talking to your friend?"
She chuckled somewhat with a wink towards her husband "Y ep, now I'm back, with the two greatest ponies in the world."
He smiled at her as she flapped over to him, Lightning Dust in hooves as she sat beside him, they touched noses affectionately as she uttered "You'll always be my very special somepony darling."
He agreed "And you mine."
Lightning Dust stuck out a tongue in disgust "BLEH!" as the two of them just laughed and continued to snuggle some more.
Lightning Dust drifted back to the present, she winced somewhat, to even think such times used to exist between her family seemed unbelievable at this point. She chuckled to herself lightly, the irony in the fact her father became the very thing she told her not to was regrettably amusing. Even if her dad's advice didn't contain perfect truth, did any? She thought about it for a moment, the memory sure comforted her and made her feel better about the situation, and to her, that's what mattered.
Lightning Dust glanced up, the towering building made of cloud in front of her. She'd been trotting quite a bit, seems she finally made it to the rainbow factory. She admitted, wasn't as fun as zipping through the sky at the academy, but it was better than locking herself in her room. As she entered she was greeted by a bunch of surprised faces, one pegasi in particular fluttered over to Lightning Dust, curiosity overwhelmed her. "Lightning Dust! What're you doing here, aren't you supposed to be at the academy?"
Lightning Dust shook her head, she'd looked embarrassed but still had a confident smile "Naw, seems things just didn't work with me and Spitfire I guess."
The pegasi's expression sunk, she didn't know Lightning Dust well, but the news still made her sad "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, we at the factory got plenty of room if you're looking to volunteer."
Lightning Dust nodded with a smile "Sure, that's why I came he-"
Suddenly she was cut off by the sound of laughter.
Five familiar pegasi fluttered over to her from the entrance, she recognized them as initiates at the academy. "Well of course you'd come here! This is where all the talentless pegasi go!"
To this some of the pegasi cringed, looking highly upset while others looked down in shame. Others were actually proud of their jobs at the rainbow factory.
Lightning Dust just laughed a little "Talentless huh? If that's what this place is by your standards I guess you'd all fit right in."
The insult was aimed intently at the group of pegasi, the other pegasi understood that and just smiled softly.
The group of cocky initiates gritted their teeth as one snarled from beneath his breath "Talentless?! Us? Coming from some dropout? I challenge you to a race Lightning Dust, just you and me!"
Majority of the ponies gasped and began muttering amongst themselves as Lightning Dust looked a little hesitant to reply, she lowered her head, unsure of what to say. Why do I feel this way? I know I'm a fast flier, but, why do I get this uneasy feeling in my gut. She just shook her head, blocking out that fear, that sense of doubt faded away then. She raised her head, proudly, confidently, she smiled at her soon to be opponent "Fine!"
The male pegasi smirked as he led her out of the rainbow factory, they prepared for a race.
As they readied themselves, there were quite a few spectators on the sidelines. The male pegasi smirked at Lightning Dust, confidence radiated from him "Ready to eat my dust failure?"
Lightning Dust just winced at him slightly, then looked ahead, focusing on concentrating in the race. One of the other pegasi announced "The rules are simple, it will be quick and to the point! A full lap starting from here, shooting off into the outer boundaries of Cloudsdale, then around Cloudsdale one full time, then back here! Done! Any questions?"
The two racers immediately responded in unison "Nope!"
The announcer nodded as he raised a hoof, the suspense building up as everypony tensed, waiting for that one word. He flung his hoof down "GO!"
The two pegasi bolted off from the starting point, leaving nothing but spiraling cloud essence where they once stood. The small crowd erupted in cheers, as Lightning Dust was side by side with her opponent, to her surprise, she found he was quite fast. They were already on the outer boundaries of Cloudsdale, the male pegasi peered to his right yelling to Lightning Dust "Can't keep up failure?!"
Lightning Dust's eyes widened, those words unexpectedly stung. She gritted her teeth, looking down, as the male pegasi began to pass her up, moving on ahead.
As she was losing ground, she then thought back on both her parents advice.
Always stay confident,....
You shouldn't even view it as a failure.....
She smirked as she recalled those words. She then smiled as she bolted full speed ahead, the male pegasi was so shocked by her sudden determination that he was even knocked off course by her speed, flailing his hooves as he tumbled mid-air, after a brief moment able to finally regain his balance. He attempted to catch up but Lightning Dust wasn't planning to let that happen, she sped around the course with ease and made it to the finish line soon after, it was a fleeting moment, quick and simple, she was victorious.
As her opponent soon came in, he had a disappointed expression, he was quiet. He landed next to his friends who were also quiet, he looked to Lightning Dust with a sigh "Go on, rub it in why dont'cha?"
Lightning Dust looked at him for a few seconds, perhaps in the past she would have but she shook her head, holding out a hoof to the pegasi "Good race. You're fast."
