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// New Equestrian Legislation Gives Royal Guards License to "Kick Ass" 
// Story: The Onion: Equestrian Bureau 
// by The Read Later List 
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New Equestrian Legislation Gives Royal Guards License to "Kick Ass"

Canterlot, Equestria-  Following years of passionate debate, lobbies, and undecided votes, the Equestrian parliament finally decided to pass Order 254, giving Royal Guards the right to kick ass.  

"Finally our day has come," says head of the royal guard, Shining Armor.  "Now we can finally do more than stand around castle entrances and watch as our princesses fight the major battles.  Instead of gold plated armor, each guard is receiving a leather coat and .44 magnum, along with a guide book to great one-liners."  

Although the new law is being met with mostly positive reviews, there are some who are opposed to it's passing.  "I vehemently oppose Order 254," commented Princess Celestia.  "It's been tradition for over 1000 years to have the guard be lame as hell.  They're mostly just symbols of the strength of Equestria... though, they were never supposed to have any real power."

"She said what?" added Shining Armor, donning his new attire and smoking a cigarette.  "Well, that ain't gonna fly."  He took a drag and put on sunglasses, looking rather bad-ass.