//------------------------------// // III. Hysteria // Story: Sanctuary // by Kaidan //------------------------------// III. Hysteria Twilight's mind was sluggish and disorganized while waking up. She had spent many sleepless nights in this bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking of her family. Glancing across the room she spotted the dozens of books that were her sole companion. Everything was as she remembered it, yet her mind refused to accept it. It felt like the day she had woken up in Ponyville, and the only way to get answers would be to explore the hospital. Sitting forward in the bed caused the bed to creak under her shifting weight. Kicking the sheets off, she approached the bookshelf and found a gap indicating a missing book. Examining the desk revealed the book lay open to a chapter on leylines. Several detailed diagrams were scattered across the writing surface, drawn in crayon. Underneath a stack of the parchment was a drawing of the Ponyville library, and detailed notes describing its appearance. Looking up at the clock Twilight noticed it was 7:45. Breakfast would be open, and with any luck she could find some answers. Her mind felt numb from trying to untangle realities. Pushing the door open, she walked out into the corridor. Across the hall a pony was playing a concerto featuring what sounded like a cello. Closing the door behind her, Twilight headed down the hallway towards the common area. A familiar voice decided to offer her an opinion. "You remember what I was saying about Colton's Razor? Looks like I was right, again. You're crazy." Twilight continued to walk down the hallway, ignoring the voice. Even if it was right, she was not going to engage it and give it the satisfaction. Ponyville was a happy place where everything is perfect. She hardly lifted her eyes off the floor beneath her as she dragged her hooves along the linoleum tiles. Why did the world where she screwed up have to be the real one? "That's an easy one Twilight, you don't deserve to be happy. Celestia did say you had the most untapped magic of any unicorn she had seen. Maybe if you had an ounce of self-control you wouldn't be here." She continued to hold her tongue as the voice taunted her. I passed the entrance exam when the sonic rainboom went off and I hatched Spike. Celestia just calmed me down before anypony got hurt. Wait. . . or did I fail? I don't remember a sonic rainboom, and the egg never hatched. "Hah! I am a voice in your head, I can hear you thinking. It sure is enjoyable to ride around in this limp noodle of a brain. Let me help you out, you failed the test and cried all the way home on daddy's back." "Fine, you win, I'm going to find the pharmacist and get my meds for the morning. We'll see who is laughing when you can't pester me for another 24 hours." Twilight took a small hallway to the left and approached the gated nurse's station. Looking inside, she saw there were no nurses present. Normally, Zecora started her shift by six to hand out morning medicine. Pulling herself up to the counter, she looked at the time on the clock. It now said 12:15. Twilight walked back towards the common area more quickly than before. Her heartbeat sped up slightly in reaction to the eerie silence in the corridors. Maybe the nurses had a meeting, but not a single orderly in sight? Reaching the common area she saw Cloud Chaser running in circles. She had never figured out what kind of illness the mare had, but apparently it made chasing her tail quite exciting. "Um. . . Cloud? Where is everypony? Why are you the only one here?" The mare stopped, flexing her wings against her jacket. "No one lives in the asylum because they want to. It's like a train. It can't run anywhere except where the rails take it." "That's not exactly what I asked. Are you okay?" Twilight took a small step back as Cloud stopped running in circles and stared into her eyes. "Escape from a world of illusions... Hmph... I wonder which is better." Cloud began chasing her tail again. Twilight's heart was now pounding and producing a weak pulse as adrenaline narrowed her peripheral arteries. "Thanks, gotta run!" Twilight turned to leave and heard the mare's last words. "Then I'll be going now. I'll come back when it's all over." Twilight headed towards the cafeteria down the last hallway of patient rooms. "Well one thing’s for certain, the patients are still just as crazy here. I suppose I would have been real freaked out if anypony could give me a straight answer." A stomping sound echoed down the linoleum corridors, ricocheting off the plaster walls to reach Twilight. Her ears swiveled forward to gauge the distance. More than one set of hooves was galloping down a hallway. A mint green mare rounded the corner and resumed her sprint. Twilight was paralyzed with her eyes wide open and mouth agape. The only muscle still capable of moving was her heart, and it was fluttering around her ribcage. "TRUST NO ONE! HUMANS ARE REAL!" The mint green mare rammed straight into Twilight, throwing her against the nearby wall. The hallway was spinning around and she struggled to get to her feet. Finally regaining her balance, she saw two orderlies