Artemis Fowl II was a devious and scheming boy. He’d barely been in contact with the pony world for twenty-four hours when his mind started to churn out ideas and formulate courses of action to follow. In the short time he’d been removed from his world in the current session alone, he’d learned essentially everything he needed in order to earn back his family’s lost wealth and acquire a little extra gift in the process. All he needed to do now was figure out how to put his knowledge to practical use.
However, those burdens could wait until he actually met with the immortal ruler of the land of ponies. Until then, he had no reason to fret over action, as no amount of it would benefit him to his knowledge.
So instead, he listened to Twilight Sparkle go into detail about the contents of each individual book on the pile, some of which actually appealing to the young genius. For each of these cases, the eager unicorn placed the tome in question aside for later viewing. By the time the entire pile had been scanned, four or five large books rested neatly on the small table to the side of the room.
Once the remaining books were sorted correctly onto the bookshelf, the host of the humble abode hurried upstairs and returned within moments, carrying several blank scrolls and vials of ink for a quill pen that was held firmly in her teeth. The young genius found himself amused by the unicorn’s consideration for efficiency. The two individuals sat opposite one another at a small round table in the center of the room. The more eager of the two was obviously the host, while the guest had a look of utter boredom plastered on his face.
Twilight didn’t even attempt to hide her excitement as she asked, “Before we begin, would you like something to drink, or maybe something to snack on while we’re talking?” Her eyes almost seemed to overflow with eagerness.
Artemis began to wave a dismissive hand at the question, before realizing he might be doing an extraordinarily large amount of talking. Taking a light breath he sighed, “Do you have any tea?” He shifted slightly as if he felt dumb for asking.
“Sure do! One thing you can count on with Equestria is our wide range of herbs and spices. What kind were you hoping for?” The unicorn swiftly trotted into a small room beside the main lobby, which served as her kitchen. Opening a small cupboard, she said, “I have black, green, white, yellow, earl grey, oolong, jasmine, spearmint, peppermint, and lemon tea.”
It took the boy a few moments to register just what he’d heard. After a second of processing his host’s string of words, he sighed, “Peppermint if you would.”
“Right away!” the pony cheered back, immediately starting to brew the herb.
Artemis sat in semi-silence for several moments as Twilight made up the tea. He considered the possibility of the questions he would soon be asked getting personal, and promptly developed a reasonable response to each of them. At the same time, he also considered the few questions he wouldn’t be at liberty to discuss, and eventually got caught on one particular query he couldn’t seem to work his way around. Of course, the odds of his pony inquisitor asking that one question were trivial at best.
Just as the genius finished his musings, his host returned to the table with two cups of peppermint tea, fresh off of the stove and still steaming. She cheered, “You might want to let it cool for a bit.” She placed hers aside and picked up her quill, ready to begin the questioning.
“Duly noted…” the boy remarked as he took a small sip, the liquid quickly scalding his tongue. Wincing slightly as he placed the cup aside, he adjusted his position in the chair to achieve a higher level of comfort.
“Where do I even begin? It’s not like creatures from other worlds show up every day…” It was obvious to Artemis that his host hadn’t really given thought to what she wanted to ask.
“It would be quite a unique experience, questioning an intelligent being from another world.” He didn’t mind her hesitation, as it gave him more time to think.
After a few moments, Twilight’s face lit up with excitement and she gasped, “How long do humans live?” She quickly dipped her quill pen in a vial of ink and held it over the parchment.
The boy found himself wondering where such a question had come from. With a grin he started, “That’s not an easy question to answer, Ms. Twilight. Really, there are too many variables to give a definite age. However, the average age for a healthy human is within the range of eighty-five and ninety-five years.” He took another sip of his tea, feeling relieved to know what kind of questions his host would be asking.
Twilight’s jaw dropped. She muttered, “That’s a long time… So you humans can get really old…”
Artemis cocked an eyebrow in curiosity and asked, “How long is a pony’s life?”
“With the exception of alicorns, most ponies don’t live more than thirty or forty years…” Her ears drooped back at the thought of how comparatively little her race lived.
The genius pondered her response for a moment before commenting, “That makes sense, actually. You have the same life expectancy as most breeds of horses back home.” He noticed his host’s expression shift from awe to curiosity.
The unicorn quickly jotted down his answer to her previous question before continuing, “You said you have horses back home. What other kinds of animals are there in your world?”
The trivial nature of the question disappointed the young boy. He had pegged Twilight to be one of the most intelligent citizens of the new world, and yet she couldn’t seem to conduct even an interesting interview. He answered indifferently, “We have the average variety of animals. Dogs, bears, elephants, whales. None of them are extraordinary and certainly none can speak.”
