Soldier stood on the battlements of the dimensionally-displaced base, staring into the distance. He was waiting for their transport to go see this ‘princess’ and perhaps get back to Teufort. Though RED Team had only been in ‘Equestria’ for a matter of hours, he found himself missing the dirt and bloodshed.
He had used the resupply to change, as best as he could, into something more appropriate for a meeting with what could only be described, in his mind, as a superior officer. He now wore his Armored Authority helmet and his Fancy Dress Uniform. On his side was his Disciplinary Action riding crop, and on his feet were the Mantreads.
“You’re goin’ in the General’s Formals set?” Soldier turned to see Engineer standing behind him, wearing his Texas Ten Gallon. “Nice choice.”
“All your wearing is that hat?” Soldier asked.
“Nothin’ wrong with this hat. B’sides, much better suited for meetin’ royalty than a hard-hat is.” Engineer sighed. “Better than what the rest of the Team is wearin’. too.”
“Oh no,” Soldier muttered as he put his face into his palm.
“Hey, you guys!” Scout had poked his head around to the battlements and was motioning frantically at them. “C’mon, our ride’s here!”
It did not escape either’s attention that the Scout was wearing a hat that, while indeed an improvement over his cap and headset, would not do for a meeting of this kind. “Why is that filthy maggot wearing the Bombing Run?” Soldier fumed. “How is that even appropriate for where we are going!?”
“Just ignore it, Soldier. B’sides, that ain’t the worst of it.” Engineer and Soldier made their way to the courtyard where the rest of the team and the four sky-chariots were waiting. Much to the military man’s dismay, the Texan had not been wrong in the slightest.
Heavy was wearing his Coupe D’isaster. Pyro stood next to a chariot wearing his Vintage Merryweather. Demoman was taking a swig from his Scottish Handshake, the Hustler’s Hallmark close to falling off his head. The Grimm Hatte-wearing Medic was idly cleaning his bonesaw, whistling a disturbingly merry tune in the process. Spy was smoking a cigarette, surveying the others through the sunglasses that were a part of the Familiar Fez. As Soldier looked at his allies in shock and disgust, Sniper appeared wearing the Larrikin Robin. This was the last straw. “YOU FILTHY MAGGOT SCUM!” he bellowed at the top of his voice. Everyone, Royal Guards included, turned and stared at the now-beet-red Soldier. “Each and every one of you is trying for a Section 8! You will go back to the resupply, choose hats that are better suited for where we are going and then return ON THE DOUBLE! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?” he roared, spit flying from his mouth. There was a general muttering of agreement that Soldier did not approve of. “If you are not gone in the next ten seconds I will personally shove my boot up each and every one of your asses!” Soldier yelled loudly, a blood vessel in his forehead threatening to rupture.
As the other seven members returned to the respawn room, Engineer went up to Soldier, who was breathing heavily in an attempt to calm himself. “You okay there?” he asked cautiously.
“I’ll... I’ll be fine,” Soldier replied through gritted teeth. “It’s like they’re trying to kill me.”
Of the eight pegasi present, seven shared a worried glance. Everything about this group seemed to scream dysfunction. They each had their suspicions as to what they were doing in Equestria, and every reason necessitated that these ‘humans’ be efficient, well-trained and disciplined. What they had seen so far was as removed as possible from that.
The eighth guard, Captain Storm Surge, was of a different mind. He felt his heart going out to Soldier. He knew all too well the stress and frustration that came with unruly recruits. He understood the pressure of getting a bunch of misfits to act as a coherent unit. In Soldier he felt that he had found a kindred spirit.
Princess Celestia waited calmly on her throne, her sister Luna sitting beside her on her throne. It was a rare occasion that both princesses held a joint court, usually reserved for war councils (something that hadn’t occurred for over 1200 years) and meeting with delegates from before-undiscovered countries (something that hadn’t occurred in 1600 years). Princess Luna was nodding off, still exhausted from her extensive over-use of magic and three hours of (rather calm) questioning concerning what she had done. Even her mane, an ever-flowing void of night and starlight, seemed weary and sluggish. “Forgive me, sister,” she said as she stifled a yawn. “I am unsure as to whether I can remain awake for this.”
Celestia wore a mischevious smile as she stared calmly at the doors to the throne room. “I should hope you can, Luna. After all, they are your responsibility.”
Luna narrowed her eyes and glared at her sister. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” she asked, an annoyed tone in her voice.
Before the elder alicorn could respond the doors were pushed open. Into the throne room marched, sauntered, swaggered, stumbled and otherwise entered nine of the oddest figures they had ever seen.
Each stood on two legs, had two arms on either side of a torso and a head with two eyes, a nose, a mouth and, though they couldn’t be sure with all of them, two ears. They were also wearing a hat of some sort. There the similarities ended. Some were tall, some were short, some were wide, some were thin and their clothing was vastly diverse. One thing was certain: they were very strange.
“Hoo-wee! Now ain’t this the grandest thing I’ve ever seen.”
“You got that right, hard-hat.” One of them, a small thin individual wearing a trilby, let out a low whistle as he looked around.
“Please, forgive my comrades,” a suited, masked individual with a fedora said apologetically. “Zey are clearly unfamiliar wiz how to act around royalty.”
“How are their manes doing that?” the princesses heard one of them, this one wearing a lab coat and flat cap, mutter.
It wasn’t long before they all devolved into a small rabble as they talked amongst themselves about what they were seeing. After sharing a bemused smile with her sister, Princess Celestia cleared her throat to get their attention. They quickly fell silent. “Greetings to you all. My sister and I welcome you to Equestria, unplanned as your arrival happened to be. I am Princess Celestia.”