approaching her. "Oh good. . ." Twilight thought she might vomit from the dizziness. "What's going on?" The orderlies didn’t answer, instead pinning Twilight to the wall. Realizing their intent too late, Twilight thrashed her legs. She kicked the ponies several times before they got all 4 limbs under control. She then focused all the magic she could into her body, and up to her horn. She planned to blast them both back against the wall, but nothing happened. The magic had just vanished. By the time she craned her neck around to see where they were taking her, she was being strapped down to a bed. The lights went out, leaving Twilight with her thoughts. "What kind of cruel joke is this! Let me out!" Twilight began to sob, as the padded walls muffled her scream. It wasn't fair; it would have been better to stay in the dream then be stuck here and forgotten. "I reckon you'd do the procedure on everypony if it meant spending less money on long term care." "Applejack? AJ is that you!" Twilight pulled hard against the restraints; they didn’t budge an inch. "The success rate has improved, just look at how well Ms. Pie is doing" "Hello? I can hear you—just turn the lights on." The only sound left in the silence was her pounding heart. What on Equestria were they talking about? The box springs began to creak as weight was placed at the foot of the bed. Twilight tensed her muscles and froze, waiting for it to move. Something slowly crept forward until it was hovering over her. A weight lowered onto her chest, paralyzing her lungs. Sitting there motionless she heard it breathing above her. Her eyes had nearly adjusted to the dark when the lights flipped on, blinding her. "Who's there? Please--let me go I didn't--do anything!" Twilight squinted through the tears the harsh light was forming. The blurred outline of a pony hovered above her, and pushed the matted hair away from her eyes. "Please let me out, I'll be good." The weight of the pony and the restraints had completely immobilized her. Each breath took great effort as she waited for her eyes to adjust. The blurry face was finally taking form in front of her. Light blue eyes, long pink mane, and. . . pink fur. Twilight knew this pony, it was one of her friends! As she searched for the words that had caught in her throat, the pink pony grinned. She looked feral, and there was no hint of recognition in her eyes. To her, Twilight must just be another stranger, lost in the labyrinth of the hospital corridors. Pinkie locked eyes with Twilight. The space between each heartbeat stretched into minutes. The pony finally spoke with a chilling voice that cut to the bone. "Did I ever tell you how I got these scars?" Twilight snapped her head to the side and clenched her eyes shut. "No! Stop it," she pleaded. "I don't want to see them." The pink pony grabbed her head, and pointed it at her flank. She wanted to look away, but her eyes drifted down to the ponies flank. The cutie marks had been mutilated with something sharp. Blood was oozing thick and slowly from the wounds as they re-opened. The pony on top of her was cackling madly. The pink imposter began to open her mouth wide, causing joints to pop. Her mandible dislocated and her skin stretched until it began to tear. Leaning over, she closed her jaw down around Twilight’s head and swallowed. Twilight woke up gasping for air. The sheets were tangled around her, pinning two legs against her side. Confusion was clouding each thought as her brain processed the recent events. Waves of pressure assaulted her brain, and she felt an unbearable tension under her forehead. Twilight noticed her body was trembling violently. Lifting a quivering hoof to her face allowed her to inspect the limb. This is not a seizure. I still have control of my body. Twilight was drenched in sweat and realized how cold she was. Trying to wrap herself up further in the blankets was useless. The blankets were knotted and drenched in sweat. Trembling and alone, Twilight began to sob. She clenched her eyelids shut and replayed images of the hospital in her mind. Everything seemed like some sort of sick, twisted nightmare that she couldn't escape. The pressure in her head worsened slightly, as chills ran down her spine. The craving for magic began to fill her mind, making it hard to concentrate. A wave of nausea overcame her, accompanied by the taste of bile in the back of her throat. Twilight wanted to scream for help—surely Spike would hear. The pressure of the air around her paralyzed her lungs, preventing her from inhaling. The shivering was becoming unbearable as prismatic veins of magic appeared in her mind’s eye. The magic would cure her. It was all her mind could focus on. Each leyline transmitted pulses of arcane energy like blood through an artery, beckoning her to feed. Unable to bear her body’s physical withdrawal any longer, she opened her mind and let magic flood into it. As the trembling decreased, Twilight felt something siphoning the essence of the magic from her. She searched for any spell that could sever the link to the void siphoning her magic. "Yes, that's a great idea, let’s feed it." Twilight was slightly startled, and stopped drawing