The Midlife Crisis of an Extra-planar Being

by The DM


An Adventure in Farming

The orange pony stood on the bank still glaring daggers at me. All the while I was still in the lake. I had so far I had caused a tsunami, uprooted five apple trees, washed away the leaves and fruit of another seven trees, and left a massive muddy mess. This adventure was off to a great start.

The orange finished her death stare. "Well?! What do ya got to say fer yerself?!"

I deftly blinked at her, still not sure what to do. "Uhhh... my bad?" I said with a cheesy sheepish grin.

"That's your answer?! You destroyed mah trees, mah apples, and left this mess and all you got to say is 'Mah bad'!?"

"Well what do you want from me then? Do you want me to put the trees back in the ground?" I was getting a bit frustrated at this point.

She seemed to think for a moment, placing a hoof on her chin. She then turned her glare back to me. "How about this; you pay for the damages and ah won't go to the guards about this incident."

"And how, pray tell, do you expect me to pay for this without any money?"

My question seemed to catch her a bit off guard. "Don't you dragons have piles of gold just sittin around?"

I gave a wing shrug. "Meh, some do. I preferred to invest my gold into local businesses, allowing my gold to grow while still helping the local community."

She just stared at me with her jaw hanging open.

"What? Can't a dragon be smart with his money?"

She shook her head and recomposed herself.

"Alright. Since ya don't have any money how 'bout this. You work on mah farm till your debt is paid off."

I weighed my options. I could take the deal and be under the direction of this pony for how ever long she wanted, or I could resist and probably get killed by the local townsfolk.

"Deal."

She seemed shocked that I accepted so quickly.

"Is something the matter?"

"Well... it's just that... Ah was expectin you to put up more resistance..."

I shrugged. "Meh, I don't really see a point putting up a fight. It's a petty matter at best."

She was annoyed by my last remark but still relaxed considerably. "Okay then. If yer gonna work for me, ah'm gonna need your name."

"Oh, my name is Zircom. And you are...?"

"Applejack. I run and own this here farm." She looked at her uprooted trees with a look of sadness, as if I had run in and hurt her children. "Well, we got ah lot of work to do, so come on out of that lake and lets get to cleaning this here mess."

"Right." I tried climbing out of the lake only to find I was quite stuck. It was very embarrassing. In my efforts to get to the surface I had kicked off the soft bottom of the lake. This had caused my back foot to sink into the mud. Now every time I tried to pull my foot free, the suction force of the mud made it harder to break free.

Wondering why I hadn't gotten out of the water yet, Applejack turned to see what was taking so long.

"Are ya commin or not?"

"Yeah, I am... just give me a sec." I tried pulling free again, still to to avail.

"Yer stuck aren't ya?" she deadpanned.

"...Maybe." I'm a ten ton dragon and here I am, stuck in the grasp of mud. Not one of my finest moments.

She facehoofed before walking back to the lakeside. "Well don't pull up, you'll just get more stuck."

At this point I heeded her advice and stopped my struggle. "Oh, and what do you suggest instead?"

"Just twist your foot and it will come right out."

With no better ideas I decided to give it a shot. To my surprise, it worked perfectly. "Huh, well look at that."

She had a satisfied smirk on her face as she backed away from the lake. I took the opportunity to pull myself out of the water, allowing my full form to glisten in the sunlight. I shook my body to get a majority of the water off. Being mindful of the trees around me I extended my full wingspan and shook the water from my wings as well. Applejack just stood there in awe as I went about drying myself off.

"Alright. Shall we?"

"Uh... yeah... yeah lets go." And with that I began following her to out destination. It was a difficult walk for me, I had to weave around trees to avoid causing more damage. Applejack could only laugh at my frustration. Eventually I got tired of it and just flew overhead. From my aerial vantage point I could see the rest of the farm. A large red barn and a farmhouse were perched on a nearby hill with a dirt road leading toward a quaint looking village. I could just barely make out the details of some buildings. Nothing really stood out as odd. I could even see a large oak tree which I assumed would be the town square.

I was happily gliding along above Applejack when we finally made it to the barn. Just to the side of the barn I could see two other ponies. One was a large red one with a yellow orange mane and the other was a much smaller yellow one with a red mane and a pinkish bow in its hair. Applejack began talking to them while I looked for a place to land. I quickly spotted a nice open area in front of the barn and began my descent.

I once again landed with the grace of a ten ton magical beast, kicking up a large dust cloud with each wing beat. Applejack was quite calm with my appearance. The other two however... not so much. The little one immediately took shelter behind the big one who dropped into a defensive stance. Sensing the tension between us Applejack intervened.

