//------------------------------// // Chapter 1: Good Morning, Muffin Empire! // Story: The Muffin Dynasty // by Colt Vulpes //------------------------------// · Chapter 1 Good Morning, Muffin Empire! · Doctor Whooves slept. *SFFFNKKKKKKAAAHHH* He was snoring rather loudly. And then he was shaken rather violently. “TIMEY WAKE UP!” ‘Timey,’ as his wife liked to call him, woke up. He looked around, startled. “What is it, dear?” Derpy was hyperventilating. “I... I just had the weirdest dream...” Poor Derpy, thought the Doctor. It must’ve been a terrifying nightmare. “You want me to light the lamp?” he asked. “Sure,” replied Derpy. She could use some illumination—it might help bring her back to reality. The Doctor fumbled around for the oil lamp but couldn’t find it. “Oh, let me help,” said Derpy. She cast an illumination spell, which lit the room dimly. “Oh there it is,” said the Doctor. He had found the lamp, but unfortunately it was out of reach. “I’ll get it.” Derpy picked up the lamp with her magic and brought it over. She cast an ignition spell and the oil caught fire, which lit the room much more brightly than her illumination spell had. “Thanks Derpy, I—” And then he stopped. “HEY WAIT A MINUTE!!” Derpy looked at her husband, puzzled. The Doctor looked around. “This isn’t our house!” Derpy looked around as well. Indeed it wasn’t. “My, this is certainly strange,” said the Doctor. “Where on earth are we, and how did we wind up here?” “I dunno.” “Well maybe you can—” And he stopped again. “DEAR SWEET CELESTIA HOW DID I NOT NOTICE THAT!?!!?” “Notice what?” “You have a horn, Derpy!” “I do?” “Yes!” “Really?” The Doctor sighed. He loved Derpy, he really did, but sometimes she was a bit slow to pick up on things. “You used magic three times when you got that lamp. How did you not notice?” Derpy gave one of her famous derp faces and shrugged. The Doctor shook his head. “This is all just too weird.” The two of them got up and exited the unfamiliar room. They looked around. It was still mostly dark outside, but they could make out their surroundings from the pre-dawn light. “What the...” the Doctor was stunned. “We’re in the Canterlot castle!” “Woohoo!” said Derpy. She flew off down one of the corridors. “Where are you going?” “To the royal kitchen!” The Doctor chased after her. “Why??” “To make some muffins!” And so Derpy made muffins as the sun came up, and she and the Doctor had a delicious breakfast. “WHEEEEE!!!” A small alicorn filly buzzed into the room. They both looked up in shock at the sight before them. “Dinky?” “Hi Mom! Hi Dad!” Dinky swooped down and snagged a muffin. “You make the best muffins Mom!” The Doctor looked at his wife and daughter. “You’re both... you’re both...” He sighed. “Well, this day is bound to be interesting.” · · - 06:59 - All was dark. All was quiet, too, save for an off-white unicorn mare snoring. - 07:00 - And then the mare’s alarm went off. The floor shook, and wubs filled the room. “GOOD MORNING, PONYVILLE!” “Vinyl, do you have to do that every morning?” Vinyl looked up and saw her groggy roommate standing in the doorway. “YES I DO, TAVI! YES. I. DO.” “Could you at least stop shouting?” “Sheesh, fine,” Vinyl scoffed. Stuck-up foo-foo cello player. “Aaanyway, I’m gonna get some breakfast.” She flew out of her room and into the— “Holy cow, we’re in Canterlot!” (...really?) Octavia watched as her friend flew around the castle, higher and higher. “You... also know you have wings now, right?” “REALLY?” Vinyl cranked her head around and saw that she did indeed have wings. “NO WAY!” In this moment of distraction, she stopped flapping. She fell to the floor. She expected it to hurt. It didn’t. “Haha, that was fun!” She flew up again, this time all the way to the (very high) ceiling, and folded her wings up. Gravity took effect, and