in energy. The images in her mind vanished, leaving her alone in the dark room. Laying there in bed, she practiced a relaxation technique she had learned. She took slow, deep breaths using her abdomen. Each inhalation lasted a little longer than the last, her diaphragm slowly contracting and relaxing to draw air in. Soon, the trembling had stopped, and she delved deeper into the relaxing state. The pain began to fade as her mind calmed, and the logical parts of her were allowed to surface. She had regained control, and lay there peacefully, but unable to fall back asleep. "Good morning Twilight." Spike had a tray of oatmeal and glass of orange juice on a tray. The dragon seemed very upbeat this morning. There was no hint of exhaustion in his eyes, and his smile seemed genuine. "I just finished breakfast; if you want anything else let me know. Yesterday was rough, but today will be better!" "Thanks Spike." Twilight yawned loudly. "I didn't get much sleep last night. Maybe after breakfast you can run any errands you need to and I'll try to get some rest." "Oh, that reminds me, Pinkie has a surprise downstairs. I don't know how she got in last night." Spike set the food on the nightstand and headed for the stairs. "I'll go make sure she doesn't make a mess until you're ready for her." “Great—just perfect.” Twilight quickly ate her breakfast. Heading down the stairs to the library, Twilight saw Spike banging on the door to the broom closet. Due to the unprecedented number of messes in the library, she kept a large, well-stocked supply closet. "Pinkie! Come on, I need to run errands and I don't want you here making a racket while Twilight relaxes." "She's fine Spike." Twilight rested a hoof on his shoulder. Spike took a step back and looked up at her. "Go ahead, I'll find out what Pinkie is up to. How about you bring back some fresh apples? I'd love to have some." "Alright, send Pinkie if you need anything." Spike headed downstairs and towards the marketplace. "So Pinkie, what are you doing in there?" Twilight tried the door handle, only to have it jiggle in place, locked from the inside. "Hey, did you install a lock? What's going on?" "It's a surprise! I’m almost ready!" From within the room Twilight could hear hammering, sawing, and something reminiscent of a jackhammer. "How in Equestria are you doing that?" "O.K., it's ready!" The sounds died out and Pinkie unlocked the door. Twilight stood there for a minute wondering if it was really worth opening the door to find the surprise. Slowly turning the handle, the door began to creak as it slowly opened into the dark closet. A sliver of light shone into the room. The door was now open half-way. "Surprise!" Pinkie Pie flipped off the ceiling, landing in front of Twilight. "I built you a new room!" Twilight picked her jaw up off the floor and looked inside. Sure enough, she had built a bed, bookshelf, and desk. The walls were now painted white and accented with lime green trim. It all felt so familiar, and yet strange at the same time. "What? How could you have possibly known I was missing my old room?" "That's easy! You told me when you couldn't find Rainbow Dash, and you were all mopey in the alleyway!" "Oh, I thought I was imagining that." "So you like it?" "Yes Pinkie, I'm sure I'll sleep better in there." "Great! Now I'm going to go find Spike and help him get all the groceries you two could ever want. See ya later alligator!" Pinkie Pie bounced down the remaining stairs to the ground floor, and zoomed out the front door. Twilight took a moment to look in the room, before turning the light off and heading downstairs. At least I didn't tell her to build me a new house. Twilight began to look around the library for the book she needed. She hadn't realized before how messy and disorganized it was. Books were scattered on the shelves by sub-standard organizational systems. Several followed an ancient Dewey decimal system. Others were organized by name, as if the title of a book was a good indicator of its content. The haphazard rows of books were balanced precariously on the shelves, with books both large and small waiting to fall off at the first sign of a crashing pegasus. Twilight began in earnest to organize the library. First was the task of separating the books into piles on the ground. There would need to be an equal number of books on each shelf. Size, color, and field of study would need to be considered. Age and condition of the pages was another important factor. She began balancing the importance of each factor in her head, until finally deciding the best plan was to keep it simple. Twilight arranged books onto the first set of bookshelves. On each shelf were 10 books bound in red backings. Their heights ranged from eight inches to six inches in descending order. It looked absolutely amazing and pleasing to the eye. They were also packed in tightly, and the weight was distributed evenly to make them harder to knock off the shelves. Looking through the piles, there weren't enough orange books to go on the next shelf. The number of green books wasn't divisible by three, so she couldn't distribute them evenly either. Thinking for a moment, she decided the