The crackling of the fire and the scritch-scritching of quill on paper were the only noises in Pinkie Pie's room above the bakery. But Rainbow Dash, staring listlessly at the pages in front of her, wasn't the one writing.
Dash had to admit, reluctantly, that Pinkie's room was a much better place to write. Oh, Rainbow Dash had plenty of room to work at home. And a great view overlooking Ponyville. That sort of thing was supposed to be inspirational, wasn't it? But Pinkie's room is just so... So...
"Aargh!" She clapped her hooves against her temples. "I can't even find the words to finish my own thoughts!"
Rainbow Dash had writer's block. And she had it like... Like...
"Aargh!"
The scritch-scritch continued for a few moments more before Pinkie put her quill and paper aside. She gave her friend a consoling pat on the back. "Don't worry, Dashie. You'll get past it soon, I promise." She bounded up from her seat, suddenly full of exuberance. "I know what you need! CUPCA—"
The loud rapping of a hoof against the downstairs door cut her short. And then Pinkie's eyes took on a glint and her mouth split into a monstrous grin. "Or we could see who that is!" She bounced down the stairs while Rainbow Dash stared after her in stunned silence. Despite years of being friends with Pinkie Pie, Dash still didn't understand how anypony could switch gears so fast.
A low buzz of voices echoed from the base of the stairs, and then Pinkie was bounding back into the room with Twilight Sparkle trailing behind. That manic grin was still fixed on the pink pony's face. "I hope you don't mind. I invited Twilight over to look at your story. I thought maybe she could help you find some new ideas so you can start writing again!"
Twilight scratched her mane nervously, shooting Rainbow Dash a weak grin. "Well, maybe... I'm not nearly as good as Pin—"
"Ohmigosh! Pinkie, that's the best idea ever!" Rainbow Dash bolted into the air and began dragging Twilight toward the table. The purple pony looked like she wanted to protest, but one look at the hungry desperation on Dash's face silenced her. Once Twilight was safely seated with Tank's adventures in front of her, Rainbow Dash flew over to the fireplace and leaned against the mantel. She tried her best to project an air of unconcerned nonchalance. She managed to keep from gnawing on her hooves, at least.
As Pinkie Pie gathered up her own writing to put it away, Twilight quietly surveyed the pages of Dash's story. From time to time, the purple pony stopped to laugh at something she'd read. She took a good deal longer than Pinkie had to finish, and by the end Dash was starting to feel a rush of anxiety. She did her best to hide it. As Twilight looked up, Rainbow Dash put on her bravest face. "Pretty awesome, right!?"
Twilight's smile was so innocent, it pared away Dash's facade. "Yes, Rainbow, it is pretty awesome. It's not perfect – it's pretty easy to tell you're new at this – but it's exciting and fun to read. I like it. Though..." She drew out the word to three times its usual length. "I was a bit disappointed that you didn't put Owlowiscious in the story."
"Ah. Well. About that." Rainbow Dash laughed nervously. "I... haven't really figured out how to include him yet. Tank already has a boss, and an enemy, and a partner, and a girlfriend, and a sidekick. I don't really know where I could put him in."
Pinkie's voice exploded beside Rainbow Dash. "How about as a space explorer who's really Tank's long lost brother, only he's really really a secret member of an ancient cult that worships King Sombra and he's here to convince Dr. Angelbunny to fund an underground fortress where the cult can work on resurrecting their dark lord and plot the destruction of Equestria!?"
"Umm. Pinkie, don't you think that might... unbalance Rainbow's story a little?"
Rainbow Dash, who had been nodding along to Pinkie's idea, turned to Twilight Sparkle with a mix of surprise and confusion. "Would it? I thought that sounded like an awesome idea."
Pinkie sighed, deflating a little. "No, Twilight's right. You should focus on the story you've been setting up with Dr. Angelbunny. Don't try to add too much to that just now. Stick to what you know, and all."
"Anyway Pinkie," Twilight broke in, "wasn't that basically what you said you w—"
"So!" Pinkie bounced into action again, shoving Dash back toward the purple pony and the table. "Do you have any advice for how Rainbow Dash can get past her writer's block, Twilight?"
"Pinkie... Did you tell Twilight about that, too?" Rainbow Dash knew she sounded embarrassed, but she couldn't help it. "I thought that was just between... I mean... It's just so uncool."
Twilight Sparkle gave her another one of those innocent smiles, and Dash sighed inwardly. Sometimes it was hard to make yourself worry about your image when your friends insisted on being so darn accepting. "Don't worry so much, Rainbow. Everypony gets writer's block from time to time. Just think about what you need to have happen next in your story, and try to start writing. Even if it seems boring. You can always go back and fix it later, but you can't move forward unless you write something. So, what's going to happen to Tank next?"
"Well, he and Winona are gonna have to find the Carrot Citadel, I suppose."
"And how are they going to do that?" Twilight asked.
"I suppose if they..."
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The Amazingly Awesome Adventures of Tank the Tortoise
By R. Dash
Chapter 5 – Into the Carrot Citadel!
The White Tail Woods were quiet. Quiet like the grave. Quieter than a Canterlot garden party without croquet. Too quiet.
Tank the tortoise, his shell covered with leafy green camouflage, crept through the undergrowth toward a hilltop overlooking the valley below. Winona followed him, making a bit of a racket. Dogs never understood the stealthiness advantages of moving slow. Nobody was stealthier than tortoises.
At the crest of the hill, Tank settled into a crouch and studied his target. An enormous orange spire rose above the treetops of the valley. It seemed to blot out the hopes of the world with its malevolent silhouette.
