"I'll get you next time, Captain Planet!" Dinky shouted, throwing her dolly across the room before making the blue pony doll (in a red latex outfit), heroically 'fly' across her room.
"Hello there, Sweetie," a chocolate colored mare with bushy brown hair said as she entered the filly’s bedroom. "My name is River Song. I am looking for the Doctor."
"...mama!" Dinky called out.
"Yes muffin?" Derpy asked, trotting into the room. "Who are-"
"Oh, hello... I am the Doctor's wife." River held out her hoof, a pleasant smile on her face.
Derpy promptly head butted her.
"Get her mama!" Dinky screamed in glee bouncing around the room. Derpy grabbed a chair and began to strike River over and over, eyes blazing with fury. The time-traveling mare tried to crawl away, but Derpy responded by kicking her in the stomach so hard she was coughing up bits of her ribs. Dinky tossed her mother a baseball bat, which the angry mailmare used to shatter River's shoulder blades.
"Why?" River whimpered, looking up at her assailant with swollen eyes.
Derpy leaned in close. "Because the Doctor is mine," Derpy said sweetly before snapping the mare's neck.
“Derpy, is everything ok in there?” The Doctor called out.
“…muffins!” Derpy said quickly.
“Right right, carry on.”
Derpy nodded, looking at the body of her, for a few moments at least, rival. "Dinky, go get mama's shovel... we'll bury her next to that 'Rose' mare that came by 3 weeks ago."
“YAY!” Dinky squealed.
The God Squad
Episode 32: Cultural References in a Cultured World
Cadence sobbed, stroking the mane of one of the barbershop quartet members that had been following the group around. "I'm so sorry, but Mr. Hones said you can't follow us around anymore... I have to put you down." The pink alciorn sniffed sadly. "Shining, my shot gun..."
"Uh, I really don't think you need to shoot us!"
"I can't risk you biting anygriff and giving them rabies." Cadence was crying even harder, though she still managed to load her weapon.
"Listen, I am sure there is a way we can-" One of the members cried out as Cadence cocked the gun. "AAAAA!!!"
"I'll always love you!" Cadence cried out, tears running down her checks as she shot at the fleeing singers.
"So... that happened," Luna stated as she watched the stallions flee. "What now?"
"We must examine every place Hairy went to, to see if there are any clues." Sheerclaw pulled out a magnifying glass and began to look at the lampposts and the bus benches. All of the group members groaned; they had been examining all of Leodon for the last two hours, looking for clues, only to end up with nothing to show for their efforts. "There must be some clue... some feathers in a gutter or a smudge of ink on a door knob..."
Celestia shrugged. "Or Fuzzy could cast a tracking spell that would lead us to Hairy."
The others just stared at the sun princess, startled by the genius of that idea.
The white alicorn smirked. "I came up with that idea 2 hours ago, but figured that if I waited you'd give us a free guided tour of Leodon." Luna flashed her a sour look and the older alicorn smirked. "What?"
Fuzzy shifted uneasily, blushing over the fact that he hadn't come up with that idea sooner. "Right... well then... I guess there is nothing to it then... IND-FAY AIRY-HAY!" He waved his wand about and suddenly a pink little ball of light appeared before them, a pair of wings on its back. he buzzed around them, checking each of them out (and barely missing Tydal's snapping teeth). "There... this little creature will help us find our missing chick."
"Wow... that is so cool!" Luna said, looking at the little ball of light. "Why didn't you use it all the time?"
"HEY LISTEN!" The ball cried out, only to go silent.
"That's why," Fuzzy said in annoyance.
"HELLO!" The magical creature shouted, causing all of the group to flatten their ears against the sides of their heads. "HELLO! LISTEN!"
"... permission granted," Shining stated simply.
Tydal leapt at the little ball, but it darted away and began to flutter down the street. "HEY! HEY! HELLO! LISTEN!"
"Kill, Tydal, kill it!" Cadence whined. Normally she had no problem with cute things but the little fluttering ball was getting on her nerves (also, she liked being the smallest and cutest thing around with wings and the ball was stealing her bit).
Hones' beak clicked in annoyance. "Right... come along then, let us follow this lead."
"Then you can murder it," Luna told Tydal as the squad and their companions chased after the orb.
~MC~MC~MC~
In an abandoned dentist office (because lets face it, no one in Griffland was going to be visiting a dentist any time soon)...
"Wakey wakey," a griffin in black robes and a white mask said, smacking Hairy. The young griff blinked in confusion, trying to figure out were he was and what was going on. "That's a good chap!"
"Blimey, I don't feel..." he looked at the robed griff and paled. "Bloody hell, please don't tell me we shagged."
"Wot?" the robed griff exclaimed. "Of course we didn't! You are a prisoner of the dark Lord Moldy Wart!"
"Thank the Great Griffin," Hairy said in relief. "Now then, you should know that-"
The robed griff cut him off. "Wait... do you have a problem with me?"