once again she went SPLAT on the ground. And once again, she was totally unharmed. “That’s so much fun! You gotta try it, Tavi!” “Uh... no thank you. And besides, I don’t... have...” She looked around at her back. “Oh. Never mind. I have wings too.” She put a hoof to her forehead. “...aaand a horn.” Unbelievable, she thought. This is just unbelievable. “Dude, we’re alicorns now!” exclaimed Vinyl. “I’m gonna go do... alicorn stuff.” · · The Doctor had finally started to accept that Derpy and Dinky had grown a horn and wings, respectively. The muffins helped him with that. They were tasty, after all. Full of fat and sugar. Still, he had to wonder what the heck was going on here. And then suddenly— “GOOD MORNING, PONYVILLE!” Is that... “YES I DO, TAVI! YES. I. DO.” Yes, yes it is. The Doctor facehoofed. “It appears Vinyl Scratch and Octavia are here as well.” “Oh good, let’s give them some muffins!” And then they heard Vinyl coming their way. “Time for me to do some alicorn stuff! Say, what do alicorns do, anyway? Well they probably eat. I’ve seen Celestia eat a ton of stuff! And—HEY LOOK A KITCHEN!” Vinyl flew in. “WASSUP, DERPY? WASSUP, DOCTOR? HEY LITTLE DINKSTER, HOW YA DOIN’?” The Doctor plugged his ears. “It’s... nice to see you too, Vinyl.” She’s an alicorn as well. Figures... “Hey are those muffins?” Vinyl grabbed a muffin and ate it. “MUFFIN-TASTIC!” “Thanks!” said Derpy. “Made ’em myself!” “Well you sure know how to bake and—HEY LOOK YOU’RE ALICORNS TOO!” “Thank you for that astute observation,” said the Doctor. He was getting a little tired of Vinyl’s lack of an indoor voice. (Also, as the only non-alicorn he was starting to feel left out.) · · Octavia sat down outside her (new) bedchamber. Great, just great. And when’s Vinyl coming back? “Why hello there.” Octavia jumped at that. She looked around, but didn’t see anyone. “Glad to see somepony didn’t just run off,” said the voice. *POOF* A large figure appeared before her. “Discord!” Octavia leaped back. Her wings instinctively began flapping, and she hovered in the air a good distance from the draconequus. “Oh calm down will you? You’re worse than Derpy!” Tavi landed tentatively. “What do you want?” “I want to introduce you to your new life!” he answered. “So if you could get your friends in here that would be stupendous.” Figuring it was best to do what the draconequus said, Octavia complied. She left for the kitchen, explained the situation, and dragged Vinyl and the others back with her. When she returned Discord was waiting patiently. “There you are! Took you long enough.” “Now what’s going on?” asked the Doctor. “Are you behind all this?” “Well, duuuh!” Discord stuck his tongue out. “Now listen carefully,” he said to the alicorns, “for you’re the new royal family.” “But we’re not even related!” protested Octavia. “I’m Discord, Spirit of Chaos! Do you really think I care about details like that?” “I... guess not.” “Now really, you should try to be more excited about this,” said the semi-reformed draconequus. “For you three are...” “Octavia: Princess of Music!” “Well, I do enjoy me some classical music,” said Octavia sheepishly. “Vinyl Scratch: Princess of Wubs!” “WUB A DUB DUB, MOTHERF$&%ERS!” “Now that’s the spirit!” said Discord. “Vinyl, watch your language around Dinky!” said Derpy. And then Vinyl thought for a moment. “...wait are you saying Wubs aren’t music?” “And finally,” said Discord, ignoring the question, “we have, drum roll please...” Several Discord clones appeared with drumsticks and snares and began doing a drum roll. “Derpy: Queen of Everything, Especially Muffins!” “Who, me?” asked Derpy. “Yes, you!” Discord got on his knees and bowed down. “All hail Queen Derpy!” He then looked up and grinned slyly at the wall-eyed mare. So it wasn’t just a dream. Huh, ya think? · ×