What We Haven't Had
Chapter 3: Of Strangers and Sadness
A My Little Pony Fanfiction
By: GhostWriter17
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"Oh dear...."
"Opal, uhm, Opal? Opalescence? Please, I mean, if you don't mind, could you- Oh, uh, never mind, then. You can do whatever you want."
"Okay, Fluttershy, all you have to do is turn his head over and clean his face."
"Angel! Please stop harassing Opalescence like that! She's our guest, and should be treated as such. Don't make me give you The Stare!"
"Just t-turn the head slowly around and you can check his injuries, Fluttershy."
"Oh, the poor thing! He's got some paint all over his little face! Wait, that's not paint. That's not paint at all....Eep."
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Samael awoke with a throbbing everything. His head was a cloud of jumbled thoughts, memories, aches, pains, and what-the-buck-just-happened syndrome. He was lying down on his back, that much he knew, but where he was was uncertain. His face was slightly wet, and something cold, a bag, maybe, was resting on his forehead. Slowly, he sat up, making sure to take the cold thing off of his forehead as he did so. He sat up completely, looking at what was now in his hoof. Sure enough, it was a bag of ice. Looking around, Samael noticed he was in some sort of cottage. To his right was a small table with a pot of hot herbal tea and his glasses. They didn't even have a dent in them. Lying on the ground near the table was his saddlebag, bandaged and sewed up in a few places. Oh, but of course my saddlebag, of all things, needs repaired. Around him were various items: Pictures of various flowers and animals hung on the walls. Bookcases along the walls were filled with instruction booklets for animal care and gardening. Samael was sitting in a large, butterfly-quilted bed. There was a staircase leading downward. Samael reached over, put on his glasses, and moved to get out of the bed. However, just as he moved, his head began to throb in pain, and he began to feel extremely nauseous. Maybe it's a better idea to just stay in bed until whoever owns this place comes up to check on me. Samael thought as he lay back down. Making himself comfortable, Samael placed the bag of ice back on his head and closed his eyes.
Great, Samael, you bucked up again. First you're assumed to be a coltcuddler, twice, then you make a fool of yourself in front of one of the most handsome stallions in Ponyville. Now you idiotically take off your glasses and walk into Celestia-knows-what, making sure to get a possibly broken nose and a very severe headache. Oh, and it's also your birthday! Samael thought to himself, cursing everything he did wrong thus far today. How am I ever going to tell Rarity about my feelings now? That's when he heard the humming. It was quiet, serene, and beautiful, and it came from the staircase. That humming, a wonderful sound as smooth as honey, was also getting louder. Whoever it was that was making those angelic noises was coming up the steps.
Samael sat up again to listen, waiting to meet whomever it was that lived here. After a few moments, the owner of the house, a yellow mare with long, wavy pink hair and small wings, floated daintily to the top step and landed.
"Hello there again, my little patient." She said quietly with her eyes closed. "I was just coming in to check and see how you were do-" She opened her eyes, and blinked at Samael, not moving an inch. Samael stared back, unsure of what to do. The yellow pony quickly averted her gaze, and studied the ground, obviously surprised that her patient was awake.
"Uh, hello there." Samael began quietly. His heart beat fast and hard, his breathing became erratic, and his mouth went dry. Talking to Roseluck, Daisy, Lily, or even Big Macintosh, all of whom Samael had spoken to, however briefly, in the past was one thing, but a pony he had neither talked to nor seen was another beast entirely. Samael shocked himself at just how easily he was able to say three, alright, technically two, words to this pony. "My name's-" Samael froze in place. The mare in front of him shot him a piercing glance. All Samael could do was stare back into those big blue eyes. He could not blink. He could not move. He could only sit there, paralyzed by this stare, this stare so horrible, so malicious, so creepy, that it dug into his soul like it was a piece of cloth. His eyes began to burn, watering as they burned. Noticing this, the yellow pegasus stopped gazing at Samael, freeing him from the invisible grasp that held him.
"Oh, th-thank you for, uh, doing that." Samael stumbled, catching his breath. "My name is Samael. Uh, and you are?"
The words she spoke, however, were too soft to be heard. She dipped her head down, shuffling her hooves.
"Uh, I didn't quite catch what you said. Could you please speak a little louder?" Samael asked.
"I'm Fluttershy, and I own this cottage.... I think."
Okay. Samael thought after she spoke. Either whatever I hit improved my hearing dramatically, or I have super powers, because I don't think any normal pony would have heard that.
"You, uh, bumped into me in Ponyville, right in front of the Carousel Boutique, and I just could not leave you there, in case you're wondering how you got here, but if not then that's okay, too. I guess. Eeep."
