//------------------------------// // chapter 42. To look upon ourselves. // Story: Becoming Fluttershy // by Hope //------------------------------// I wake screaming, the image of Reid on that table still fresh in my mind as I look upon her, so alive, so precious, so staring at me in as much shock as I feel. Then I realize I am clinging to her, and by the warmth that surrounds us in the blankets that just barely cover us, I am going to guess that she did not climb in to comfort me of my nightmares. "...um... hello." she says with a small smile, her adorably askew tin foil headgear offsetting the austerity of her jacket and her now concerned expression. I try to rub away my tears and sniffling nose as though those terrifying dreams hadn't happened, but I have no luck when it comes to reality. "H...Hey..." I mumble, withdrawing from the hug that I am sure is unwelcome. "...soooooo," she starts, a very blatant casual tone in her voice and I can only imagine her anger or her disgust or fear, how many ways are there for one pony to hate another? I must have exhausted the list of fears before she finished her thought. "Don't take this the wrong way, but... do you remember us sharing a bed?" So she thinks I would violate him, or she thinks that I tried to, she will never trust me again, she will hate me until the day I die. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't...." I start to cry, the emotions of the dream still pulling at me and dashing any hope of reason or calm to the winds. These aren't dramatic tears, screaming or hollering, just silent and bitter sobs as I try to gather my thoughts to me. "Heyheyhey..." she grabs ahold of me, and doesn't hurt me, doesn't take out well deserved anger, but pulls me close. "I, I'm sure nothing happened, okay? This is... this is the element of Laughter, having a little prank at our expense, you know, we panic for a bit and then it all turns out to be completely innocent," she explains, stroking my mane and absolving me of all blame for the current crisis in one fell swoop. "I didn't mean to implicate you, I'm sorry." With my mind somewhat steadied the dreams come back to me. "It's not that Reid.... I had... I had a terrible nightmare... You were dead Reid, and it was all my fault." I choke out between the sobs. "...I had a dream like that once. A cat was... basically falling apart in my hands, no matter how hard I tried to stuff the organs back in. There wasn't any blood, and the cat actually seemed kinda calm. It was more sad than scary, really..." she rambles, but I don't care. Her heart is beating, her body is warm. She is alive and my dreams were unfounded. "Everypony--and human, heh, has dreams like that. The dreams don't make you a monster." I feel like this is a confession, I am spilling myself out to see if she finds any darkness, anything to fault or purge from me. "Nightmare whisper was there... And the grey me... And they just wouldn't go away... I'm sorry, I shouldn't... Shouldn't be dumping this on you...." "You know, I have to disagree with you there. You want to know why?" She asks with an ever so small smirk, a twinkle of laughter in her eyes. "Why..." It's not much of a question, since her own was rhetorical, but my confusion gives way to a small smile and a childish blush as she starts to sing. "When I was a little filly and the sun was going doooooooooooooooooown...." "Pinkie.... The others are sleeping still...." Her smile only grows. "The darkness and the shadows, they would always make me frooooooooooooooooooown..." I giggle and, in an attempt to get her to stop, throw out the only other thing I can think of. "Pinkieee.... The others are gonna think things..." She stops just before the next verse. "Wait, are you serious? I mean do we want them to think things like that when I'm not even sure and--and, um, just a moment--" She attempts to roll off the bed but forgets to throw off the sheets, and ends up hanging off the side of the bed in a bedsheet cocoon. "I was lying, I just didn't want you to wake them up." I admit, before trying to help untangle her, and ending up falling with her to the floor, landing on top. "Um..." I feel my cheeks burn. "...well." She says with a chipper smile. "This is awkward. I've been pinned by a naked woman." I gasp and pull myself into the air, hovering over her with my best impression of a grumpy and disapproving face, but by default failing horribly with my blush and trademark lack of any threatening qualities. "I'm not naked, I've got fur," I protest. "Well, so do humans. And it's not fur, it's hide." She says, standing. "Technical detail, I know, but I like to quibble on those things." As she stands, I notice a grey streak down off the side of her head, which I first think is a piece of tin foil, but quickly identify as a lock of her mane. I quickly put aside my issues and fly over to her, grabbing the bit of grey hair in my hooves. "What happened?! Reid, are you okay?" "What do you mean?! Is there a mysterious marking on my face in an eldritch script?! Are my eyes bleeding GATORADE?! