Hades Is Such A Great Neighbor

by RainbowBob


Chapter 2: Greetings

"L—L—lord of the D—Dead?" Twilight stuttered, staring with unnaturally wide eyes at the hand presented to her.

"Um, yeah," Hades said with a frown, his hand still held out. "I said that five seconds ago. You have short term memory loss or something?"

"N—N—No," she said, her heart threatening to burst from her chest. Hesitantly, she reached her hoof out, the limb shaking so much it nearly leaped out of Hades' hand. "M—My name is Twilight Sparkle."

Smiling wickedly, he shook her forearm up and down and brought her to her hooves, patting her on the back. "Well then, unicorn horse-thingy, pleasure to meet you!"

"Unicorn horse-thingy?" Twilight muttered, shaking her head and rubbed her brow. "I am indeed a unicorn, but I'm not a 'horse-thingy.' I'm a pony."

"Ooh, a pony, huh?" Hades chuckled, his devilish grin near Twilight's muzzle as he leaned closer. The unicorn squeaked in surprise and fell backwards, the stranger's appearance frightening her once again. "Hey, hey, chill out. I ain't gonna hurt you..." A clattering sound beside him interrupted the Lord of the Dead.

Hades turned his attention to a small lizard creature, about as horribly purple colored as the unicorn, cowering before him with a pack held for protection between himself and the god. Rubbing the bottom of his lip while arching an eyebrow aimed at the dragon, he turned his head to Twilight and asked, "This your gecko?"

"He isn't a gecko. He's a dragon," Twilight nervously said, keeping a good distance away from Hades as she made her way to Spike and gently shook his shoulder. "Spike, it's okay. He isn't a threat... just really scary looking." Hades pouted at this comment.

Spike's eyes fluttered open as he stared at Hades, the God of the Underworld just grinning and waving happily at the small dragon. Gulping down his heart that was previously clogging his throat, he set his pack down and anxiously played with his claws. "I—I knew he wasn't that bad."

"Then why was your tail tucked between your legs?" the Lord of the Dead asked, inexplicably appearing behind the dragon.

Spike nearly jumped out of his skin, instead falling to his face while running forward, his belly dragging on the ground. A hoof holding him in place on his forehead from Twilight. The mare called out to Hades, "Hey, don't be mean like that! You scared Spike!"

"Scared? Nah, the kid's just excited is all," Hades laughed, lifting the dragon by his tail and bringing his upside down head to eye level. "Isn't that right, lizard boy?"

Spike disappeared in a flash of light, reappearing in another flash of bright, purple light atop Twilight's back, her horn glowing. "I think that's enough, Hades. Your appearance is... unsettling to some ponies."

"Unsettling? Why, I never," Hades cried dramatically, clutching his heart. "I know many people don't like my skin color, teeth, robes, and even flames. But unsettling! That hurts me deeply..." Hades snapped his fingers a couple of times.

"Twilight," she said, face hoofing because she just told him her name not thirty seconds ago.

"Twilight, that really does hurt me deeply. Why, I don't know anything that could possibly make me feel better," Hades bemoaned, turning his back on the pair with his shoulders slumped and his skull basket dragging on the ground.

Twilight felt a twinge of sadness for the God of the Underworld, feeling somewhat responsible for his miserable mood. "Wait, Hades, don't go. It was wrong of Spike and me for insulting you like that. Please, stay," she said, a warm smile on her face.

Her assistant tugged at her hair, Spike's mouth near her ear as he said, "Twilight, we know nothing about this guy. He's not even a pony. Can we really trust him?"

"Spike, we already learned that lesson. Don't judge a book by its cover. Even if we know nothing about him, I'll give him the benefit of the doubt."

"Hello," Hades said, appearing in between the two while pointing to himself with both his fingers. "Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld, right here. Isn't that explanation good enough for you guys?"

"Wait, did you say Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld?" Twilight asked, a puzzled expression appearing on her face.

"The one and only," he said proudly, looking at his nails absently.

"Isn't Thanatos the God of the Dead?" she asked, her librarian prowess being put to use in the worst situation now.

Hades' evil, yellow eyes glared at the mare as his brow furrowed. "No, I am the God of the Dead, the Underworld, and everything that rots in a hole in the ground."

"I don't think so," Twilight mused, rubbing her chin with a hoof. Spike's eyes darted between the two as he desperately willed the unicorn to shut up. "I know from plenty of mythology that Thanatos is the God of Death, while Hades, or Pluto, as you're more commonly referred to, is the God of the Dead."

Hades' skin color began to rise higher and higher to a dangerous red, his blue flames becoming more yellow in appearance. "Thanatos is a demigod! A lowly lackey that works for ME! Not a God of Death!"

