//------------------------------// // D&G Vs. Land Shark // Story: Gummy and Discord take on everything. // by JeckParadox //------------------------------// "Any requests?" The violinist asked the crowd. One large patron got up and handed a piece of sheet music. "If you'd please." When the Devil is too busy and death's a bit too much they call on me by name you see, for my special touch. To the gentleman I'm Miss Fortune, to the ladies I'm Sir Prise but call me by any name any way it's all the same! A tail swished and teeth bared. I'm the fly in your soup, I'm the pebble in your shoe, I'm the pea beneath your bed, I'm the bump on every head, I'm the peel on which you slip, I'm the pin in every hip. I'm the thorn in your side makes you wriggle and writhe! He turned and pulled out two revolvers from his belt, the ponies in the bar all gasped, and reached for their own weapons, but they all ran when swords began getting launched from the twin guns. And it's so easy when you're evil, this is the life you see the Devil tips his hat to me. I do it all because I'm evil, and I do it all for free your tears are all the pay I'll ever need. He roared and there was only a barmaid, the musicians, and a single stallion left in the saloon. While there's children to make sad, while there's candy to be had, while there's pockets left to pick, while there's grannies left to trip down the stairs! I'll be there, I'll be waiting round the corner, it's a game i'm glad i'm in it! Cause there's one born every minute. "Hey there." The stallion said, pulling out a shotgun and putting it up against his gills. And it's so easy when you're evil! This is the life you see the Devil tips his hat to me. I do it all because I'm evil, and I do it all for free your tears are all the pay I'll ever need! He turned around and opened his mouth as the exploding bullet entered it. I pledge my allegience, to all things dark and I promise on my damned soul to do as I am told for Tartarus has never seen a soldier quite like me, not only does his job but does it happily! He chewed the bits of steaming metal as the stallion's eyes became pin-pricks. He bared his teeth again, a cheerful grin upon his face that would haunt the stallion for the rest of his life. I'm the fear that keeps you wake I'm the shadows on the wall! I'm the monsters they become! I'm the Nightmare in your skull! I'm the dagger in your back, an extra turn upon the rack! I'm the quivering of your heart, a stabbing pain, a sudden start! The entire four seconds of it. And it's so easy when you're evil, this is the life you see the Devil tips his hat to me. I do it all because I'm evil, and I do it all for free, your tears are all the pay I'll ever need! And I do it all for free your tears are all the pay I'll ever need! And I do it all for free your tears are all the pay I'll ever need!!!.... The Barmaid looked upon the scene, and shivered, but then the Beast turned back to her. "So..." It gets so lonely being evil what I'd do to see a smile... even for a little while. And no one loves you when you're evil... I'm lying through my teeth! Your tears are all the company I need! She galloped from the building, shrieking, as the Beast helped himself to the alcohol that lined the shelves. What better to go with a bounty hunter? The musicians finished, and then fled for their lives. "Pity, that bounty hunter had a tip on him." He then gave a hearty laugh, ate another bottle of rum, and slithered along the ground out the doors. _ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~ <~]]___----\| ~~~~~~~~~ "So, the second one on this list is-" {Stop! If we say his name... he'll kill us.} "What?! Why, how?" {He just will, it's fate. I myself have never written or spoken his name!} "Can you think of his name?" {Of course.} "You're speaking to me telepathically. Why can't you say it telepathically?" {He'll just know! Gah!} The alligator swished his tail. {Where is he though?} "Somewhere called "Appaloosa." He's a well-known criminal there, wanted for the murder of three stallions, as well as every pony who ever made a wanted poster about him, and a small portion of the population." {Most likely everypony who said his name, or wrote it down.