Yup. I'm going to go with super powers.
Samael cleared his throat. "Well, I thank you for not leaving me. It was very kind of you to do that, I guess." Once again, Samael surprised himself at how well he was speaking. This pony, Fluttershy, seemed to have worse shyness than even Samael did. "Y'know, I'm not going to hurt you or laugh or anything. I just want to know how to long it will take me to get out of here. I have to see Rarity as soon as possible."
The compliment he gave Fluttershy seemed to boost her confidence, and she spoke louder this time. "Oh, well you, uh, suffered a minor concussion and your nose b-bled a little. Okay, a lot. Other than that, you're fine. You've been unconscious for about, uh, an hour. When your headache goes away, which it should quickly, if you drink that tea, I guess you can go, if you want."
So that was what he did. He poured himself a cup of tea, which tasted like honey and smoothly slid down his throat. It was utterly magnificent, so much so that, in a matter of minutes, Samael had consumed the whole pot of tea. All the while, Fluttershy gave a small smile, happy that her guest was enjoying her specially-made drink. By this point Fluttershy was acting more comfortable, more relaxed, around Samael.
"Did you like it?" She asked, this time, her voice was at a clearly audible level.
"Yeah! It was delicious, and I already feel much better! But, I do have a question." Fluttershy blinked and looked at him inquisitively. "Why were you in the boutique?"
"Oh." Fluttershy began. "Well, I had to take care of Rarity's cat, Opalescence, for the afternoon. Rarity, uhm, was having trouble keeping Opal from knocking over her dresses, so I volunteered to watch over her. I was about to leave when Opal rushed out of the boutique and jumped on your face, knocking your heads together. That's what led us to now, I guess." She gave a quick smile, clearly relieved she would not have to speak much more to Samael.
Samael had to laugh at this. Wow! This is just crazy! What were the odds that I'd run face-first into Rarity's cat right as I was about to enter her boutique? For some reason, it's just so funny! It was then that Samael realized that his life wasn't so bad, after all. What could have been some punk wanting to attack Samael for no good reason was just a cat with an attitude problem!
Fluttershy seemed hurt by Samael's outburst. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Was it something I said? Oh no..." She began to cry quietly, turning away from Samael once more.
Samael saw this, and stopped laughing. Well, great. I just meet a pony with obvious self-esteem issues and I successfully lower her self-esteem without even trying. Buck me silly. He quickly hopped out of bed, rushing to Fluttershy's side. His head ached from the sudden movement, but that didn't matter now. He was not going to risk having to go through "The Stare" again. "Hey, uh don't cry, Fluttershy. I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at the fact I ran into Opalescence and got knocked out. That's all."
Fluttershy looked up at Samael, tears staining the fur on her face. "Really?" She squeaked.
Samael smiled. "Sure. Like I said before, I'm not going to make fun of you or anything."
Fluttershy smiled back at Samael meekly. "Oh, I'm sorry. It's just, I am not the most trusting o-of ponies, and my friends say I have issues with my courage and that sometimes I should stop being so nice andhow I'm too forgiving and yet at the same time howI cannot really trust very many ponies. Some say I talk too softly and that I cry a lot, but I don't seeanything really wrong with that. It's just that I'm really, really,really,really,extremely,not outgoing and that I'mvery, very sensitive..." Her words withered away into nothingness as her quiet sniffles turned into sobs. Samael felt bad for Fluttershy, but couldn't find any words to comfort her. With an awkward silence between them, Fluttershy squeaked and flew down the stairs, bawling uncontrollably.
"Horseapples." Samael swore. He solemnly picked up his saddlebag and headed downstairs. The first floor of Fluttershy's cottage was very much the same as the second floor, except instead of beds there were sofas and chairs. On one of the chairs, Rarity's chubby white cat, Opalescence, slept. Not wanting to wake her up, Samael crept to a doorway where Fluttershy's sobbing could be heard. He rounded a corner, into a kitchen. Past this kitchen was a spiral staircase. At the top of the staircase stood a white bunny, trying to get in the door, which was closed. When Samael came up to the bunny, it turned around and glared at Samael.
"Did ya do this to my girl, punk?" The bunny's expression said.
"I didn't mean to! It wasn't really my fault, I swear!" Samael defended himself.
"Then why is Flutters crying her poor eyes out?" It asked Samael angrily.
Samael sighed and then said, "It's because she said something and then I laughed at-" WHAM!!! Samael was kicked hard in the chest by the bunny, and tumbled down the stairs. Down he went, smashing into the stars with just about every part of his body. Miraculously, his glasses stayed on and were unharmed. Unfortunately, he landed right on his saddlebag! By Luna's beard that hurt! Samael thought as he got back up. His head began to throb again, and his legs now ached from the fall.
