//------------------------------// // Discord's Friend // Story: The Madgod's Freedom // by _No_One_Remains_ //------------------------------// Discord relaxed atop the cushioned bed in the small chamber he’d been given by Princess Celestia for his stay in Canterlot. The furniture was slightly too soft for his tastes, but he didn’t have the nerve to alter its properties for fear of being snitched on by the princess’s watchful eyes. There was a fine line between what the princess considered ‘abuse of power’ and ‘harmless fun,’ as the draconequus had found out upon his return to the castle. The little stunt he pulled in ‘poisoning’—as Celestia called it—the two guards assigned to watch him was enough to get him sentenced to his chambers for the remainder of his stay in the bustling capitol city. To the beast’s delight, his stay was only meant to last for another few days, as he would be leaving with the princess’s loyal student and her friends on their trip back to the small town of Ponyville. So, having nothing of interest to do in his cage of a room, Discord decided to catch a few hours of sleep before he would inevitably be called to Princess Celestia’s side to help in preparing for the large feast she had scheduled for the following evening in honor of whatever achievements the Elements of Harmony had obtained in the last few weeks. Ever since his release from his stone prison and his reformation to the side of good, he’d been requested to use his otherwise amazing powers for trivial and, quite frankly, embarrassing tasks. Just the other evening, he’d been requested to warm up Prince Blueblood’s bathwater after the snobbish royal had allowed it to cool while conversing with a local musician on terms of front-row seats to a special performance in the local country club. It took six guards, two maids, and a direct order from Celestia’s sister Luna to finally convince Discord to perform the disgusting task for the brat. Whenever he considered all the fun he could be having with his magic, and compared it to the idiotic chores he continued to be assigned, his head filled with a sense of annoyance enough to impact his very demeanor. You could always tell when he was lost in thought about his distant past. The draconequus was pulled from his thoughts when a loud knocking roared at his chamber doors. He opened the door as he whispered, “That was faster than expected…” Rather than a guard in golden armor as he had expected, the bipedal form of his conversational partner from earlier that evening strode into the room with a swagger in his step. As soon as he’d crossed the threshold, the demented humanoid used some of his own magic to slam the doors closed, continuing to approach the abominable beast before him. “Discord, my friend! How long’s it been? Two, maybe three hours? I really can’t tell anymore… After several thousand years, hours feel like seconds!” Sheogorath snapped his fingers and took a seat in the chair that appeared behind him. Discord rose to attention and chuckled, “I didn’t expect you to be back so soon, Sheogorath. How did you get past those pests outside without being caught?” “Hahaha! That was easy as pie! Which is nice, because I love pie! Especially if it’s brain pie!” the Madgod sat back in the chair and relaxed. He continued, “But no, the guards were nothing a quick Mysticism spell couldn’t handle.” Magic, as always. The draconequus sighed, “Was it necessary to entrance them at all? Couldn’t you simply appear in this room?” “Of course I could! What do you think I am, a Dremora? No, that would’ve made too much sense. And like you said, there’s no fun in making sense!” Sheogorath took a moment to examine his companion’s room. “This is a lovely little box you’ve got here. Should I be concerned of being shipped to some faraway land?” After several seconds of thought, the only response the beast could manage was a confused “What?” The demigod scoffed, “This place is barely fitting for a man of Madness! Where are the chandeliers? The fountains of wine? The bowls of cheese?! The brain pie marinated in skooma?!” He snapped his fingers and watched as the walls of the room shot outward, generating an ear-grating screeching sound as they moved the rest of the castle with them. Discord gasped, “I’m afraid this is all I have to work with while I’m in this city. And besides, this is all I need.” He snapped his claws and returned the wing of the castle to normal. “I suppose you’re right. I imagine you have a mansion full of concubines and wine, waiting somewhere in this world for you to go to whenever you feel the need. And if you don’t, you should!” The Madgod let out a somber sigh, the excitement fading from his face temporarily. The abominable beast replied, “I do not need such pleasantries. Simply being free is enough for me.” The humanoid laughed, “It isn’t the freedom you enjoy, Discord! I can see it in your cheekbones! And your intestines, if I so choose. But mostly the cheekbones! You have emotion behind that scheming face, and emotions kill scheming faces!” He fell serious in a split second, continuing with, “You have creatures that you…you…care about in this world. That’s not healthy, not for anyone!” Discord waved a dismissive claw and scoffed, “I have a friend. I have one friend who was determined to help me become good. It’s because of her I’m not a statue right now.” He smiled as if he’d just won an intense debate. Sheogorath groaned, “You have a friend that required you to give up what you love. Unless she intends on lying with you each night under the red moon and bathing in skooma for your pleasure, you have no reason to sacrifice what makes you what the hell you are!” The Ex-Prince of Madness’s golden eyes emanated with a dark light. “She believed in me when everypony else gave up. I owe her at least my promise.” “You never needed a friend before! Those taken by Madness never need friends! Unless those friends can get us cheese or wine, we don’t need them! So why do you start now with the disgusting friendship mentality?!” The Daedra’s voice began to grow angry, as if in desperation. Discord thought about the question for a few moments before sighing, “Having friends is nice. I’ve never had a friend before Fluttershy. I don’t intend on losing her.” The Madgod frowned, resuming his original demented posture. “That hurts me, you know! Here