Divorce Ends in Shining Armor Losing Money, Dignity
Royal Castle, Crystal Empire- After months of feuding, disagreements, and a general neglect of taking care of their newly acquired kingdom, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza decided to divorce Shining Armor, taking his money, kingdom, and dignity.
"It was totally not going to work out," Princess Cadence stated. "If I was ever going to be happy, I had to leave him and take every worldly possession not nailed to the floor. Actually, I took the floors too, haha." When our reporters asked Cadence what she thought this would do to her Crystal Kingdom, she responded by saying: "Oh yeah... Next question please."
Although Princess Cadence's future looks bright, Shining Armor has taken a turn for the worse. "Bwaaaaahhh! Why (sniffle).. Why did she leave me? Why? WHY?" Shining Armor was unable to comment further as he fell into the fetal position, refusing to even acknowledge the world around him.
"I'm sure he'll be fine," Cadence concluded. "Actually no, he won't be fine. He's a pussy."