best course of action was to begin a discard pile. Tossing the orange books and two green books into a pile, she shelved the remaining books up with nine books per shelf. The green books had perfectly matched heights, as most of them were part of a fiction series. Moving onward were the dictionaries, encyclopedias, and other reference materials nopony ever checked out. They were all about three inches wide with over a thousand pages each in unceremonious black bindings. Stacking them side by side, she was able to fit fifteen on the three shelves. Looking down, that meant she would discard the Webster's Dictionary and the Reference Guide to Anthropology. Twilight continued in this manner until the entire library was organized according to shape, size, and color. The library was no longer a chaotic mix of books based on their Dewey Decimal number; It was elegant, functional, and pleasing to look at. However there was one problem. In the middle of the library sat a pile of books that didn't fit anywhere. They were the cause of this problem in the first place. They had nasty, worn covers, and a few were even done in leather. Their colors were obtrusive, and they had repulsive shapes. There was no space in her perfect library for these books. She skipped into the kitchen with a grin, and found what she was looking for. Returning to the pile of rejected books, she lit two matches. They fell on the books and began singing the pages. Twilight looked across the room and saw a mirror, with a figure sitting there watching patiently. "Don't mind me, this is quite entertaining!" The Twilight in the mirror just smiled and watched. "I am curious though—how will you stop the whole library from burning down?" "Oh crap." Twilight ran to the kitchen to find some water while the books were finally beginning to go from smoldering to burning. She rushed back in with a glass of water, when the front door opened and smacked her in the face. "Twil—” Spike stuttered and froze in the doorway. “Quick Pinkie, help me put this out!" Spike and Pinkie ran over to the books, trying to save them from the flames. The fire had spread across the pile and was scorching the floor. "Spike, I don't know if we can stop it! I don't think confetti or cupcakes work on fire!" Spike looked around and saw no other option. "Sorry about this Celestia." Taking a deep breath, he exhaled his green flame over the pile of burning books and ash, and they disappeared in a puff of smoke. The fire was effectively put out, or at least it was Celestia's problem now. Peeling herself off the door, Twilight stumbled around as the room stopped spinning. "Ow Spike, you really should stop doing that." "Twilight, what happened?" Spike ran over to make sure she was ok. "How'd the books get on fire?" "That's easy Spike, look, matches!" Pinkie held up a small cardboard box for all to see. "Yeah Spike, I was organizing and those books didn't fit. I had to get rid of them. I just forgot the whole floor was wood." Twilight rubbed a hoof behind her head and tried to grin. "That's craz—um. That's not normal." Spike glanced to Pinkie for backup. "Well, they're certainly not alphabetical but they sure are pretty! Look Spike they're arranged by size and color!" "Exactly Pinkie! Don't they look much better this way?" Twilight glanced to Spike. "Aren't they better?" "Um. . . not really Twi, what if you needed to find Daring Do? There is no more fiction section, not even a section for the letter D." "Well. . . I don't know, I think they'd be over there with the green books." "I know what you need, we should go bake some cupcakes!" Pinkie grabbed Twilight and headed for the door. "Wait Pinkie! That's your answer for everything!" Spike sighed as the mares disappeared. He felt a sudden fullness in his stomach, and a desire to burp. Before he knew it, he had breathed a letter into existence from Celestia. "Aww man." Spike banged his head against the wall a few times. After he was sufficiently relieved of stress and brain cells, he opened the letter. Dear Spike, I do hope everything is alright, and you would tell me if it isn't. I just had a pile of flaming books materialize in the middle of the throne room. Please contact me if Twilight needs any help that would not risk spreading her disease to myself or others. Sincerely, Princess Celestia "Slow down Pinkie, I don't like it out here. It's too random." Twilight was running along on three hooves as Pinkie held a forelimb hostage. She was most likely dragging her to Sugarcube Corner. "But random is fun Twilight. Why would you want to know where everything is and what's going to happen next?" "Because it makes me feel safe?" Twilight continued jogging to keep up with the her friend. She hardly noticed the odd looks several ponies were giving them. "Silly, this is Ponyville. We are always safe, except for the time with Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, and Sombra. Oh and the parasites, and the ursa minor, and maybe a little bit that one time the cutie mark crusaders tried to get demolition cutie marks." "Wait what? How is any of that safe?" "We're here!" Pinkie threw open the door to Sugarcube corner and pushed Twilight