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE PANICKING!" She snaps, and for a moment I wonder if I had insulted her or if she was joking, and flinch away from her before I put it out of mind. "You... You have grey in your hair... I thought..." "Oh?" She pulls it down in front of her eyes and examines it for herself. "Oh huh. Weird. And it's still straight." She smiles to me reassuringly. "That's just Dissy trying to get my goat, a little parting gift after I talked to Tara and Luna. Don't worry about it, totally under control." "Are you sure... I mean... I could give you a hug if it’d help..." "If anything, I think it's a measure of me winning if the villain has to resort to dying my mane." She says with a grin. "Wait wait, you did it?! You talked to Luna? What happened?" I ask, squeeing as I anticipate a solution to all our problems. She raises an eyebrow curiously. "....seriously, how do you get your dimples to squeak like that?" "It's not my dimples, say 'weee' then try doing it without opening your mouth. It’s that but higher pitched and while smiling. BUT YOU TALKED TO LUNA! This is great news!" I say, rambling off an excuse off the top of my head for why I make that sound whenever I am happy. "No, I swear whenever you smile like that, your dimples squeak." She shakes her head, giving up that topic for now. "Anyway, to business: Luna is going after Celestia after she... helps Tara calm down her family. Long story. Also, apparently that's not Twilight in the hospital... exactly... Well, it's Twilight's MAGIC but not her MIND. Dissy did something while she was coming through so we still have to find Twilight. And also, I'm starving. Does this hotel serve pancakes?" I wonder if Reid and Pinkie switch topics as a sort of deflection. If no one around them can process one subject before they switch, it won't be examined, questioned, and the painful bits won't bite as hard. So Luna is going to find Celestia, hopefully the princess of the night will be capable of bringing her sister back from the haze that is Discord's influence. Twilight's magic and mind have been split, so will Twilight be able to gain the element at all, or will the sixth element be somehow different? I ponder the situation for a moment as she anxiously yearns for the door and the mythical pancakes beyond. "Before pancakes, we need to get Shining and Cadence. They were... Very upset last night," I explain. "Let's not," Reid says with a shrug. "It would be awkward to walk in on sympathy sex. I can NOT believe I just said that." "No..." I pause for a moment to reflect on the fact that just days before Reid had said she was asexual, or maybe that was Pinkie, but what did that mean with us waking up in bed together... "No its worse than that. I'd be surprised if they even stayed in the same room." I finally finish, forcing myself to stop thinking about the confusing signals and the grey streak in her hair. "...angry sex? Brain, stop thinking about sex. Where is this even coming from?!" She says with frustration as I start to wonder if something is seriously wrong. In the end my confusion takes second chair to the current situation though, and I force myself to put aside mental images of Shining being dominated by a furious Cadance. "I don't know, but they were so angry at each other they wouldn't even speak." I point out, trying to get across just how bad it had been. "Oh." She ponders for a moment. "Wow. Okay, um." I don't try to say anything as Reid thinks it over. "I... don't think I'm qualified to handle that situation. Can I just back out like a coward and wake everybody else up?" "I don't wanna deal with it either," I admit with a grimace. "Let's go wake them all up then they can help deal with it." “That's a good plan. I like that plan. I am proud to be a part of that plan.” Reid says with a smile, fervently going along with the option that doesn’t involve us having to deal with that particular mess. We make our way into the room where we had been making costumes the night before, and walk in on Jackie, passed out across a pile of scraps and papers. She makes for a sort of poetic scene, whereas we had been so busy with our personal problems and drama, she had finished all the costumes and carried through on her promise without fail. Reid looks on her with a smile. “I vote we let her sleep.” “I agree. Ginny then?” “Mmmmmyep. You get Ginny, I'll