} "Oh come on! I'm the spirit of Chaos! I should know what is and isn't possible, because that's the line I personally cross every time I move." {Don't try it Discord, seriously.} "Land Shark." "Hello." Discord shrieked as a sword pierced his skull. He pulled it out and crushed it into pepper between his paw and claw. "That hurt- the what..." Before him, was a Shark. On land. Yeah. It was also wearing a Cowpony hat and vest, as well as a belt to holster his twin revolver pistols, but one of them was held up by his front left fin, smoke coming from the barrel. A half-burned cigar was stuck in his lower jaw among the razor sharp teeth. "What? What?!" Discord created a journal. "I don't remember making you." "You were really, really drunk." The Shark responded, firing another sword into Discord's head. "Huh." {Kill him! Kill him!} "ooh, hello Gummy." Land Sharkgb ihyv p bghbtgn;mo4j r ntefrn Sorry, had to dodge a sword, he promised he'd stop as long as I finish the chapter. "Ooh, hello Gummy." Land Shark said gleefully. "I haven't seen you since that day in Tartarus when I-" {PROMISED TO NEVER SPEAK OF IT AGAIN.} Gummy yelled psychically, killing several insects. "Fine. So, what are you doing with my creator?" {We are going to hunt you down for your crimes against Equestria!} "But not yours?" Land Shark said humorously. {Nope. Discord, take him out!} Discord smirked. "I took you out of this world, I can bring you into it!" He snapped his finger and there were two Land Sharks. The smirk disappeared. "I think I did something very wrong." The first Land Shark looked at the second for a few moments. "Nope." He fired three swords into the new Shark and then ate him. He then turned toward Gummy and Discord. {Retreat?} "Never!" Discord prepared to snap his claws again when an expertly fired sword sliced it clean off. "uh... never?" The other claw was shot off. "...someday?" His tail was shot off. "We'll call it a draw then?" Land Shark roared and Discord flew away as fast as he could. Gummy looked up into the gaping maw of Land Shark. {N-no hard feelings, right?} Land Shark opened his mouth and a stream of fire washed over Gummy, he floated himself away, scorched to a crisp. {We'll remember this!} _ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~ <~]]___----\| ~~~~~~~~~ "We need a plan." {Yes, how do we kill a shark?} "... I dunno, blowing it up, suffocating it, stabbing... same thing as anything else really." {How do we kill an immortal Shark?} "We can't, it's part of being immortal." Discord reattached his hand. "See?" {Fine. So how do we capture him?} "Can't you lift him up with your psychicness?" {No... Land Shark is- oh crap.} "Right behind you." The Shark laughed maliciously, pulling out his guns and putting them up to Discord and Gummy's foreheads. "I'm not going back to Tartarus boys, sorry. I got bored there very easily." He pulled the triggers with his fin, and Watched with disappointing as Discord was pierced by a balloon sword, and Gummy bent the sword around him. "GUMMY use psycho cut!" Gummy let out a computerized screetch as a black and pink slash appeared over Land Shark for a second. Land Shark was knocked backward several feet. "It was supereffective! GUMMY gained 5232 experience, GUMMY reached level 52. GUMMY would like to learn the move Brave Bird, delete another move and learn Brave Bird?" Discord continued to narrate. {No! B! Cancel!} "GUMMY forgot how to use 'Psychic', and learned 'Brave Bird'!" Discord cheered. Gummy tried to throw him to the ground with psychic power, but simply lit on fire and crashed into him instead. {Oh Celestia it hurts!} "It wasn't very effective, GUMMY took recoil damage." Discord smirked, but was interrupted by a sword to the head. "Really! That doesn't work, I thought it would have occurred to you the third time I didn't die." "But it's still fun." He said, smiling a terrifying smile. "Now then, should we battle til the end of time, two immortals continuously trying to kill each other with the powers bestowed upon them by the forces of Chaos, or should we go to Appaloosa and slaughter their foals?" Discord grimaced. "Apparently I'm not a happy drunk." Gummy sighed telepathically and used that weird pink slash of mind power again, knocking back Land Shark. {Come on! We need to make a plan to take him out now!