inside. "We're going to bake cupcakes and I'm going to teach you to be messy!" "Really Pinkie, I insist—" Twilight tried to wiggle her way out of Pinkie's grasp and run for the door. Before reaching it, she had been fastened into a cooking apron that was covered in flour. Pinkie then slammed a chef's hat on top of her head. Sighing, she turned to Pinkie. "Looks like I'm going to be here for a while. What's first?" "Well first we need a bowl to mix everything in. You can get one out of that cupboard." Twilight walked over and opened up the cupboard, barely dodging a falling bowl. Stacks of bowls, cups, mixers, spoons, and cupcake trays teetered on the shelving. "Pinkie! How can you find anything in this mess?" Twilight started to pull a bowl out to begin organizing. She decided to play along and bake cupcakes, and in the meantime she could clean up this mess. "Nope Twilight, we already got our bowl!" Pinkie held up the bowl that had fallen and closed the doors. "It's more fun this way! Everything we need is in one spot and you never know which one you'll get next!" "This all makes no sense, but fine. What's next?" Twilight walked to the table to see what new form of torment awaited her. "Now we crack the eggs." Pinkie smashed two eggs together over the bowl, causing the yolks to fall in perfectly. "Now you try." Twilight held an egg with both hooves, trying to crack it without messing up. It finally caved under the pressure of her hooves, spraying bits of shell into the mix. "Horse apples. I guess we should start over." She stuck her hoof in to try to get some of the bits of shell out to no avail. "Nah, those are tiny. Look out below!" Pinkie poured the flour in, coating both mares in a fine white dust. Coughing from the inhaled flower, Twilight squinted her eyes to see through the dust. "Really Pinkie? Let's slow down some, I think you're making this mess on purpose." "Of course I am. It's much more fun!" Pinkie smiled, and was rewarded by Twilight grinning. "See? Much better than being clean and organized. Why don't you go get some sprinkles while I finish this and pour it in the mold. There should be some cupcakes coming out of the oven very soon." Twilight headed over to the cabinet indicated by Pinkie's outstretched hoof. Inside was a rainbow of sprinkles of every shape, from plain to alicorn shaped. Twilight found herself re-organizing them before she knew it. "Come on Twilight, just pick one!" Pinkie was up on a counter putting icing on some cupcakes. "Just a second Pinkie." Twilight slid the green sprinkles in between the yellow and blue sprinkles. "Hurry up, there are customers waiting. Just grab one and pour it on!" Twilight grabbed the nearest bottle of sprinkles and headed back over to the cupcakes. "Wait Pinkie, you didn't even put the same amount of frosting on them all. Somepony will think they didn't get as much frosting as another pony and they could get upset." "That's fine, Twilight, who doesn't like getting a little extra frosting? Now sprinkle away, and don't you dare try and count them!" Twilight nearly giggled before catching herself; she refused to give in to this madness. Her best bet was to play along for now. She began shaking haphazardly over the cupcakes, showering the counter, tray, and cupcakes with apple shaped sprinkles. She had just finished when she realized Pinkie was eating the rest of the frosting straight out of the tube. "Um Pinkie, are we done yet?" Pinkie gulped down the last bit of sugary goodness that was the vanilla frosting. "Not yet, now you get to give them to the customers waiting in the dining area." Pinkie shoved the tray onto Twilight's back and pointed her out of the kitchen. "But I'm a mess, the whole kitchen is a mess! I'm not going out there." Twilight backed up and planted her hooves, but the earth pony was much stronger than her. "Fine, I'm going." Maybe nopony would recognize her with all the frosting, sprinkles, and flour in her mane. Twilight walked towards the dining area wondering what sin she had committed to deserve this. All she wanted to do was organize the books, take a nap, and study in peace. Rounding the corner, she saw several mares and fillies waiting for their cupcakes. They all smiled and began cheering as the tray of cupcakes got closer. "Thanks Ms. Twilight. Those cupcakes look delicious!" Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and Scootaloo grabbed the cupcakes before she had finished sliding them onto the table. Before she knew it, Twilight was smiling too. Everyone in the room seemed happy for something as simple as cupcakes. No pony seemed to care that she was covered head to hoof in cupcake ingredients. Returning to the kitchen she saw Pinkie decorating another batch of sweets. "Thanks Pinkie that was kind of fun, so let's clean up and organize this disaster zone now." "Not yet. Haven't you learned anything? You wouldn't have had any fun if you had been cleaning and organizing this whole time. Sometimes it's better to just wait and only clean once at the end of the day. That way you can keep having fun; here are some more cupcakes for you!" Pinkie tossed a tray over to Twilight, who barely caught it on her back. The