//------------------------------// // It won't last long, right? // Story: Il Diario della Luna - Journal of the Moon // by EOW //------------------------------// I couldn't tolerate that affront, nopony liked my beautiful nights. I tried to rebel, believing to be right, but lost the battle. I betrayed my sister, my dear sister Celestia and I refused to let the Moon set. She... She only defended herself and she did the only thing she could do. Now I'm on the Moon. Alone. Day 1 I've been punished for how I acted. At the end I deserved it... I was so blinded by envy that I couldn't control myself. I'm really sorry big sister... Day 2 I have no idea how long this imprisonment will last, I hope not much. In the last hours I haven't done nothing, I stayed sat over a rock weeping until it was completely wet. How many hours I have been like that? It's difficult to keep track of time without a clock or a reference, I tried to guess but the only way seems to observe the movement of our planet. Oh, if only I had the strenght to do it... +++ I stood up and began to walk in circles, trying to dispel the thoughts that were slowly crowding in my mind. They pulses and wiggles, alternating chaotically and showing me various moments of my and my sister's life, until the moment envy took over. Those memories are giving me so much pain, physically and psychologically. I would like to get rid of them, I would put an end to all these regrets. I'm so sorry ... Day 3 Destiny is so ironic to me. The Darkness that led me to the betrayal disappeared at the same time I arrived here. I wish I had a way to communicate with Celestia and tell her that I am healed, I would... Yeah, I would but I can't... I have to pay for this punishment for not having been able to control my frustration. +++ Today I was able to look at the Earth. A wonderful and charming sight, one that you'll never forget for the rest of your life, one that will be impressed with fire in your eyes until you breathe. A view as beautiful as bitter. At least for me. I couldn't resist. After less than five minutes that I watched I felt the need to turn away from it. I cried again. Day 4 I'm cold, so, so cold, but this is the last of my problems. I accepted the fact that I'm going to stay here for long time and I started to look around to get an idea of the place around me. I wish I hadn't done it. I realized I was alone and my real enemy wasn't Cold up here. It was Nothing. The total Void around me. There is no noise, no shouts of joy, no wind among the rocks, nopony. Only gray rocks from here to the horizon. I wish I could have somepony to talk to, something to do, or at least something of any kind. The Boredom, the Loneliness ... Here's what I have. +++ I moved the lunar dust in front of me and I've formed many small heaps and shaped them that they might be perfectly conical, smoothing them with my hoof until I was satisfied. I watched them for a while like an artist with his works, then I destroyed them and started again. It's a silly thing, but it helps me pass the time. I feel I'll go mad if this thing goes longer, I hope this imprisonment doesn't last long, I don't know how much I can resist. Survive this silence is very difficult, the only sound that accompanies me is my heartbeat, always equal to itself, monotonous and redundant. Tu-Tum. Tu-Tum. Tu-Tum. Day 7 After a hard week, I finally overcome the phase "remorses and guilty feelings". I tried to bring to mind the happy and joyful moments, hoping that they’ll come soon to take me back to Earth. I just have to wait. It won’t last long, I'm sure. +++ I heard a voice. The sounds have changed. My heart, slow and rhythmic, has become rapid and unpredictable. I think it’s due to the emotion of hearing a voice other than my own, or at least... I could not define it, it was a voice. I can’t remember even if it was male or female. I just hope it wasn’t my imagination. Day 15 I took a breath of fresh air and exhaled, enjoying the view. I decided to live this experience as a long lasting holiday, so I walked a long time looking for the highest mountain and I went to it’s top. The horizon widened so much, revealing a world all gray, but various and all to be discovered. The only missing thing was someone to share this moment with. I haven’t heard that voice anymore. + + + The biggest problem is to pass the time, there is not much to do besides exploring, today I visited the whole mountain and found a cave with inside lots of beautiful stalactites. Gray. When I came out the Earth was in front of me, in all its beauty. It was bright, reflecting sunlight. I wondered how Celestia was doing without me, now she must raise both the Sun and the Moon. Celestia... That brief thought was enough to make me waver. I kept out remorse for a whole week, I thought I could make it to the end but that moment had been enough to shake me completely. I cried again. Will never stop those tears? Day 21 No one has returned. Strangely I need to get back the place where I landed. Why? Dunno, maybe because I need a place to call "home" even if I'm alone here and the entire moon is my home. The only thing I know is that my heart tells me to go back there every time after each walk. Oh, by the way, it continued to speak through rhythmical tu-tum. + + + It hasn’t been difficult to go back there, it was enough to follow my steps backwards. Here on the moon, there is neither wind nor rain, no clouds, and there are no pegasi to check them, so nothing can erase your hoofprints. I recognized the rock on which I stopped crying on the first day and I decided to build upon it a small house. The material isn’t missing and I have the magic to do it. To work! Day 28 I finished building the house. It took me so long to let her standing up by herself, without cement or similar adesive it would have been impossibile. I cannot use magic forever! It’s not a big house, just four walls and a roof, a bed made of softened stones by magic where to sleep, but as soon as I went inside my heart has warmed. Tu-tum. + + + Why? I wonder and say: WHY!? Because every time I notice something odd I see reflected a warning to my envy? Here on the Moon is always night, every hour. There is no atmosphere, so the sky does not turns blue at the passage of the sun. What a mocking thing. I struggled so much to bring eternal night, and now here