Freedom. Chaos. Rebels. Standouts. Standoffs. Piefights. Pieshows. Pie-baking. Ponies baking. Ponies playing. Animals playing. Ah, an animal, where is one?
I find a blue bird and make it green. Then I replace its wings with hands. Then I make it do a handstand. Oh, I'm bored now. Time to create a chair stampede!
A creature of chaos, a sprite of disorder, the one salmon who swims downstream. Ah, there goes the chairs. So maybe a few legs get broken. They can be replaced! After all, a little chaos never killed anypony, did it?
Well, maybe it did, just that once. Maybe the depressed piano that could jump wasn't a good idea on the second story of a home. The poor pony never saw a jumping piano coming, did he? Oh, it was fun, sure, but perhaps a bit excessive. I've refined my methods somewhat since then.
Those poor, silly princesses. They declared me an enemy of the state. They put out bounties on my head. I saw the posters. “Wanted: Alive – Discord. Reward: 10000 Bits.” Such an antiquated way to hunt the spirit of chaos, don't you think?
Oh, yes, I couldn't agree more, my dear friend. How could they hope to trap the embodiment of not being trapped? Those foolish ponies never seem to learn. Luna seems troubled. Maybe she'd have some fun if her bothersome sister wasn't so... sisterly.
Ooh, that Celestia. Why does being able to raise the sun make you royalty? I can raise it. Several times, in fact. King Discord, ruler of Equestria. You never know if the sun will be out, or the moon... or, perhaps the moon is just cheese and the sun is the fire of friendship burning inside each and every one of us and... oh, bahaha, it's just so ridiculous! Friendship? Defeat me?
Princess Celestia told me that! She told me, “The power of friendship will defeat you!” And then, nothing happened! I just snapped my fingers and turned her hair into a bunch of bananas and laughed as she screamed and ran inside. Sure, it was more showboaty than that, with these silly pendants and a crown and a lot of glowing, but it all just disappeared and I thought it was hilarious! A princess that thinks she can wave around a few magic wands and make me disappear.
After all, I am Discord. What do you expect, that normal rules apply to me? Oh, sure, I tried to be nice in the beginning, but make one mistake and they turn on you. Changing the time of day just a little bit never hurt anything, did it? But noooo, they had to yell at me and make me change it back. Nopony likes the moon anyway. Then again, if it was cheese... maybe even I'd look forward to the night, then. Maybe I could suggest that to Luna.
Oh, a pony is coming! Let's see, a prank, a prank... there! Just a snap of my fingers, and there's a pony-sized frog waiting to surprise him. Ha, he ran away screaming!
Ugh... that wasn't very clever, was it? I mean, a pony-sized frog? Why not a froggy pony, or a hydra with no legs? Something funny, not this. I'm losing my touch.
Ah, Luna. I've always wished she wasn't so serious all the time. She could really have some fun.
She came and talked to me earlier, you know. Told me I had one last chance to change my ways, or she'd be forced to take action. Oh, the hollow threats of desperate ponies. Canterlot Castle is a lot prettier upside down, anyway.
Which reminds me, I was supposed to have a tea party with some particularly well-mannered rocks today. One of them told me he even writes for the Canterlot Cacophony. It's probably a lie, but oh, they do make great conversation partners when they embellish their literary achievements, don't they?
What's this? Oh, the “princesses” again. Maybe if I sing enough they'll stop trying to talk to me. “Hello, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna. I assume you're not here to enjoy yourselves, so I suppose I'll sing you some opera this time. Maybe it'll loosen the both of you up a little.”
Ah, the rhythm of music. One can really lose themselves in it, can they not? The beauty of the voice really takes on a new meaning when one is singing to two princesses who seem obsessed with destroying the voice of one such as myself. Ah, they're sparkling again. Perhaps they--
Oh, this has ruined my day. It appears I can't move. No matter, I'll just--
Scratch that, I can't. Stone? How boring.
I've... never had to write quite like this before.
--Scootareader