"Well, if I remember right, he is indeed the God of Death, while you just have the Lord title," Twilight pointed out. Spike just face palmed as Hades grew redder and redder, the temperature around them soon becoming sweltering. The pair began to back away just as Hades blew his top.

"I AM THE GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD AND ALL WHO RESIDE IN IT, INCLUDING THE DEAD! WHICH AUTOMATICALLY MAKES ME THE GOD OF DEATH!" he screamed, flames shooting off like fireworks as an inferno covered his body. For several seconds he remained like this until the flames died down to their usual blue. The God was now dusting off his robe and running a hand through his hair. "Okay, fine, fine. I'm cool. I'm fine," he assured.

Both Twilight and Spike were a good distance away, cowering in each other’s arms with the unicorn's mane and coat slightly singed. Walking toward them while humming, he brought his skull basket to their eyes.

"Moving on, I need groceries. Know a place where I can get pudding?"

Sugarcube Corner came to mind, but Twilight instantly snuffed that plan out. Hades' temper nearly caused her to burn to a crisp. No way was she bringing him to an eating establishment where ponies could be potentially hurt. "Well, Hades, th—"

Twilight never got to finish her words as a rainbow streak zipped through the air high above them, dive-bombing toward the God of the Dead himself. Hades merely looked at Twilight, waiting for her to finish her sentence. "Hey, anyone else hear a bee or something?" he asked, his bony finger digging into his ear to clear some wax as the rainbow streak was nearly upon him.

"Take this, demon face!" the streak yelled, none other than Rainbow Dash as she impacted with Hades. And promptly phased through his back, Hades' robes and chest taking on a smoke like appearance as Rainbow Dash came out the other side of his chest, crashing into Twilight and Spike on the other side. The trio tumbled to the ground, with the cyan pegasus promptly landing on her face while Twilight was knocked on her back. Spike wasn't too far behind them, still spinning like a top on his head.

Struggling to her hooves, Rainbow Dash rubbed at the bump on her head and glared daggers at the Lord of the Dead. "Okay buster, no more Ms. Nice Mare! The gloves come off!"

"But you're not wearing gloves," Hades pointed out as Dash leaped forward like a rainbow colored rocket, her hoof preparing to embed itself in the God's long chinned face. Before her hoof ever could reach him he transformed his body into smoke, and he soon began to slither to the knocked out Twilight and Spike. Reforming near them, he said, "Really now, isn't this uncivil?"

"Eat hoof, flame head!" Dash yelled, answering his own question for him. However, before the hotheaded pegasus could make good on her promise, an aurora of purple magic created a force field around her, halting her attack. The source of this magic was Twilight, who had finally managed to drag her body back to her hooves after her previous incident with Dash.

"Rainbow Dash, you just don't attack random pon— I mean, people like that!" Twilight yelled at her friend, a disapproving glare on her face.

"But Twilight, he's evil! Just look at him! While I was flying around town, ponies were running and screaming everywhere! And when I got here, he was on fire!" Dash shouted back at Twilight, pointing an accusing hoof at the God of the Underworld. "Pure evil, right there!"

"What am I, chopped liver? I'm only three feet away!" Hades pointed out, his muscular arms folded as he furrowed his brow at the mare.

"That may be so. But we don't know if he's evil. So I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. And I would expect an Element of Harmony to do the same," Twilight said, a steely edge in her voice as she dismantled the force field.

Snorting one last time, Dash looked at the ground and ran a hoof through the dirt. Finally, she spoke. "Sorry, Twi."

"I shouldn't be the one you should be saying sorry to," Twilight replied, nudging Hades to get closer.

Sighing in annoyance, he walked over and reached out with his hand, saying quickly, "Hey, how ya doing? Name's Hades, Lord of the Dead and God of the Underworld and all that jazz."

Shooting a look at Twilight, Rainbow Dash laid her hoof in his palm and began to shake. "Rainbow Dash. Fastest flyer in Equestria."

"Oh my, how impressive," Hades replied, sarcasm dripping like venom from his voice. He dropped the handshake abruptly; he returned his attention to Twilight. "Now, about that pudding?"

"Pudding? There's some of that at Sugarcube Corner," Dash blurted out. Twilight face hoofed.

"Sugarcube Corner you say?" Hades asked, a devious smile on his long chinned face. "Well then, lead the way!" He pushed and prodded Dash to move to their new destination, imagining the sweet, chocolate taste already on his tongue. Twilight just followed with an unconscious Spike resting on her back, wondering why the day suddenly got so strange.