sound of more customers entering the dining area reached her ears. All the ponies in town knew how much Pinkie loved to give out free samples. Twilight continued her efforts to clean and organize the kitchen. Every time Pinkie looked away, she would quickly slide something into it’s proper place. As soon as a drawer of utensils was starting to look organized, Pinkie would scatter them all over a counter. Sneaking back into the kitchen after delivering a tray of cupcakes was her best chance. Twilight was able to completely organize the sprinkles without her friend noticing. On her next trip back she would start organizing the frosting. A horrible sight came into view as she rounded the corner. “Pinkie stop!” Twilight rushed her friend who was pouring all the sprinkles into the party cannon. Only halfway there, the cannon erupted, scattering the toppings over a dozen trays of cupcakes. Twilight tackled Pinkie and quickly scrambled back to her hooves. Grabbing as many bottles of sprinkles as a pony could, she shoved them back in the cabinet. “I thought I told you, Twilight. No. More. Organizing.” Pinkie leapt at her, sliding under her and knocking several of the bottles over. As black and purple sprinkles rained on the floor, Twilight rushed to climb up the counter. Pulling the cabinet doors open caused an avalanche of bowls and trays to land on her. Quickly picking them all up, she slotted them back in the cabinet in an organized fashion. Right as she was about to finish, her tail was pulled tightly and Twilight landed on her back. Without missing a beat, she rolled over as Pinkie pounced. “No! You’re ruining everything Pinkie!” Twilight charged the pantry door. I can't take it anymore, she thought. I'll just lock the door and organize the pantry before she can get in. Nearly halfway there, Twilight felt a mare landing on her back. The pair tumbled head over hoof into the wall. Twilight lay on the ground, pinned by Pinkie. She saw an eerie smile, evoking a deep fear in the core of her being. Her heart began to palpitate as Pinkie grinned. Her friend leaned down over her, opening her mouth wide. Paralyzed on the ground, Twilight’s eyes opened wide as a shiver ran down the length of her spine. The open mouth got closer, and closer. A long pink tongue reached out. Twilight’s chest visibly rose with each powerful contraction of the panicked heart. Closing her eyes, she felt a tongue lick the side of her cheek. “Yum, chocolate!” Pinkie leapt off Twilight and headed back over to the oven. Adrenaline saturated every muscle of her body. Slowly raising a hoof to her cheek, she could feel where the frosting had been licked off. Feeling returned to her limbs as the tunnel vision ended. The sounds of laughter and trays clattering began to reach her ears again. Twilight sat up slowly, her eyes still darting around for impending danger. All she had wanted was to organize a little. Now every fiber of her being begged her not to disobey Pinkie again. The two mares continued baking for the rest of the day. Twilight obediently baked and trashed the kitchen, covering every surface in dirty trays and utensils. By the time the sun set, Twilight thought she was covered in enough batter to make a lovely cupcake, and her mane was more frosting and sprinkle than hair. The duo began stacking cookware on the counters. "Thanks Twilight, I had so much fun." Pinkie tossed the last dirty bowl into the sink, and hugged her friend. "I'm so glad you came and made cupcakes with me." "You're welcome." Twilight put her foreleg over Pinkie's shoulder. "I actually forgot about my illness. It feels so good to not worry all the time." "Of course it does. Lots of ponies worry about things they can't control. The secret is to fix what you can fix, and stop worrying about what you can’t." "I'd like that Pinkie," she chuckled. "I'd like that a lot." "Anytime, that's what friends are for." Pulling out the final cupcake, she tossed it in the air and caught it in her mouth. "Pinkie, it's getting dark—can you take me home now?" Twilight looked out the window at the moon which was barely shining tonight. The fact that she couldn't see the maze of houses did not make it any less intimidating. "Huh, don't you want to walk back by yourself while I clean?" "Oh no, I'll just stay here then and help clean." Twilight grinned and pulled off her apron. "Twilight are you. . ." Pinkie gasped loudly and jumped in the air. "You're scared of the dark!" "What? No don't be ridiculous." Twilight cowered and looked around nervously, before whispering. "I'm afraid of going outside." "Oh, well I don't have a song for that yet, but I'll make one for you! For now just try laughing at it. Maybe I can think of a song while I walk you home." "Thanks, I’d like that. Just be sure to stay close to me." With Pinkie by her side, Twilight left Sugarcube corner and headed to her library home. Had anypony still been outside to see them, it would have been quite a sight. They looked like ghosts from all the flour, and probably smelt like icing from a block away. Pinkie hummed to herself and occasionally mumbled a few rhyming words. Twilight focused on staying close to her friend and scanning the