Thirty Minute Ponies

by Arcainum


Episode 26 - Java Joy Something To Do With Mazinkaiser

Prompt #247: Write a story featuring one (or more) of the following original characters. Everything but the name is up to you, including race, gender, appearance, cutie mark, and personality. Feel free to include any other original or canon characters alongside them.

OC #1: Wishing Star

OC #2: Java Joy

OC #3: Rock Solid

“You still thirsty for punishment?! Try a smackaccino!

Java Joy’s hoof impacted with the Gribbly’s face with a slap like a wet mattress hitting gravel, and the barely-equine blob crumpled to the ground. Around her, more of the grey foes flolloped into battle from the edges of the town square..

“Tch, you guys don’t know when to give up. Solid! How’s it going over there?!”

Her call rang out over the gobbling cries of the Gribblies, and the massive form of Rock Solid, three ponies high if he was an inch and twice as thick, rumbled in response.

“Doin’ okay, Java. Just gotta…” He swung a foreleg ponderously and hurled full twenty Gribblies across the plaza, their amorphous forms splattering against the walls of Sugarcube Corner. “Just gotta squish some more squishies.”

Java nodded with satisfaction, even as two Gribblies pincered her. With a flick of her wings she tossed two cups of searing brown liquid into the faces of the globbling blobs, and winced as they melted into nothing. They felt no pain, being only mindless servants of their nemesis, but sometimes she still felt the burn as they died.

Her moment of compassion betrayed her, and a group she hadn’t been expecting leapt on her from behind. Crushed under the heaving mass of wobbling black fleshstuff, she fell to the ground, the Gribblies pawing at her mouth and limbs in an effort to smother or break her. The pressure made her gasp for breath.

“Gah… it’s like a cafetière, and I’m the beans! Wish! Help!

Above her, meditating on the roof of the Town Hall, sat Wishing Star, who looked down in horror at Java’s predicament.

“Joy! Are you okay?!”

Java gritted her teeth. Wish, it seemed was having one of those days.

“Yes, Wish, I am fine. The mass of Gribblies… crushing my lungs is something… I was looking forward to!”

Gathering herself, Wishing Star placed her front hooves together, muttering to herself. Java groaned in a combination of pain and exasperation. The Gribblies were still piled atop her, but luckily their nemesis had neglected to give them anything along the lines of, say, a coherent physical form.

“Please, do something this time!”

Wish opened her eyes, breaking free of her trance, and scowled.

“I’m wishing you free. That’s what I do.

Java headbutted the ground.

“Aaaargh!” Giving up on her friend, whose wishes were fabled in story and song for being selfless, poetic, and entirely useless, she rolled with all her strength to the side and tossed a few of the Gribblies off. Reaching into her pack, she desperately pulled free a sachet of her deadliest creation, ripping the seal free with her teeth and catching a short, glorious whiff of the volatile beans within.

“I think it’s time… for a shot of deathspresso!

She heaved with all her might, pushing the last Gribblies away from her with her hind legs even as she tossed the packet with her mouth. Using the momentum to roll away, she felt rather than heard the explosion, a deep rumble of power that cracked the earth beneath her. Over the ringing in her ears, she could faintly hear Wish’s indignant cries.

“Well if you’re going to go that far, what’s the point?!”

Java simply lay there for a moment, breathing deeply. Solid was having no trouble, and her last count put the group she had just exploded as the last she needed to deal with. It looked like Ponyville was safe for another day.

“HO HO HO! YOU HAVE DEFEATED MY MINIONS ONCE AGAIN IT SEEMS.”

Java leapt to her feet.

“It can’t be!”

A vast pillar of blackness erupted from beneath the Town Hall, throwing Wishing Star to the ground and almost unbalancing Rock Solid’s mighty form. The three heroes stood side by side, staring up at the coalescing darkness before them. Within moments, their nemesis had taken full form. Once more they took in the top hat ringed with white, cups carved from the bones of ponies dangling from its brim, the monocle that at any moment could Enervate a Gribbly with bitter strength, and the eyes gleaming with the fires of a thousand kettles. Java Joy stepped forward, snarling.

“Earl Grave.”

“YES, FOOLISH BEAN BRIGADE. YOUR NEMESIS IS RETURNED, AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME DROWNING THE LAND IN A SEA OF SIMMERED SIN!”

And then they said “OH YEAH?!” and summoned a robot and there was a huge fight and they nearly lost but they won in the end and there were coffee and tea puns EVERYWHERE and it was brilliant but I only have thirty minutes.

THE END.