You all stand in the bathroom. You feel several different sets of eyes all on your soaking wet, only slightly covered by a shower curtain, being hugged from behind by Twilight Sparkle, human body.
“What?!”
“WHAT?!”
*Water falls for a few seconds*
“PERVERT!!!” Lyra shrieks, pointing an accusing hoof in your direction.
“ME?!” You shout. “I was just-”
“Not you!” Lyra yells, pointing at Twilight. ”HER! She teleported into your shower! ONTO OUR STALLION!”
“Our stal-” You start to yell.
“I needed to do this!” Twilight says, instinctively squeezing you tighter. “I- I... AHHH!” Twilight Sparkle screams, suddenly noticing the very... intimate nature of your embrace. She quickly lets go and hops up onto the rim of the tub. “Ah-Ah-A-Accident! It was an accident!” Twilight stutters out. “I-I didn’t know he’d be in the shower!”
“Righhhht...” Colgate sarcastically says from the doorway. “That’s what every mare says...”
“N-No!” Twilight stutters, now blushing so hard that she was more red than purple. “I-I was just tracking his-”
Lyra interrupts by poking a accusing hoof in Twilight’s face. “I KNEW IT!” Lyra practically screams. “You’ve been STALKING HIM. Ever since he just arrived in Ponyville!”
“wuh-Well... that is true...” Twilight sputters. “But it was for a-”
“GUYS!” You shriek out. “Still naked!”
“and loving it..” You hear somepony mutter.
Twilight Sparkle, now perching somehow on the edge of the tub... Shakes her head, calmly uses her magic to hand you your clothes, and turns off the running water. Gathering her wits she turns back to the group, now expectantly waiting to hear what Twilight has to say.
“I... am... not... a PERVERT!!!”
You hear a faint whistle far off somewhere, but shake your head and ignore it. Priorities man.
“Yes. You. ARE!” Lyra says walking over and punctuating each word by poking Twlight Sparkle in the chest. “You stalked him here, then teleported into his bathroom right when he was most vulnerable! PERVERT!”
“No!! I!”
“PERVERT!”
“NO!”
“PERRRRVERRRT!”
The whistling suddenly turns into a full on shriek and then,
*KABOOOOOM*
Bits of wall fly everywhere, as you and the mares all instinctively shy away from the mini-explosion.
“Where! Where is that PERVERT!?” Rainbow Dash just arrived. She turns on you, both blushing and yelling. “How DARE you! I’m gonna pound you into... INTO... INTO SOMETHING VERY PAINFUL!”
“No you aren't!” Twilight interrupts. “He’s going to come with me!”
“For what!” Lyra yells. “For him to be your own PERSONAL STALLION?”
“NO!” Twilight angrily blushing yells, “I was just doing this for Equestria! For EQUESTRIA!”
“Well I’m doing THIS for AMERICA!” Lyra yells, tackling your naked body, grabbing hold tightly, and suddenly enveloping you in magic. [RED ALERT] "AMERICAAAA!!!"
*VATHUMP* [RED ALERT] *kra-CAOW*
...
…
You open your eyes slowly, slightly dizzy from whatever spell was just used on you. You feel like you are resting on cotton balls. But... they’re really smooth. Are you on clouds? Huh?
You carefully look down and... of course. Lyra is still holding tight to you. She looks up and says while smiling, “Gotta keep my America warm!”
“Ok. Pants. Lyra. I need...” You pause to take a calming breath. *whew* “To put on my pants.” You say trying to gently pry Lyra off of you.
“WAIT!” Lyra cries out. “I don’t know how to cloud walk! You’ll just have to carry me.” Lyra says, smiling and snuggling into you even tighter.
“Lyra, it’s cold. I’m naked. You are hugging me, and I know you just cast a cloud-walking spell on me.”
“Whaaat?” Lyra says playfully nuzzling her head against your shoulder. “How could you know that!?”
“Well...” You say, “I can’t walk on clouds. Plus I felt a spell being cast on me.”
“Awww...” Lyra says sticking her lower lip out and pouting. “Fine... spoilsport.” She casts the spell on her hooves and lets go reluctantly
.
…
“Lyraaaa...” You mutter.
“What?” She cheerfully answers.
“Turn around and close your eyes.” You say, gesturing her to turn around. “and cover them too!”
“Fine...” Lyra mutters, turning around.
You quickly put on your underwear and pants, and tug your shirt and hoodie down over your head. You look around at the... cloud that you’ve been standing on and realize its actually not a cloud. It’s a house! With chairs, couch, kitchen, and a... cocktail bar?
That’s... odd.
You turn back to Lyra who is staring right at you. Has she been watching the.... Meh. Forget it.
“Lyra?” You say, “I need to know two things. 1. How did Twilight find me, and 2. Where are we?”
Lyra tapps her hoof against her mouth contemplatively. "Hmm... Well. Honestly I don't know how she found you! Spell resonance maybe? Maybe the stallion tracker?"
"Stallion tracker?"
"Oh yeah!" Lyra said, waving her hoof dismissively. "It's one of the easiest ways to find single stallions! Tricky spell though. The weaving is extremely-"
"Wait. So here in Equestria any Unicorn can track, find, and teleport to the nearest single stallion!" You interrupt, growing increasingly nervous. "That's crazy!"
"No. It's practical!" Lyra insists. "Do you have any idea how HARD it is to find a single SINGLE stallion!" Lyra stomps right up to you. "It's almost impossible! So that's why-"
"OK! Ok... I'm sorry." You interrupt. "But doesn't that mean that Twilight can just find me again?"
Lyra pauses, then calmly says, "I don't think so... At least not for a while. That spell takes a lot of time to cast, and it just randomly picks a stallion. So Twilight probably has to work through a few stallions first. At least.. that’s what I’d do!”
Silence reigns for a few seconds.
Awkward...
*Ahem* “So.... “ You say. “What’s keeping Twilight from finding me again?”
“Well” Lyra says, “Probably nothing!”
“So. Wait. What’s keeping Twilight from kidnapping me again!” You nervously say.
“Just those poor stallions that get in her way!” Lyra happily says while happily trotting around the cloud house.
“So who is going to keep me SAFE!” You nervously yell.
“I am.” Said a voice from the doorway.
You turn to the door, and see a pegasus, outlined with shimmering light. Gorgeous blonde locks of hair flowing gently in the wind and her wings beat in perfect rhythm. An air of supreme confidence radiating off her. She lands, and majestically walks toward you.
“Who... who-who?” You gasp out in amazement, stuttering with shock.
“Oh my...” The blonde pegasus seductively says, quickly walking right up to you. “Something in your mouth? Oh wait. That’s me.”
She quickly hops forward and kisses you.
Your hands bicycle frantically as Lyra shrieks,
“CLOUD KICCCKERRRRR!!!!”
Oh... Horseapples.