//------------------------------// // Celestia's Shiner // Story: Stallions on Strike! // by Aegis Shield //------------------------------// Stallions on Strike Part 11: Celestia’s Shiner Fleur marveled, not for the first time, at the stupidity of stallions. One teensy little rumor, said in passing to a waiter on a corner café, and the wildfire had reached Ponyville in less than three days. Those mean ol’ Princesses, turning down the petition that the Stallions on Strike had worked so hard at! Pfft. Hitting a wasp nest with a stick wasn’t so easy as this. She was a model, a noble, and of excellent pedigree— but she also had a razor-sharp mind. Fleur de Lis was as ruthless as she was beautiful. Would she stir twenty-five thousand angry stallions to get her own home? Yes. Yes she would. The slender white mare leaned on the balcony railing of her mansion home. Living on the upper tiers of Canterlot, she could see to the horizon with nothing obscuring her path. She’d been watching Ponyville in the evenings since Fancy Pants had vanished. It didn’t take a genius to know where he’d gone. He was down there with that rabble. Narrowing her eyes and draining her wineglass, she tossed it over her shoulder. A butler launched himself onto his belly to catch it before it shattered on the ground. Fleur stepped over him gracefully as she went back inside to save herself from the febraury evening chill. Adjusting her lovely, curling pink mane with one hoof, she gave a quiet smile. Those stupid ponies were flooding to Canterlot in a great line of torches and pitchforks, they could be seen miles away even at night. It looked like a great fiery snake winding its way towards Canterlot. The Princesses would’ve been told by now, of course, but it wasn’t them Fleur was interested in. Fancy Pants would be among that idiotic crowd, all she had to do was pluck him from it and take him home. Then she could deal with him in private. =-----=-----=-----=-----= Princess Luna murmured over an agenda of facts and figures. The night court was quiet as usual, with so few visitors the dark alicorn had long ago taken up the task of straightening out tax laws that intertwined with each other. Just the other day she’d nullified a law whose punishment was death by catapult! Though this particular method of execution had always been hilarious to Luna’s darker sense of humor, launching a pony into the sky so he could land elsewhere and die on impact was a bit out of date… especially for a law about paying money to the government for the rights to more than five lakes on one’s property. One of the stallion guards at the base of the dais scratched his nose, a discernible sound in all the quiet. Luna found it serene, like a fresh frost or a lake during the middle of the night. Glancing up at the three-quarter moon, she stroked it lovingly with her magic. It edged across the sky like it always did. It was then that a murmur started. Something in the distance that sounded like many voices mumbling to each other. She perked her ears, her hoof pausing on her abacus and her quill pausing in midair. She turned her head. What was that speck of orange in the sky? She squinted. That wasn’t the sun… nor a wayward red star. She thought briefly… no, there was no red star in that part of the sky that she’d placed there. It was getting bigger too. Was it coming down? Something falling? “Hm?” she said audibly. Both of her guards turned their heads, then up at what she was looking at. The flickering orange light gave a high, wide sort of arc. Captain Stalwart Hide screwed up his eyes, his excellent night vision piercing the dark. His eyes widening. “Princess!” he rushed up the dais and tackled Luna right of the throne! The alicorn squawked in anger and confusion as they tumbled down the stairs, him shielding her as best he could. Suddenly a bottle of petrol attached to a burning rag landed right on the throne and it burst into flames! “An assassin!” Luna shouted angrily, rising and throwing out her chest. Her magic ignited, pressing the flames down. More orange dots were appearing in the sky. “What is this madness! Captain Aegis Shield, find out what’s doing this!” she roared as the other. The stallion galloped to the giant double doors, reached to throw them open, and was bowled over when they burst from their hinges. “Grab ‘im! Grab the guards of the oppressors!” A stallion shouted. The poor pony was quickly overwhelmed in a pile of bodies as an angry crowd boiled headlong into the throne room. Debris and trash and more fiery cocktails went flying into the tapestries, igniting them into flames! Windows blew out as bricks flew. The armored ponies in the room were rounded up quickly. Resistance was met with brutality and before long they’d been forced down by sheer numbers and body weight. “Princess! Run away! I’ll cover you!” Captain Hide said in a panic. Spreading his wings to make himself look bigger and tougher, he leapt into the fray. One