It was a dark and dreary day in Chicago, but that was everyday there. This adds nothing to the story, I just felt like insulting it. Where we’re going, it’s a little less dark, and not dreary at all, but compared to any given town in Equestria it was Chicago. I’m not gonna give you a name, because Discord doesn’t know.
People were going about their normal, uniform days. Get up, take a shower, get dressed, have coffee, go to work, blah blah blah. On an unsuspecting intersection in a generic town in America, a bright flash of light broke up the monotony of the day with a traffic jam, three accidental pregnancies (we shan’t speak of these), and a large lizard like thing in the middle of Broadway. Damn it! I have revealed myself.
Understandably, every living thing within eyesight of Discord ran screaming like peasants in the wake of an invading army. He paid them no mind, standing up and stretching his back after such a large scale teleport. Something was off, though, he felt like it shouldn’t be so hard to stand up straight. It was like a giant weight was pressing down on his shoulders, making him crouch slightly.
“Things must work differently here. I’ll fix that in good time.” He simply willed gravity to stop pressing down on him so hard. It continued on, an immovable force in the face of a god. “What gives? I can always control the fundamental makeup of the universe.”
It’s like you just said, things work differently here. You can’t just go around changing things to your will, there are others here.
“I am the God of Chaos and Disharmony. The most powerful force in the known universe is at my beck at call. I could destroy this world with a snap of my fingers. In fact, I think I might just to prove you wrong!” With a dramatic flourish, snap he did.
The world attempted to be destroyed, but was unfortunately subdued by an as yet unforeseen force. Sorry guy, thems the breaks.
Discord was not so easily broken. He snapped his fingers again and again, each time attempting to do something chaotic to the world. Each time, nothing happened except that he got angrier. He tried everything, cotton candy clouds, turning the roads into soap, even just making his chocolate milk of glass explode after he threw it. Nothing.
Eventually, he figured that it must be big time stuff that was stopped. He tried once again, this time aiming for a taxi, attempting to do something to it. To his surprise the taxi burst into flames, then exploded as the flames reached the gas tank. “Aha! I did it, I blew up that ugly yellow thing!”
We’re all so very proud. Now, would you like me to clue you in, or do you want to figure it out on your own?
“Don’t help! You already said, you’re ‘The Narrator’ and I’m the character. How am I supposed to mature and grow if you tell me the inside scoop on every challenge I come across? Even though I’m supposed to be omnipotent and know the secrets anyway. Yet another power I can cross off my diminishing list.” He pulled a list out from behind his back and ticked a check box, stashing it once again when he was finished.
Fine, fine. Have fun, this one’s a real doozie to figure out. Also, there’s a human over there watching you snap your fingers and yell up into the sky.
“What?! Why didn’t you tell me sooner? Maybe this guy will have the answers I’ve refused to accept from you!” He began to walk towards the human, a short man with long brown hair.
On the other side of the fence (we can switch perspectives because we’re special) a young man stands on the sidewalk, frozen in terror. A living nightmare walks towards him as his mind screams at his legs to run, that thing just lit a taxi on fire by snapping its fingers! His legs are tired though, on account of all the walking he did that day, and they’re like naw man it’s cool. His name is Francis, and this may be the worst day of his life, or the best if he plays his cards right.
The lizard stopped in front of him, speaking in a voice that was slightly familiar to the man, “Hello there, human. It’s good to see that after all this time your species has elected to stop growing beards. Boy, are they itchy!” To demonstrate his point, Discord scratched at his beard, sending clumps of hair to the ground where they congregated into a hair monster and scampered away into the road.
“Actually, possible concussion related hallucination, I just can’t grow a beard. Guys still have them, and they’re wicked rad. Just not me.” The man cringed away as Discord leaned in to get a closer look.
“No, no no! It’s not that you can’t grow a beard, you just won’t. See, here,” He pointed a wickedly sharp claw at a spot on Francis’ face, “There’s a few hairs growing right there.” He rubbed the spot with his other appendage, a lion’s paw, and the hairs suddenly grew.
The boy now had three extremely long, pink, hairs growing out of his face. Understandably, he freaked out and attempted to run away. Unfortunately, as he turned his head, the hairs hit a sign, bounced off and slammed his head into the wall behind him. He fell into a merciful sleep.
“Well, that was a dud. Alright, Narrator dude. Summon me up some knowledge on my magic problem.” He looked around, “Now, where did that hair thing go? And wait, how do I have more magic now? I made a beard clipping golem and grew that kids beard when I could barely start a fire before.”
You’re on the right path. What changed between then and now?
“I started the fire, then you told me that some human was watching me. I walked towards him, and he said some nonsense about me being a hallucination. I did some more magic, and now we’re here.” He thought for a second, “Wait, the kid saw me snapping, then the fire started!”
Yes, almost there.
“As he perceived my magic, he absorbed and amplified it, allowing me to do greater magics by virtue of being near him! Minovsky science you do it again!” Discord jumped in the air and floated in a lazy circle above the felled human.
No, that was all wrong and terrible. You should feel bad about that, but you probably don’t. He saw you do a small bit of magic, and his mind allowed him to think he was hallucinating. He thought you were a monster, one that could do anything he could imagine. As this thought grew in strength, so too did you.
“Now that didn’t make any sense, but none of this makes sense. At the same time it made perfect sense, and I get it. This universe works by different rules. I seem to be the strongest thing they’ve ever seen.”
Right. You’re used to Equestria, where the fantasy is reality. Here, there’s nothing magical. It’s all science and cold hard facts. The humans believe things work a certain way, and there’s no one else around to say anything different, so the universe follows their rules. The strength of the human heart keeps gravity working, and a whole host of other things.
“So, in my absence my creations have worked their will on an entire universe. Very impressive, if wrong only because it’s so organized and neat. Looks like I’ll have to introduce a little chaos if I’m to ever get the chance to do anything fun again.”
That’s what I had planned. Now, this chapter is wrapping up nicely. Any last words before we go?
“Yes! I’d just like to say, to the audience-”
So sorry, we’re out of time.