"Is that it, sir?" Winona had finally crawled alongside Tank, and now she was getting her first look at the imposing fortress of the nefarious Dr. Angelbunny.
"Of course that's it, Winona. Can you think of any other reason we'd find an enormous orange spire rising above the treetops of that valley and seeming to blot out the hopes of the world with its malevolent silhouette?"
The dog thought for a moment. "Discord?"
Tank shot his partner a glare. "That's... Be that as it may, yes Winona, that's Dr. Angelbunny's Carrot Citadel." He returned his intimidating gaze to the structure in the valley. "I'll never forget the look of that place. Not until the day I die. Not after the terror it caused the last time it appeared in Equestria."
A hooting sound alerted them to a presence overhead. In a flash, Tank rolled onto his shell and unholstered his gun, taking aim at the interloper. He only barely managed to stay his fire as a majestic-looking owl plummeted through the canopy of trees and landed in front of he and Winona. Owlowiscious.
"Owlowiscious, sir!" Winona couldn't stand at attention without skylining herself on the crest of the hill, so she did her best to lie down at attention. "I thought you were supposed to be adventuring in space."
Tank shot the dog yet another glare. "No, Winona, that was Pinkie's idea. We decided that wasn't going to work."
"So if he's not a space traveler, what is he?" Winona sounded a little puzzled.
"He's Commander Spike's elite messenger, capable of delivering missives to any member of the League, even when they're far behind enemy lines. He's one of the League's best agents."
"Is he still your brother, sir?"
Tank threw out his arm to point at Owlowiscious and growled at his partner in exasperation. "What do you think, Winona? He's an owl! And he's not a member of any ancient or secret cults, either." Tank turned to regard the owl, who had been listening to all of this very impassively. The tortoise narrowed his eyes. "You aren't, are you Owlowiscious?"
"As it would be a secret cult, Tank sir, I would not be at liberty to discuss it." The owl sounded like a dusty old librarian. "Notwithstanding that, I hope you will accept my heartfelt assurances that I am not a member of any such organization."
Winona looked satisfied. Tank muttered something noncommittal.
Owlowiscious cleared his throat. "In any event, sir, Commander Spike sends me to inform you that he has received your missive regarding the attack on the train, and that at this very moment the forces of the League are rushing to converge on your position so that we may capture Dr. Angelbunny before he has a chance to harvest the dark fruit of the many nefarious schemes he has surely begun to put into motion."
Finally, some good news after all this sneaking through the woods. "Understood. Owlowiscious, relay our position to Commander Spike and let him know we'll begin the attack on the citadel ourselves. With any luck, that will distract them enough that he can bring his forces in undetected and surprise Dr. Angelbunny with a full-scale assault."
As Owlowiscious launched himself into the air, Winona stared at Tank incredulously. "Tank, sir? That's... that's against all regulations, sir! Commander Spike could have our hides for this! Who knows what the Keepers of the Elements would say!?"
"And what do you think, Winona? Do you want to wait for all our forces to get into position, and risk Dr. Angelbunny learning that we plan to attack him? You know what happened the last time we went up against Angelbunny. Spike said you'd studied the old missions. What do you think we should do?"
Winona frowned in thought. Clearly, she had never expected to face the question herself. But snap decision-making was what separated the good agents from the great ones, and Tank had seen her quality for himself back on the train. At last, she spoke.
"Let's go get the bastard, sir."
"Excellent choice, Winona." Tank tightened his goggles and fired up his propeller. "Well then, it's time to get DANGEROUS!" And with a fierce gust, he sped toward the orange monstrosity on the valley floor, Winona racing alongside him.
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Pinkie looked impressed as Rainbow Dash gave her the new pages. "Dashie, this is the longest one yet! I thought you had writer's block!"
"Well, y'know... Once I got started, the writing was easier. It was just hard to get through that first bit." As Rainbow Dash spoke, she could see Twilight nodding in sympathy. "And it helped that I got some awesome new ideas while I was writing it!"
Pinkie and Twilight laid the pages out on the table and started reading. Rainbow Dash felt a brief pang of sadness. Before, she'd always shared her stories with Tank before anypony else. But this was just one chapter. Tank wouldn't mind missing out just this once, right?
Pinkie started giggling at the pages, and a moment later Twilight joined in. As they read on, the laughter got louder.
Rainbow Dash frowned at the pair. "Hey you two, what's so funny? The story's supposed to be awesome. If you guys are laughing at me, that's seriously not cool." She couldn't quite keep the hurt out of her voice.
Pinkie Pie's eyes were glistening with tears of amusement when she looked up at Rainbow Dash. "Oh, Dashie. You didn't just break the fourth wall, you destroyed it!" That prompted another burst of laughter from Twilight.
"The fourth... what?" Rainbow Dash couldn't keep the confusion off her face.
"It's when characters break out of the story and talk about the real world. It's called 'breaking the fourth wall.' I do it all the time." Twilight laughed some more, bobbing her head in agreement.
Rainbow Dash nodded along at Pinkie's explanation. Yeah, I did do that, didn't I? Wait a second... Dash turned to stare at Pinkie. "You what!?"
"In my stories, Dashie. My characters break the fourth wall all the time."
"I don't know why you won't just let me read your stories," Dash muttered. "It'd probably help me figure out a lot more about what I'm doing."
"Ahhh, I don't think they're really the kind of stories you'd like Rainbow Dash. They're a little different from what you write," Pinkie said. For some reason, Twilight Sparkle suddenly looked paler.
"Oh fine, oh fine." Dash sat back, sulking. "Anyway, can you two finish up? I want to take these pages back to Tank so I can read him the new story too."
Tank would never laugh at her writing.