alleyways. The duo reached the library without incident, opening the door to walk inside. "Spike, we're home!" Twilight closed the door behind her. Spike walked around the corner and saw the two mares, instantly spitting out the gem he had been chewing on. He fell to the floor clutching his sides and laughing. "What—What happened? You look—like a—walking cupcake!" Spike got to his feet as the laughter subsided. "Pinkie was just teaching me it could be fun to be messy. Also, I think I should take a shower before this becomes permanent." "Well unless you need anything else Twilight, I think I better head home." Pinkie gave her a quick hug. "Wait, there is one more thing." Twilight shot a nervous glance at Pinkie. "Now that I look at it, I don't like the library this way anymore. Will you help me mess it up a little?" Pinkie's eyes lit up and she smiled widely. "I'd love to! This is going to be the most fun thing I did this week!" "No Wait!" Spike chased the mares around as they began knocking down the books. The two mares laughed as they sowed chaos through the library, until finally the mess was complete. Pinkie exhaled loudly, drooping her tired shoulders. “Alright then Twilight call if you need anything!" Pinkie went out the door and headed home. Spike slouched and stared down at the ground. "Great, now it's just the two of us to clean this up." Spike headed to find a broom, and rubbed his aching head. "That's alright Spike, we'll leave it like this for a while. If we spend all our time organizing we'll never get to have fun." Twilight pranced around the library kicking at stray books. A chill ran down Spike’s spine and he stared at Twilight for a minute. "Are you sure it's you under there and not Pinkie?" “Yes Spike, and could you find some medical books for me while I shower? They should be over there." Twilight swept her hoof out in the direction of the frosting-stained piles of literature. A trail of icing footprints followed her as she walked upstairs to the shower. Spike groaned, dragging his weary feet towards the first mound of paperbacks. "I miss the old days when it was Discord and Rainbow Dash messing up the library." He began to dig through the piles of books. "At least she doesn't want me to clean up this mess tonight." Twisting the knob cut off the flow of hot water. Stepping out of the shower, Twilight dried off her mane. The towel absorbed most of the moisture from her fur. Her mind wandered to the room Pinkie had built. Curious to make sure it was still there, she headed to the old closet. Opening the door and flicking the light switch illuminated the hastily built sanctuary. It certainly would be darker and more comfortable to sleep in. With the lowered odds of being interrupted, there would be more time to focus on her studies. "Here you go Twilight, some books to read." Spike shoved them onto the shelving in her room. He turned and took a look around the small bedroom. "I don't know why Pinkie insisted on building a room, but it looks nice." Twilight fell into a familiar routine of straightening out parchment on the desk and adjusting the bed sheets. "It just feels right, and I could really use a good night's sleep." Collapsing and expanding the pillow brought it to just the right amount of fluffiness. Spike lifted his claws up above his head, stretching towards the ceiling. "Well if you need anything I'll be upstairs taking a bath. Oh, and you need to write Celestia an apology for the incident earlier." Rubbing his eyes, he walked out of the room. Twilight closed the door and fell back onto the bed. This was the first time today she was alone with her thoughts. She had spent half the day organizing and nearly burning down the library, and spent the other half destroying the Cake's kitchen. In retrospect, the book burning did seem a bit rash; she could have easily destroyed a book that could help her out of this mess. Now that she had relaxed a little, the memory of the nightmare the previous night came back to the forefront of her mind. It had been mostly nonsense, and yet she couldn't shake the feeling she had heard Applejack. And the Pinkie from the dream was clearly not her Pinkie. Even the insane Pinkie was much more easygoing and happy then the one in the nightmare. Given the choice between trusting Zecora's diagnosis, and figuring it out for herself, the choice was obvious. With sufficient time and an entire library at her disposal, an answer had to be out there. Stifling a yawn, Twilight grabbed a few of the books Spike had brought in. Opening up a leather-bound tome on magical illness in unicorns revealed a thorough table of contents. Heading forward to a chapter on magical surges, she remembered what Celestia had said at the entrance exam. "You cannot control your magic—it flows wildly." The Princesses words had cut her deeper than any sword could that day. She lived her life to prove her wrong, to prove she could do more than just point her horn and unleash a maelstrom of magic. The book briefly described wild magic as "Any surge of magical energies beyond a unicorn's ability to control." It went on to list diseases from "Horn Flu" to "Bovine Encephalitis" as causes of