guard stood no chance against an angry mob, though, and he was quickly subdued with improvised weapons and rope. Luna stood stock still like a deer in headlights, unable to believe the sudden violence that had burst into the throne room. Where were all her guards?! What had happened to the palace staff?! How had this angry mob just waltzed into the throne room?! “Very well, if thou shalt approach the crown with violence, violence be upon thee!” The dark alicorn ignited her horn to strike them down with deadly moon magic. It didn’t keep five or six stallions from tackling the night time Princess to the ground. “OOF?!” she squawked, her crown flying off of her head and to the tile. Somepony smashed it angrily, scattering the pieces. “Unhoof me!” she roared as strong ropes went over her wings. “Unhoof me!” she swore colorfully as a blindfold was rushed over her eyes. The mare whinnied in panic, bound and blinded. “Where’s the other two?! We’ve gotta get them all!” “Bed I bet, c’mon let’s go!” “Rabble rabble rabble!” “Down with the mare! Down with the oppressive diarchy!” No one really bothered to call them out that their particular diarchy was made up of three mares, not two, but no-pony was really that brave right now. “Take ‘er to the dungeon, we’re gonna but them on trial with all the rest! Bucking tyrants!” “UNHOOF ME THIS INSTANT OR BY ALL THAT IS *WRRFHPH?!*” Luna gagged when somepony shoved something into her mouth to shut her up. “What?! We can’t hear you! You’ve got a tomato in your mouth!” one stallion cackled. “Keep quiet, you bitch!” he kicked her a little. Luna whimpered, frightened as she was shuffled and tossed back and forth by the angry rabble. What were they going to do with her?! Strong ropes heaved the Princess to her hooves and she was dragged roughly forward by the angry crowd. “Find the other two!” shouted the one holding Luna’s leash. “We’ll get her to the dungeons!” “Mrhphh-mhrm?!” Luna shrieked into her bonds, rearing and flailing her hooves wildly. Igniting her horn she fired magic wildly into the crowd. Stallions fell over, shrieking in pain and writhing about. Kidnap a goddess would they?! She would not go down so easily! These wretched stallions would be taught their place! “Magic!” somepony shouted. A line-up of angry male unicorns quickly surrounded her, igniting their horns. Suppression magic could be quite powerful when enough ponies got together. Luna felt the glow of her horn sputtering. They encircled her, and the moon goddess was driven to her knees by the sheer power of their combined anger and magic. Something knocked the blindfolded alicorn over, and she could feel more ropes dashing over her this way and that. She writhed, finally splitting the tomato in her mouth and letting out a full-throated scream. The sound echoed from the throne room and out over the palace. Meanwhile, on the other side of the castle… “This is so embarrassing…” Shining Armor mumbled as Celestia leaned down and opened her mouth a bit. Mischief was alight in her eyes. A golden bit set itself gently in her teeth and she fit the bridle over her head. “We use those for bed play!” he whispered fiercely, heat in his face. “Luna cried out, you heard her. The S.o.S. are here. Twilight’s letter was crucial, warning us like that.” Celestia lisped a little through the bit, folding her wings down into a submissive position. “You have the cuffs?” she asked, smiling just a little. Shining Armor mumbled something weakly, his cheeks red as he nodded. Coming close, he slipped the silvery hoof-cuffs around her dainty, milky little ankles. They clicked nicely into place, and she shifted to make sure the chains were strong. They nodded to each other. Working gently, she secured the back two cuffs as well. The white alicorn would not be able to run anywhere in this condition, and with a bit and bridle on her she could be physically steered any which was she was mare-handled. “You’re sure this will work?” Cadance said worriedly, trying to make sure they weren’t too tight on Celestia’s slender legs. “Not at all.” Celestia’s twinkle-eyed smile matched her giggle. Shining Armor leaned and kissed Celestia’s cheek, still very upset about this whole plan. “Now, I need you to hit me, dear.” Celestia presented her nose to him. “I-I can’t do it!” Shining Armor said, fretting back and forth. Cadance stared, wide-eyed. Wait, what?! “We’re a peaceful herd, we don’t put our hooves on each other like that! C-can’t you just fake it?!” “There needs to be a mark. It’s alright.” Celestia cooed softly, holding his cheeks with her cuffed front hooves. Sitting on her haunches she leaned at him again. “Go on, you need to do it before they get here or none of this will work.” “What if I hurt you, Tia?” Shining Armor whimpered a little, lifting one of his big hooves up and looking at it. “I’d never forgive myself!” the white stallion looked at Cadance for help, but for the first time in a long time the princess of love