//------------------------------// // 3. Music and Sweets // Story: Dysphoria, Arc 2: Ponyville // by thedarkprep //------------------------------// 3. Music and Sweets The house that Lyra and Bon Bon shared was far less spacious on the inside than most would normally assume. The place itself was big enough, it being a two-story, two-bedroom house, making it one of the more spacious homes in Ponyville. That is, unless you counted Lyra’s stuff. The walls of the house were almost completely covered by the many bookshelves that crowded the apartment. Each bookshelf was packed to the brim with books on a variety of subjects ranging from history, philosophy, and mythology. Most ponies would not think it, but Lyra was an avid scholar of many things, often doing research on one subject or another, and while she had not read as many books as Twilight had, she could have given her a run for her bits. Still, the price of information was paid in living space, with each new book or archeological relic encroaching onto the already-populated home. For most this would make the house feel uncomfortably crowded or even claustrophobic, but Bon Bon did not mind at all. Bon Bon liked Lyra the best when she was excited about doing research. The way she worked, how much she loved the labor, the pure passion for knowledge and understanding: all of these were the treasures that made living with Lyra wonderful. The vast number of books, the papers scattered on the floor, and the occasional experimental “invention” all served as reminders. However, as Bon Bon sat on her couch that day, the room may as well have been empty for all the things she noticed. After all, she had a lot on her mind. When Bon Bon arrived earlier that day, she was in very high spirits. The sleepover had been fantastic and, despite the rough start to the day, she felt energized and ready to take on the world. As such, she decided that she would try out a new candy creation as soon as she got things back in order. Lyra headed upstairs while Bon Bon proceeded to dump the contents of her bag on the couch, taking care to put everything back to where it belonged. The process itself only took about 30 minutes, meaning that all that was left was for her to grab her notebook and head into the kitchen to work. She never got that far. Lying in front of her were not one, but two identical notebooks. She stared at them in confusion, and almost fear, as she tried to figure out where the second notebook had come from. With caution she lifted the older looking notebook on the left, opening it to check the inside covers. She allowed herself a sigh of relief. This was her book. Having tackled the first question (“which, if either, of the two is my book?”), she settled on the second question. “To whom does this second book belong?” Bon Bon asked herself. As she had done with her own book, she checked the inside covers, but noticed no identifying marks or signatures. She carefully glanced over the pages and noticed that only the first three pages had any writing in them at all. She closed the book. “Hm… This book is fairly new and has barely even been written in,” she mused. “Must be awful to lose something so new. And yet, without knowing who you belong to… How can I return you?” She stared at the book, evaluating her choices before taking a deep breath. “Only one way to try to figure it out,” she said, opening the book to the first page. She began to read. That had been hours ago. Now, Bon Bon sat in shock, not knowing what to think. On the one hoof she had figured out who the book belonged to, but on the other she had also figured out quite a lot more. “I can’t believe this,” she muttered to herself. “And I was sleeping right next to... We all were, hanging out all night, and that entire time…and none of us knew! A stallion in a room full of mares and none of us knew! None of us except…” She stared at the book bitterly. “none of us except Twilight.” Bon Bon took a few deep breaths trying to calm her anger, but she was not very successful. If she was honest with herself, Bon Bon was not completely sure why it bothered her so much, although she had a couple of good ideas. There was the fact that it was not natural. Colts and fillies were born colts and fillies and grew into stallions and mares respectively. There was no changing halfway through the process. There was also the fact that Twilight was indulging what seemed to Bon Bon like a mental perversion that should be treated. She did not blame Rose, or Script, or whoever it was for how it felt. The pony could not help itself; it had a problem. However, the problem had to be treated: not tolerated, not coddled, and certainly not rewarded. Lastly was the fact that aside from indulging this perversion, Twilight had put her and the rest of the girls at the sleepover in