"Woah there, Big Mac, this here is Zircom. He's gonna be helpin out around the farm for a few weeks. Okay?"

Big Mac said nothing, still glaring at me. I was sitting on my haunches, my head was easily as high as the barn roof. At that point the little one shot off and disappeared from sight. Giving it no thought, I turned back to Big Mac who was still expecting me to attack.

Finally he seemed to relax a little bit. Applejack too seemed to breath a sigh of relief. Deciding to break the silence I put on a cheesy smile and looked at the two ponies.

"Alright then, now that that is settled, where do we begin?"

Applejack looked up at me and thought for a moment. "Well, you could start by puttin the trees you uprooted back into the ground, then you can help us by carryin apples back to the barn."

The directions were simple enough. I quickly set off for the lake and the trees I flooded. Once there it was an easy fix. Simply push the tree back upright and make sure the soil around it held it in place. The whole process took only about an hour. With the trees replanted I took to the air once more to find Applejack and the apples.

A few minutes of aerial search later, I found both Applejack and Big Mac literally kicking the apples out of trees. It was the most peculiar way I have ever seen crops harvested. Seeing no place to safely land I opted to hover above the pair.

"Alright AJ, trees are fixed. Now what?"

She looked up at me and wiped some sweat from her brow. She seemed to be enjoying the cool wind from my wings.

"You can go ahead and take those carts of apples back to the barn."

Without a second thought I swooped in and grabbed each cart gently and flew away with them. I was careful not to crush any of the fruit, this however, made flying with them quite awkward. Thankfully my flight was short as the barn was just up the hill. I repeated this carrying method five more times in two hours. Satisfied with the work we accomplished that day, Applejack gave me the rest of the day off.

"Well Zircom, I must say ah'm a mighty impressed with how quickly we finished today."

I chuckled as I laid down on the grass beneath a large apple tree. "It helps being able to carry your own body weight in cargo."

"Well, I'll be headin in to town for a few. I'll see you later."

"Alright, bye." I then closed my eyes and drifted off into a nice nap.

About three hours into my nap I was interrupted by voices. Three rather young voices in fact, all shouting the same thing at once.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADER DRAGON WRANGLERS!"

Wait... what was that last part...?

In my semiconscious state of mind I was not aware of what their statement truly meant. Eventually I began to feel as though my claws were being bound together. Deciding to investigate this strange feeling I opened an eye. What I saw were three young fillies. The yellow one from earlier, a white one with a pink and purple mane, and an orange one with a magenta mane. All three were busily trying to tie me down with rope. So far they had managed to tie my fingers together and my left forearm to a tree. Normally I would be quite angry at such a situation. However because it was done by a group of three children I was more amused than anything else.

They worked quickly, wrapping my arms in rope, not really knowing how to tie a proper knot. None of them bothered to look up and see if I was awake or not. I just sat there, contently watching them try to bind me in rope. Eventually I decided to interrupt.

"You know, this knot is done very sloppily." I said while holding up my free hand, allowing the rope to simply unravel and fall away from my claws.

The three of them stood there in utter shock, none of them sure of what to do with an awake dragon.

"Here, let me show you. Pick up the rope first off." The yellow one picked up the rope in her mouth and looked up at me. I put my hand back down on the ground so they could reach it.

"Alright, now wrap the rope around all my fingers." She was taken aback by the request but eventually did. It took two of them to get the length of rope all the way around my hand. "Good, now take the two ends and bring them together here on top." With both ends of the rope in hoof I instructed them on how to tie a proper figure eight knot.

It took about ten minutes but eventually they figured it out. I inspected their knot and gave it a few tugs to make sure it was tight.

"Very well done. However, if you are going to try and wrestle a dragon down, you will need something stronger than hemp rope."

I shook my arm that was tied to the tree and watched the rope uncoil and fall away. At this point Applejack come back from town, walking up and seeing the three fillies and me with a hand tied up. She just stood there in bewilderment.

"Applebloom! What are you three doing?"

"Nothin sis, we're just tryin to get our cutie marks!"

Applejack sighed and facehoofed. "And what kind ah cutie mark were you hoping for this time?"

At this point the orange one piped up with a grin on her face. "Dragon wranglers!"

Applejack looked at the three of them and then up to me. I just continued to lay there and gave her a wing shrug.

"It's not like they were actually going to succeed. If anything I taught them how to tie a basic knot properly." I showed her my bound hand so she could see the knot they tied.

AJ still seemed a bit annoyed by the whole thing. "Applebloom, you should know better than to do something like this. Especially to a guest. Now I want the three of you to apologize to Zircom."

The three fillies looked at me with defeated looks. "We're sorry we tried to tie you up."

I just shrugged. "Eh, no harm no foul."