was silent. The plan, though they’d not shared it with Luna, was a brilliant one. As soon as they’d heard that the Stallions on Strike were coming three days early to the petition summit, Celestia knew there had been foul play. So, of course, the only thing to do was to play into it entirely— then turn it on its head. Hopefully Applejack would do her part. “Captain Shining Armor— I am commanding you, as Princess of Equestria,” Celestia drew herself up with a rare and disturbing frown. The stallion flinched a little when she used his rank. She never did that in their private chambers. “Punch me in the face.” She hunched forward like a white vulture, fixing him with the scary face. “That is an order.” Suddenly lots of hoofsteps could be heard coming down the hall. “It’s this way! This way! The royal apartments are over here, we’ll catch ‘em!” “They’re coming!” Cadance whispered worriedly. “If anything is gonna happen it has to be now!” she spread her pink wings and stood, looking back and forth between the big double doors and her herdmates. “Oh jeez…” Shining Armor lifted a hoof, worry etched on his brow. “The stability of Equestria rests on this.” Celestia said hurriedly. “If you don’t do this, our entire country could fall to ruin. Social unrest could ripple for decades, and tear apart the government.” She opened her wings at him, intimidating. The door shuddered on its frame. The S.o.S. had reached them. “Hurry! Please!” Celestia leaned closer. Shining Armor screwed up his courage and, just as the S.o.S. forced the door, the white stallion punched Princess Celestia right in the eye! The angry mob stopped to stare as she cart-wheeled ass-over-tea-kettle backward, launching her crown across the room, and collapsed into a heap of pain and white feathers. The shiner on her right eye was positively spectacular. There was silence in the room. They couldn’t believe what they’d just seen. Never in their most violent fantasies, or scenerios about how to capture an alicorn— it was almost too much to process. “I got her!” Shining Armor quickly turned to the stallions wielding signs and improvised weapons. “It’s okay! I got her cuffed, she's not going anywhere!” “I surrender!” Cadance quickly put her hooves up when she was menaced with a broken table leg and a very scary-looking corn on the cob. (What? She didn’t know what they were going to do with the corn on the cob!) “Let’s take ‘em to the dungeon with the other one!” said one stallion boldly. “No!” Shining Armor grabbed the chain that was holding Celestia’s front hooves together roughly. She gave a convincing whimper. “I-I-I uh… I spent way too long subduing her! She’d going on trial right now for her crimes against stallions!” he tried to follow the script. “She is?” asked somepony in the crowd. “Uhh, er, yeah!” Shining Armor coughed, wavering for a moment. “She’s been running Equestria pretty much by herself for the past thousand years! It’s her fault things are uh… like this! I’m takin’ her to the throne room so she can stand trial in front of ever’pony before we decide what to do with her!” he suddenly found himself with an accent when he was pretending to be angry. Odd. Shining Armor fixed Celestia with an only half-convincing scowl. She did her best to look frightened, the ache in her face pulsing. “I like it! Let’s do it!” One stallion said, fixing a rope loosely around Cadance’s neck. A willing prisoner would not be harmed. It was only polite, after all. The princess of love was led away to the palace dungeons. Shining Armor clambered onto Celestia’s back, gently taking the reins that were attached to her head. The Princess blushed a rather bright crimson as her straddled her back. “Now uh, get moving, uh… you uh, you old nag!” the guard captain said threateningly, making a little motion with the reigns. He tugged and the bit steered the sun Princess’ head to look straight forward. Celestia made a show of lowering her head in a submissive way, tucking her ears. This pleased the onlookers, and they parted so the alicorn could get past them. =-----=-----=-----=-----= Applejack, Applebloom, and Granny Smith arrived on the edge of Canterlot on a train being pulled by a rather large herd of mares. It took two, almost three times as many mares to pull the locomotive than stallions, but the need was dire. They surveyed the scene. It was anarchy in the streets! Stallions were running around, breaking windows, lighting flowerbeds on fire, busting down doors and scribbling naughty words on walls. Where was the royal guard?! Where were the local police?! Why was nopony containing all this?! It very suddenly struck Applejack that all the guards and police were stallions. They were a PART of this madness. “Alright, c’mon y’all, this is gonna be a close one.” She looked around making sure Applebloom was close. “Don’t nopony wander off, and don’t nopony stop to talk to nopony. We don’t wanna get mobbed!” Granny Smith had fallen asleep on her hooves, and