Jotting down his answer, the unicorn continued, “You know that there are four varieties of ponies. How many different varieties do humans come in?”
Artemis was lost. The pony’s mindset shifted from trivial to complex in the blink of an eye. He failed to see how the two questions linked to one another, but held his tongue against his curiosity. Shifting his head to the side to consider the enquiry, he sighed, “There is no definite number of human species. Many researchers argue that there is only one, though there are different branches of that one species.”
It was obvious to the boy that the answer hadn’t clarified anything, but the unicorn continued on with the interview. She giggled, “How does your day and night system work?”
Ah, a simple question for the boy to answer. It was one that didn’t require much thought, yet one that wasn’t as trivial as some others she could’ve asked. As he began to answer, a sudden realization dawned on him. “One of the many books you discussed earlier stated that your princess controls the celestial bodies. Is this correct?”
Twilight, a little thrown off by the question, answered, “That’s right. Princess Celestia is responsible for raising and setting the sun. Her little sister Luna works with the moon.” Noticing the boy’s blank stare, she asked, “Is something wrong?”
Magic. Plain and simple. The boy dismissed the idea and answered, “Our sun and moon do not ‘rise’ and ‘set’. Our world sits on a revolutionary axis around the sun, held in place by its gravitational pull. Earth is tilted 23.4° on its axis, causing certain parts to be closer to the governing star at certain points during the revolution.” Artemis paused suddenly as he realized that he had been subconsciously drawing a diagram on his host’s piece of parchment.
He would have to scold himself later. “As our world spins on its axis, certain parts face away from the sun. This phenomenon is what you call night time. The part facing the sun experiences day time.” The boy felt extremely satisfied by his knowledge. It wasn’t often another person would willingly listen to a child that knew more about science than they did.
Twilight appeared to be fascinated. Her eyes shined with skeptical curiosity. “And what about your moon?” she insisted.
Clearing his throat, the genius continued, “Our moon uses the Earth’s gravity to revolve around it, similar to how we revolve around the sun. While the moon is generally always visible in certain locations, the sunlight overpowers it, and it isn’t visible during the day. At night, it reflects the sun’s light, causing it to supply an ample amount of light for moonlit tasks.” He took another sip of tea before leaning back in the small chair. For once in a long time, he was able to share his wealth of knowledge with another creature other than Butler.
Twilight sighed with a tone of awe, “So rather than your world functioning on magic, there are basic rules that nature follows? That’s sounds fascinating to study!” She jotted down a few more notes before rolling the parchment up, taking care not to smear her guest’s diagram.
Artemis, disappointed in the abrupt ending to the meeting, asked, “Is that all you had to ask, Ms. Sparkle? It seems as if you’d have a bit more to talk about.” He finished the last few sips of his tea, almost prepared for his enthusiastic guest to pull out an entirely new paper and continue the questioning.
But she didn’t. Instead, the unicorn simply tucked the parchment into a nook in the bookshelf. “That’s really all I have time for today.” she giggled. “I promised a friend I’d meet her for lunch.”
Something pricked Artemis in the back of his mind. What kind of host makes plans that could interfere with an important meeting? Oh well, it was her loss. The genius had all he needed to start his planning for the eventual manipulation of the Equestrian public. Honestly, the interview couldn’t have ended at a better time. At the very moment Twilight’s hoof touched the knob on the library’s front door a beeping rang out from the boy’s coat pocket.
It was uncanny, really. Almost unbelievable. He was receiving a phone call. A call across dimensions, it seemed. Only one person in existence knew the genius’s personal cell number. As he let the revelations sink in, he answered, “Is something the matter, Butler?”
Crackly though it may have been, the signal was considerably good in the hollowed-out trunk of an otherworldly library. Butler’s voice broke through the static, “We have a problem in the lab, Artemis.”
“Problem?” the boy cocked an eyebrow in curiosity. Before entering Equestria this had been a rare show of emotion for the boy, and now it seemed to be a natural occurrence. “What kind of problem?”
The bodyguard’s voice poured back, “I’m not certain what it is, but it isn’t human. And it isn’t…” the word caught in the brute’s throat, “…pony. It seems to be searching for something. Perhaps it’s a thief.”
Non-human, non-pony thief? Interesting. “I’m on my way. Don’t let the creature out of your sight.” Artemis started to hang up the call when another thought came to him. “And monitor Mother’s room.”
“Yes, sir.”
And that was that. It took the genius all of ten seconds to hang up the phone, nod good-bye to Twilight, and push the button on the inter-dimensional device. With a more controlled flash of golden light, he was gone again. This time, he had business to attend to at home before he could concern himself with the pony world any further.