//------------------------------// // 1. LoLz-a-Poppin' // Story: Epic... // by MtM //------------------------------// Prologue: Fourth-Wall? What's a Fourth-Wall? Is it edible? Is it important? At all? References? References to what? What-culture now? What do you mean "It's Epic"? Is this but a game to you? Oh really? Well you've got another thing coming, mister! Take that! And that! And that! And that one too! Now... will you please fix this mess?! Thank you! 1. LoLz-a-Poppin’ Believe it or not, this tale of untimely greatness begins with a girly, pink-coloured pony begging another such small equine to come to her party. “But you GOTTA come! It’s gonna be, like, the Bestest Party EVER!” “Sorry, Pinkie Pie, I can’t.” But Pinkie Pie was not accepting “no” as an answer; after all, petulant stubbornness was one of many conveniently exposed personality traits she was known for, along with excessive happiness, the ability to sneak up on people at any given time and, generally speaking, a whole lot of severe psychological issues (but those elements will be reserved for future hilarious plot points). “Oh c’mon, Twilight! It’s gonna be super duper mega super extra FUN with an extra dose of super sugary EXCELLENT!” “… What does that even mean!?” The purple pony with the magic horn (which was on her forehead, as per usual with not-phallic symbols) was generally known as Twilight Sparkle or, as some of the country folks around town would call her, “That Pony with the Magic Horn.” It didn’t make too much sense since she was not the only magic unicorn in town (although, she was probably the second most noticeable). The visible tiresomeness in her violet eyes was telling the entire planet about her tragic moment of delirious annoyance. “Please? Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…” The pink equine began blabbing with her eyes tight shut. “Pinkie Pie, stop it…” “…pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…” “Oh no… Can anyone help me out, here!? I think she broke!” “…pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleasePLEEEEEEEEEAAAASYYY!? Pleas-y dokey loki!?” Her eyes grew three times in size while literally bumping on Twilight’s face. “NO! I TOLD YOU BEFORE THAT I CAN’T!” Finally yelled That Pony with the Magic Horn. “B-but… why?” A now almost teary Pinkie inquired. “Because… I’m actually dead, Pinkie… and you killed me.” “… what?” Epic Twist! And Twilight Sparkle’s head exploded like a pignata full of tastylicious candies and colourful balloons. In just a few seconds, the now terrified pink equines found herself suffocating in those party props. She yelled, screamed and cried for dear life as her quadruped body was being engulfed by festive darkness and soulless joy, until her own tears turned into blood-red rivers of grim despair and solitude. Insta-wakening! Young Pinkamena, better known as Pinkie Pie or “That Pony Who Never Stops Being Pinky Pie” by the same group of country horses, woke up from her nightmare while still yelling her lungs out in fear. Once her ability to breathe returned to her respiratory system and her heart began beating once more, the small equine realized she was inside her bed, in her bedroom, in her apartment, localized entirely in the second floor of the local bakery, in the small town of Ponyville, in the realm of Equestria, somewhere in a conveniently shoehorned universe. It was dawn. With the soft light of the morning star illuminating the place, Pinkie could give a proper look at her surroundings. Everything seemed okay: her pink-coloured walls and carpets, her festive decorations, her balloons, her toothless pet alligator named Gummy still asleep in his baby bed… everything was fine. Except it really wasn’t. She was crying, and her mane was also a disaster, but mostly she was crying. Tears poured from her eyes like small waterfalls while her hooves covered her face in pretty visible and painful sadness. Suddenly, several parts of her body started twitching in a combo sequence for no apparent reason. Only That Pony Who Never Stops Being Pinkie Pie knew what that meant. “Oh no… something totally epic and insane is gonna happen any time soon!” She whispered to her now awakened pet alligator, which was desperately trying to bite her fluffy tail, epically failing at it. Dynamic Change of Setting! Twilight Sparkle, the magic unicorn, was pretty alive and busy washing her mostly dark (with a bright violet line) mane that morning, when her concentration was ruined by a loud noise. “Spike! Will you answer the door, please?” She called. A few seconds later, a small looking purple dragon-looking kid with green scales on his head appeared at Twilight’s doorstep. He looked rather jaw-dropping baffled. “So, Spike, my faithful assistant, who was it?” That Pony with the Magic Horn asked. “Am’onna, am’onna, am’onna…” He blabbed for the first few times. “What?” “It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a…” “Spike, what did I tell about articulation? Speak properly, for Equestria’s sake!” “Thingy! Outside! Cute! Apocalypse! Run!” That was all he could say before fainting right before her now incredulous eyes. “What the f…illy? OH MY GODDESS CELESTIA! SPIKE, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?” After ensuring her brave, little warrior was alive and not dead on the spot, she used the powerful magic of her horn to lift the poor guy from the floor and put him in her bed, then she personally headed towards the entrance door to see what was all the proverbial fuss about, first hand (or hoof). She opened the door and took a quick look outside. She closed the door. She reopened it. She closed it again. She put a hoof on her forehead, checked her pulse, banged her head on the wall a few times for good measure, saw many dancing star-ponies, miraculously recovered from a head trauma and, finally, she opened her front door once more. And she saw it. Apparently, Ponyville was being invaded by giant, cute’n’fuzzy, floating kitten heads shooting laser beams from their eyes while every pony was running around and yelling for dear life. Twilight slowly closed the door, turned his back from it, took a deep breath and said: “I hate Mondays.” Even though it was Tuesday. Epic Twist! The Revenge!