//------------------------------// // Meat, and other things that frighten ponies // Story: She came into my life like "ZOT!" // by Deleth //------------------------------// I stood there in my quaint little kitchen watching the snow fall outside. The local weather said that it would be coming but it would just be another dusting or two over the night. Nothing major, and nothing that warranted having to go outside before sundown, score one for the winter logged famer. The cows were already in the barn and the heater was on to keep them from freezing to death. Usually during the winter I would send all the animals I had left south for the season but not this year. After burying two of your own money can be tight and being the only one out here, it hadn’t gotten much better, though it hadn’t gotten worse either. Point is I couldn’t afford to send them down south. The downside to that situation was what I was watching move slowly towards my property out in the snowy landscape. From the forest there were two large grey wolves – scouts for the main pack most likely – creeping through the snow towards the barbed wire fence nearest the barn. I finished a glass of water then walked quickly from the kitchen to the master closet and moved the pile of clothes away from my gun safe. Dialing in the combination it opened with a loud metallic clunk, and I grabbed my shotgun and a few shells. Sure the wolves were out of range but I was shooting deer slugs without a rifled barrel so that made it ok…sense the sarcasm. It was more about the noise anyways. Donning my slippers as I walked I went out the front door onto the wrap around patio and looked out towards the last place I saw the wolves, following the disturbance in the perfect, snowy landscape to where they were. Switching off the safety I chambered a shell, setting the others on the railing, and looked down the sights aiming just in front of them before pulling the trigger. There was a brief flash, roar, and the butt kicked against my shoulder. Ugh, forgot ear protection, stupid tinnitus. Regardless of the state of my hearing however – and in spite of the fact that I missed terribly – the noise did the job. I watched as the two wolves bounded back towards the forested parts of the mountain until they disappeared into the trees. Good I didn’t have to waste more ammo, that stuff is expensive. Clearing my weapon I made it safe once more, gathered my shells and walked back into the house. “What in the name of sweet Celestia was that?!” Rarity exclaimed, she was standing with her head poking out of the spare room door, with a frying pan above her, held aloft by her bluish magic. “A gun, there were wolves headed towards the barn. Where’d you get the pan?” I asked. “None of your business! I wasn’t the one conjuring thunder on the deck!” She pointed an accusatory finger at me. “It wasn’t thunder.” I explained, “It was my shotgun, it uses a tiny but powerful explosion to hurl a projectile at high speeds. Think of it as a long range hole maker.” “Regardless of its purpose it sounds like a brutish sort of device, I don’t want it near me!” Rarity demanded and I laughed. “My house, remember?” “Then I don’t want it in this room! This is a no long range hole making device area!” She yelled and ducked back in the guest room, slamming the door. I continued to chuckle as I walked past the door and stored the ammo and weapon back in the safe, then went back out into the hallway, stopping just in front of the guest room. “Dinner at five – and I need that skillet back to cook with, if you don’t mind.” I announced and the door opened just enough for the glowing blue pan to float into my outstretched hand before it closed again. Then there was a muffled ‘you’re welcome.’ As I walked to the kitchen to put the pan away I thought about what I would actually make to feed us both. With it being apparent that she would be here for a while – thank you for that clarification, Princess Celestia, whoever you are – My mind shifted gears to what she might eat. Or what ponies might eat. Assuming she was one at some point. However, she is human now and humans cannot eat hay since it does tragic things to our digestive tracts. But ponies can. Ergo, ponies turned human can…I don’t even know where I was going with that anymore, so I fell back to something that seemed to be a universal food. Something completely American. Something classic. I would make hamburgers for dinner. I’m also somewhat of a redneck and like beef, so sue me. It was about an hour to five so if I was going to make it on time I supposed I needed to get started soon, if not now. But then some of my favorite TV shows would be starting soon, not that I usually had time to watch but it was winter so…DVR happens. Ideally I would grill the burgers on the patio – the snow storm could shove it – but it was cold. I don’t like being cold. Plus, I have a gas stove. So getting everything out and prepped on the counter I went to work mixing the spices into the meat with a hand. Some people use mixers or wooden spoons but I like to get to know my food a little more than that. “Mister Merediem?” A voice came from the hallway. “Asher is fine.” I said as I continued to mix the beef around with my fingers, pressing and mixing. Rarity meanwhile came around the corner from the hall and into the kitchen. “You mentioned earlier that I could use the sewing machine but umm...I had a couple of questions.” She said looking at me, bouncing her fingers in front of her face nervously. “Shoot.” I said, only glancing up at her. “Well, I believe you mentioned earlier that clothes are well… what your people do apparently…but I wanted to double check that it is perfectly normal to wear clothes all the time?” She asked and I nodded the affirmative. “Okay then, well you also mentioned I could use the sewing machine that is in my – err – the spare room I’m staying in – temporarily – but there seems to be something left there from the last time it was used which doesn’t appear to have been any time recently so—” “Just take it off the machine or whatever you need to do.” I all but snapped at her, making the poor woman jump. “Sorry.” I sighed. “I’ve a lot of – how can I put this – unresolved emotions from a few