} "Ooh! I know, we need to find his motivation, and then use it to trick him!" He turned to land Shark, who had rolled himself back onto his belly. "Why are you killing ponies?" "Because I'm @#$%ing evil. I sang a whole song about it. I had a violin in the background and everything." "Huh... not sure how to work with that." {I have an idea!} Gummy said. He turned to Land Shark, then fired his eye beams into Land Shark's eyes. {TELEPORT US NOW!} Discord nodded and snapped his claw, teleporting the two of them to the Crystal Empire. "AGGGHHH I'm blind!" Land Shark screamed. Then he rolled his eyes back. "That's better." He's a shark. "Now to wait for the immortality to kick in and heal me." _ /|------ /| ~~~~~~~~~ <~]]___----\| ~~~~~~~~~ "So... I need your assistance in dealing with... 'evil for the sake of evil' types." Cadence nodded. "Well as you know, Sombra worked the ponies of the empire to the bone in the giant Crystal mines, for no reason. Gems grow in the ground, and Crystal Ponies make them grow the same way Earth Ponies make trees grow. He also made the Crystal Ponies step on posters of me, become part of his experiments, and literally showered them in spells that make you live your worst nightmares." "How did you get rid of him?" "I killed him." "Huh... I already tried that, he's immortal." "Oh... have you tried encasing him in stone?" "ooh! I like that idea, bye!" Discord then teleported off. Cadence shook her head. "That Draconequus is going to be trouble, I know it." She noticed a green reptile he left behind. "Aww! Who are you little fella?" She looked him in the eyes. And burst into flames. \\ ^ />>>> < “ }}}\ />___ // \\ // \\ }}} "I have you now Land Shark!" Discord cried, Land Shark nowhere in sight. Discord then turned around to see the Beast. "Eek!" "Hello." "Girls!" "What?!" Land Shark turned around to see Six ponies with six very glowing jewels floating into the air. "Oh crap." A giant helix Rainbow beam crashed into him, teleporting him to the Moon. "Crap! You had it on the wrong setting!" Discord cried. "Oh well, what harm could he possibly do up there?... Just to be safe... Land Shark." He looked around in every direction, not feeling a sword hit him. "Oh thank Celestia, we're out of his range now." He petted his beard for a second, "Now, I'm sure I'm forgetting something..." / / ~~~ / [0 > |>\ ___\ [o > | / \ \ Gummy looked over his subjects without visible emotion. {hello, ponies of the Crystal Empire. I... am the powerful, the respectable, the pleasurable, the invincible King Gummy! And I am your new ruler!} "Where's the Prince and Princess?" {Why do you care? But if you must know they are half way to Las Pegasus, tied up on the last train. But anyway, I'm the leader now! Fear me!} "Crystals?" A deep voice came from the crowd, followed by several shrieks as King Sombra stood, surrounded by an aura of shadow. "Crystals Crystals Crystals!" He threatened. Gummy made eye contact, causing him to light on fire, then used that pink slash thing Discord replaced his psychic power with. The Crystal Ponies cheered as they saw the unconscious body of their once feared dictator. {Someone get him out of here... I hereby rename this land.... Gummy-topia!} {___0 \____ / / \\ \>>>>> "Well, the Moon is beautiful this time of night." Said Land Shark, watching the blue and green jewel of a world spin below him. He growled. "I am stuck on a rock! I will not stand for this! Discord, Gummy, I declare that I will someday kill you, I will have my revenge!" A purple shadow came from out of a crater and looked at him suspiciously. "Land Shark!" Cried the shadow, only to be dispursed by a sword shot. "Ow! I'm trying to talk to you!" "Sorry." "I offer you a way to get off this rock, and a way to give you unstoppable power!" "I'm already pretty unstoppable, but getting off this rock is good." "Allow me to take control of your body, and become Nightmare Land Shark! Your power will be greater than an Alicorn's, even greater than Discord!" "I have a better idea." Land Shark jumped at the shadow and swallowed it whole. "You taste terrible." He then sprouted wings and a horn, turning a deep black. His eyes became bright green, and a flowing blue ethereal mane sprouted unceremoniously from his skull and the tip of his tail fin. "I AM ALICORN LAND SHARK, FEAR MY POWER!"