I am, in the eternal night of the Moon, punished for my betrayal. The night is beautiful, the stars shining but... I have nopony to share it with ... + + + THE MYSTERIOUS VOICE! I heard it again! This time it lasted longer, I did not understand what she said, but this time I'm sure it was a female voice. I can’t remember how it was, it seems that my brain erases it immediately after that I heard it Day 46 It 's been a month and a half since I came here. The tour of the satellite goes well, today I came back from exploring an underground cave. Go down was the most difficult thing I've ever experienced in recent times, I have to thank my wings if I managed to get to the bottom. I thought I would stay down there forever when the soil has crumbled beneath my hooves and made me fall for several feet before I could stabilize on flight. Luckily the exit wasn’t blocked, or I couldn't have gone back to my house. But ... The spectacle that I saw down there will remain forever one of the most memorable moments of my life. Of the crystals, of many colors glowed under the light of my horn, creating a rainbow of colors dancing throughout the cave. Something wonderful, that I stayed to look at for hours. Something I had not seen in a long time. Something different from the usual gray of the Moon. + + + I miss that color. I came home for just two hours and already want to go back in there again to see the show of lights. Cursed be the moment when I saw it. Now how can I stand here in the gray without rethinking that symphony warm and engaging? To hell these rocks, I'm going back in there, I think I'll make it my new home! Day 51 I stayed down there five whole days. Or at least, I think it was five days, I have not counted the time, I was too busy watching. I've tried different combinations of light, I moved throughout the cave, experimenting with new shows and I acted as a director of the orchestra. An orchestra driven by the beautiful lights of the crystals and the echo of my hoofsteps, echoing suavely. I examined individually each crystal, I touched, smelled and tasted them. I also heard the tinkling produced by some when I tapped them, trying various places and changing the power of my touch. Ah, how many songs and how many different works! I did not give the title to any of these and I do not think I will, they would all be entitled "experiments with the heart" or something like that. When I finally learned the shape, sound, smell and taste of each crystal I closed my eyes and layed down, exhausted but happy, then I slept I do not know how much. Day 52 The last two days can be summarized as follows. I played the orchestra, I rested. I played the orchestra, I told myself that I should go home. I played the orchestra, then I listened to the beat of my heart. Tu-tum. He tells me that I must return to my home, my real home. Oh my, not the palace of Canterlot, there I can’t... My heart tells me that I have to go back to that comfortable bed of soft stones and rest properly. In fact I was so taken by the orchestra of lights and sounds that I forgot to make me a good bed, so now I have a sore back. I’ll go home. + + + As soon as I got out I covered my eyes. Not because there was so much light, it really was not brighter than the crystal cave. But the gray, it’s candid reflection in my eyes dazzled me. I really lived here the last two months? In this gray? + + + I’m torn between going back in there and get back to my hut. I opted for the latter, because I feel that if I stay in there my sanity will suffer heavily. If I get mad… when Celestia will come here to get me back she won’t resume me with her, eh! Day 79 I chipped a stone and gave it the shape of a pen. With it I started drawing on the dust, after having it first accurately leveled and made suitable for the purpose. I spent hours and hours moving the improvised pencil, drawing everything that was going through my mind. I filled an entire mountain of sketches of art and, not content, I signed them all. Never be that they come to check and seeing these drawings, they think "one with a similar sense of art deserves amnesty." I'm glad because theres a new sound to accompany the Tu-tum of my heart and the clop-clop of my hooves, the Scrib-Scrib of my pen, pencil, brush or whatever the hell it is. I only know it does Scrib-Scrib, so she told me. Day 91 Three months that seemed like an eternity. I sit on the roof of the house and looked at the earth. Now they’ll come, I'm sure. “Three months will be sufficient", will be telling my sister. While I’m thinking this, I heard again the Voice. She calls me. This time, I can understand her words. She says that today isn’t the day in which they’re going to take me back and rather I should prepare to bring eternal night when I’ll get back on earth. But what you want to know? You're just a voice coming from somewhere. Do not turn over the hoof in the wound, it’s because I wanted that damn endless night that I'm here. Alone. Alone with Tu-tum, Clop-clop and Scrib-Scrib. Voice, I have to raise you from my companions, You bring me to mind unpleasant memories you know? Do you like it if I make irony on your dead cat? Behold, be quiet and do not dare to do spirit. Ah! As if once there I would repeat the same mistake! She replies that I should rather be angry with Celestia for being punished and expelled. In short, she kicked her own sister for one stupid fight! I reply explaining that I asked for it. + + + Oh, my god, what I'm doing? I'm talking to myself? The voice I hear is clearly mine... at least I think. Or not? What do I believe? Day 92 On the roof of the house. Are they coming or not? Day 93 On the roof of the house. Are they coming or not? Day 94 On the roof of the house. Hello, Celestia? I'm here, I'm waiting. Day 95 On the roof of the house. S.O.S. dispersed, They haven’t found me. I'm here, damn it, don’t you see me? I'm sorry! Day 96 I get off the roof of the house. Seh, good night. And after five days finally find the peace to sleep. Before, I was too busy watching the sky face up hoping to see somepony arrive. Instead... At least Tu-tum didn’t stop doing tu-tum, and Clop-clop has been quiet for the whole time I was up there on the roof. Scrib-Scrib I don’t hear him for a while, maybe tomorrow I will make some drawings and I'll ask him what has happened while I was waiting in vain.