get Ian.” She says as she bounces off to her brother’s room and I make my way into Ginny’s. Cracking the door open, I spot her splayed out across the hotel bed in a carefree sprawl. I manage to climb up onto her bed and nudge her arm with a hoof. Her response is not one I had anticipated. “...no, Angel, don't make me wear the maid outfit...” Now I know she is a fan of my own character and that might extend to fantasies about Angel, but it makes it no less awkward or embarrassing. I nudge her again. “...thanks for the help dusting, miss squirrel...” Okay so that is much more acceptable and less... confusing. I finally grab hold of her arm and give it a hard shake. “Wha?!” Before I know what is going on, I’ve been put in a headlock, which doesn’t really work on a pony since our necks are thinner and built differently than human necks, but still being put in a headlock is a bit sudden for so early in the morning. “Who are you, what-- OHMYGOSH I'MSOSORRY!” She lets me go and backs up against the headboard of the bed, panting. “I, I swear it was just reflex, I didn't hurt you did I!?” She asks me, as though I would typically admit to being hurt even if I was. “Of course not. I'm too soft and huggable to be hurt by you.” I say with a small giggle and a smile. “Oh. Well that's... good, I guess.” She says with a good amount of hesitation. She then tilts her head in confusion and looks behind me at the door. “Um... what's that sound?” I hear what sounds suspiciously like the whistle of an incoming rocket, but I’m not in Iran so that can’t be it. Reid bursts into the room a moment later holding a small yellow pony with a big bow in her hair and a dazed expression full of tired thoughts. “...eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! LOOKIT!” She sticks the filly into my face as though I needed to check her mane for ticks or something. The realization that Apple Bloom is here triggers a reflex driven by my last experience when dealing with the ubiquitous CMC members, and my panic mode engages. Which for me is the equivalent of mild distress. “Are the other two here? Hide the Women and Children! Wait, no that was back in Equestria. So who is she really?” I ask as I examine the slowly awakening pony. Reid tosses Apple Bloom into the air before catching her carefully. “Oh man oh man, AJ is going to FLIP! Hahaha! We're semi-half sisters now!” “REID! PUT ME DOWN!” In some way it frightens me that Apple Bloom, or someone speaking with Apple Bloom’s voice, can sound more commanding and assertive than I do. Then again it really isn’t a surprise. Reid blinks a few times and sets her brother turned pony down on the bed. “Right, sorry, I couldn't help myself. Calm. I'm calm now.” She takes a few deep breaths, still smiling. “Glad that's over--” Ian starts before being swept up in a second, tighter hug by none other than Ginny. “OHMYGOSHYOUAREADORABLE!” She shouts as I chuckle and do my best not to get jealous of the little and unquestionably cute pony. “Be careful, I had to replace three tables, four chairs, a hammer, and a window after they stayed one night. Dangerous yet adorable.” I point out. “Like cats!” Reid says, somehow staying on topic while completely switching the subject. Ian squeaks out “Can't... breathe...” before Ginny lets him go. “OHMYGOSH I'M SO SORRY!” This girl really needs to work on her volume control. “That's alright, Ah'm fine.” He pauses, apparently noticing his accent for the first time. “Wait. Why am Ah talken' like this?” “Well you didn't think Erica talked like Fluttershy before, did you?” I ask, smirking a little. The amusing thing is, I almost did, my volume just went down. “Ah... guess not? Hold on, yer big. Bigger then me, Ah mean... am Ah some sorta midget?” He puzzles, looking himself over as best he can. “Ah... you... don't know who you got?” Reid asks with a little amusement and a dash of worry. “Let's see, Ah wake up when mah brother turned pony suddenly pounces on me and rushes me through tha hall. Ah get flung around a bit, find out Ah have a lousy acksent, and Ah haven't even looked in a mirror yet. So, no, Ah don't know who... Ah...” His rant ends with even his bow seeming to droop out of angst and sadness. “Ah'm that moepony, ain't Ah.” “Mmmmmyep.” Reid confirms. “Moepony? You are Apple Bloom.” I say, not getting the reference. “A.K.A. Moe pony.” Reid confirms again. “So not only am Ah a girl, Ah'm a little girl.” He says with the most heart crushing look of sadness I’ve ever seen on a filly. “Yeah, pretty much.” Reid nods, pausing for a moment before looking at her brother in shock. “Oh skreep, you can't drive anymore!” Ian seems less than happy with that being one of the first concerns. “Ya think?” I pick him up