The bunny that kicked Samael hopped down the stairs, hatred in its eyes. "Leave my Flutters alone, kid! Leave here now, and don't think of comin' back!" It said. Samael didn't have to be told again. He quickly rushed out of the house and ran down the dirt path until the cottage was no longer in sight. He slowed his pace, heaving as he did. He sat down in the dirt and opened his saddlebag. The napkin was ripped, but that didn't matter. The flowers from the Crystal Empire, however, were ruined. They had shattered completely!
No... My flowers... Her flowers...
Samael quietly and carefully picked up the shattered remains of the flowers and held them in his trembling hooves. They sparkled and shimmered in the afternoon light, but all Samael could think of was how awful things turned out to be. One minute he was having a nice conversation with a complete and utter stranger, something he'd never done before, and the next his dreams were obliterated completely, not unlike what were once roses that now were in his hooves. It was now, overcome with grief and sadness, that Samael cried. This wasn't the type of cry he usually had. This was not a silent whimper or a quick sob when he felt lonely. No, this was a cry of despair and anguish. He screamed aloud in pain at what he had done, and what he now cannot do. Never again will he be able to talk to Fluttershy. What will he tell Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily? What about Big Macintosh? Would they all make fun of him? Would they shun him? Then, there was Rarity. Samael had spent a large amount of money on the flowers he meticulously picked out just for her, and now they were like glitter. I can't possibly ask for more flowers from them... Now, Rarity will never know of my feelings, my love, my devotion I would give her.
"I'm a failure at life." He said aloud. "I'll never deserve anypony like her. I'm not worth it. My life has always been a bucking joke. A joke for everyone to laugh at..."
His anguish increased further, and his hooves could no longer hold the crystal shards, so he put them back in his saddlebag. His body violently shook, his sight was blurred, his head ached even more, and, saddest of all, his heart ached. Samael didn't care anymore. He didn't care about anything. Yet, at the same time, he cared about everything. He just wanted to sit there, on that quiet road between ponies he loved and a pony who may or may not hate him. He looked into the saddlebag one last time, but didn't close it, as he became mesmerized by the shards of crystal. Their reflection blinded him, and Samael was transported to a dark place in his mind. It is a place he rarely visits, but it is always there, haunting him.
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"Come on, son. Drink it. Take a sip. Real stallions drink it. You wanna be a real stallion, don't you?"
"It'll make ya feel good.... Like floating on a cloud like the pegasi..."
"Once ya start, ya won't stop.... It's the way to happiness, son, when everything else has gone to shit..."
"Stupid fillyfooling whore!!! Get outta my house, ya dumb cow!"
"What're ya crying for?! Ya gonna cry like her, ya sissy? Damn, stop cryin'! Just. Like. Her!"
"Quit bawling like a mare!...... She left cause she's a whore, that's why!...."
"I'm done with you and your bucking attitude, boy! You wanna be with your mommy? Then GO!!!"
"You're not even my son anymore!......NO! Hell, your bucking NAME'S gonna change!! Ya remember that griffon bitch? Yeah, the one that ran off with her? What was her name?! SAM, that was it it!"
"From now on.... Come on, get up, ya wuss!! It didn't hurt that much...."
"From now on.... YOU HEAR ME TALKIN'?"
"From now on, when somepony asks your name, you're gonna respond to SAMAEL, got it? Cause let's face it, you're too bucking weak to get a manly name like mine! You're too bucking effeminate! Crying all the time and locking yourself in your room! BUCK YOU!!!"
"How long ya gonna wallow in your self-pity, there, champ?"
"Hey! Did ya hear me talkin' guy?" Samael, still perplexed and mesmerized by the crystal shards, snapped slowly back to reality. A voice blended with that in his mind. The voice came from above him.
"So, uh, how long are ya gonna sit there and wallow in self-pity? Ya gonna answer or not? Heeellllllloooo???" The voice asked again. Samael looked up, and, wiping the tears from his eyes, saw a cyan, rainbow-maned pegasus looking down at him.
"Go away." Samael retorted.
The pegasus just giggled and said, "I'm afraid I can't do that. I'm not just gonna leave a pony who's obviously depressed about something and melodramatically grieving over it to wallow alone!"
Samael really didn't want any company right now. "Why bother?"