years ago I’ll…” I hesitated again, knowing I was repeating myself from earlier in the day but if it ain’t broke. “I’ll tell you about it sometime just not right now. Promise. Do whatever you need to do to get the sewing machine working. If you want to make your own clothes there are some fashion magazines in the second drawer down that I never cleared out. Few years old but—“ “I think I’ll manage.” Rarity interrupted, a sharp look reflecting in her eyes. Suppose I deserved that. “Right.” I said lamely. “So with that settled, is it okay if I ask Spike to send me some fabric with which to work?” She asked and again, I nodded before withdrawing my now greasy hand from the bowl and turned it upside down, dropping the meat onto the counter top with a soft slap as it landed. Rarity stared at the lump of well seasoned meat for a moment, paling visibly as her eyes widened. “W-w-what is that?! Is that…was that…is that…was that a-a Pony?!” She squeaked. “What? No.” I said quickly, “No, no, don’t worry we humans don’t eat equine animals – mostly – this is ground beef seasoned with some basil, salt, pepper and so forth. It was a cow once was all.” Rarity paled further and began to turn a grayish shade of green before covering her mouth and sprinting down the hallway. “Second door!” I shouted and a moment or two later the home was filled with the tragic sounds of a person vomiting into the toilet. But I could do something to help at least, so while she was conducting her business I grabbed a clean glass from the cupboard, filled it with cold water off the tap and went back to the bathroom as she was finishing. “So, no meat then.” I said as she gratefully took the glass, rinsing her mouth a few times but not drinking it. “Are your people meat eaters?” She asked, fearing the answer. “Yes and no. Humans are omnivores so we can eat pretty much anything. I have stuff enough in the fridge that I think I can cobble a salad together for you once your stomach has settled a bit.” I mused, thinking of the winter stores I had in the kitchen. I could probably still make it out of the farm to the highway and thus to Wal-Mart if I took the big truck, but it would be sketchy. “That…would be nice, but maybe in a little while.” She said shakily. I helped her to her feet and held onto her shoulder and waist, guiding her down the hall and onto the couch. Once I was sure she was okay I went back into the kitchen and wrapped my seasoned burger meat in saran wrap and foil before hucking the lump of meat into the freezer. Looked like I would be going on a diet while she was staying here which was just as well, I could stand to lose some weight. Besides, hearing and smelling what just happened in the bathroom was enough to sate my appetite for the immediate future so once the meat was safely in the freezer, and what few dishes were generated in the sink, I joined Rarity in the living room, sitting on the love seat opposite couch, then clicked on the TV. “AHH!” Rarity recoiled from the couch and fell off the back of it and being the honest, sensitive man I am, I laughed my head off. “Exuse me. But I don’t believe you have explained exactly what the moving picture wall is before you scare me to death when I’m already not feeling well! Which is also your fault!” She said scathingly. Her eyes were narrowed and practically shooting lasers through my skull but all I could think about was that my ego enjoyed the TV being described as wall-like. “Sorry.” I chuckled, “I take it Television isn’t really common where you’re from?” “I don’t even know what a Television is.” She huffed and plopped back down on the couch. “Short version, pictures recorded somewhere else get beamed through the air to my picture wall, and depending on the channel I’m on, there could be a lot of things to watch.” I explained. She stared at the large LED screen for a moment which at the time was showing a puppy running in circles until it made itself dizzy and fell from the deck onto the grass. AFV to the rescue. “What is the purpose of it?” She asked. “To entertain, or waste time.” I answered honestly. She glared at the screen a moment longer before retaking her seat and continuing to watch the program progress, and as she did, she began to relax more to the point where she even let out a giggle once in a while. “So, clothes.” I stated and her blue eyes flicked over to me. “Yes, I have a wonderful supply of fabric in my boutique back home and I’ll have Spike send me a few to work with. Your own people dress more for utility than for raw fashion it seems.” She squinted as she studied the people on the screen. “Not sure how well that sewing machine works, it hasn’t been used since…well it hasn’t been used in a while. If you need it there’s an upkeep kit with some oil and such in the hall closet.” I remarked. “Again, thank you for everything you’re doing for me.” Rarity gushed. “No worries.” I said. “No, I mean it. I know how hard it can be to take somepony in that you don’t know.” Somepony? “In my home well…I’m special you could say. I’m one of the wielders of six extremely powerful magical items called the Elements of Harmony and well…my element is Generosity.” She continued to explain, “I’ve always been one to give as much as I can since I have been blessed with so much and to be in a position where it’s reversed…well I know it’s only been a few hours but it has been tough on me.” Somepony? “Weird language aside, it’s no problem, really. I’ve been living here for three years by myself so it’s kind of nice to have some company.” I sympathized and she smiled genuinely at me. I couldn’t quite place it, but there was something about that smile of hers, something familiar. It was a smile that I’ve seen before because I recognized the same tugging sensation at my heartstrings that I know I’d felt before…somewhere. I wish I could remember where but that was all I had at the moment so smiling back I turned back to the TV, and switched it to Animal Planet, forgetting what this woman claims she used to be. The subsequent roaring lion made Rarity scream and fall off the back of the couch again, and again I laughed before turning it off and going to help her get up. If nothing else, it was going to be an interesting winter.