danger without their knowledge. A small part of her brain told her that maybe this should not bother her as much as it did, but the problem was that it did bother her. It bothered her very much. Suddenly, Lyra began to walk down the stairs. “Hey, look. I’ve been upstairs thinking for the last 30 minutes but I honestly cannot think of what it was I did. However, I am really sorry I did it and if you explain to me what I did wrong, I’ll make sure it never happens again.” “What?” asked a confused Bon Bon. “Well, you’ve been down here by yourself, sitting on that couch, staring a hole into that bookshelf. You usually only do that when I get you really mad and haven’t apologized, so that’s what I came to do. I’m sorry I made you mad and I’m sorry I don’t know what I did, but I promise to make it better.” Bon Bon stared in confusion, and then allowed a small laugh to escape her lips, despite her current mood. “Oh sweetie, it’s not that. I mean, I am mad, but not at you.” Lyra looked at her inquiringly. “Well, if not me… then who?” Lyra asked. Bon Bon thought about the question before answering. “Twilight… and Rose too I guess, for lying to us, and putting us in danger, and for playing this sick game they’re playing.” Where before had been intrigue, Lyra now sported outright confusion. “Ok, I’m obviously missing something,” she said. “What is it?” Bon Bon passed her the notebook. Lyra read it fairly quickly, but re-read it two more times to make sure she was not misinterpreting anything. Once she was done with that she looked up at Bon Bon. “Ok, I’m still missing it.” Bon Bon looked confused; then a thought struck her. “Oh right, you probably didn’t come across this in your readings, since yours are usually more academic and not really about psychology. Here, let me explain. Transponies are ponies who are born in one gender, but have a mental affliction that makes them believe they want to be the opposite gender.” Bon Bon looked at Lyra as she struggled to understand. “No, I know what transponies are; they’ve come up in some of my books. I’m just missing what the big deal is and why you want to go yell at Twilight and Rose is all.” Bon Bon stared in disbelief but recovered quickly and responded. “The problem is that the pony we were introduced to last night as ‘Rose’ at the all-mare sleepover was actually a stallion. Twilight is indulging his mental condition, and put us in danger in the process.” said Bon Bon, hoping that Lyra now understood. “How were we in danger?” Lyra asked. “Twilight let it sleep in the same room with us. It’s bad enough that Twilight is enabling its wants, we don’t know what it could’ve done to us.” replied Bon Bon. “But she didn’t do anything.” “But it could have. We know that it has a mental problem, we don’t know what others it might have.” Bon Bon thought understanding finally showed on Lyra’s face, and was thus surprised to hear her response. “I don’t think she has a problem.” “What? Of course he has a problem. He’s a stallion that wants to be a mare. It’s unnatural, it’s wrong.” Bon Bon said, almost pleading for Lyra to understand. “You’re sounding just like your parents did when we started dating.” This took Bon Bon aback. “No, this is different. What you and I have is a love between two ponies that doesn’t distinguish between genders. What he’s doing is trying to redefine what it means to be a mare, going against nature because something in his brain told him he’s a different gender. He needs help.” “See, I still don’t think there’s anything wrong with her.” “How can you not believe there’s something wrong with him? He thinks he was born into the wrong body; the freak thinks that is something that could happen and he’s convinced about it. How is that not wrong?” Bon Bon practically yelled that line in desperation. “Why does she not understand?” Bon Bon asked herself while staring at the cup of tea on her table. She could no longer see Lyra in her peripheral but as Bon Bon drank a sip of tea, she could tell there was some movement going on behind her. Something was off. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” Once again, Bon Bon was taken aback by the question. “This conversation isn’t about you sweetie,” replied Bon Bon. “Just answer it. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” There was a steely, barely concealed cry in her voice. Something was very off. “Of course not, I love you. Why would you even…” she stumbled on her words for a second as she registered the sight that greeted her when she turned around, understanding showing on Bon Bon’s face. “… say that?” Next to the stairs in front of her was Lyra, standing on two legs. “You know that’s not what I meant, Lyra,” stammered Bon Bon. “Yes, but it’s what you said.” “You’re different though,” said Bon Bon. “Really? ‘Cause you said that those who feel that they were born in the wrong body are freaks, that there is something wrong with them.” said Lyra, not bothering to cover up the hurt in her voice. “What does that make me, Bon Bon? You know this is not just some parlor trick I learnt to win points in truth or dare. You know my research of “mythology” and all the inventions I try are works towards the end goal of trying to rectify a mistake I feel nature made.” Tears were openly flowing from her eyes as she spoke. “I feel like nature made a mistake with me too! So what does that make me?” Bon Bon stared for a second, before moving closer and pulling Lyra into a tight hug, tears falling from her eyes as well. “It makes you my loving, wonderful, beautiful Lyra, a creature so breathtaking, that I can’t help but love you no matter what species you believe you are or end up being.” Bon Bon sobbed a little on her marefriend’s shoulder before continuing. “I’m sorry, Lyra, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You know that I think you’re the most amazing pony in all of Equestria… and if you ever become another species, then you’ll be the most perfect one of that species in all of Equestria too.” Lyra and Bon Bon cried into each other for a while longer before Lyra asked the next obvious question that came to her mind. “What makes me different to her?” Bon Bon thought about it for a hard while. “I don’t know.” Suddenly there was a knock at the door. Both Bon Bon and Lyra stared at the door for a minute, as if unsure of what the sound meant. “Who do you think it is?” asked Bon Bon. "Well, if this notebook is as important to Rose as your notebook is to you, I have a good idea of who it could be.” There was a knock again. “We should answer it,” Bon Bon said. “No,” replied Lyra, “You should answer it. I’m going upstairs, but you two have something you need to talk about.” She then headed upstairs. To say that Evening Rose was in a panic was an understatement. Currently, her house looked like a hurricane had hit it; every drawer was open and belongings were scattered all over every surface area available. The master bedroom was, for that matter, worse since that is where the majority of the searching had occurred, which had caused the hurricane-level destruction of all organization at the Rose household. Rose would have given up sooner had the notebook not had such sensitive information in it. However, after hours of searching, she had come up empty-hooved and was ready to give up, sensitive information leak or not. “I cannot believe I lost it,” said Rose. “I imagine this is what Bon Bon would feel if she had left her notebook behind at the library.” She stopped for a second. “No…” That is all she said before rushing out the door. Now she stood outside what Twilight assured her was Lyra’s and Bon Bon’s house. She had been nervous after her first knock yielded no response but, after her second knock, a very flushed Bon Bon opened the door. “Hey Bon Bon, listen, I may have accidentally given you my travelling notebook by mistake. If I could please have it back, I’ll be out of your way.” Rose smiled hopefully, trying to disguise the worry in her voice. Bon Bon only sighed. “Come in Rose, we need to talk.” The two mares sat on some cushions at opposite sides of a table. Bon Bon was doing her best to calm down and gather her thoughts, knowing that what she wanted to address was a touchy subject and it would need to be handled with tact. Rose was aware of her discomfort and decided to let her gaze wander around the house rather than remaining on the ponderous-looking mare. Rose was impressed by the sheer number of books the house contained. Neither Lyra nor Bon Bon had struck her as scholars, but whomever these books belonged to certainly was. The vast number of topics on physics, aerodynamics, mythology, history, and mechanics, to name a few, adorning the shelves pointed to an intellect capable of learning a bit of everything and classifying it in a way that made sense. “Not only classifying, but also applying the knowledge it seems,” Rose thought to herself, noticing what seemed to be a variety of mechanical contraptions and experimental prototypes. Rose didn’t understand what any of them were or what they were supposed to do, and that was intriguing enough to catch her attention. Or at least they would have been on any other today. However, as much as she wanted to know who owned which books, who made the prototypes, and what the prototypes did, such questions never came. Instead, worry reasserted itself, and she could not help but turn back to face her host. The room was enveloped in an uncomfortable silence. Bon Bon could not postpone the conversation any longer, and instead broke the stillness. “Here’s your notebook,” she said, handing Rose her book. “Oh thank you, I’m so glad I found it