The pegasus sighed and lowered herself from the sky a bit, now hovering about five feet above Samael. "Well, because it seems to me you've got problems." Her once goofy expression turned into a stone-cold grimace. "Problems with one of my friends." She nodded her head in the direction of Fluttershy's cottage. "Besides, I was headed over to her house anyway for our weekly lunch together."
"Well isn't that just dandy." Samael quipped angrily.
The pegasus face-hoofed, then spoke again in a demanding tone. "Jeez, guy. Look, I kinda overheard you mumbling about somepony not lovin' ya, and though I don't know squat about relationships, I can't just leave somepony in emotional peril! Especially not a resident of Ponyville!"
Samael looked up, surprised. "How do you know me?"
"I don't. I've just seen you around a lot. Come to think of it, you're not very social, are you? I mean, I hardly see you with anypony, if at all! I mean, another thing is, it's kinda hard to miss a pony that looks as weird as you! No offense. I mean, it's not like everypony can look as awesome as me, right?"
Oh, this is rich. I trade the meek kind one for the obnoxious gloater who won't shut up or leave me alone. Yay for me.
The pegasus looked down at Samael. "Ahem." She cleared her throat loudly. "So, ya gonna tell me who this mare is that will never love you, or what?" Samael refused to answer. "I'm not leaving until you tell me." She landed on the ground. Samael still didn't answer. "Fine, I can play your little game." So she sat down and crossed her forehooves, staring into Samael's eyes.
"Why don't you go check on Fluttershy?" Samael asked, hoping to shake this annoyance off. "I'm sure she needs a shoulder to cry on."
The pegasus chuckled, smirking. "No thanks, she's got Angel, her pet. Besides, I think you're the one that needs a shoulder to cry on. The name's Rainbow Dash, by the way."
Not wishing to be rude or stoop down to Rainbow's level of cockiness, Samael said his name to her.
"Hmm. That is a pretty odd name for a pony. It fits ya, though. It's weird, kind of out of place, makes me think of-"
"SHUT UP!!!" Samael roared in Rainbow Dash's face. "LEAVE ME THE BUCK ALONE, WILL YOU???" He threw himself at Rainbow, knocking her on her back. Samael lifted a hoof up, ready to strike.
Rainbow Dash, with a mix of excitement and fear in her eyes, asked, "What's her name, Tough Guy?"
"RARITY!" He bellowed, rage blinding his judgement.
Rainbow was stunned. "Really?" Her eyes sparkled for a moment.
Samael raised his hoof higher. "Yes!" He hissed with quiet malice. "Yes, I love her, and my day has been ruined for reasons I cannot even begin to explain! I'm a mess, and I'll never get to express my love because I'm too afraid!"
Rainbow lifted her face so close to Samael's that their muzzles touched. "Afraid of what?"
"I'm afraid of being rejected, okay? I'm afraid of not having any friends, of being a total nopony! I can't face her because she might not like me, and I know she won't like me! That's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of being..." Samael lowered his hoof. "I'm afraid of being forgotten."
Rainbow grinned wide, and wriggled out from under Samael. "Well, you know what they say? You never know," she lifted herself in the air with her powerful wings, looking toward Ponyville. "until ya try!" She then flew off toward Ponyville.
Samael watched her leave, but then gasped as he realized the awful truth: She's flying off to tell Rarity about me!
In horror and complete bewilderment, Samael picked up his saddlebag and rushed toward Ponyville, but Rainbow Dash had a much larger head start. No, no, no!! This can't be happening! This has to be a dream! This must be a nightmare!
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There's the boutique! Samael thought as he stumbled toward Rarity's home. He was out of breath, coughing and sputtering, his fur drenched in sweat, eyes tired from the crying. Every step he took felt like a mile, his injuries hindering him severely. Maybe Rainbow forgot about it... Maybe I can still make it... All it will take is five steps. Come on, Samael! This is the point of no return!
Step.
Keep calm, Samael.
Step.
Maybe... Maybe there's still hope...
Step.
There's no turning back!
Step.
Whatever happens... Whatever happens... No matter what....
Step.
Just, reach out, and open the do-
Suddenly, the door to the the boutique opened, and what Samael saw chilled his blood. In front of him stood a female unicorn with a body whiter than snow. She wore a pair of red, jewel-encrusted, moon-rimmed glasses. Her deep blue eyes showed elegance and wisdom. Her body was perfect. The only thing not absolutely pristine was her curly, dark purple mane, which was ragged and slightly unkempt. She stared down at Samael's small, weak figure, and smiled warmly. To Samael, however, this warm smile was both the most beautiful and most horrifying thing he'd ever seen.
"Ah. You must be the pony my friend Rainbow spoke of. Welcome to the Carousel Boutique. My name is Rarity."