“And I am Princess Luna,” Luna continued, a fraction of the Royal Canterlot Voice in her voice. “We understand that you wish to return to your world as soon as possible.”
“That’s correct, yer majesty.” One of them, wearing an apron of sorts and metal goggles, stepped forwards and took his ten gallon hat off. “We’d appreciate it greatly if you could point us in the direction of somebody who could send us and our base back.”
“I’m afraid that will be a problem,” Celestia said calmly.
“The amount of power required to send the building you arrived in is immense, and the spell required to do so is far from easy,” Luna elaborated.
“So we’re stuck here?” a helmeted, trench-coated individual asked, sounding frustrated and upset.
“The situation is not permanent,” the alabaster alicorn reassured the gathered party, who all sighed with relief. “Unfortunately, my sister and I estimate that it will take over a month and a half for us to properly ascertain your home and properly prepare the spell.”
“Removing something is much easier than replacing it,” Luna explained.
“Wait,” the masked one said, stepping forwards. “Am I to understand zat you are responsible for out current situation?”
“Well, yes,” the midnight-coloured alicorn answered.
“Damn it,” the helmeted one muttered. “And I wanted to give Merasmus a good beating. Good-for-nothing hippie...”
“Mmherr, mmherr,” the strange masked one said reassuringly as it placed a gloved hand onto the other’s shoulder. The figure seemed incredibly intimidating, but that was offset by the rather cheery tea hat perched atop their head.What was said next was completely unintelligible to the princesses but not to their guests.
“I guess you’re right, Pyro.”
“I know we’re... digressing, but could I ask that your companion remove the mask?” Princess Celestia asked. “I’m not particularly comfortable talking to somebody without being able to see their face.”
The goggled one chuckled. “Sorry, yer highness, but Pyro there don’t take that mask off for nothin’. We’ve known each other for a little over four years now, and we still ain’t seen what’s under that thing. Honestly, I’m not sure we wanna.”
“As I was saying before,” Luna interrupted, sounding slightly disturbed by the notion, “I did not remove you from your world for my own personal amusement. There is a very important reason for my bringing you here.”
One lengthy explanation later, filled with much arguing, cajoling and, in Luna’s case, yawning, the nine humans had been filled in on the situation.
“Now, ya’ll have to forgive me, but I’m still havin’ a hard time believing all this. I mean, we end up in a world populated by what are, for us, a buncha mythological creatures. And you want us to train your representatives for some wargames?”
“That is correct,” Celestia replied, not too sure how to feel about the ‘mythological creatures’ remark. “If you do not wish to assist us, then we shall leave you alone until we are able to return you to your world.”
“Sister,” Luna hissed as she leaned over. “What are you doing?”
“Always give them a choice, sister. Never force their hoof - or hand, in this case, it’s not polite,” she replied.
“I say we help them,” the helmeted one said loudly.
“Why not?” the small thin one, Scout, said. “After all, we’re gonna be stuck here anyway. I don’t wanna be cooped up in the base the whole time.”
They rest of them murmured in agreement, much to the alicorns’ relief. “Very well then,” Luna said. “We shall be sending our representatives to your base tomorrow. I take it that that is acceptable?”
“That’ll be just fine, princess.”
“Very well. We shall also be sending a number of guards to act as couriers and security.”
“We’re perfectly capable of defending our base on our own,” the one who was called Soldier growled. “Your highnesses,” he added as an afterthought.
“I’m sure you are, but the physical presence will act as a deterrent. I am sure you can appreciate the need to appear well-defended?” Celestia asked, a sly smile across her features.
Soldier mumbled in agreement as the masked man, Spy, stepped forwards. “So, tomorrow morning, zen? We look forward to it.”
“Your carriages are waiting for you outside. Goodbye,” Luna said. The humans bowed and departed. When the door swung close, Luna turned to her sister. “Why did you not say anything about - ”
“The girls not having any kind of experience?” Celestia said, finishing her sister’s question. “The Elements are capable of adapting to any situation, much better than any other pony. They are perfect candidates. As for the others...” She trailed off into thought. “Perhaps a representative from each of our guards would be appropriate?”
“Yes, that would be best.” Luna looked up, a puzzled expression on her face. “But that only makes eight. What shall we do about the ninth?”
Celestia was about to answer when the sound of the doors creaking open caught her attention. “Your highness?” They both looked up when one of Celestia’s guards, who had been standing guard outside for the duration of the meeting, entered and approached them.
“Yes, Captain Storm Surge?” Celestia asked calmly, intrigued as to why this guard felt the need to approach her.
“I would like to volunteer myself to represent Equestria in the upcoming wargames against Aquileon.”
“Oh?” Celestia was puzzled. She had expected to have to order somepony to undertake this task. For a volunteer to step forward... “Why, Captain?”
“I know how tenuous the political situation is, Princess. Losing means we could very well become the laughing stock of the world, regardless of our advances in magic and technology. Also...” The pegasus ruffled his feathers briefly. “Also, I feel the need to prove myself in front of them. I saw the way their Soldier looked at our guards. It was with derision and scorn. He sees us as useless, maybe worse than that.” A grim, determined look crossed the captain’s face. “I plan on proving him wrong.”
The princesses looked at each other before they both smiled. “I think we have the right pony for the job, sister,” Luna proclaimed wryly.
“I think so too, sister. Feel free to cancel court for the night, Luna.”
“I think I shall.”
Author's Notes:
I hope you appreciate the effort I went to with linking to the pages. That took a while.
Also, damn Fimfiction for not allowing me to resize text. I need Soldier's rant in BIG LETTERS!