before…” “I read it,” said Bon Bon, cutting her off. Rose could feel the knot in her stomach tighten. “Oh,” was all she managed to say. And so, both mares sat in silence again, unsure of how to continue the conversation. Rose was doing her best to calm her heart rate and her breathing. After all, she had been found out by somepony else already and it had turned out ok. In fact, everypony who had found out about her had been nothing but accepting and supportive. Rose studied Bon Bon’s gaze, looking for any similarities between her expression and the understanding smile she had received from Vinyl Scratch. There were none, but the expression was familiar nonetheless. She had last seen it in Canterlot. Cautiously she spoke. “I take it you don’t approve,” she said. Bon Bon looked at her, restraining her thoughts. “No, I do not.” Bon Bon said, narrowing her eyes. Again the two sat in silence, both wanting to say more but being unsure of what to say. Again, Rose took the lead. “So, what are you going to do now?” Rose braced herself for the answer. Bon Bon did not strike Rose as a violent pony, and even if she was Rose was sure she could evade her. No, what worried Rose was how Bon Bon could damage her life rather than her body. They were not exactly close friends, having just met at the sleepover, and therefore, if Bon Bon wanted to spread the news, try to have her committed for examination, or anything else, there was little Rose could do to stop her. “I don’t know,” said Bon Bon. Her posture dropped, suddenly looking (and feeling) more tired than she had ever felt in her life. “I really don’t know.” Rose was surprised by her reaction, but did not voice her confusion, allowing Bon Bon to continue. “A few minutes ago I wanted nothing more than to yell at you and Twilight over this. You were in a room full of mares at a mare-only sleepover and none of us knew.” Bon Bon’s voice faltered for a second but then recovered. “You and Twilight knew though, and lied about it. I wanted to yell at both of you, for keeping this from everypony, for indulging…THIS,” she yelled, gesturing at Rose. Rose simply stared as Bon Bon continued. “But I can’t yell at you…” she said, eyes downcast. “It’s not your fault if you feel the way you do, and you aren’t doing it for anything bad… Twilight was just being a good friend to you. I can’t fault either of you for that.” She took a deep breath. “I still don’t approve, though. I think it’s unnatural, I think it’s wrong.” She stared at Rose with a cold glare. “You need help.” She let her gaze stand for a second before allowing it to drop. “And yet, it’s really not my place is it? To approve or disapprove,” she said. “If you think you’re a mare, then I have no authority to tell you that you aren’t. I can’t tell you what you feel isn’t real, or isn’t right… No matter how much I disapprove of it.” She absentmindedly stared at the staircase as she continued. “You’re also not the only one with secrets or quirks. Not by far. And in my experience, those quirks can be the most wonderful thing about a pony. It often is what makes them shine, and those quirks are as much a part of them as anything else about them. It often is who they are.” There was a pause, allowing Rose to speak without interrupting. “So what does this mean?” Rose asked. Again, Bon Bon measured her words before answering. “It means that I won’t tell anypony your secret. It means that I won’t report you, or yell at you, or do anything against you.” This calmed Rose a bit. Bon Bon continued. “I haven’t known you for long, but all I know about you is that you’re a good pony who has not done anything to deserve being ostracized. I don’t approve of your choice, and I don’t think I ever will. But I can at least promise that I won’t judge you for how you live your life.” “There’s a lot that I’m not sure of still, and a lot I disagree with. But I still want to be your friend.” As Bon Bon finished speaking, Rose could not help but smile. “I’d like that Bon Bon. Thank you.” The conversation that followed was a lot more relaxed, with each of the mares talking about their plans for the week before agreeing to meet for lunch two days from then. After saying their goodbyes, Rose left. Bon Bon came back inside and closed the door, sitting on the couch while thinking of her conversation. She felt good about herself but was also confused, going over the conversation she had just had. She was so lost in thought that she did not notice Lyra had come downstairs until she wrapped Bon Bon in a gentle hug. “You were listening?” asked Bon Bon. “Every word.” “Did I do things right, Lyra?” Lyra smiled softly before responding. “You did fine, Bon Bon. I’m extremely proud of you.” Lyra nuzzled Bon Bon’s neck, both enjoying the warm embrace, and quietly hoping that the moment would never have to end.