uncontrollable magic. The boundary between memories was growing frail. Recalling the entrance exam from over a decade ago, she was no longer sure what really happened. Twilight remembered hatching Spike, and failing. Both parents had been turned into potted plants, and one of the instructors had laughed at her fizzling horn. Grabbing a book on Medical Diagnostics she scanned the table of contents. Several long sections dealt with memory loss, amnesia, and post-traumatic stress. Flipping through the thick publication, several medical terms stood out to her. Psychogenic fugue, retrograde amnesia, and Korsakoff's syndrome. Twilight had never heard of these and was about to give up on her search when a sentence caught her attention. "Source amnesia is the inability to remember where or how memories and information were acquired." She continued reading but discovered no magical cure that could help her sort out her memories. The book slammed closed as the frustrated mare stood up and hit the light switch. The thin sheets were easy to slide into, and Twilight was alone with her thoughts. They raced through her mind, fighting for her attention and preventing her from sleeping. Twilight needed to bounce ideas off of somepony. She considered the implications of talking to a mysterious voice in her head. "Well, what have I got to lose?" "Your sanity." "Huh?" "You asked what you have to lose, if you keep talking to me you'll lose your sanity." "I don't suppose you have any useful thoughts about this situation?" A shrill cackling filled her ears. "Now you want my advice? Name one time in your life you did not fail." "I overcame my depression. I'll overcome this too whether or not you want to be helpful for a change." "Stop deluding yourself. It was the Sertraline that cured your depression. If they made big enough pills they could probably cure your daddy issues." Taking a deep breath barely managed to control her rage. "The divorce was not my fault. Now, how come you seem to remember my past more clearly than I do?" "Was the answer not in your precious books? I remember the past because I'm a part of your subconscious. You would be amazed at the amount of information the brain stores away beyond the reach of consciousness. I know us far better than you could hope to." Pondering the situation, an idea occurred that might allow her access to the repressed memories. "Could you. . . Can you show me?" There was a long silence, and for a moment Twilight thought the voice had left. "What? You've never asked that before." "So can you?" Malicious laughter filled the small room. "Of course I can, but are you sure you'll like what you see? Twilight glanced around while considering if the nagging voice could be trusted. "If this is all real, then I have to explore every angle and figure out a way to cure this disease." "And if I'm right and you're delusional, what good will any of it do?" Twilight smiled. "If I'm delusional, it's not like I could hurt myself. You know that you love to make me doubt myself, why not show me for once instead of telling me why I'm a failure." Twilight thought she could hear the voice laughing again in her mind, but it did not reply back to her. The silence stretched into minutes, and soon she was drifting off to sleep. Her body had relaxed completely, and her mind had grown still. As the deep breaths began to slow down, Twilight heard the voice call out to her. "Are you ready?" "Yes." Twilight began to enter a state of trance, losing the feeling of her limbs. As her mind shut itself off from the outside world, she began to hear voices and see fleeting images. "It is mornin' all ready?" Twilight could hear somepony cracking their joints as they stretched. "Do you like what I've done with the place?" Memories floated through the darkness as images and stray words. Floating weightlessly, she searched the void for the source of the voice that had been taunting her. "So what exactly are you?" "I like to think of myself as your better half, the honest half. All the guilt and anger you bury in your subconscious, the pain of every loss you suffer. You're too weak to deal with them, so you shove them off on me.” "Go on, get some rest. If there is any change we'll let you know." The faint sound of hooves, and the closing of a door were heard. Twilight was intrigued by the other voices she was hearing, but the task at hoof was to determine more about the voice. "So you're my sub-conscious?" "Haven't you been listening? No, but I live there. I'm the one that gets to deal with your negative emotions. I'm the one growing stronger the weaker you get. Pretty soon, I will take control of your body." "That's not possible! I'm in control here, not you." "Is that so? Then go ahead, wake up. Wake up before I consume you." Twilight could feel something pulling her deeper into the darkness. She looked around frantically for something to hang onto. Distant memories shimmered and long forgotten conversations were being whispered. Desperately flailing her imaginary legs was useless as she sank further into the darkness "It's been so long since we got to spend time together. Now that you're off your meds, I want to play a game. . ."