"Well, you did kidnap me."
"No, I don't mean that... I mean why are you so relieved that we didn't shag?"
Hairy stared at the older griff in confusion. "Well... because I'm not gay."
"I'm not either but that doesn't mean you have to be so offensive!"
Hairy's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"You really hurt my feelings, acting like I am such a bad catch!" The griff in the black robes crossed his forelegs over his chest and huffed. "No sense of respect at all, that is for sure."
"You... kidnapped me," Hairy said slowly, as if he were talking to a child or a very stupid adult.
"Yeah, but I don't call ya funny names or insult your looks."
"No, you just kidnapped me."
"Know you're just being obtuse!" the dark griffin complained. "Other than that one thing I have treated you with respect. You don't see me insulting that scar on your head and calling you Scarry McScrarington. You... you are just mean!"
Another robed griffin emerged from the shadows, her talons clicking against the cement floor. "Weak Whimperer, why don't you go outside and take a breather, ok?"
"Fine," Weak said, sticking his tongue out at Hairy before hurrying away.
The female griff sighed in annoyance. " Sorry about that... he is going through some things-"
"Well, I am sure, but-"
"It's sad really... he caught his wife in bed with another griffin and it has really thrown him for a loop. He didn't have the greatest sense of self respect in the first place and now this..."
"Yeah, but still, you'd think he would understand that he kidnapped me..."
The female griff sighed in annoyance. "Well, he also happens to be very, very stupid."
"I can tell."
"They have no sense of how these things are done... the old ways have been lost," the female griffin complained, taking out a file and setting to work on her nails.
Hairy shook his head. "A shame, really."
"Yes," the female griff said. "So... you want to take it from the top? Start this over the right way?"
"Sure." Hairy cleared his throat. "You'll never get away with this, you scum!"
The female griffin laughed. "You would be wrong about that, Grabber! We Death Lickers have been waiting years for this moment, when we would fulfill the prophecy and destroy you to ensure that our master, the great Moldy Warts, will ascend to...uh..."
"What?" Hairy asked.
"... I'm not quite sure what his goal is, but it is going to be something big, so I suggest you be ready for it."
"Right, right," Hairy commented. "Now then... this is the part where I am rescued-"
The ground in front of them burst open and Luna poked her head out. She pulled out a map and began to inspect it, rubbing her hoof against her chin. "I knew we should have taken that left turn at... wait, we are in the right place... huh."
"Luna, could you please hurry up?" Celestia called out from under the floor.
"Why?"
"Because you are standing on our heads!" Hones complained.
"Oh... right." Luna leapt out of the hole, followed quickly by the rest of the squad, Fuzzy, Watcher and Hones.
"HEY! LISTEN!" the flying ball of light screeched. "HELLO! HE-"
CHOMP!
"Nicely done," Shining said as Tydal licked his lips.
Fuzzy took a step forward, pulling out his wand and gesturing it at the Death Licker. "You will pay for kidnapping Hairy Grabber! You had best prepare-"
"-FOR TROUBLE!" Luna declared dramaticly.
"Yes, that's- wait, what?" Fuzzy turned, only to realize that Luna and Tydal had done a quick costume change and were now wearing matching white uniforms with a stylized G on them. Celestia was holding her head in embarrassment while Shining just rolled his eyes. "What are you-"
"MAKE IT DOUBLE!" Tydal declared as Luna used her magic to turn on some dramatic music.
"To protect the world from devastation!" Luna proclaimed.
"To unite all creatures within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of pigeons and doves!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Luna!"
"Tydal!"
"God Squad blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"
"Cadence! Cadence!" the pink alicorn cheered, joining the three.
Celestia turned to Hones and just sighed. "I am pretty sure those two were adopted."
The female griff Death Licker merely pulled out her own wand, firing a blast at the rescuers, forcing them to scatter. "You think your little song and dance will scare me?"
"We were hoping you would be so impressed your tell us we were going on to the nex round," Luna stated.
"... what next round?"
Luna grinned. "Well, if we performed well enough, then you don't give us a red X and-"
Fuzzy, surprising many who looked at him and saw only a feeble old griff, did a twist in midair and landed in between Hairy and the Death Licker, firing off his own blast of magic. Summoned by the noise, 20 more Death Lickers burst into the dentist's office and began to engage the group in battle.
"I am surprised you came here... I'd have thought you'd be afraid to face me, old bird!" the female griff stated.
"Why would I be afraid of you?" Fuzzy asked.
The Death Licker laughed. "No one ever told you what happened to your granddaughter."
Fuzzy's brow furrowed. "What do you mean... she is in Cloudsdale as a foreign exchange student."
"No," the griff stated, pulling off her mask. "I... am your granddaughter."
"Gilda!" Fuzzy shouted in surprise.
"Gilda!" Hairy said in shock.
"... I don't know who that is," Celestia said in confusion.
Jaunty Watcher groaned. "All these pop culture references are giving me a belly ache."