He looked at her hoof, staring at it blankly, then hesitantly shook "Uhm; yea, good race, and you to." He muttered.
The crowd erupted into cheers once more as he even managed to apologize to the factory pegasi, his friends did the same. She laughed somewhat as she shook her head, telling them it was fine. As they left she smiled at their departure, she was happy by how things ended between them. After that the same pegasi from the rainbow factory smiled "Well, shall we proceed Lightning Dust?"
Lightning Dust nodded, following the pegasi back into the factory.
It ended up being a long, but overall satisfying day. She was volunteering at the factory, she was managing to get over the whole academy situation, and she was even patching things up with her dad, everything was going perfect it seemed. Life had its ups and downs, but the ups made it worth it.
As she made her way out the factory, night had come over Cloudsdale. The stars were out beautifully displayed overhead, the moon was full and it wasn't so chilly. Lightning Dust eagerly made her way to a small market in Cloudsdale, there was something she'd wanted to buy. She got a large loaf of bread, perhaps when she got home she could share it with dad, it would be perfect. She felt jumpy, the plans ahead would be a little tough to pull off, but perhaps they could work. Maybe dad could become sober and mom could actually come visit, perhaps she was getting a little too hopeful she chuckled.
Everything just seemed to be fitting into place, these memories, so fresh in her mind.
Everything would be alright, after all, she was tough, she was Lightning Dust.
She actually took the time to trot home, landing in front of the apartment complex, bag in mouth, and a smile on her face. She trotted up the stairs as she sighed somewhat, preparing for another random insult from the drunk stallion. As she arrived in front of the door, she pushed it open trotting inside "Hey dad! I'm back, haha guess what I got, we have a lot to talk about today, by the way-" she trotted down the hall steadily and turned towards the living room "It's about!-..." She paused. There was a brief silence that to her, felt like an eternity.
Her bag dropped to the floor.
Lightning Dust just stared at the scene laid out before her. The lights were dimmed. Her eyes were wide, she'd looked lost. She slowly approached the body, the world around her fell mute. He was turned, facing the opposite direction from where he hung so she couldn't see his face. Lightning Dust fluttered up to him slowly, he was suspended, a strange form of rope tight around his neck. She looked him up and down for a brief moment, she'd noticed his wings were snapped deliberately. Near his reclining chair he was, just hanging by a solid cloud lamp connected to their ceiling. Lightning Dust slowly untied the rope, delicately, gently, she still had that speechless expression, her pupils were dilated, her eyes were wide, but she didn't smile nor frown.
As the knot fell loose, the body was limp, it didn't hesitate to fall quickly, Lightning Dust expected this obviously, catching it before it'd hit the floor. She wrapped her hooves around him as she descended slowly onto the floor, laying him down as she still kept him turned away from her. One hoof was beneath him as she scanned him once again with her eyes up and down. She to was on the floor, instead she was sitting, holding him close in her hooves.
The world around her was deafly silent.
So many thoughts were racing through her head as she stared at him. Everything was finally looking up she'd thought. She couldn't even depict what exactly she was feeling, it was as if something was bubbling up inside of her about to explode. Her heart raced rapidly, she had so many questions, so many things she wanted to say. It was as if it were a normal day, normal insults, same old Cloudsdale, it just turned out to be better than average, why now? It felt unreal, as if she were trapped in some sort of different world. As she continued to just stare at the body, she thought Comon dad, are you kidding me? I know we didn't get along, but, but this? Her lower lip began to quiver as she was finally starting to reveal some emotion, her brow furrowed in discomfort. She eyed his reclining chair, some of his drink was still left in a cup, then looked back down at him. He's just passed out, either that or playing some sick joke.
She chuckled nervously as her hoof trembled, she was preparing to turn his face towards her. Yea, just some, lame prank, then he'll just joke on me for falling for it. As she turned his head to look him in his eyes, her own shot wide. Her expression sunk dramatically, as her entire body began to tremble. Her features twisting into a shocked, grief stricken composition, she looked as if she were in denial.
His jaw hung open, his eyes were bloodshot, rolled back, and as she scurried back, he fell limp upon the floor.
She staggered back to her hooves, then looked at him for a few more seconds, she then gazed upward.
This, has got to be a dream....no, this, this is the stuff of nightmares.
She raised her two front hooves to her head, as her eyes were wide, beginning to swell with tears.
The stuff of nightmares.
There was no advice for this, this didn't require confidence, or philosophy on dreams, this was just, pure hell.
Suddenly, her mothers words recited in her mind, as if choosing to show up against her will.
"I need you to stay here and take care of your dad."
She screamed, her cries violent and piercing, she'd looked like she'd lost her mind.
Mom, graduation, wonderbolt's academy, and now, now this. This wasn't something one could just get over, this was the finisher, the breaking point of all things gone wrong for her. Lightning Dust just screamed, wishing it were a bad dream, false reality, forever dreaming.