needed to be nudged awake so they could continue. The middle of the night had not been kind to the elderly mare. “Y’all comin’?” the orange farming mare asked those on the train car with her. Mr. Cake stepped off the train with Pinkie and Mrs. Cake, twins in tow. Spike and Twilight Sparkle stepped off the train after them. Fancy Pants and Prince Blueblood stepped off with the group. Derpy Hooves, Dinky, and a gaggle of strangely happy stallions were the last off the train. They all looked at each other. So much had changed since one stallion had stopped to say no, and started this entire wave of craziness. Each of their little herds had been drastically affected. Now, they just had to find Big Macintosh and make for the palace. According to the letter Applejack had gotten, her older brother was the key to everything. “Fancy Pants, honey…?” Fleur de Lis melted out of shadow, having sensed her husband coming on the train. There was a spell on his monocle so she would always be able to sense him when he was nearby. He hadn’t been hard to track down. “No.” Fancy Pants said, turning his eyebrows down into an angry scowl. “Sweetie this is all a bit much, isn’t it?” she slicked her way through the gathering like the eel she was, putting her hooves on his chest. “No.” Fancy Pants said again, his back legs trembling. “Fleur, I’m leaving you. You’re a bad mare.” He recited like it was from a script, but he meant every word. Fleur looked startled, and Prince Blueblood smiled proudly. “Ohhh, honey no!” Fleur said dramatically, throwing herself on him. “Don’t do that! Let’s just get you home and we can get this entire thing settl-!” “Get me home so you can beat me some more?!” Fancy exploded, throwing her off of him with a garruff of strength. “Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me ever again! Consider this a divorce!” Blueblood’s smile was getting wider and wider as his friend finally found his courage. Being amongst the charged, angry S.o.S. had brought out the stallion’s wild side. “You can’t just divorce me!” Fleur shrieked. “Yes I can! See this?! This is my divorcing face!” Fancy Pants said, taking off the monocle and throwing it on the ground. “And you can keep that too! I know there’s a spell on it to track me, you creepy mare!” he stomped on it to shatter the little lens of glass. “Fancy, honey…” Fleur de Lis was losing her patience, brow lowering into an ugly scowl. More than a few wrinkles appeared all over her usually beautiful face. She was UGLY when she was mad! “Think about what you’re saying…” Fancy Pants turned around and, in front of everypony, flicked his tail up at her. He showed her his balls. (Applejack’s hooves DASHED down over Applebloom’s eyes.) He’d grown a pair in Ponyville, and he was proud of it. “Don’t be vulgar!” she shouted angrily, thrusting an accusing hoof at him. “Damn.” Fancy said with a smirk, turning his nose up at her. “I said—!” “Bitch.” Blueblood was giggling aloud at this point. “Stop saying—!” “Cunt.” Twilight was a little red-faced at all the swearing pouring out of Fancy’s mouth. “Stallions shouldn’t say such—!” “Shit?” Fancy offered, smirking deviously. “AUGH!” Fleur stomped her hooves angrily. “You’re acting like such an immature—!” “FUCK!” Fancy cackled, throwing his head back with a laugh. Applejack’s hooves were over Applebloom’s tender little ears, but she looked ready to burst out laughing. Everypony present knew what was going on between Fancy and Fleur, he’d told them on the trip from Ponyville. This was just gold! Fleur stomped away. “You want to be single again?! Fine! I’ll nab another husband with my money and beauty just like I did you!” she roared, turning the corner with a whinny of rage. “You’re nothing without me, Fancy! Nothing!” the supermodel, noble pony of high pedigree left her husband right then and there. Fancy stood there, shaking a little. He’d never felt so alive. “I did it.” He said, watching her go. “I did it!” he threw his hooves up in victory! Blueblood threw his arms around his friend, squeezing him. “She’s gone! She’s gone, I did it!” “And you did it with just your words.” Prince Blueblood said, squeezing him harder. “I’m proud of you, friend.” He said, nodding. “So. How long before you go to the royal guard about all… that?” he said, gesturing to the almost-gone black eye that was on Fancy’s face. “I’ll wait until she’s juuuust about to get married again.” Fancy said. “Oh-hoh, you rebel.” Blueblood smirked. “W-well, as interestin’ as that was.” Applejack said, smiling nervously. “Princess Celestia’s letter said we gotta find Big Mac and get our butts to the palace before Canterlot burns to the ground! Let’s go, everypony!” “YEAH!” the group shouted, dashing down the street and away from the train. Big Macintosh Apple was a massive stallion with a big barrel chest, hopefully he wouldn’t be too hard to spot. There were only, what, almost thirty thousand stallions in the city? No sweat… End of Part 11