I am, about to let you try my homemade brain pie, and you say I’m not your friend! Fine, and I’ll keep the fondue to myself!” On cue, a table topped with multiple different Shivering Isles foods appeared out of thin air. The draconequus chuckled, “Do you think of me as a friend? We’ve only known one another for a few hours, and I hardly know what species of animal you are.” The two wasted no time in starting their feast on the food spread out before them. Sheogorath sighed, “I’ve looked all over the place for someone like you. Yes, almost like my Champion, except I don’t need you to kill me. I really should give him his cheese…” he took a bite of a particularly moist piece of pie and continued, “I’ve searched big worlds and small worlds and pink worlds and cheese worlds across the planes of existence, but never once found another soul with an inkling for Madness like me.” “Until you met me, that is?” The Ex-Prince of Madness cheered, “Correct! The second I entered this world, I felt your Madness calling me! And now here we are, eating cheese! I only eat cheese with people I don’t want to kill!” With a smile, the Daedra summoned a large head of cabbage into his hand. “Would you like some cabbage? It’s not as tasty as cheese, but I find it has more substance.” “Don’t mind if I do.” Discord essentially dunked the head of cabbage into the large pot of fondue and popped the whole thing in his mouth at once. After taking time to chew and swallow, he asked, “So what’s your story, Sheogorath? You’ve given me blurbs and blips, but you haven’t painted the whole picture.” “I hate painting…” he groaned. Then he cheered, “There’s not much to say. I was another person, completely sane if you could believe it! My brothers cursed me, and I became this! I hired a Champion to kill me so that the old me wouldn’t come back, and now I’m dead! I walk from world to world, trying to find entertainment, and so far this is the only world with results!” Discord did a double take and chuckled, “You used to be sane? Talk about a curse…” “Yes, yes, but I love this me. When I was finally killed by my Champion, I was split from the old me, the old me was restored, and I was left without a home. Now I’m here, talking to you.” After consuming another cheese-dipped cabbage, he continued, “You should know that to everyone else in this world, I don’t exist.” “Oh, lovely. So if anypony walked in right now, they’d think I was crazy. Well, that’s not much different from usual, I suppose.” Discord let out an indifferent sigh as he continued to consume the dairy. “So you’re telling me you aren’t real to anypony else? I would assume it’s because of my affinity for chaos that I can communicate with you?” “Bingo! But I can still manipulate the world around everyone, and that’s what makes this so amazing! But it gets lonely, not talking. I used to be a king, mind you! I had subjects that would try to drink skooma with me! I had lovely ladies wandering my halls, in more ways than one!” For a single moment, a glint of humanity flashed across the Madgod’s face. He sighed, “I fear that you will be the only soul I can ever talk to. Until I can find a body to take on as my own, I cannot exist physically.” The abomination chuckled, “I’m certain somepony in this world wouldn’t mind missing their body. After all, who needs limbs and muscles?” “It can’t be just any normal body, I’m afraid. It has to be one that can hold my magic of Madness! I once tried to possess a body, and it shattered under my weight! No, I need one capable of extraordinary feats.” The Madgod took an entire cheese ball in hand and munched away. “Keep looking,” Discord started bluntly, “I’m sure you’ll find one somewhere in this great big reality. In the meantime, you can chat with me whenever you feel the need. Just so long as you bring this delicious fondue!” “I’ve already found a body to take, if you could believe it.” The Ex-Prince of Madness chuckled slyly. The draconequus raised an inquisitive eyebrow and asked, “Who did you have in mind?” “Silly Discord, you need a mind before you can keep others in it!” he began with a maniacal laugh. He continued calmly, “I believe this Celestia you keep talking about is a suitable donor.” “You can’t do that!” his companion snapped. Sheogorath burst into laughter, “Ah, there’s that pesky emotion I was talking about! Calm down, will you? I have no intention of possessing a female body! No, I require a body with power and charm.” He dipped a small sweetroll into the fondue before summoning a napkin to place on the table. The abomination attempted to recover from his sudden outburst by saying, “N-Not that it truly matters. I sometimes think that princess could stand to loosen up a little bit. Then again, there’s no guarantee her body would be enough to hold your insanity…” Discord hesitated before commenting, “If we’re going to be friends, I need you to answer me one thing.” “Go ahead, shoot.” The Madgod’s tone was somewhat threatening. “Your attitude seems to jump around a lot. Should I be concerned?” The Ex-Prince of Madness laughed, “You simple beast! Madness is made of two parts: Mania and Dementia! Mania is the fun-loving, excited side!” He continued in an angry growl, “Dementia is the threatening, dark side. It’s the side that helps people stop breathing!” Discord sighed, “That’s duly noted, my friend. Shall we continue our feast?” A banging erupted from the beast’s chamber doors. Sheogorath laughed, “I suppose it’s time for me to take my leave. Don’t let these useless vermin dictate your powers, Discord. You have them, they’re yours to have! Just like this cheese. Tata!” With a tap of his staff, both Sheogorath and the evidence of his visit burst into nonexistence, leaving Discord all alone in the small chamber. The only sign left of their whole conversation was the cheese-smothered cabbage in the draconquus’s claw. The soldier that entered the room was short of breath and had an urgent tone, “Come to the dining hall, quickly! We have an issue that needs to be resolved posthaste!” Feeling that it was only right to indulge the castle’s residents in their trivial favors, the abomination swallowed his cabbage and cheese and burst through the air through the doorway. It’d been a nice while since he’d actually flown, and decided that such an urgent matter deserved the utmost priority…of comfort…