and give him a hug of my own, still thinking that hugs can solve everything. “It'll all be okay, don't worry. We still have Harold, Ginny, and I can drive my car.” I explain. Even if he would rather be focused on another problem, at least that one is manageable for now. “...is everyone goen' ta hug me now?” He grumbles, prompting me to set him down and back away sheepishly. I hadn’t meant to upset him. “I feel your pain.” Reid says sympathetically. “The emasculation of switching genders and suddenly being cute. To be fair, though, Apple Bloom does some pretty intense stuff, so after the first hug people should treat you normally.” Ginny looks at the large collection of ponies in her room nervously, most likely feeling a bit violated in an entirely non sexual way. “...um. Not to interrupt, but... why are we all still in my bedroom?” “It smells nice in here. Is that... persimmon?” Reid asks on another ‘tangent but still on topic’ that I seem to be noticing more often. “Aheh heh... yes...” Ginny admits sheepishly, turning away and trying to straighten out her bedhead. “I came in to wake you up. Pinkie has news.” I say, turning to Reid with a smile, hiding the burst of guilt and panic I get from using that name again. Reid doesn’t seem to notice. “News... which I shall inform you of.... OVER PANCAKES,” She declares. “That sounds all right.” Ginny agrees, getting up off the bed. “You get to wake up Julien and Linda,” she says with a smile, as if calling shotgun. Ginny doesn’t seem amused. “What the fuck man?!” “Language! There are fillies present!” Reid protests, barely fighting off her smile. “Yer gonna milk this fer all it's worth, aintcha.” Ian grumbles. “Ah'm twenty years old!” Thinking it over, I never asked Reid how old he was, and he never said. Is Ian his older or younger brother? Am I trading glances with and thinking of a kid or a peer? I know Pinkie’s age but not his and it really is goign to bug me if I don’t find out. “That reminds me, we need to get you a booster seat!” Reid keeps antagonizing her brother relentlessly. If I just ask, then she will find the question odd. What if she is young but likes to act older, and would be offended by a physical age? Why do I have to worry about things like this when noone else does? Finally I think of a way to get at the subject. “Wait so my average between shy and erica is 20, so what does that make you reid?” I ask as we start to make our way down to the cafeteria, and Ginny goes up to the royal bedroom. “Let's see, twenty two and seventeen... Four hundred and sixty three.” She says with a happy grin. Okay so she is the same age as me. Or she is lying so I don’t make a big deal out of it. Or she just finds it funny, or... “Nineteen an' a half.” Ian corrects Reid, probably thinking of his own now severely deminished age average. “Right, forgot to carry the five.” Reid laughs, before noticing that Ian had tripped and lay on the carpet, looking close to tears. Reid picks him up and sets him on her back. “We'll work on walking later. For the bathroom, though, you're on your own.” “Aw, don't be mean to poor Apple Bloom.” I giggle before realizing I had said the wrong name again. “I'm giving her a ride, how is that mean?” Reid points out. “Ah get that this is funny ta ya, but Ah just woke up like this. Can ya'll at least keep treating me like Ian?” He begs, pouting in a very Applebloom way. “...My apologies. It's just been a stressful few days and... well, I take the funnies where I can.” Reid explains as we trot together into the relatively deserted cafeteria. “OH YES PANCAKES.” I immediately feel like a jerk for effectively dismissing him entirely. “I'm sorry Ian... If you need any help let me know, okay?” I offer as I grab some apples, and a bowl of oatmeal, watching Reid get her own food and pondering how noone had noticed the grey streak in her mane. My offer of assistance turns out to be needed sooner than I thought as Ian can’t reach the counter and looks to me plaintively. “Uh.... Erishy?” He points with a tiny hoof at the pancake section of the table. I grab a plate with a spare wing and pile two pancakes on. Not too much since he is a filly now, after all. “Here you go ian.” “Thank ya.” He says, trotting over to the table and mumbling around the plate, “Thish ish just sho embarrasshing...” Jackie seems to have shown up in a Photo finish cosplay of some sort, and stares at Ian in shock and joy. “...oh that is just too perfect.” Ian set down his plate and looks like he is eager to dig in before Jackie has fillynapped him and runs off up the stairs. “ ...I would be more worried about this if I didn't know Jackie.” Reid says, and I decide not to point out that he has only known Jackie for a few days now.